Twas the Night Before Cash on... (Official FTP Funds Arrival Celebration Thread)
Twas the Night Before Cash on Titties
'Twas the night before Cash on Titties, when all through the house
2+2ers was stirring, checking bank accounts with a mouse;
The banking information was filed with care,
In hopes that Cash on Titties soon would be there;
The DOJ were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of unclaimed funds danced in their heads;
And Big Biceps in his 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap,
When out on the interwebz there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Opening up web browsers I flew like a flash,
Hit F5 20 times for the latest refresh.
The moon on the breast of the latest web vixen,
Gave a lustre of midday to threads long past read,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a post with a screen shot of bank accounts swoled in arrears,
With a little old driver so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment he must be St. Patrick.
More rapid than eagles his callbacks they came,
As he soothed the concerns of the forum that called him by name.
As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
The dollars they swirled and mounted to the sky;
So up to the strippers the coursers they flew
With the sleigh full of dollars, and 2+2ers too—
And then, in a twinkling, I heard from the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little sloot.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Cash on Titties came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes purchased before black friday were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of purchases he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a pedler just opening his pack.
His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a cigar he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly
That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
sending cash to accounts; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight—
“Happy Cash on Titties to all, and to all a good night!”