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Old 10-24-2013, 02:32 PM   #76
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

These are my favorite, multiple choice!
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Old 10-24-2013, 02:39 PM   #77
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Not saying some people aren't legitimately crazy or more crazy than everyone else, but 95% of people ITT turning their nose up haven't seen enough shrinks to get diagnosed with something.
I currently have a sore knee from when I banged it going to the washroom in the middle of the night. My uncle was recently diagnosed with colon cancer.

Clearly, my uncle is a wuss and my issues are every bit as horrible as his.

Your responses in this thread are bizarre to me.

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These are my favorite, multiple choice!
BPD is 5 out of 9. I self-identify with 0 out of 9 and I can't imagine living with anyone who has more than 1 of those (and some are deal-breakers all on their own).
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Old 10-24-2013, 02:41 PM   #78
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Someone explained people in terms of mental health by using a line, marked from 0 to 10. 0 being perfectly adjusted, perfectly mentally healthy. nobody gets a zero. nobody is perfect. Starting at 1, moving to say 5, people are healthy, well adjusted, having some fears and situational anxieties, but, basically pretty well adjusted. Moving from 5, neuroses set in. depression, phobias, social anxiety, that, as you move along the scale, start to impede health, working and social situations in greater degrees. the person with BPD would probably start showing at 6 or 7.
Nobody stays at the same number all of the time. all of us move within two or possibly three notches, depending upon life's stressors. NPD's are probably at an 8, but can fake a 2 or 3 at will.
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Old 10-24-2013, 02:47 PM   #79
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Intelligence and insight helped me overcome my personality disorder AMA
Would be started by someone with Narcissistic PD ldo.

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Strong, emotionally healthy people generally choose not to be in relationships with people with a PD. Co-dependent people, on the other hand, love BPDs and NPDs. Also, people with these problems aren't capable of loving in the same way as healthy people. Their own emotional needs overwhelm everything else and make it impossible for them to see anyone else as anything other than an extension of themselves to fulfill their own needs. Loving someone incapable of reciprocating is a very bad idea.
Well said.

Years ago, when BPD was still relatively new as a diagnostic concept, I heard a mental health professional say, only half in jest, that if he was having difficulty diagnosing a patient that he had an inexplicable dislike for, that patient was probably BPD. People with BPD are notoriously difficult to treat for the same reasons that they are difficult to have any other type of long-term relationship with--being very good at driving others away, chief among them.
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Old 10-24-2013, 02:48 PM   #80
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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BPD is 5 out of 9. I self-identify with 0 out of 9 and I can't imagine living with anyone who has more than 1 of those (and some are deal-breakers all on their own).
I can certainly find at least two of them that are as common as grains of sand and a lot of these lead to one another.

Anyone who is an alcoholic (everyone I know, have gone to school with, worked with pretty much) is going to meet the 'impulsivity' which will lead to selfimage problems. Maybe their alcoholic friends suck and they don't want to leave their life long friends.. 'frantic efforts to prevent real abandonment' is hardly irrational. If you don't have what you want in life I'm quite sure you will feel some emptiness. etc etc etc
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Old 10-24-2013, 02:50 PM   #81
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

I will give the same advice to you as I give my Dad, yes my Mom is a borderline: Run, run as fast and as far as you can do not look back do not pass go, get out and find a girl without BPD.
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Old 10-24-2013, 02:51 PM   #82
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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People with BPD are notoriously difficult to treat for the same reasons that they are difficult to have any other type of long-term relationship with--being very good at driving others away, chief among them.
Says the guy who gives someone a second inventory and says he 'lost' the first one. Some people aren't to be trusted.
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Old 10-24-2013, 02:57 PM   #83
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Regrets I'm not sure what exactly you're trying to say/accomplish?

I mean I generally agree with your "we're all crazy philosophy" - no one is 100% "normal" in every way, nor do I think that is reasonably expected. And yes, there are issues with the DSM-IV and other parts of how mental health (and mental health issues) are perceived and treated.

That said, I don't think anyone who has worked with someone with a personality disorder (or lived with one, I imagine) would ever mistake someone who is just quirky or eccentric with a true personality disorder. People (especially online) throw out diagnoses too freely, but if she's been diagnosed IRL by a competent clinician, this probably isn't just "my girlfriend has a temper".
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Old 10-24-2013, 02:58 PM   #84
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Says the guy who gives someone a second inventory and says he 'lost' the first one. Some people aren't to be trusted.
Could you please translate that into English for me?
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Old 10-24-2013, 03:04 PM   #85
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

grunching

It could be worse
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Old 10-24-2013, 03:06 PM   #86
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

LOL at this. Truthsayer et al, how many scientology classes have you guys taken?
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Old 10-24-2013, 03:06 PM   #87
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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...
I'm just saying OP shouldn't snap jump out the window because someone diagnosed her with something. I think anyone who is waiting for a completely sane person to shack up with is either not looking hard enough for the person's crazy or they will be waiting around a long time.

