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Old 10-25-2013, 08:58 PM   #176
atakdog
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Oh, and add me to the list of someone who has been close to a BPD sufferer. Best friend, lover for a while, back to best friend (yeah, that went smoothly...), and now it's been a couple years since I stopped taking her calls. It was just too much work.

She's even one of those who might be a better-than-average candidate to handle it in the long run — the degrees in social work, plus her long-standing recognition of the problem in herself, bode well. But there was no way it was going to be worth it to stick around, on the chance that someday, she might become a consistently tolerable human being.
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Old 10-25-2013, 10:58 PM   #177
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Originally Posted by pudley4 View Post
She threw a remote at me and hit me in the head just after we got engaged because an old girlfriend said Hi to me. She shattered a drinking glass on my shoulder. She cut my head open with a coffee mug (I later passed out from loss of blood). She cut my eye with her engagement ring when she hit me while we were on our way to couples therapy. She hit me over the head with a wooden table leg. She cheated on me multiple times with multiple guys. She disappeared with my son for 6 weeks when he was 3 because she was mad at me. ...
Why/how did you marry her?
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Old 10-26-2013, 12:51 PM   #178
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Originally Posted by dalerobk2 View Post
She will make that impossible.

OP, the thing you have to understand here is that you've only seen the tip of the iceberg. People with personality disorders are capable of holding in their true personality around other people for periods of time. This can actually be infuriating, b/c they then manipulate others into thinking you're the bad guy. The BPD seems normal to most casual acquaintances. But the more comfortable they become with you, the more their real personality comes out. You've only been with her for four months. At 12 months, it's going to be far, far worse. I promise you. You have no idea what you're doing.
I think that's a bit harsh to say I have no idea what I'm doing... like I understand that you have had difficulty with your Mum because of her BPD, but from what it sounds like, she never was really making any effort to try and better herself and couldn't accept responsibility. But like I said, it is different with my girl because she definately has empathy, and is prepared to go through therapy together, which are definately good signs. You are right that it has progressed over the past 4 months, but I really think the plate incident is as far as it will progress.


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+1 , They wont hide the cutting, constants suicide threats , head banging on the wall (like really wtf) , fake fainting

she do any of those near you yet op ?
No headbanging or fake fainting or cutting. She has threatened to commit suicide though, but she was really upset when she said that and didn't mean it, and a lot of girls say things like that, that they don't mean.

I think as well, it's important to add that obviously things like kids or marriage are not in anyway on the horizon at all. So, I am not worried about getting "locked in" as some of you have said, if it doesn't wind up working out.


I read a lot of that WVUSkinsfan thread, and I couldn't see my girl in that Michelle woman at all. Seemed to just be the typical trailer-trash relationship to be honest. She definately had issues other than BPD. And it made me feel better about my relationship.

Last edited by MichaelScarn; 10-26-2013 at 01:02 PM.
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Old 10-26-2013, 01:00 PM   #179
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Jesus ****ing christ.

It's only been 4 months and this **** is already happening. After jus having left a relationship with one of these nutjobs, i can assure you, it gets worse.
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Old 10-26-2013, 01:06 PM   #180
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

I'll stop reading this thread for a few years. Can't wait for a 5 year update where he says how stupid he was.
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Old 10-26-2013, 01:10 PM   #181
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Even money that she is now or will be lying about birth control/poking holes in condoms before Christmas. +750 that OP visits a hospital, jail or morgue by Christmas 2014 because of this gf if he stays.
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Old 10-26-2013, 01:19 PM   #182
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Michael, most of the posters here seem to have some working knowledge and life experiences connected to someone with BPD. It sounds as if a common thread is impulsiveness and manipulation. while you may THINK that marriage and children are currently NOT on the horizon, I would be concerned about HER horizon at this point. USE PROTECTION. ALWAYS.
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Old 10-26-2013, 01:33 PM   #183
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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The author is really good. I was definitely more into the science than the life of Harlow. Might be different for you since you know about it coming in. Also, perhaps times have changed and the ideas are a little less controversial than they were 12 years ago.

