Wow, Clark itt. Never would have pegged you for a figure in the succubus-enthusiast community.

lol

Had a GF v v similar to your description, not sure if full blown borderline, but may have been. Was a very great girl, passionate wild relationship, great sex and a lot of love.

I really didn't want to ever end it but eventually I had to. I'm not perfect either, but after so many "episodes" (again not sure if she was BDPD, but def had episodes of totally overwhelming anger etc., suicide, violent threats, then totally back to normal. Def not normal chick stuff at all) it just feels like you don't matter. Even if its great 95% of the time, having someone threaten you, or be unbelievably mean time and time again only to come back crying is just mind boggling and too emotionally confusing.

Even still, I can't judge your relationship, so you should decide for yourself (this discussion is helpful but you need to fig it out for yourself) if you think you can deal with this long term. It's not easy,it will be harder than you can imagine, my sister also suffers from probably the most debilitating mental illness there is (sz), and its a life long process. But I think the best advice one can have in a romantic relationship is to trust their instincts.

And, know that with treatment and therapy, things CAN get better. Just don't assume it will happen immediately. But this is a crucial part of mental illness that alot of people don't understand or have the patience to accept.

Then if that is what you want, my advice is to try to do everything you can to make it work. In a real adult relationship you need to give the other person everything you have, make them your world. You sound like a great dude tbh. So do your best to make her feel safe with you, safety is the most important thing for someone like this, and try and keep her in loving control. You are the man and it's kind of your job. But don't feel like you have failed if in the end, you just can't put up with it.

Also, a huge regret of mine was not seeing a therapist w her or asking her more specifically about her issues. (even a few mo into a relationship, but w/e it can be helfpul).

Also, on a random note, does anyone know why its called "borderline" ? doesn't seem to fit any of the descriptions like most disorders (anxiety, depressive, bipolar etc.)

They sit on the borderline between neurosis and psychosis.

As far as the numbers go...this '95% of the time she's ok' thing...

well seems pretty standard, but *she's* ok 95% of the time but after a while you're kinda suffering *all* of the time cos you never know when the next flare up will occur. You shouldn't hop when you're on eggshells; you can't dance, either.

Why has like every poster itt had an ex with bpd?

crazy chicks are hot in bed

dump her. plenty of sane ones out there.

I don't know if this is true or not, but it's not a bad description.

Because that's what the thread is about? I would expect a disproportionate amount of people ITT to have had relationships with someone like this. If you can't relate, you are less likely to post. If you can, trust me, you want to help. Selection bias.

That's pretty much the type explanation I got.
On a scale of Zero to ten, with zero being perfectly balanced and ten being psychotic, borderlines fit from about six to eight or nine. Beyond neurotic, but not quite into psychotic.

Add in that these chicks tend to cycle through guys quicker than the average chick because guys will run, and you have disproportionate numbers.

Right. I mean, I would never have clicked on a random relationship advice thread. Throw BPD in the title and I want to help, same as all the others in here.

OP - read that book I linked.

One of the best posts itt.

OP, keep in mind that 5% of the time is an average of more than an hour a day of intense drama. Also, consider that your gf is currently undergoing counseling and is taking medication. Those things may well be helping her, and this may be as good as it gets.

I think that's correct. At the time the concept of the diagnosis was initiated, those were the two primary categories of disorders and BPD fit neither but did not seem to fit within the then-current concept of personality disorders either.

One thing i'd like to point out. Do not ever accept BPD as a final excuse for destructive behavior. If she has a diagnosis, a therapist, medication, this should be her stepping-stone towards more acceptable behavior. She should be able to have better insight into what triggers her outbursts, and, over time, if therapy and meds are working, have a better handle on this.

If she stays in a pattern of, "Sorry I cut your ear off, but my BPD kicked in, you know how that is," that is the time when you need to re-evaluate your situation. A diagnosis should never be an excuse for the continuation of destructive behavior.

I'm pretty sure rejection is one of them.

It sounds right, from what I have been reading, but I think it gets more screwed up than personal rejection.

Does she climb a wall, feeling rejected because you don't care for the pot roast she served? does she see rejection when you're 15 minutes late and fail to call her? Actual rejection and her perception of it seem to be two different animals. How will he ever know what's going to set her off?

He won't always know.

The key is to recognize that he can't control her reaction and, assuming that it wasn't actually rejection or something that could rationally be interpreted as such, that it's not his fault. Most importantly, depending on what her reaction is, he needs to still recognize that in many cases, even if he empathizes enough to understand the trigger, it doesn't make her reaction/response acceptable.

BPD chicks will screw other dudes behind your back too

I agree. I wasn't trying to make it out to be his responsibility to try to avoid everything that she may personally see as rejection. I was trying to make the point that her perception is so screwed up, she will see rejection in things, even where none was intended. His reactions or avoidance of triggers will not 'fix' her BPD. I'm hoping he recognizes this and proceeds, if he chooses, with the knowledge that she needs to work on her issues. It's really not a matter of him adjusting his behavior.

P

This is inaccurate.

not IME it isn't