How many times have you heard of a clinical physician making a wrong diagnosis? One of my friends get a different incorrect diagnosis (sometimes life threatening) every time they go to the doctor. Sure it's not totally apples to apples but psychiatrists are not infallible either.
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Old 10-24-2013, 03:14 PM   #88
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Glad to see you are at least changing your stance from "Deal with it. All girls are like that" to something more reasonable like "hey, maybe she should get a second opinion".
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Old 10-24-2013, 03:15 PM   #89
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Read the OP by chance?
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Old 10-24-2013, 03:19 PM   #90
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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I'm just saying OP shouldn't snap jump out the window because someone diagnosed her with something. I think anyone who is waiting for a completely sane person to shack up with is either not looking hard enough for the person's crazy or they will be waiting around a long time.

How many times have you heard of a clinical physician making a wrong diagnosis? One of my friends get a different incorrect diagnosis (sometimes life threatening) every time they go to the doctor. Sure it's not totally apples to apples but psychiatrists are not infallible either.
I don't think I've ever stated or even implied that psychiatrist (or psychologist, or any mental health clinician) are infallible.

So sure, getting a second (or third) opinion, especially if this is a recent diagnosis, is reasonable.

However, if it seems likely the diagnosis is correct, then he needs to understand what being with someone with a significant personality disorder means before he decides if he wants to remain with her. Just like anyone has to decide if new information is a deal breaker.

I'm one of the few people who's original response wasn't "snap dump and run" so I think I've been fairly reasonable here while still recognizing this is potentially a fairly serious problem to have to deal with.
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Old 10-24-2013, 03:19 PM   #91
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Anyone who is an alcoholic (everyone I know, have gone to school with, worked with pretty much) is going to meet the 'impulsivity'
I would never voluntarily live with an alcoholic (yes, I have known several, including family).

Somebody upthread mentioned that if you're living with people with BPD (or similarly severe mental and emotional issue) there's likely something wrong with you as well. If the only people you know are alcoholics, it's extremely likely you are one too. Or you are also very damaged in other ways. In which case, you are a terrible judge of "normalcy". Your baselines are completely off. Most people will not put up with the crap that comes with living like that.

(Given the rest of your posts, it's also very likely your misdiagnosing a lot of these people as alcoholics when they really aren't).

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which will lead to selfimage problems.
We're not talking about a little bit of a self-esteem problem:

http://outofthefog.net/CommonBehavio...sturbance.html

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Maybe their alcoholic friends suck and they don't want to leave their life long friends..
Hanging out from time to time with some friends who have some, shall we say, baggage is entirely different from living with and having a serious relationship with them.

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'frantic efforts to prevent real abandonment' is hardly irrational.
The key word there is "frantic". Going out, getting drunk and getting into a bar fight because the woman you've been living with for two years slept with your best friend is not "frantic". This is "frantic:

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She threw a remote at me and hit me in the head just after we got engaged because an old girlfriend said Hi to me. She shattered a drinking glass on my shoulder. She cut my head open with a coffee mug (I later passed out from loss of blood). She cut my eye with her engagement ring when she hit me while we were on our way to couples therapy. She hit me over the head with a wooden table leg.
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If you don't have what you want in life I'm quite sure you will feel some emptiness. etc etc etc
Again, there is a difference between "chronic" and "some". Everybody has the occasional dark time of the soul at 3am. "Chronic" is when it is every day. At all hours of the day. And it impacts your life on a consistent basis.

You basically profiled someone have between .5 (alcoholic) and 1 (alcoholic + other impulse problems) of the criteria listed. And we're talking about someone with 5. You're not even in the same ballpark.

You seem to be having a very difficult time judging severity and context here. Nobody is saying that everybody doesn't have their quirks, their failings and their issues. But there are huge differences in degrees. Having to sleep with one eye open is not in any way, shape or form "normal".

If OP was a woman posting about a man, we'd be telling her to leave the abusive POS boyfriend and possibly call police and file assault charges.


