Knowing TwoSHAE's persona (through his posts and because it's extremely similar to my own) it definitely isn't. It's more like feeling sorry for himself than anything else.

He needs to see someone, maybe even a psychoanalyst, to completely deconstruct him and let him understand why he feels the way he feels.

I think volunteering is a waste of time because if you're a person who has talents then it's best to focus on those and just give money away to charity, rather than volunteer directly. There are plenty of dogooders who are willing to mentor inner city youth, or save the whales, or help the neglected animals, or build homes for poor people, etc. These people get paid nothing up to 10-15 bucks an hour by the charity and there's still no shortage of them because that's how they've decided to live their life. Ok fine. But there is a shortage of money.

So if you can make $50 an hour at your job or poker or whatever you can make, why exactly would you want to volunteer your time to feed and pet the neglected animals etc. when some teen cupcake or a crazy catlady or a retired senior is willing to do it for a minimal amount of money, or nothing? Do what you do best and then give away what you want to the charity of your choosing. Dress up every year to go to their annual gala, smile and have pleasant talk with the president of the organization, get invited onstage to cheers and applause, and give away a big check in front of everyone to the charity while everyone smiles at you and says what a swell guy you are.

Would you really feel like you're contributing to society by reading books to children rather than paying someone else $12 an hour to do it? Those other people, they love children also you know. If I was able to mentor artistically or intellectually gifted children who needed it, and it looked like noone else could, then I would do it. But that situation just doesn't happen in the real world. So I work my job and show up at the annual gala with my suit and smile.

If you have a specialized skillset, like you're a doctor or dentist, then I think it would be great to go to an impoverished country and help other people. For the rest of us, not worth it.

Psychoanalysis is for people who are truly screwed up such that they lose nothing intellectualizing/ruminating with a stranger crazier than they are. Psychology isn't that different to Scientology and E-meters. It's as nutty if not nuttier. That's not to say some isn't ok (like CBT), or that you won't run into someone who might help, but most of it is a hodgepodge of pseudoscientific crap and cult-like beliefs that people without serious problems are better staying away from.

Intelligent, together people like OP don't need deconstruction, they need new directions, new perspectives and to try a diverse range of new things until something sticks.

do you think the same is true for CBT, ToothSoother?

CBT has evidence for it and a rational model of the brain, so no. But even so, it's a very slow and incompetent way of doing what most capable people do automatically - adjust to new things, challenge old beliefs, try new things, learn to think in new ways. It's fine if you're damaged or depressed or in a habitual rut or without intelligent/emotionally intelligent friends, but not needed if you're young and smart and capable and without mood issues and willing to try different things and learn. I see nothing in anything the OP has written that indicates he has beliefs that are harmful or trap him or depress him and would benefit from being worked on. In fact, I see the opposite - he seems capable, spiritually aware, open minded, seeking of outside input into his thoughts (and taking it on board), willing to change and try different things with an open mind, and the type to "seize the day". If it ain't broke, don't take it apart to fix it.

You clearly don't fully understand therapy.

I commend you for your thoughtfulness on the morality of playing poker. I would caution you against only considering the morality of playing poker though. In my experience that thought/feeling ebbs and flows. I wouldn't advise anyone to enter into playing poker for a living (or to continue to do so if they are already a pro) for very practical reasons.

1. I've been playing online poker since 2003 and every year it has gotten progressively harder to make money. I don't forsee that trend stopping or reversing. Ask yourself: Is it wise to remain in an industry that is highly competitive AND shrinking? Would you major in accounting if you knew that the field of accounting was expected to contract? Now imagine that every other accountant would be constantly trying to destroy you. Who in their right mind would choose to major in accounting if that was true?

2. For bright minds poker is almost certainly not the most lucrative endeavor you're capable of mastering. This is especially true for someone with the education that you have. You will probably make a significant amount more money if you enter into the business world. There are many ways to make money. You're smart and educated--you'll figure out a good way if you put your mind to it.

3. The concept of variance smoothing out the same for everyone in long run is only a theoretical concept and is not reality. I'm sure you know that a good sample size for a win rate at the stakes needed to make a lot of money is enormous. But that in itself is an illusion because poker is not static. It is constantly changing and it's increasingly getting harder. The reality is that you will never really know what your win rate will be no matter how many hands you have in your sample.

And remember that black swan events can happen too. So not only can several normal factors suddenly turn a +EV player into a -EV player, something very big and sudden could destroy the whole industry at any time. What if many countries start to realize that online poker is something that can steal away their brightest minds from engineering and science. If you think about it, it's really not in a government's interests to let online poker exist. They would be much better off if the Phil Galfonds of the world were using their minds to create the science and technology of the future.

What if the poker sites decide to increase rake to a point where it's impossible to win long term? Do you really want to stake your career in such an uncertain occupation?

Get out of poker. Your moral concerns are valid but the practical reasons are more than enough by themselves. Also remember that you're really still super young. Don't be afraid of having to spend ten years to build a business or establish another career. You'll still be young after those ten years. Right now your focus should be on learning skills.

1. Get skills.

2. ???

