Hey everybody,
So I have been with my girlfriend since high school for about 4 years. She understands I am trying to play poker and make something of it, and we have had plenty of talks about it, which aren't always fun.

It seems like everytime I sit down to play a session, she gets upset with me that I'm not giving her attention or spending time with her. I live a busy life as a full time student and work 30hrs a week at a crap job, and when I come home I workout for 1.5 hours. I eat and shower and then want to grind out 1ooo hands or play some SNGs. She said she gets it, but my girlfriend seems to be especially needy when I'm playing and I cant deal with her constantly distracting me while I'm trying to focus. It's really frustrating for me when I'm in the bedroom at my station trying to grind out and she keeps coming in every 5-10 minutes asking me when I'm coming out and all this stuff. Like, I'm trying to build something for our future, but she is more concerned about RIGHT NOW.

Do you guys have problems with that too? How do you handle it? I love her and I don't want to piss her off, but at a certain point I just feel like leaving to go play somewhere where I cant be bothered. Especially when I am in a decision for my stack and she starts asking me questions and stuff, I just tell her kind of sharply to just give me a minute to think and by then time bank is gone and I end up making a bad decision. I think I am just going to have to go somewhere else or something. We have a clubhouse with study rooms at our complex, so maybe that's my new spot. I did just buy a really nice office chair to play in though, so it's kind of against financial sense. Idk. I'd really like your feedback.

There's a lot of "I's" in your thread. Sounds like you don't want or need a girlfriend. So you're in school, you can't see her, and you work and can't see her. If you aren't willing to give up part of your poker time or workout time, when are you supposed to be hanging out with her???
I work a 9 hour a day job, we have a 12 year old. My girlfriend has zero problem with me playing poker, because I make a point to spend time with her almost every day. I purposely don't play every single day, even though I'd like to. Relationships are work. And if you're not willing to work at them, you shouldn't be in one.

Sounds like you need to spend more time with her or no more time with her.

Her "demands" don't seem that unreasonable, do they? You sound a bit self-centered and no relationship can really have room for that.

BUT....if you turn it around a bit and tell her you will quit poker but will take on a second job of about 10 hours per week to start building The Nestegg..... see what her response is. If she is all for it....and you make more playing poker than a 10 hour burger-flippin' job will bring in.... the writing is on the wall. (It's the idea of poker...not the extra work that is the issue)

If you are making less than a job at McDonald's....then you are choosing recreation alone over recreation with her.

A week has 168 hours.

30 hours at work,
37.5 hours as "full-time" student.
10.5 hours working out
14 hours ingesting, excreting and grooming
56 hours sleeping
3.5 hours chores.
2.5 hours shopping/partying/recreation
---
154 hours
That leaves 2 hours per day for poker and girlfriend. How many minutes a day can you allocated for maintaining a healthy relationship?

I agree with the previous poster. You don't have time for a girlfriend. Cut her loose. You'll have the undisturbed time to play that you pine for and she stands a chance of getting a partner who wants to spend time with her. It's a win win for both parties.

You did use 'I' a lot. I can pretty much write your girlfriend's post to some internet advice site:

My boyfriend plays poker. We've been together several years and I love him. He tells me that he loves me. The problem is that I never get to spend time with him. He's a full time student and works part time including 8 hr days on the weekends. He also often works 3-4 hrs after his school day during the week. The gym is important to him as well so he usually stops for an hour or two on the way home. Once he gets home, it's often after 7-8 pm, he starts to play online poker and gets pissed at me when I bother him or ask him when he's going to be done. This isn't just a once in a while thing, it's totally our relationship. What should I do?

Advice guru: thank you for your post.
As far as I can see, here's your boyfriends descending list of life importance:

1) University
2) Part time job
3) The gym
4) Online poker
5) You

I think you should consider......blah......blah.....blah. Ahhhhh screw it: Are you f... stupid? Get your head out of your ass, you're fifth on this guys list behind a bloody barbell for heavens sake. Grow a pair and ditch this dude; he'll be happy not to have you bothering him during his critical poker decisions and wrecking his me time.

Lol
See how life looks from both sides?
Seriously though, be honest with yourself and admit that you just don't have time for her. Admitting that isn't a bad thing. Carrying on just breeds resentment in both parties.




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dump her dude, youll be happier for it in the long run. Speaking from experience, I spent more time than I should have with girls early on and honestly it wasnt worth it. I wish I had focused more on poker back then and from the sounds of it you dont really have the time for a gf. GL

Listen OP, relationships involve compromise, but seems like you have to study full time, also work 30 hours a week, also come home and work out for 90 minutes and then, rather than spend time with your GF, you'd rather play poker. I'm not surprised she doesn't like it.

I suggest you cut back somewhere and make time for her. If that sounds like too much hassle, then rethink whether you actually need a GF right now.

Pics?

Between a full time role as a student, and a near full time job, you really don't have enough time to dedicate to becoming a good poker player, much less a poker player and a good boyfriend.

It is terribly clear to everyone who reads your post that you are a little self absorbed and self centered right now. Not that there is anything wrong with that, just be honest to yourself about your priorities, and be fair to the girl involved. if you are going to put yourself first, second, and third, then go ahead and let her go and she can move on to someone who is in the same place as her.

We all go through a selfish phase in life, just don't be a jerk and drag someone else through it with you, while trying to act she is being unreasonable and inconsiderate.