This book (Love at Goon Park) is my only recommendation for new parents.
Not a new parent but this book seems very cool. Just bought it for my NOOK. TY for recommendation.
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Old 10-26-2013, 01:33 PM   #184
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

I feel bad for everyone who has gone through the pain of one of these relationships, I was married to a woman with many of these traits. I do accept that I may have had some sort of bizarre need for upheaval in my life and at times I secretly loved the absolute confusion and wildness in my life that she brought.

OP, I say stay while you feel good, don't get trapped into anything you can't handle and have fun while it lasts. Today, my life is perfectly controlled, where no one is allowed in to upset it in the slightest. And, at times, that makes me longingly sad for the "bad" old days, lol.

Edit - To show I really may have a personality quirk, we lived together for a year after we were divorced and dated for fifteen years (and three more husbands) afterwards.
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Old 10-26-2013, 01:35 PM   #185
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Just buy paper plates.
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Old 10-26-2013, 01:54 PM   #186
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Just buy paper plates.
I'll comment on this as soon as I stop laughing!! it's going to take a week, though.
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Old 10-26-2013, 02:12 PM   #187
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Just buy paper plates.
LOL! Even then the paper cuts will be substantial.

Shocked at OP's denial stance of "my gf's BPD isn't as bad as everyone else's BPD." Shocked, I tell you.
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Old 10-26-2013, 02:22 PM   #188
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

OP, as I said before, get help for yourself. You need it. More than you know.
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Old 10-26-2013, 02:36 PM   #189
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

I mean I'm not going to beat up on you, OP, because you're right in that none of us know her or you. However, plenty of the people who have responded in this thread have experience with individuals with her diagnosis. I wouldn't dismiss all of that out of hand.

It's your choice (ldo) to be with her or not, but as I recommended before, you need to talk to an experienced clinician (on more than just an internet site) so you can get some idea of what this might mean for you, particularly if she decides to go into regular treatment to try to improve her specific issues. It would effect how you relate to her, and how you react to her when she's exhibiting typical borderline traits such as emotional instability and the prototypical "I love you/I hate you" push/pull that BPD clients tend to show with anyone they feel attached to.

I wish you the best of luck, but I'd be lying if I said I was very hopeful this was going to be a healthy relationship, either in the short or long term. The odds are just stacked against you. This isn't to say that either of you are bad people, but BPD is characterized by volatile interpersonal relationships - that's a hallmark of BPD. Odds are pretty high you're just going to be another person in that volatility.
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Old 10-26-2013, 02:48 PM   #190
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MichaelScarn View Post
I think that's a bit harsh to say I have no idea what I'm doing... like I understand that you have had difficulty with your Mum because of her BPD, but from what it sounds like, she never was really making any effort to try and better herself and couldn't accept responsibility. But like I said, it is different with my girl because she definately has empathy, and is prepared to go through therapy together, which are definately good signs. You are right that it has progressed over the past 4 months, but I really think the plate incident is as far as it will progress.




No headbanging or fake fainting or cutting. She has threatened to commit suicide though, but she was really upset when she said that and didn't mean it, and a lot of girls say things like that, that they don't mean.

I think as well, it's important to add that obviously things like kids or marriage are not in anyway on the horizon at all. So, I am not worried about getting "locked in" as some of you have said, if it doesn't wind up working out.


I read a lot of that WVUSkinsfan thread, and I couldn't see my girl in that Michelle woman at all. Seemed to just be the typical trailer-trash relationship to be honest. She definately had issues other than BPD. And it made me feel better about my relationship.
All manipulation and it's only been 4 months. It'll get much, much worse. More than you can imagine.
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Old 10-26-2013, 03:19 PM   #191
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Guys, she is different. I think this is going to work out.
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Old 10-26-2013, 03:30 PM   #192
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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No headbanging or fake fainting or cutting. She has threatened to commit suicide though, but she was really upset when she said that and didn't mean it, and a lot of girls say things like that, that they don't mean.
No, they don't
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Old 10-26-2013, 03:47 PM   #193
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Originally Posted by MichaelScarn View Post
I think that's a bit harsh to say I have no idea what I'm doing... like I understand that you have had difficulty with your Mum because of her BPD, but from what it sounds like, she never was really making any effort to try and better herself and couldn't accept responsibility. But like I said, it is different with my girl because she definately has empathy, and is prepared to go through therapy together, which are definately good signs. You are right that it has progressed over the past 4 months, but I really think the plate incident is as far as it will progress.

