I didnt read it all but this part made me **** laugh:
"I.F.: You ready yet? Im bearing to go!
SexyKarla17: Yhea im slipping out of my clothes right now, what do you look like?
I.F.: a Kodiac bear
SexyKarla17: ?
I.F.: Im soft naked, fuzzy and waiting for you to come mount me
SexyKarla17: Oh I love cute fuzzy bears, I walk up and get on top of you stroking your soft hair, kissing you gently as my move my way down your stomach
I.F.: I growl to warm you my cubs are near
SexyKarla17: huh?
I.F.: Bears get f**kin pumped when anyone is near their cubs
Sexkarla17: yhea hehe dont be silly..
SexyKarla17: I love how you growl as I continue to kiss you, while taking off your pants.
I.F.: Bears dont wear pants and you should cover yourself in Honey now
SexyKarla17: hehe you would love to lick that off me huh. I pour honey all over my warm wet body waiting for you to start licking it off me slowly
I.F.: I sniff the air to see where the sweet scent of the honey is coming from, while slowly snorting and walking towards you
I.F.: I Growl again, and start to bite you
SexyKarla17: Yhea that feels good..ooooo...not too hard now
I.F.: I bite harder peeling flesh from your stomach, and look up into your eyes to show you my mouth dripping with your warm blood mixed with honey, I then I let my cubs rip apart your limbs and play with you like a ragdoll.
SexyKarla17: what the f**k?
I.F.:uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh and im spent.

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/29...-maury-269803/

one of my favorites

Confirmed.

http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/286725 this is a little-known classic by MagicNinja

no

Matusow moans in chat about an apparent bad beat..

Nick Schulman: Yeah I'm the elephant!

PHILHELLMUTH: I should have 50k right now
HOSS_TBF: maybe if you started with 200k


How is this one not posted yet? My favorite:


nanonoko: raises $8 to $12
uk_djerba: folds
mugsyjets: calls $8
*** FLOP *** [7c Qs 2h]
mugsyjets: bets $20
nanonoko: raises $506.25 to $526.25 and is all-in
mugsyjets said, "u beat AQ?"
mugsyjets said, "wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
mugsyjets: calls $409 and is all-in
*** TURN *** [7c Qs 2h] [6c]
*** RIVER *** [7c Qs 2h 6c] [Ac]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
mugsyjets: shows [As Qc] (two pair, Aces and Queens)
nanonoko: shows [5c Jc] (a flush, Ace high)
nanonoko collected $882 from pot

mugsyjets: what a fcuking joke
mugsyjets: stupid fcuking moron
mugsyjets: youre a fcuking stupid kunt, fish
mugsyjets: runner runner flush
mugsyjets: fcuk you kunt
mugsyjets: speak up dikhead
Mooshoo: he's repping the jackson five
Mooshoo: don't hate
mugsyjets: stupid fcuking ****
mugsyjets: god damn slope
mugsyjets: fcuking jokerstars rewards morons like you is whats funny
mugsyjets: say something you gutless poussy
nanonoko: hello sir
mugsyjets: your play was so obvious you hAD nothing
micutu17: i would love to punch in the mouth whoever built the system
micutu17: def a sick *******
micutu17: always rewards fish
nanonoko: fishes call
nanonoko: hence you are the fish and i'm not
mugsyjets: fishes call???????????? thats what u say?
mugsyjets: i had you KILLED u fcuking moron
nanonoko: don't you know fishes love to call?
mugsyjets: it was an obvious steal with that overbet and now u are criticizing my play?????????????
mugsyjets: youre a fcuking joke
nanonoko: the say the best players are the ones who puts a man to a decision for all of his chips
mugsyjets: LMAO
mugsyjets: you must be another stupid fcuking asian
micutu17: lol
mugsyjets: u did and i read you perfectly
mugsyjets: fcuking donk
nanonoko: BTW
nanonoko: i am NANONOKO

Dealer: mugsyjets has a pair of Kings
Dealer: nanonoko has a pair of Aces
Dealer: Game #15889845865: nanonoko wins pot ($199) with a pair of Aces

eugeneel's chat with VC Support on a site that I'm not allowed to link.

If this chat isn't allowed b/c of that Mods feel free to delete it, but its so lulz.





teaching my roomate to play poker at the 5-10 level, he's using my account. A guy disconeccts after my friend bets out on the turn after he checkraises the flop. Flop is 774 turn 4. Before he disconnects he announces to the table "sorry to do this but I gotta see what u have". He loses with AJ but does not have to pay turn or river bets. He then laughs about the move afterwards.

