DBZ,

Thanks for the kind words. I don't really understand why I am experiencing the anxiety, usually I am Ok with funerals. I mean it's not like I look forward to them but I understand they are a part of life and I try to see the positives, showing respect to the deceased and being a support to their loved ones while saying goodbye.

For some reason lately I have been thinking about death, in particular if my partner dies and it's really put me on edge. I wake up at night to check he is breathing It's quite ridiculous, he doesn't have bad health and is middle-aged not elderly. I'm such a twit sigh lol.

Proper books. I collect first editions.

My degree in armchair psychology tells me there is something more behind this. Fear of losing your father, grief from having already lost him, your own mortality, something having to do with your relationship with your friend, etc.

I don't like funerals, but people appreciate it SO much when you turn up to support them. When my mom died having friends at the funeral really got me through it, especially those I didn't expect to attend.

EDIT: Posted prior to reading your follow-up post that this isn't the only area where you've been thinking about death more. It's a really good think to be talking openly about this stuff.

I am eternally grateful that my dad didn't want to have a funeral, I'm not really sure I could have made it through dealing with all that. I found it interesting that the people who were upset that there wasnt a funeral were the peripheral people in his life, co workers or people who didn't even know him but were friends of the family.

Rigorous honesty: my friends definitely helped get me through the funeral, but the enormous quantities of vicodin and xanax I was taking did not hurt either.

The only time my family ever get together is at funerals, we're a pretty antisocial bunch.

We don't do grave markers or gravestones, so once it's over that's it.

When my parents die, I definitely don't want to have to stand around talking to a bunch of people I haven't seen in 20 years or have never even met.

Seems obvious that it is the bolded creating your anxiety rather than the funeral--the funeral just kicks those thoughts back up.

I'd suggest doing some "soul-searching" about how and why death (particularly your partner's) has been on your mind. Then deal with any aspects of that you can do something about. (That may well involve some discussions with your partner about death.) And then every time you begin having irrational thoughts on the subject, identify them as irrational, and replace them with a rational view of the subject.

Hmm, people still post here? Hi LFS!

No chance I would. And when one parent dies, the other parent will get that.

Sup skunk! Yeah some are gone and some are still here. I actually saw Al IRL recently too.

lunch yesterday: shrimp & grits
dinner yesterday: pork & greens w/ cheesy grits
lunch today: pulled pork w/ mac&cheese and greens

go go go

I apologise if this is considered a derail of the LC thread. I do really appreciate people taking the time to respond to me. Thinking about what people have said has helped me work some things out, so thanks very much.

My bf doesn't want a funeral and I'm thinking I'll go down the same path tbh. I can understand why people have them as it's an official goodby as you will and honouring of the person plus any religious connotations but meh.

It is quite difficult. I found my dad's funeral harder as it was very big and I did know some people from when I was a kid but not well and sometimes couldn't remember names and then felt horrible when they clearly expected me to remember who they were. Thankfully in situations like that you can wing it to some extent but yeah.

I think it's because his dad died reasonably young and in a few years my partner will be the age of his dad when he died. Also my bf smokes not a lot, maybe 2 packs a week or something but he promised me he would quit after his mum died and he hasn't and it's years later now. Also my mum died of mouth and throat cancer and he saw what she suffered through and yet still smokes. it makes me angry and feel very anxious, yet I can't do anything about it.

Yes I think it's a combination of a few of those things. When my friend first rang his dad hadn't passed yet and he was doing the deathbed vigil. I managed to hold myself together on the phone and say all the things you are meant to say but after I got off I just broke down as it reminded me of when my mum died and how difficult it was. I felt incredibly bad that he had to go through it and perhaps selfishly felt bad for myself also.

I may go down this track on funeral day if I'm not feeling great.

I know quite a few people who say this exact same thing in regard to funerals and getting together with family.

Obviously the choice is yours if you attend a funeral or not but I will say it can make the funeral even harder for the other family members. My brother didn't go to my dad's funeral and my other brother and I had to constantly field questions asking why he wasn't there. I don't hold a grudge against him for it but I did feel some resentment at the time that I had to go through it and he didn't and I know my other brother did too.

It's surprising almost all companies are not deleting old emails. I worked at a place that started doing that in the late 90's after there were several scandals where old emails were used to prosecute people. Nobody wants to get a peeny for their old email. My employer was destroying archives and backups too. One day a bunch of old emails from a few years back suddenly showed up and there was a sh*tstorm in IT over where the hell they came from, because management thought they were long gone.

Water in the absence of gravity https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntQ7qGilqZE

I just looked at that thread for the first time - I think I get what Trolly is currently doing, but can somebody explain to me how the thread started and what was going on initially in 2012? This is the OP:

Seems like an odd OP. Was that something excised from a 2012 LC thread?

And is 27o joking or just doesn't remember?

Then you're the first.

co-ed baby showers are a thing now? loooool. How big a dick am I for refusing to go to one of these. My gf is trying to make me feel bad, but I'm not going to budge.

One man's dick is another man's hero.

Worth holding your ground IMO. That sounds awful even if I loved the majority of the people going.

Alobar,

Co-ed baby showers? Gtfo

Real men don't need excuses for such silly invitations, but if you do perhaps a simple "My parole officer won't approve it" would suffice.

Only thing worse is a co-ed bachelor's party.

Is it weird I've never been to a funeral? I'm in my late 40's for context. It started at seven. I lost both my parents to a car accident and I told my uncle I didn't want to go and he said that was fine. I think he should have made me go even though it wouldn't have made any difference at all. The only funeral I plan on attending is my own.

We just went to one yesterday. Why does it bother you? There were drinks and food and it wasn't particularly girly.