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Old 10-24-2013, 11:40 AM   #26
TomCollins
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

The thing is, he's not going to listen. The power of the pussy is so strong. I remember falling for not as severe of a head case, and figured I would fix her. Since they are nuts, you can usually date out of your league in terms of looks, so it's pretty easy to convince yourself the bad parts aren't that bad. Then the looks fade, and lol @ u.
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Old 10-24-2013, 11:43 AM   #27
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

And just in general, don't come barging in to a discussion asking for sources and peer-reviewed studies and evidence while also saying, "I've done no research into this." If you're going to be a lazy ****bag and not do some research yourself, then you're not allowed to attack someone's argument and put the burden of proof on them.
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Old 10-24-2013, 11:46 AM   #28
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Yes, I'm pretty sure that SGTRJ has mentioned about a billion times that she is a Psychology PHD, and presumably, is writing her own articles for peer review. But that may just be the misandrist in me talking.
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Old 10-24-2013, 11:59 AM   #29
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

She used to be in the Army too, and has a bad back!

Even worse, she's a Browns fan.
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Old 10-24-2013, 12:06 PM   #30
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

I'm getting my Counseling Ph.D., not Psychology, but that's a minor quibble.

So yes, if necessary I can find a mountain of links to research but anyone with even a rudimentary background in psychology knows that a) personality disorders are entrenched, hence the term personality disorder and b) they are not treated with medication.

If you are actually questioning these basic facts then odds are good you don't belong in this discussion.

All this is predicated on the OP stating she has been diagnosed with BPD and that the diagnosis is accurate, which obviously none of us can know 100%.
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Old 10-24-2013, 12:14 PM   #31
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Fold pre flop. Wait for a better hand, your still early on the game.

Was married to the type for 15 years, appeal of crazy sex lasts 12 years.

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Old 10-24-2013, 12:16 PM   #32
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

My first girlfriend had BPD. She ended up marrying a friend of mine. Then she murdered him.

run away. now.
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Old 10-24-2013, 12:16 PM   #33
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Originally Posted by kioshk View Post
She used to be in the Army too, and has a bad back!

Even worse, she's a Browns fan.
There are obvious psychological reasons that she has chosen the Browns, IMO. Historically, it has been incredibly easy to obtain fan items marked with the Cleveland logo. They're cheap. No one wants them. I know. I suffer from the same affliction.
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Old 10-24-2013, 12:19 PM   #34
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Well, you're in a stronger position than most, because you have pretty clearly identified what is wrong and recognized some of the danger. There is also a lot of truth in many of the posts here, and good advice.
As an aside, the beauty-queen period will be part of the cause, but much of it will have to do with her general interactions with her mother, especially before then. Poor soul, it is a terrible thing to have happen to her :/
As an another aside...talking about psych illnesses and things that can be wrong with you and need treatment. Like you can have anorexia. Or you can have a serious phobia. Or you can have depression. You don't want these things. You get treatment for them.
It's not really the same with BPD or NPD (Narcissistic). You don't have them, you *are* them. This is what makes treatment so hard. They get guidance, but they have to treat *themselves*. They have to make a choice to revolt against who they are. It is very difficult. Not least because in many cases, the subject kind of *likes* their disorder. It confirms their specialness or is the engine for getting what they kind of want, at a deep level.
The most startling thing to emerge from the advisories for peops in your situation is ...that you should not underestimate the danger. Especially, as was said before, should it come to 'I'm leaving you' time. People do end up getting maimed or killed. I made the mistake myself of just putting up with someone I knew was like this. Then the knives came out. The specialists always just say...go. Forget trying to fix her. It will not happen.
There is another mental health issue to consider, and this is now being identified in its own right...victims of BPD/NPD...ie YOU. The long term consequences for your mental health are dire. You will be scarred from this, maybe permanently. The love...it is not real. Sorry. Real love does not look like this. Something will make you attracted to certain elements of her disorder. The rollercoasters. The deep want for you, when it's there. The overvaluation, when it's there. It doesn't compensate for the utter scourging your personality will suffer over time from her. Make a plan. And get out. Cheat on her, even, as a way of doing so. You can switch off one girl by getting another. Normally a repugnant choice, but this is in extremis. Move away. Talk to friends. You have caught it early. But you must go. Pm me if you want, your situation sounds similar to one I was in.
I did find an antidote for the 'coming down' period where rationalizing the whole traumatic event became necessary. There's a guy called Sam Vaknin who is a bit of a champion for NPD and BPD, wrote a good book on it. He has NPD too. You will find his vids on youtube. Search Vaknin BPD. He really gets it, and provides a lot of helpful advice. Good luck.
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Old 10-24-2013, 12:24 PM   #35
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQyvSRkauwo
f***ing champion, love his stuff. Never saw one branch of psych so pwned by one person. He has his critics, but mostly very good stuff. You'll probably start to recognize (and then understand) a lot of her from his words.
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Old 10-24-2013, 12:30 PM   #36
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Truthsayer, I'm sorry, but I don't believe that a person can be more wrong. I would hammer you with the real truth, but I'm leaving for lunch, lol. Just wow...
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Old 10-24-2013, 12:34 PM   #37
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Damn you all , i dont know if i need to feel relieved or more anxious after reading this thread my gf that i suspected to have some bipolar issue seems to fit the profile. I knew it for months without beeing able to give it a name.
At least now i can know where to look at.
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Old 10-24-2013, 12:44 PM   #38
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Originally Posted by MichaelScarn View Post
I have to say the sex is the best I have ever had, because she uses it as a way to release pent-up anger which is pretty wild.
People never learn. Never, NEVER!, give a crazy chick your real address, phone #, or name. The sex is always great, but eventually you'll need to call the cops to kick her out and then move.
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Old 10-24-2013, 12:49 PM   #39
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

