$2k/$4k NLHE min $1 mega buyin running at Aria right now - Page 9 - Poker News

pokergolfa77 · 06-29-2012, 06:12 PM

Can u post more blitz stories. I'm crying laughing at a bar

berya · 06-29-2012, 06:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ce1ska

Meant to post this one....

- blitzforce

LOL. Laughing my ass off. Pure gold if true.

benjamin barker · 06-29-2012, 06:49 PM

more blitz

Quote:

blitzforce: ok story time
dankness3: gather round kids

blitzforce: so I got food poisoning from some raw oysters and I had to go to the ER

blitzforce: So the girl I went to dinner at Bern's steak house with was a girl who I had ****ed in the past and wanted some deja vu with,

blitzforce:I mean she bought condoms before dinner(I know b/c she asked if she should buy magnums, I assured her that was not the case, and that the finger condoms would do fine), total lay-up..... except I start to feel really sick when I get home so I puke one time trying to preserve the 350 dollar dinner I just bought, but it is no use, I start to really vomit
blitzforce: to make matters worse, my ex-girl/im still sleeping with is sleeping at my house,

blitzforce: so I send girl #1 home(names kept private to protect all parties related), and my ex takes me down to the ER after I puke like over 70 times and proceed to piss out of my ass. I literally crawl into the ER on my hands and knees dry heaving

blitzforce: anyway when I left the ER
blitzforce: I am walking to my car
blitzforce: after puking all night and getting like 5 ivs stuck in me
blitzforce: I gotta piss
blitzforce: so I start pissing by my car
blitzforce: and I feel like I gotta fart

lil stuey: haha

blitzforce: so I do as all men do while pissing but instead of farting all of a sudden I sh.it all over my self, I stand there in awe

lil stuey: no freaking way

blitzforce: just lose all control
blitzforce: of my bowels
blitzforce: yes

dankness3: bahhahaahhaha
dankness3: keep going
dankness3: dont sotp

blitzforce: so im like fu..ck its game time
blitzforce: what do I do
blitzforce: my gf is in the car

lil stuey: I have a lot of respect for you just telling us that

blitzforce: so I take off my pants **** is running down my leg in pure liquid form

dankness3: yea....

blitzforce: and I empty the sh..it out of my shoe

dankness3: keep going

blitzforce: so I fold my pants
blitzforce: and wipe my ass with my boxers
blitzforce: I couldn't throw out my jeans b/c I paid like 460 for em
blitzforce: so I put them in the back of my car and get in
blitzforce: so my gf is like where the fu.ck are your pants and why are u naked
blitzforce: I tell her I pissed on my legs
blitzforce: and she gasps and asks what the fu.ck is that smell
blitzforce: I tell her I steped in some dog shi.t on the way to the car and produce the shoe for her to smell

dankness3: BAAHHAHA

blitzforce: she gags and is like wtf that is horrible (how she doesn't put this together I have no idea)

dankness3: hahahhaha
dankness3: this story is *ing incredible

blitzforce: so we are driving home and I have a pool of runny sh..it in my shoe
blitzforce: and im freaking out b.c I wanna fu..ck her that night and I know if she
blitzforce: finds out it will ruin the mood
blitzforce: so I roll down the window
blitzforce: and it brings the waft of the smell
blitzforce: from my sh..it soaked jeans from the back
blitzforce: so I immedatly roll up the window
blitzforce: but now the smell is in the air fresh
blitzforce: and she starts to question my integrity
blitzforce: as far as the dog sh.it I get really nervous and panic
blitzforce: I have no idea what to say so I blow up on her, perform a shift fire
blitzforce: saying it is bad enough I have to go through this, I have dog sh.it on my 500 dollar prada shoes, I don't need to hear ur shi.t too
blitzforce: she apoligizes
blitzforce: I keep my cool except im now
blitzforce: planning my entry into my house
blitzforce: I figure if I run to the back an grab my jeans as long as the sh..it doesn't spill out
blitzforce: ill be ok
blitzforce: so as soon as we get to the house

dannyman4242: oh boy...I dont even want to know what blitz is talkijng about it

blitzforce: I grab my jeans and run into the house like a race horse
blitzforce: she follows and smells the sh..it
blitzforce: however I get to the laundry room first and put them in the washing machine she is confused I get in the shower, she is obviously of lesser intelegence, however her body and submissiveness more than make up for her lack of cerebral activity
blitzforce: well turns out my maid sees all the clothes in the washing machine in the morning
blitzforce: and assumes b.c they are damp that they have been washed and are completely clean
blitzforce: they have been washed but not well enough
blitzforce: so she throws them in the dryer
blitzforce: still with the sh..it still on them
blitzforce: it was aweful
blitzforce: my jeans now have a dried brown shi..t stain right by the d and g on the ass, I threw them out and I hate my self

dankness3: how much yak u do tonight blitz

blitzforce: lol
blitzforce: its a secret

dannyman4242: blitz I wasnt here for ur full story but am I getting the right idea that u * urself?

blitzforce: yes I did

dannyman4242: lol..okay
just checkin

schundler · 06-29-2012, 06:52 PM

was dan bilzerian nestegg on stars?

DarkMagus · 06-29-2012, 07:07 PM

moar stories plz these are awesome

zawaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa · 06-29-2012, 07:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by schundler

was dan bilzerian nestegg1 on stars?

no that was his brother

https://twitter.com/adambilzerian

0mar Comin · 06-29-2012, 07:09 PM

SneakySteve · 06-29-2012, 07:15 PM

This is some kind of house tour in Dan Bilzerian's crib, seems like he's got tons of dough.

http://www.pokernewsdaily.com/dan-bi...se-tour-13012/

epcfast · 06-29-2012, 07:18 PM

thread derailed by hero worship of top ****.

0mar Comin · 06-29-2012, 07:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by epcfast

thread derailed by hero worship of top ****.

y u mad tho?

Jarpin · 06-29-2012, 07:24 PM

fun stories but that blitz guy seems like total douchebag

needsumthin · 06-29-2012, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jarpin

fun stories but that blitz guy seems like total douchebag

jealous haters itt

sirio11 · 06-29-2012, 07:48 PM

Definitely this Blitz guy and Rick Solomon were there last night. When the game broke, Rick was talking for a while outside the room with the young guy who played.

Al Capwne · 06-29-2012, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jarpin

fun stories but that blitz guy seems like total douchebag

Kingandtheduck · 06-29-2012, 07:53 PM

hilarious Blitz stories, more pls