Then the following chat happens... I may open a new account on doyle's room anyway where I can get rakeback and maybe better service?



(19:16:09): Please wait... contacting available host.

(19:16:09): Player 'BUSTKUNTLOL' joined chat.

(19:16:13): Host 'marc-host' joined chat.

marc-host (19:16:17): Hi, welcome to our poker room. How can I help you?

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:16:38): I HAVE MAJOR PROBLEM

marc-host (19:16:43): whats that?

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:16:52): 5/10 table

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:16:59): inherit the wind

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:17:19): player just deliberately disconnected to see my cards

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:17:26): to force hand into showdown and see free river

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:17:34): TDS

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:17:41): even told me he was doing it

marc-host (19:17:52): what was the players name?

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:17:58): TDS

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:18:02): check the chat

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:18:05): [censored] cheating

marc-host (19:19:06): ok i will look into it

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:19:12): I JOIN THIS SITE BEC FRIEND IS MAJOR STOCK HOLDER

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:19:20): NOW I GET CHEATED?

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:20:07): sorry, i am very upset

marc-host (19:20:38): sorry one moment please

marc-host (19:23:02): i am looking into it and will be right with you

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:23:13): no problem

marc-host (19:23:24): do you have a hand id for that hand?

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:23:33): hold on

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:23:36): maybe i get it

marc-host (19:23:41): thanks

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:23:46): it was QQ vs AJ

marc-host (19:25:25): ok i ll find it but it my take a few mins

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:25:47): [162496]

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:25:53): bingo

marc-host (19:25:53): ok thanks

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:27:05): blatent abuse of all in protection...and he said he was gonna do it, and joked abt it after

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:27:10): insane abuse

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:27:17):

marc-host (19:28:15): i agree

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:29:06): ok

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:29:17): what happens now?

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:29:28): player claims he knows all the poker managers and is untouchable

marc-host (19:29:34): are you sure it was that hand id?

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:29:46): flop 747

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:29:50): AQ vs JJ

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:30:30): thought i had grabbed the right number from the chat

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:31:53): if not, might be hand right after/before

marc-host (19:32:05): sorry still working on it

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:32:10): ok

marc-host (19:34:24): ok i have seen that it happened but all i can do for you is give you the $5 that you missed out on

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:34:55): he would pay off turn and river = 20

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:35:13): he disconnect on my 10 bet and said lol...i see for free??

marc-host (19:37:41): i do understand that but all i can do is give you the money that was on the table this is because i cant pridict what you would have done on river

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:38:00): QQ fullhouse>>>>?????

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:38:07): i bet turn to check river???

marc-host (19:38:14): and the other player is been dealt with again to ensure it doesnt happen again

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:38:17): why else u think he disconnect?

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:38:22): how?

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:38:32): please dont cheat again sir???

marc-host (19:38:34): i understand but this is all i can do

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:38:50): my business with ur site is done

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:38:58): this will be posted all over 2+2

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:39:03): this is a joke

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:39:15): meant to be credible website

marc-host (19:39:15): i am sorry you feel that way

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:39:31): I make sure everyone knows about this

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:39:41): what was his punishment??>???

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:39:44): <<<<L>LKDN>EAHBFNLMK EH W Nbaf

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:40:05): FINE NOW I SIT, AND DISCONNECT EVERY HAND...WE CAN BE ON THE SAME TEAM

marc-host (19:40:07): sorry i cant disuss that with you

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:40:09): TEAM CHEAT VIKING POKER

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:40:18): WHY NOT???

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:40:25): HE CHEATS ME...DOESNT INVOLVE ME???

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:40:49): U GUYS RUN DOYLES ROOM TOO?

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:40:58): OR THIS JUST THE SKIN

marc-host (19:41:04): no but they are on the same network

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:41:18): so i take action there instead

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:41:23): u just killed BUSTKUNTLOL

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:41:40): credit my account with the 20, then i cash out

marc-host (19:41:43): ok thats another thing i need to change that name

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:41:49): fhargjmrsevlygnrl ngc.h

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:41:55): KUNT IS MY FIRST NAME

marc-host (19:42:08): its eugine

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:42:22): EUGENE WHAT

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:42:31): THE GREAT FIXED LIMIT SUPERSTAR

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:42:41): WHO TESTS OUT UR SITE BEFORE PLAYIN 150/300 GAME

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:42:48): very glad i did

marc-host (19:42:54): what would you like me to change it to?