Last edited by Cry Me A River; 10-24-2013 at 03:47 PM.
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Old 10-24-2013, 03:22 PM   #92
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Read the OP by chance?
Yeah I did. Even the part where it says she was diagnosed with BPD.
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Old 10-24-2013, 03:22 PM   #93
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I think it could work if u make an upfront commitment like trying for a child . Then she will trust u. Then lock her down for life with marriage .
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Old 10-24-2013, 03:51 PM   #94
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Anyone who is an alcoholic (everyone I know, have gone to school with, worked with pretty much)
Everyone you know is an alcoholic?
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Old 10-24-2013, 03:54 PM   #95
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Speaking of the guy with the multiple-personality girlfriend who did the AMA, SGT RJ, do you have any knowledge/experience about a link between disassociative identity disorder and borderline personality disorder?

It seems like borderline personalities in their wildest swings can be completely different people. I'd guess that the shattered sense of self and the whole black & white splitting thing contributes to this. I've seen it with my own eyes: going from a quiet child-like state, to desperately sad and in despair, then angry and out of control, which inevitably collapses inward to self-hate. Any thoughts?
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Old 10-24-2013, 03:55 PM   #96
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Says the guy who gives someone a second inventory and says he 'lost' the first one. Some people aren't to be trusted.
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Could you please translate that into English for me?
Too difficult for someone with green super-powers? Puzzling indeed.
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Old 10-24-2013, 04:32 PM   #97
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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You seem to be having a very difficult time judging severity and context here.
AFAIK the OPs girl did not do the stuff pudley's girl did. I've not said one way or another if he should stay or go. I'm just saying that everyone is crazy in predictable ways. If she broke a glass on me I'd probably be out as well.

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Everyone you know is an alcoholic?
I have known a lot of alcoholics. I went to alcoholic state university and didn't leave that town fwiw.

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Could you please translate that into English for me?
If you are a psychiatrist who lied to your client and expect honesty from them you are stupid. If you are court appointed and you expect honesty you are stupid. If you tell the client obvious lies or wave the stick of implied force don't be surprised when they get all clammy on you (and that includes previous psychologists they have worked with if you don't clear the air).

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Yeah I did. Even the part where it says she was diagnosed with BPD.

Last edited by gregorio; 10-24-2013 at 05:08 PM. Reason: removed pics
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Old 10-24-2013, 04:37 PM   #98
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

run. if you stay, are you planning to ever have children. if so, don't.
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Old 10-24-2013, 04:40 PM   #99
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Originally Posted by skunkworks View Post
Speaking of the guy with the multiple-personality girlfriend who did the AMA, SGT RJ, do you have any knowledge/experience about a link between disassociative identity disorder and borderline personality disorder?

It seems like borderline personalities in their wildest swings can be completely different people. I'd guess that the shattered sense of self and the whole black & white splitting thing contributes to this. I've seen it with my own eyes: going from a quiet child-like state, to desperately sad and in despair, then angry and out of control, which inevitably collapses inward to self-hate. Any thoughts?
In so far as the more severe cases of BPD can include periods of dissociation and there is evidence to support both being caused by serious abuse/trauma in childhood, there is a link.

From what I've seen, the "different self" in BPD is more akin to an extreme coping mechanism rather than an actual "fracturing" of the personality. There should be no loss of memory, fugues, or alterations to the persons hand writing or essential historical features as is seen in DID (they wouldn't take on a new name, age, or gender, for example). If there are these features it's possible it's a misdiagnosis (DID instead of BPD) or even comorbid.

I mean DID is a controversial diagnosis within the psychiatric community in and of itself. But DID isn't a personality disorder, it's a dissociative disorder. BPD is a personality disorder that may present some dissociative characteristics.

All that said, I'm not familiar with research specifically investigating any links between the two disorders, nor are either my area of specialization.
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Old 10-24-2013, 04:41 PM   #100
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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AFAIK the OPs girl did not do the stuff pudley's girl did. I've not said one way or another if he should stay or go.
OP's been with her for 4 months during which time it's been an emotional roller coaster that's already escalated to violence.

The only difference between OP and pudley is that her throw missed. You're being remarkably results oriented for a strategy mod.

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I'm just saying that everyone is crazy in predictable ways. If she broke a glass on me I'd probably be out as well.
Yes, yes, we get it, "Everyone's a little bit crazy so nobody's crazy. Sure, I'd share a steak with Dahmer".


I'm not sure why think posting pictures of troubled women - who are likely still, at best, a 1 or 2 on the BPD "crazy scale" (with OP's being at least a 5) - in any way helps your case. If damaged women are your ideal dating partners that's more a reflection of you than anyone else.
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