I'm not sure if this is a troll, I wouldn't be shocked.

I'm assuming your BF is 19 as well. Probably first significant relationship for the two of you. I'm guessing he doesn't know what normal is. How is this situation ever going to improve? Basically you are going to be a wreck the rest of your life. Fine, you love the guy. But he isn't ever going to be able to experience life normally even if he loves you the exact same amount back b/c you'll never see it like that. He could love you 2x as much you love him and I doubt you'd realize it.

They're so consumed with HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT ______ that they completely disregard the fact they may be making that person's life absolutely miserable, and they're unwilling to give them up or hell, try to get better because I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

Think about someone other than yourself.

Sounds like a blog I read recently.

pff, not even closely similar. come on now.

This has gone from schadenfreude to depressing.

As to BPD girl, you sound an awful lot like amichelle. You two would get along fabulously.

Oh. I reread that line about most of us telling her bf to break up with her . concluded it was her , guess it was the Google search.

Well OP has been with his GF for 4 months and BPD Girl had been with her BF for 4 years....her post made it seem like her BF posts here but it might be just a general comment for significant others dating people with BPD. how we should tell them to be submissive and take all the pain.

See, 4 years together! Michael, dream big, it can last!

Of course that's what you'd think.

OP, I'm sympathetic to the "my gf has outbursts because of her BPD, but that doesn't make her a bad or predatory person" comments, and don't agree with some of the mocking/bullying.

Clark's posts in this thread are really good. One thing I would emphasize, with respect to this one:

This is what it takes to give the relationship the best shot of working, and a big part of how she'll (hopefully) eventually be in a healthy relationship, whether with you or with someone else. You need to honestly assess whether you can develop this quality, and whether you have the right personality to be in a relationship where this is the dynamic. This is how it's going to work, if it's going to be healthy - you consistently enforcing boundaries, never taking it too hard when she blows up, and being crazy mature, steady, not capitulating. Part of being good to her means figuring out whether this is a relationship structure you're well suited to, can do well, and be happy in. If not, it's not good for her to be with you, either.

I dated someone with a pretty severe personality disorder. I don't think she was really a bad person, just that she had major extra challenges that make acting in a healthy way much more difficult than the average person. I realized that while she was capable of being in a (mostly) healthy relationship with the right structure, I really wasn't well suited to what that would be. I'm not good at setting boundaries/standing up for myself in relationships, I want to be able to give the benefit of the doubt a ton, and love+volatility is really tough for me. We broke up and it seems clear in hindsight that I wasn't doing her or me any favors by being in a relationship I wasn't cut out do my part to make healthy. And that's something you need to make sure you're assessing as honestly as possible on your end, for both of you.

It takes a special personality type to make a relationship with someone with BPD work. It's not categorically impossible but it's not something you can just will yourself into doing well if that guy isn't you.

He's not really capable of having a healthy relationship, and BPDs aren't really capable of having healthy relationships, which is why the only practical advice is to walk away or mitigate damage. At this stage he's not really capable of seeing that, so just enjoy the trainwreck.

The hostile responses are at least partially due to that joke of a vasectomy thread in which he was pretty dishonest, so i'm not really sure what anyone is doing here.

Research shows BPDs are capable of having healthy relationships, increased quality of life, decreased suicidal gestures, etc...given multiple years of specialized therapy.

Point being it's possible, but OP really doesn't seem like the right personality to pair with a BPD to make something like that work.

mersenneary,

I think you're doing OP a huge disservice to encourage the idea at all that this relationship could potentially work out. In the larger picture of things, your post did an incredible amount of damage by even planting that seed in OP's mind, which is in a fog right now.

Also, I agree with jmakin about the vasectomy thing. People coming in here self-righteously defending OP against "bullying" is just ludicrous in light of the vasectomy thread.

"Genuinally" ITT

Has OP tried to reach David Sklansky, or vice versa? He sure knows how to handle ladies with personality disorders and has even been able to cure one!

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/sh...&postcount=235

gregorio,

This is going to blow your mind: Google shows different search results to different people!

Wow. David Sklansky:

Not that I know of. She doesn't like to talk about her family, and apart from her Mum who I have only met once, I don't know anyone else in her family. I'm going to say no though, because it came from her trauma from when she was younger rather than anything genetic.



No interviews yet, but I have applied at 2 different supermarkets and a K-Mart. I bought a pair of black shoes and a pair of black formal pants today, purely for any interviews I get in the future. And at Big W, I was sitting back in my chair and had my hands in my pockets, and I realise how bad that must have looked, so I am going to change the way I sit, and the attitude I give off. I also tried RP'ing some questions I might get in a job interview with my gf over the phone today, and I still am terrible at that and not sure if I'm ready, but am trying and working on getting better.


Not going to lie, when I saw MisaChan's post, my heart rate tripled because the first thing I saw was just the caps part of the post, and initially thought it was my gf. lol. To reply though, the thing that stood out to me the most in your post was the way you said society says that BPD's can't love. And that must suck, because I know my gf is capable of love and affection, and I know she is a great person, but a lot of people will never be able to truly see that because most won't be able to see past the BPD. And I know manipulation isn't deliberate, but it's like when my gf threatens suicide and cries, I know now that it's still manipulation whether she means it or not, because she knows I can't handle it and I know she knows it hurts me when she gets like that. I know it's hurting her as well, but to give an example, After my Big W interview, and I called my gf over, when I was in the heat of being upset, I still never said I was going to hurt myself, because I know it's not fair to be using those sort of serious threats as emotional weapons against someone you care about, and that's the thing that personally affects me the most about it when she gets to that stage.

I feel like I should apologise for the "Finding A Woman Who Doesn't Want Kids" thread. Please don't hold those stupid and bitter ramblings against me.

You proved our point. Thank you.

Also, for the record, I haven't read any of the vasectomy thread - my responses are stricly based on my experience with my ex-wife of ~ 15 years. If I'm being too hostile, I apologize OP, but I admit, I'm a little biased/jaded/etc.

I was feeling depressed again today, because I was alone, was thinking of Christmas and what I'm going to do, because my gf and I had planned to literally sleep through the whole day, but turns out she is going to a family lunch or something, and she wants me to come, but I am worried that I will be out of place there and it wil be awkward, so I am most likely going to spend Christmas alone again, and I was going to light up and feel sorry for myself, but just said **** it. I went out to the music shop got some new strings for my bass, and splurged out $450 on a new amp, set it all up, dusted off my bass, tuned her up and just played and felt a lot better in myself.

I haven't had any replies to any of the jobs I have applied for, but I talked my gf into looking for a part-time job as well because Disability Pension's are getting tougher to get, and if she lost the pension, and I was still unemployed, then I am not sure what would happen.

Seems like you're trying to help yourself to a certain extent. So, I'll chime in.

Follow-up after applying. Remember a lot of these supermarket type of jobs get tons of applications a day. The stack is enormous. If you don't follow up, you'll never get work. Persistence pays off.

Seeing that you are actually making a commitment to avoid your girlfriend, I think you're stepping in the right direction (breaking up with her). Continue going in that direction. Given your alternative, you are kind of in between a rock and a hard place, but I think you'd be better off away from her on the holidays imo. I can imagine how nightmarish and embarrassing that could become for you.

Also good that you avoided smoking weed. Kick that ****. Music is much better for your wellbeing.

All in all, better than you were before. Still got a ways to go though.

Interested to hear how the holidays go. Seems like a tough time of year for both the OP and his gf.

Haven't heard from this guy since before Christmas.... someone be checking Australian newspapers for murder suicides.

Is Michael Scarn OP's real name?