One thing to keep in mind. Don't confuse neediness with love, and jealousy as a sign of how much she cares for you. And never, ever excuse physical abuse. That's three things, but the point is, without therapy, any one or all three can easily escalate.
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Old 10-24-2013, 12:51 PM   #40
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Quote:
So the guy's a misogynist, according to what? Misogynist means he hates women - from what in his post do you draw that conclusion??? He seems to believe that most women are a little bit batty.
Yeah... not at all sure where I got that notion. Curious imo.

There's probably a paintlickers forum where you'd be more comfortable.
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Old 10-24-2013, 01:00 PM   #41
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Originally Posted by eddymitchel View Post
Damn you all , i dont know if i need to feel relieved or more anxious after reading this thread my gf that i suspected to have some bipolar issue seems to fit the profile. I knew it for months without beeing able to give it a name.
At least now i can know where to look at.
Don't do this. If you just list the symptoms without understanding their severity, it's very easy to place this label on a ton of people. The person being discussed in this thread has actually received a legit diagnosis.
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Old 10-24-2013, 01:00 PM   #42
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Originally Posted by SGT RJ View Post
I'm getting my Counseling Ph.D., not Psychology, but that's a minor quibble.

So yes, if necessary I can find a mountain of links to research but anyone with even a rudimentary background in psychology knows that a) personality disorders are entrenched, hence the term personality disorder and b) they are not treated with medication.
i'm not disagreeing with either of these things. You made categorical claims (the above are not two) which I believe to be unfounded.

Quote:
If you are actually questioning these basic facts then odds are good you don't belong in this discussion.
I am not questioning these facts. I make abundently clear what I am questioning.

Quote:
All this is predicated on the OP stating she has been diagnosed with BPD and that the diagnosis is accurate, which obviously none of us can know 100%.
You think the diagnosis of a broad cluster of symptoms of varying depths, insight, rigidity and emotional/historical causes can be boiled down to "accurately diagnosed, hence my categorical generalizations apply". You are proof of a little knowlwedge being a dangerous thing. You do not know the things you claimed, that I questioned, with anywhere the certainty you said them. You should learn to be more careful - these are people's lives and relationships you'll be delving into. They don't need rigid unscientific opinions.

She is probably trouble? Yes.
She is more like than not to stay trouble? Yes, absolutely.
She will never get better without therapy? That statement makes you an unscientific quack.

