Fair enough, my bad.

snagglepuss,

I invited ClarkNasty's wife to come spend a weekend w/ me next month and she said yes. Not sure if I should tell him or not.

It really depends on my mood but maybe. Not because I think I have any moral obligation to do so but I also have no moral obligation not to. I know a lot of people who cheat and I would say I have told less than 1% of the time.

About fighting, the general martial arts axiom of "only use it in self defense and should be your very last resort" should sum things up pretty nicely iyam. You shouldn't be trigger happy and look for chances to get into fist fights because it is almost always a losing proposition for everyone involved, but I also don't think anyone would bendover and cry like a schoolgirl if someone started swinging at them either.

that question is completely irrelevant.

Id love it if someone walked up and gave me a million dollars for no good reason, but that doesnt mean Im going to do the same thing for someone else.

that poor analogy has already been made

I guess you didn't read the first part of the sentence where I said "hits or threatens."

There are lots of occasions where things could escalate to a fight but don't because one party doesn't get off on being a real man.

Or, perhaps you could think about how to handle certain situations before you are in them, so that you have a good plan about how to deal with them even when testosterone is flowing and the immediacy of acting means there is no time to rationalize.

Also, I'm pretty sure people are thinking "oh f*** I might go to jail" while they are fighting, because I was certainly thinking "oh f*** I'm gonna get suspended" every time I got into a stupid fight in school. Understanding the potential consequences of one's behavior is fairly significant here.

There are 2 camps here:

1. people taking the high road
2. people starting drama

#1 is a winner long term.

I can't believe how many people wouldn't tell the wife in this spot. OP isn't ruining anything, the cheating husband is. JFC.

Artdogg:
'cheating is worse then physical abuse...'

Are you insane?

The 13th 4postle:
'if you're talking smack to someone and they dont pull out a gun, chances are they dont have one'

You have not met many people that carry guns have you? It's not like you see on TV, people that happen to have guns on them do not pull them out because someone is 'talking smack'. A gun gets pulled out almost always as a last resort and almost always in the middle of a fight where it's difficult to ascertain how, who and why the gun was fired.

Alobar:
'id like someone to walk up and give me a million dollars'

is not the same situation, sure you'd like someone to do that, and sure you would not do it for someone else, however, you nor someone else are currently in any kind of predicament or situation that they are unaware of. You cannot compare 'i'd like someone to do something general for me, but I wouldn't do it for someone else' to 'i'm in a situation where I am being cheated on and I don't know, i would want someone to tell me, therefore I am going to tell that person'.

The situations are different, the person being cheated on is already in a situation that they do not know about and cannot deal with, by saying 'if I were in that situation I would want to know' you are effectively confirming that you should tell this person.


Henry17:
'if i get hit i hit back'

yes I do agree with you here in practice... i'd love to say that I'd walk away from a fight if I could, but history has shown otherwise. However, I do wish I could walk away from fights, and I do know that I have only ever started one fight in my life and it was because a guy slapped my gf for not dancing with him. every other fight ive been in had to do with other people and getting dragged in. I think it is possible to avoid fights, and i think people should avoid fights, as mature adult men, however in practice it just doesn't work.

There's an ex boyfriend of this girl i'm half seeing who calls me regularly threatening to kill me or have me killed. It's taken every ounce of my being to not do something to him yet, but i am determined to not be the one to escalate it here. Am I a pussy? Say yes and I'll break his legs...

actually 3.

3. people that are talking about fighting for some odd reason

Because it neither benefits you nor do you have any right to meddle around in other people's relationship especially when like it or not the main motive is spite.

I never said that. I said someone who cheats could potentially cause more harm in the long run, but that wasn't the point at all. Try keeping up with the thread.

Either way it's a completely ******ed statement.

so like, what happened OP?

But why involve yourself into some family's drama...

I just would never in a million years want that type of bull**** in my life.

you haven't exactly been the king of rationality either

I think at this point it's safe to say we agree to disagree. There will be some people adamant about telling the wife, and others diametrically opposed to it. Seems pretty evenly split, so let's just say that neither option is right or wrong.

/thread, probably the only thing that has been pretty evenly split

I am curious, please elaborate your point.

Henry17 is straight?

OP,

First off, I hope you go crazy on her FB/email/whatever and make a "my cheating whore gf" website and mail her parents and all sorts of stuff, as long as you're updating/sharing everything here, cuz that will be awesome hilarious dramabomb to see.

But in terms of what you should do, one thing to perhaps keep in mind is that the more stuff you do (where "stuff" encompasses pretty much anything and everything you say/do/write/whatever), the longer you'll probably get response/reactions/blowback from those actions. So the more you do, the longer it likely takes you to not have any of this BS involved in your life.

Regarding yelling at her, making her feel like ****, etc., that stuff will almost definitely make you feel better in the short term. However, given the length of your relationship, you likely still have some real feelings for her. Because of that, I'd say there's a good chance you'll later regret it and feel like **** and a bad person for hurting her, even if you fully believe she deserves it.

NeverThere

No one is saying you should be that guy that goes around starting fights. Likewise you shouldn't escalate a situation just because you want to be a meathead about it. In cases like the Walmart example of someone who is obviously not stable you should probably even back down because he is obviously insane and beating on people who have mental problems is not good. I'm talking more about situations like the guy who keeps calling and threatening you. Say by some coincidence you end up at the same bar and he gets in your face -- in situations like that you can't back down and still have any self-respect

The point was for the person who said "it's pretty much always none of your business." I wasn't trying for a sound analogy. The gray area is pretty damn big.

Yeah, sounds like the husband was probably monopolizing the GF's vag.