Haha gold. I was thinking of a similar one:

Jeremy Beadle check raises you on the river - "You must have one big hand over there"

kgr00

Counterfeiting: Check-raise
Isolating: Fish farming
Someone who is put on a range: A cowboy
When someone is picking a fight, ask him what his won at showdown percentage is.

0-4

I thought this one was cute

Me too

Being stuck between two sumo wrestlers - Double belly buster

Two hot chicks banging on a bed - Two pair

Being the only straight person at a gay club - Drawing dead

make a move on friend's gf - "herocall"

After banging your gf/wife/whatever, asking.. "Wanna run it twice?"

lol thread is way better than expected

When you have sex during THAT time of the month - "pitching it into the muck"

slow playing the nuts - Michael Jackson at a child's birthday party
going all in - anywhere near the vicinity of Kathy Griffin
put you on a big hand - getting a hand job from Shaq
I'm the favorite - special Olympics
Got it all in with the best hand.. your mom's vagina
chop it up - near Lorena Bobbitt
deuces wild - episode of diarrhea
You just got owned - slave auction

Winners on this page, no particular order:

Queen with a bad kicker
Deuces wild
The kiddie game is down the street

My contribution:
Getting interrupted while masturbating, and having to finish later - Split Jacks

when at a KKK meeting "give me a spade one time"

Steve Austin tries to bet you out of a hand - Stone Cold Bluff

Eating a Poker hall of famer, then pooping their remains - Chip dumping

Talking about the Bp oil spill - Fixing leaks

Here are some other situations where pokerspeak is not appropriate:

You're driving and a cop pulls you over. He tells you you've been clocked going 55 mph in a 30 mph zone. You start screaming "Presto!!!!!" at the top of your lungs.

You and your wife want to have sex, but for whatever reason tonight you find it difficult to get aroused. She calls the clock on you.

At work, your boss orders you to a meeting with the Regional VP. They tell you there are missing funds in the accounts you monitor. Not only that, there is a detective present, and an assistant district attorney is there to say you may soon be indicted. You sit back in your chair, sneer, and say "obvious level."

"Hold, one time!" or "Please hold!"

-- While farting the morning after a night of drinking and/or taco bell.

ATrainBoston's one about a wife who "calls the clock on you" wins imo

You break up with your girlfriend by text message. She leaves you a voice mail, calling you heartless and cowardly for dumping her that way. You respond with the following text message:

texting> calling

Asking a family if they are ready to turn off the life support machine of a loved one:

"Shove"

At a Presidential press conference, after the President has made a long speech, raise your hand, stand up and say...

"cool story, bro"

A woman wearing an underwire bra with maximum support.

Has a wired pair.

QUOTE VoiceofTJ: At a Presidential press conference, after the President has made a long speech, raise your hand, stand up and say...

"cool story, bro"

I love this. Also, at the press conference, the President has to answer every single question, even the most simple ones, with "it depends."

this tread is pure gold

Alternate title: "...but how much did you lose"