No headbanging or fake fainting or cutting. She has threatened to commit suicide though, but she was really upset when she said that and didn't mean it, and a lot of girls say things like that, that they don't mean.

Last edited by whydowe_fall; 10-26-2013 at 04:00 PM.
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Old 10-26-2013, 04:16 PM   #194
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Originally Posted by MichaelScarn View Post
She has threatened to commit suicide though, but she was really upset when she said that and didn't mean it, and a lot of girls say things like that, that they don't mean.
Yeah, remember all those posts about perception of "normal" being skewed and unreliable?

This would be one of those times.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enabling
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Old 10-26-2013, 04:48 PM   #195
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

I just realized that OP said he thinks all women threatened suicide. I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that his mother or possibly his father has serious mental health issues. When I was 18-21 I thought all women were crazy too. Growing up with someone with something like BPD makes you devalue yourself (they devalue their own children after all). They treat you as an extension of their own needs and you learn to completely subordinate your needs to theirs. It seems normal when you grow up in that environment.

Seriously, OP, what kind of parents were yours? Did they exhibit traits of a PD? This would explain a lot. You need to become more self-aware of this, so you can break the pattern. I speak from experience. Read a ton about this. Buy books. Memorize them. You don't want to spend the rest of your life in this hell.
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Old 10-26-2013, 04:48 PM   #196
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

I'm also wondering if it will even possible for Michael and his gf to get couple's counseling at this point in their relationship. If there isn't a serious commitment at this point, to marriage or a long-term relationship, how would this work? I'm thinking separate therapists might be a better fit.
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Old 10-26-2013, 05:39 PM   #197
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

OP,

I, like others, have had lots of experience with a clinically diagnosted partner with BPD.

She must go to therapy regularly. With a clinical, PhD therapist who is experienced in this realm. Most therapists do not fit that criteria. Non-negotiable. It will be the best money you could possibly spend.

Please read this book:



I will buy it for you if you PM me.

There are about a million books your s/o should read. I would recommend the following at least:

A Guide to Rational Living

Also Mastery of Love

You will deal with great highs and great lows. The search for the highs will help get you through the lows but it will exhaust you. You need to relentlessly establish and enforce personal boundaries. You will have to develop empathy well beyond your current ability. It can get better, but it takes a concerted effort over time by both of you. Therapy, reading and writing by her will be key. Find activities without distractions that are grounding for her and enjoyable for you. But most importantly, be ready for a long, hard road should you continue down this path.

Last edited by ClarkNasty; 10-26-2013 at 05:43 PM. Reason: Great job by SARGE ITT.
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Old 10-26-2013, 05:59 PM   #198
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Op, you will find another woman who will let you bone her. Have some self respect and do not continue down this path with a psycho who threw a glass plate at you for putting a fork away in the wrong place. You are only 4 months in, you might think you're head over heels and this violent woman is the love of your life but if you can stand a bit and think of 4 month swings in your life you will see how laughable your thinking is. You have little invested now, hold yourself to a higher standard, you don't deserve to be treated like that and you shouldn't be.

Hit the eject button, buddy
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Old 10-26-2013, 06:11 PM   #199
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Let them say we're crazy.

I don't care about that.

Put your hand in my hand, baby, don't ever look back.
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Old 10-26-2013, 06:17 PM   #200
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

OP, listen to all the people telling you to stay with her b/c they stayed with their BPD partner and it worked out great. Oh, wait, there are none of those...
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