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:43:04): how bout this

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:43:15): IGETCHEATEDBYVIKINGBET

marc-host (19:43:22): to long

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:43:41): THISSITESUCKS

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:43:49): THAT LEGIT

marc-host (19:44:10): ok can do that legit

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:44:20): NO

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:44:24): THISSITESUCKS

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:44:28): WAS THE NAME

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:44:32): I ASKED IF IT WAS LEGIT?

marc-host (19:44:41): sorry cant do that either

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:44:45): HOW BOUT CHEATEDKUNTLUL?

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:45:00): comon man

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:45:03): seriously

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:45:14): i gotta change my name, and i get cheated in same session?

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:45:21): BUSTKUNT SURE DOES RUN BAD

marc-host (19:45:29): what about igotcheated?

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:45:40): WHY THE QUESTION MARK

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:45:44): I DID GET [censored] CHEATED

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:45:57): WOWOWOOW

marc-host (19:46:10): ok i ll do that

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:46:11): I GET CHEATED AT UR WEBSITE, THEN U OFFER TO CHANGE MY NAME TO IGOTCHEATED?

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:46:22): are u just messing with me?

marc-host (19:46:32): no i just need a sensible name

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:46:39): let me talk to the poker manager's manager

marc-host (19:46:43): sure

(19:46:50): Host 'kay-host' joined chat.

kay-host (19:56:19): I can't do more than that because he could have folded anyway anything else is supposition

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:56:27): he calls both 100% of the time

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:56:33): U MOTHER [censored]

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:56:39): IS THIS A JOKE

kay-host (19:56:40): and I have made his call up for you

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:56:47): R U GUYS PLAYIN WITH ME

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:56:52): FOR FUN

kay-host (19:56:52): please don't call me a [censored]

kay-host (19:57:01): I am absolutely not

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:57:04): sorry

BY CHEATING?

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:58:50): HOLD ON...COPYING THE TEXT FOR 2+2

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:59:12): COULD U CONNECT ME TO DOYLE PLEASE

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:59:16): MR BRUNSON????

kay-host (19:59:39): no I can't you are playing with Viking bet

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:59:48): NOT ANYMORE SUCKA

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:59:12): COULD U CONNECT ME TO DOYLE PLEASE

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:59:16): MR BRUNSON????

kay-host (19:59:39): no I can't you are playing with Viking bet

BUSTKUNTLOL (19:59:48): NOT ANYMORE SUCKA

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:00:27): SERIOUSLY THOUGH

kay-host (20:00:27): Ok we are talking in circles I can assure you I will do everything to sort the issue out on your behalf

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:00:35): WHERES MY 20?

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:00:37): CHECK PLEASE

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:00:40): NO CASH

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:00:46): GSG MLNVTGNSDR FMNMV' ZS;LTNVSBHKY. ND.KLCGJ,MSVE,T

kay-host (20:00:53): ?

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:01:00): let to talk to ur manager

kay-host (20:01:05): I am the manager

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:01:23): really?

kay-host (20:01:31): I have made the decision I am sorry you don't like it

kay-host (20:01:36): Yes really

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:01:42): i am sorry u allow cheating

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:01:49): and PROTECT PLAYERS

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:02:05): HOPE THE NEXT KUNT THAT BUSTS IS YOU LOL

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:02:10): GOODBYE

kay-host (20:02:21): I am changing your name

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:02:27): TO WHAT

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:02:31): IGOTCHEATED?

kay-host (20:02:38): no

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:02:42): POKERMANAGERISMOTHER****INGCOCKSUCKER

kay-host (20:03:05): I think that may not be suitable

kay-host (20:03:11): I will change it to

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:03:14): IT WAS A JOKE

kay-host (20:03:14): mrpolite

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:03:22): I AM NOT POLITE

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:03:30): CALL ME SUPERJEWZ

kay-host (20:03:30): its ironic

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:03:35): IRONIC????

kay-host (20:03:41): the name

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:03:43): I GET CHEATED, U CHANGE MY NAME

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:03:46): IRONIC

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:03:49): ITS CALLED [censored] UP

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:03:53): ****EAERSJLKGDTVL/GKB

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:04:03): HOW BOUT BUSTKUNTLOL2

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:04:14): BUSTKUNTLOL3

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:04:21): BUSTKUNTLUL

kay-host (20:04:31): Ok Its done

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:04:37): WHAT IS IT

kay-host (20:04:37): superjewz

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:04:39): TY

kay-host (20:05:04): Thanks

BUSTKUNTLOL (20:05:10): DOES SUPERJEWZ HAVE 20$ IN HIS ACCOUNT FROM BEING RAPED BY TBS

kay-host (20:05:35): one moment

superjewz (20:05:44): CHANGE MY LOCATION PIZZA OVEN

kay-host (20:06:06): to what?