3. Profit.

Lemme guess... you're successful at selling line breaks? (Couldn't resist)

@OP: Sorry, got nothing on offer for you. I'm in a remotely similar spot, "just" different industry, age and outcome. Personally, I just decided to stop chasing the money and will see where that takes me. Too soon for results.

had numerous conversations like this with mart0x/aleximartov years ago. i'm happy to see that now hes a travelling musician

"religion is bad, except scientology, which is pretty cool" -ToothSoother

You reached the last pyramid of Maslow's hierarchy needs, so move up where they respect your raises.

I recently read this which I wish I read when I was about in your exact situation a few years ago, maybe it'll be of help.

Keep seeking.

Thank you for this article.

People don't know what they want, and they don't know how to get it.

They're so busy chasing emotions, they never stop to realize they never actually achieve those emotions, but for a brief moment...

and then the emotion is off, and the chase is back on...

This carries over into their life over and over, in their skill set and life-determination. And instead of being able to logically target the acquisition of goals or skills, they decide to just "follow their heart" and "be happy". So they never get better at anything, wonder around waiting other people to tell them what to do and in the end just become bitter as they watch the clock slowly tick down on their lives without things ever getting any easier, clearer or better...

In poker the average player is chasing the "rush of positive emotions", as in life most of them are simply chasing the same thing. In the end both of them get frustrated and bitter. Real players in poker and life are doing something opposite. Very easy to figure it out... (why this all OP thing is strange at best)

In the end, life is simply the time you got left....
And time is the only thing you can't buy...

What it seems like to me is that you lack purpose in your life. Poker can be a real blessing for you and many people if you let it become a platform where you can give back to others, not only with your money but with your time. I've personally have been exactly where you are and I've struggled with the very same questions as well. A lot of my personal conflict had to do with my worldview and beliefs, morality, priorities, which in turn defines your thinking and decision making in life.

There is no perfect answer that will be satisfying, since everyone is different. But ask yourself some of the following questions and really do some soul searching:


What is the purpose of life?


Do you believe in God? If so who is he? What impact does that have in your worldview and lifestyle?


What motivates you to play Poker? Do you love the game? Why or why not?


What kind of life do you want to have 10-15 years from now?


What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind? if any?


Where does Morality come from? Who decides whats right or wrong? What is absolute truth?


What is the meaning of life? How does that fit in with your poker career?


What is your destiny? What happens when we die?


What are other talents and passions you have or desire besides Poker?


If you had a short time left to live, how would you use your time? Will you have any regrets looking back at your decisions?


Does the game of poker define you and your life?



Feel free to pm me if you want to have a deeper discussion about this. I am currently studying Psychology and Counseling full time and also play poker part time as my main source of income.



Wish you nothing but the best moving forward!

-Jorge

This is a good post. I haven't thought about Maslow's Hierarchy since Psych100, and I never gave it any sort of proper consideration back then.

It might sound like an overly theoretical exercise, but I think it's valuable to think about our needs as humans and make sure yours are being met. If they aren't, find out where you are falling short and then develop ways to fix that.

I recommend reading the original text of Maslow's theory as written by Maslow. It is deeply insightful and far more interesting than the simplistic summaries given in encyclopedias or psychology textbooks. He lays out human motivation and need very beautifully; it can teach you a lot about yourself. Couldn't find a copy to link, sorry.

Is it this? Just got that from Wiki.

http://psychclassics.yorku.ca/Maslow/motivation.htm

Just read that book in one day. Great recommendation, thanks

good read so far, it's framework for thinking about life would be a good fit for most poker players i think

Get a day job, play poker in the evenings. It's that simple.

this is such a short sighted sentiment, free will and opportunity creates the most value, a goverment forcing people to do certain things would not make things better

Hey, i was forced into your spot in 2011 when i was 23.
I now work in social finance making impact investments at a very large foundation. Its only an 8 month internship with co-op for a double work term because i'm still working on my degree but man, its a pretty sweet job. The social finance sector is picking up momentum with big endowments being put towards impact investing. I regularly talk to big PE firms, social entrepreneurs, venture philanthropist and asset managers.
The people you meet is the highlight i would say, especially after playing online poker for 5 years and all your friends are degens.
I'm gonna miss this job when i'm slaving at an ibank next summer.
I don't even think of playing poker anymore, haven't touched online in a year or so and iv been to play the high stakes local game maybe 6 times in 2014.

I think you've lost your contrast bias. Like someone else suggested go work 9-5 for a year or go live in a 3rd world country for a year to have it back. I live in Russia, not the poorest country in the world but man, most of the people i see everyday on the streets while in a commute to work are in survival mode. Those people not only have questions about the meaning of live but also often times struggle for their entire lives working for the man who has all the luxury which creates even more questions like "What's the point?". I mean there's a lot of injustice in society and there's people exploiting others just as in poker.
I think you need to already appreciate the fact that you have money and understand that everything comes at some cost. You shouldn't take happiness for granted as if you're supposed to be happy. Sometimes being rich comes in a form of being unhappy. Take your pick. Do you want to be rich or not? If you don't want to do it by playing poker, quit poker, but there's no guarantee you're gonna make any substantial money elsewhere. And to really contribute to society you also need to work long and hard. And while working hard to potentially give value for society in the future one is almost guaranteed to struggle and sacrifice which is arguably more miserable path than your own.