Oh, and one more thing, when a girl wants attention, she usually gets it, whether from you, or from someone else. And that won't end well for anyone.

This thread has to be a joke or troll?

In the off-chance this thread is serious:
Working out, girlfriend, poker. Pick two out of three. If you are not interested enough in your girlfriend to choose her over working out and playing a game, tell her.

Right, let me get this straight:

- You are a full time student
- You work 30 hours a week (which is not far off a full working week)
- You are a serious poker player
- You work out in the gym
- You spend time with your gf

Yeah, no way you can keep up all those things at once. This has to be a troll.

Maybe 10 years ago when a monkey could make money playing poker. Not today, where even the vast majority of players who consider themselves to play poker "seriously", has an hourly rate that's not significantly higher than minimum wage.

I am very sure that ten years from now, a lot of people who spend lots of time playing poker today would say they regret not having more of a social life while being younger.

Agreed with others, you have to prioritize. It's fair for your GF to ask that you make spending time with her a priority. If you're not willing to do that in light of your other priorities, that's OK too, but you shouldn't be in the relationship.

I have a more than full time job, two kids, a wife and play poker live once or twice a week. My wife generally doesn't mind because she knows she and the family are a priority, I compartmentalize the poker time and when I'm with her and the family I try to be present and helpful. If I added another priority onto this list (say I took up golf) she would rightfully expect that to crowd out poker rather than family or the job. If you're not home much and not "present" when you are home because you're grinding poker, your GF has a legit gripe.

If you want to save the relationship, you should devote some nights to just being with your GF. Don't play online those nights, or do it after she's in bed. Otherwise you're not really bringing anything to the relationship.

The funny thing about this list is I've come to learn that everyone I know who seems to do everything does so because they sleep a lot less than most people. I know several very successful people who sleep 4 hours/night, and just have more time than others. I don't know how they do it (can't imagine it's healthy), but they do. On your list, if OP got 7 hours sleep per night rather than 8, he ends up with an extra 7 hours/week.

lol who gets 8 hours of sleep a night?
I get 5-6. In the rare occasion where I do get 8, though... it feels so nice.


@OP dude 90 minutes of working out is overkill. 30 minutes is more than enough to stay healthy. And if you live on/near campus and walk to your classes you shouldn't need a separate work out at all.

Honestly this isn't really a question suited for poker forums but a relationship forum. Poker isn't pertinent... replace poker time with video games/golfing/hunting/any sport/ and it's the same situation really.

The painful truth is the ones the posters above already said.

You are both too young.
"Building something for our future" is smth that you'll find funny when you're 30 and think back on it.
I rarely take the women's side in a relationship and in this case she is totally right and that's just hearing your side of the story.

You'd both be happier alone at this age and both of you will regret it if you keep staying together.
Oh, and if you drag it you'll still break up and will do it by hating each other's guys.

The outcome will be exactly that though. You won't do it and she will eventually end it in about 1-2 years in a bad breakup.

My words might hurt you but them becoming a reality will hurt you way more.
You are bored of her already. Crap job, workout 1.5 hours and poker are just lies you tell to yourself to avoid spending time with her because that time is boring for you.

P.S: Also, career wise you would likely need to pick 2 outta 3: study, crap job(your words not mine), poker

P.S: I feel so old giving advice in matters like this though I am a young 33 year old:-(

Yep, I like to get 7 hours, but even that's sometimes aspirational.

OP if you had to make a list of priorities in your life, what would that be? Is it really necessary to work 30 hours in a week on top of full time studying? If so then you don't have the luxury of time for many other things and everything you put in that tiny little space will automatically be a higher priority to you than her.

If you don't understand then imagine if she does the same. She has like 1 hour a day for you but they don't overlap, you'll never see her. By appointing so little time for her you are basically forcing her to schedule around you.

I usually sleep 8-9 hours and probably average over 90 minutes of sports a day. What's wrong with me?

8 hours of sleep a night and 90 minutes of exercise is basically perfect, what we should aspire to get.

90 minutes of just lifting weights is probably too much.

lol thanks for making me laugh

Thanks for the responses guys.
I posted this on here rather than a relationship forum to get feedback from fellow poker players, but the consensus seems to be the same. I work out 90min 4-5 times a week since I am going to school for exercise science and to have the opportunity to be a trainer when I am finished with school if poker doesn't work out. Surely you guys know nobody respects a fat personal trainer for the most part, which is why I do it.

I won't defend myself here, and it seems you are all right. I don't make enough time for her.

School just finished up today and we are on summer break. I will be sure to allocate more time for her. I will not be giving up poker, but I will ask her when she would like to spend time together and plan my days accordingly.

Thank you all for the replies. It really helped me get my head in the right place. Sometimes you just need some people to tell it to you straight.

I'm more interested how you can get a solid training routine done in 30 minutes. Unpossible unless it's some weird functional muscle confusion nonsense.

As for girlfriend, come on, playing a card game for pennies is a far higher priority. Think of all the womenz that would be impressed when you buy them a cheeseburger with your winnings.

Edit: As a semi serious response to the OP, I work full time, study, play poker a decent amount of time, work out (more than this half hour girly man stuff) and still have plenty of time. Plan out when you're going to play and when you're going to have time off and stick to it. Poker isn't going to go away if you miss a day.

I hope you only coach poker and not life. He's doing it wrong, you got that much right, but telling someone it has something to do with age and whatever else is crap.