LMAO, This one is classic, I'm gonna see if I can do it with a straight face next time I play live

In a fixed bet game after I hit a flush on the river to beat a set:

"That's why I like no limit. People like him can't get away with stuff like that in no limit."

"I can't get away with it in ping pong either."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mostly I just let it go. In a turboament I was caught trying to steal the blinds with Q2o in a clear ATC push situation, and sucked out against AQs. A player not in the hand started typing LOLOLOL!!! Q2o!!!!!

I looked at sharkscope and figured the guy had enough trouble in life without me responding...

I laughed until I cried at this one.

I'm just typically really, really nice to the people, even if they are in the midst of cursing me out and telling me to die.

Like if someone says

"you ****ing **** i hate you you son of a bitch you suck i hope you die"

ill respond with

"im sorry for the suckout man. you played it well. i hope you have better luck later tonight. i feel really bad about that."

and they usually dont ever know what to do, generally it results in more cursing to which i respond with more niceness

PokerStars Game #12365424707: Tournament #70000023, $2500+$100 Hold'em No Limit - Level VII (400/800) - 2007/09/30 - 20:09:18 (ET)
Table '70000023 314' 9-max Seat #9 is the button
Seat 1: RaiNKhAN (67200 in chips)
Seat 2: bigjoe2003 (55431 in chips)
Seat 3: hotmark777 (41904 in chips)
Seat 4: SueEllen82 (21002 in chips)
Seat 5: Zedzz (6652 in chips) is sitting out
Seat 6: mr rocknroll (487 in chips)
Seat 7: TravestyFund (22772 in chips)
Seat 8: astarisborn (46492 in chips)
Seat 9: Vaga_Lion (24183 in chips)
RaiNKhAN: posts small blind 400
bigjoe2003: posts big blind 800
*** HOLE CARDS ***
hotmark777: raises 1277 to 2077
SueEllen82: folds
Zedzz: folds
mr rocknroll: folds
TravestyFund: folds
astarisborn: folds
Vaga_Lion: folds
RaiNKhAN: calls 1677
bigjoe2003: folds
*** FLOP *** [6d 2h Qd]
RaiNKhAN: checks
hotmark777: bets 2777
RaiNKhAN: calls 2777
*** TURN *** [6d 2h Qd] [Js]
RaiNKhAN: checks
hotmark777: bets 6777
RaiNKhAN: calls 6777
*** RIVER *** [6d 2h Qd Js] [9d]
RaiNKhAN: checks
hotmark777: bets 17777
RaiNKhAN: raises 17777 to 35554
hotmark777: calls 12496 and is all-in
RaiNKhAN said, "dsf,kjsdlkfjsdf"
*** SHOW DOWN ***
RaiNKhAN: shows [Kc Qc] (a pair of Queens)
hotmark777: shows [2d Ad] (a flush, Ace high)
hotmark777 collected 84608 from pot

RaiNKhAN: misclick
RaiNKhAN: so sick
RaiNKhAN: i hate life
hotmark777: BULLDOZERRRRRRR
hotmark777: BULLDDOOOZEEERRRRR
hotmark777: OOOH AHHH OOOH OOHH AAAAH
RaiNKhAN: i dont even know what to say
ArdyJay [observer]: LOLOLOLLLLLLLL'
RaiNKhAN: its like
RaiNKhAN: im supposed to get mad
hotmark777: OOOOH AAAHHH OOOOHHHAAAAHHH
RaiNKhAN: but im not rly mad
hotmark777: BULLLDOOOOOZZZZZEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Want to put someone on megalomaniacal tilt?

whenever they berate you...

reply, "Jesus Loves You"

they love it

ty

"I'm leaving, I don't grind nits"

<>< <>< <><

In Gutshot in London, was playing at a GBP5/10 table and there were a couple of really drunk guys playing and a mixed group including a couple of middle aged women. After one of the drunk guys got lucky with some mad play, one of the women called him a "drunken fool" . He comes back instantly with "I may be drunk, but you're ugly, the difference is, I'll be sober in the morning"

Actually a William Churchill line originally but used off the cuff whilst drunk I thought was pretty good.

Gotta respect KhAN for taking put downs with stride, especially on a hand like that. Would've been hilarious if he replied "That's what your mom was saying..." but I guess the guy has to take his image into consideration.

I usually just use "poker is easy" ... add an "imo" for extra tilt value

Also, after a huge suckout... "I had a read"

don't worry, you just need more practice.

If I'm playing a habitual reloader and he is really shortstacked

I'll make a -ev call with trash hoping to suck out so I can type

"I thought it would be funny if I won." Insta-reload on-tilt

*Winston Churchill

Bulldoozer

"habitual reloader"

I knew it was coming

This is awesome... also, "I felt it"

skill game

After you bust someone and they sit their ranting and raving for a little bit..

"Hit the showers".

Intellipoker guy after I pushed on his BB for the fifth time in a row and two-outered him on the turn for all his chips: "idiot"

me: "are you in the army"

IG: "no"

me: "oh i thought so cuz you play poker like the German army fights wars"

i always thought this episode would have really hit the mark if the comeback to this was: "I guess that's why she didn't move much."

I wish I could suck out on someone so I could use a good line to tilt them futher.

FYP