I have known people with BPD diagnoses who overcome them and found stability, without therapy. Intelligence and insight seem to be the determinant. She seems to have these. I would bet several to one at least against OP's girl improving. You thnk a billion to one is a good bet by your statements. That makes your comment very foolish.

Anyway, I have no wish to argue with you. Just providing a bit of sanity against your unscientific claims. Carry on.
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Old 10-24-2013, 01:06 PM   #43
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Whatever, dude, I'm pretty comfortable with my statements and your personal experience with people with BPD who managed to get better with simply intelligence and insight (as you claim) is far, far more dangerous than my stating that someone who actually has BPD needs therapy to make significant improvement.

There are always outliers in any diagnosis. Is it POSSIBLE for someone to significantly improve/recover from a serious mental illness without treatment. Yes. Is it likely? No, it's not. If the diagnosis is accurate, which I can't know because I've never met her, I'm pretty damn comfortable saying she's one of the 99 that needs therapy rather than the unicorn that can do it on her own. I could have phrased that as "if she's not in therapy, there's a really remote chance she could make significant improvement on her own (with a ton of hard work, mind you), but the odds are significantly in favor of her needing therapy to make any significant/long term gains", but guess what? I didn't feel like qualifying the statement because it's the internet, and because the vast, vast majority of the time my original statement is going to be correct without the qualification.

What the OP chooses to make of my opinion/post is up to him. I have an opinion of your worth in this conversation as well, but I don't think it's particularly relevant.
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Old 10-24-2013, 01:08 PM   #44
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Originally Posted by Dids View Post
Don't do this. If you just list the symptoms without understanding their severity, it's very easy to place this label on a ton of people. The person being discussed in this thread has actually received a legit diagnosis.
Yes, this labeling seems to happen a lot. Amateur psychologists everywhere. I hear one more time about someone who clearly only has some social-interaction/introversion issues being 'on the autism spectrum' I'll shove a DSM manual somewhere freudian..

On the other hand...who cares if this girl has BPD formally diagnosed or not. Psych diagnoses, as far as the 'partner' is concerned, are about pragmatic/danger/personal mental health issues. In BPD many of the sufferers can fluctuate wildly and go violent when threatened with abandonment. So do many non-BPDs. But you should leave both, because the outcomes for you probably the same if you don't.
They weren't sure if Jodi Arias was BPD or not before it all went wrong, glad she cleared that up for everyone...
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Old 10-24-2013, 01:12 PM   #45
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

I have lots of experience with this subject.

If your favorite people have personality disorders, you probably have one too. Probably one that's hard to get the person to see in themselves like NPD or OCPD. Get into individual therapy and couples therapy and see what you can make work.
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Old 10-24-2013, 01:14 PM   #46
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Yeah, OP should probably convince his girlfriend to not go to therapy because Truthsayer has known people who have overcome BPD using intelligence and insight.
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Old 10-24-2013, 01:17 PM   #47
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Truthsayer View Post
I have known people with BPD diagnoses who overcome them and found stability, without therapy. Intelligence and insight seem to be the determinant. She seems to have these. I would bet several to one at least against OP's girl improving. You thnk a billion to one is a good bet by your statements. That makes your comment very foolish.

Anyway, I have no wish to argue with you. Just providing a bit of sanity against your unscientific claims. Carry on.
Just gotta love the guy using anecdotal evidence to "debunk" "unscientific" claims.
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Old 10-24-2013, 01:18 PM   #48
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Truthfully, we could all use some more science today.
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Old 10-24-2013, 01:19 PM   #49
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Intelligence and insight helped me overcome my personality disorder AMA
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Old 10-24-2013, 01:23 PM   #50
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Originally Posted by dalerobk2 View Post
Leave now. You only know the tip of the iceberg of what you're in for if you stay with this. Get out. Now. My mother is BPD. It's a nightmare.
If he's strong enough to deal with it, he doesn't need to leave. But it's certainly not easy. If he loves her, he should try. They both need to be in therapy though.
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