superjewz (20:06:13): PIZZAOVEN

superjewz (20:06:17): WHERE I WORK

superjewz (20:06:29): HOW IS MY NAME NOT OFFENSIVE/???

superjewz (20:06:34): JEWS AINT SUPER AT ANYTHING

ay-host (20:07:14): I don't find it offencive

kay-host (20:07:21): *offensive

superjewz (20:07:26): U KNOW WHAT I FIND OFFENSIVE

superjewz (20:07:29): [censored] CHEATS

superjewz (20:07:33): REAL [censored] OFFENSIVE

superjewz (20:07:56): WE R DONE

superjewz (20:08:07): I PUT U OUT OF UR PAIN

superjewz (20:08:15): I CHECK BACK FOR MY 20, THEN CASH OUT

superjewz (20:08:25): NOW MORE PROBLEMS FROM BUSTKUNTLOL

superjewz (20:08:28): THE LEGEND LIVES ON

superjewz (20:08:36): KUNT KUNT KUNT KUNT

kay-host (20:09:07): I'm not refunding anymore

superjewz (20:09:14): WHY

superjewz (20:09:26): NOW U GONNA CHEAT ME SOME MORE

superjewz (20:09:38): U CHANGE MY NAME TO SUPERJEWZ?????

superjewz (20:09:51): INSANE

superjewz (20:09:57): INSANE

superjewz (20:10:51): LET TALK TO REAL MANAGER

kay-host (20:11:01): I am the real manager

superjewz (20:11:05): NO WAY

superjewz (20:11:10): PROVE IT

superjewz (20:11:55): THAT GUY IS PLAYIN RIGHT NOW

superjewz (20:11:56): HUH

superjewz (20:11:57): NICE

superjewz (20:12:00): REAL [censored] NICE

superjewz (20:12:18): NICE SLAP ON THE WRIST WHILE BUSTKUNTLOL GETS [censored] OVER MY POKERMANAGERZZZZZ

kay-host (20:12:51): This is going no where leave me to deal with it

superjewz (20:13:07): WHAT CHOICE DO I HAVE HUH?

superjewz (20:13:17): [censored] REDNECK HIPPIE POKER SITE

kay-host (20:14:12): Ok this can't go on anymore

superjewz (20:14:28): wow

kay-host (20:14:41): I am closing the chat

superjewz (20:14:45): [censored] YOU

superjewz (20:16:15): WHERE IS MY 20

superjewz (20:16:15): 20

superjewz (20:16:15): 20

superjewz (20:16:15): 20

superjewz (20:16:16): 20

superjewz (20:16:17): 20

superjewz (20:16:18): 20

superjewz (20:16:35): MAKE IT 40,.,,AND I WILL NEVER TALK TO U AGAIN?

superjewz (20:16:37): DEAl?

kay-host (20:16:48): If you think this name is offencive and I am not realising I will change it again

superjewz (20:16:54): NO MORE ANNOYING BUSTKUNTLOL/SUPERJEWZ/URAMOTHER****ER

^^^ That was amazing. Was getting some looks from a lady in the office next to me because I kept laughing outloud reading that epic chat

+1 about laughing outloud.

Absolutely amazing.

isildur1: too tired for 300/600, let's play 6 tbls of 500/1000

rpiv

Yes I love this line. Also Roland Wolfe chat with everyone.

+1

At first i felt to lazy to read it but then i wished the chat would never end.

Great read!

had to hold back laughing so hard in class

mugsyjets: say something you gutless poussy
nanonoko: hello sir


AHAHAHA!

And I really really want to find the sex-chat log on badugui play money table, but can't find it. This thread was soooooo funny!!

5 stars

2% milk

Some of the bing blang blaow chats were pretty funny. Not the best bust deserve honorable mentions

OMFG +1 the pizza oven part had me on the floor. EPIC

This one is probs my fav

ch3ckraise: BING BLANG BLAOW
NyugenTdog: nice catch
ch3ckraise: CH3CK RAISE IN THA HOUSE
NyugenTdog: keep playing like that and see wut happens
ch3ckraise: I JUST WON $50.00 FROM YOU
ch3ckraise: U COULD HAVE USED IT TO BUY SOME FOOD
ch3ckraise: BUT YOU CANT NOW
ch3ckraise: CUZ IMMA CASH IT OUT
ch3ckraise: AND RUB IT ON MY TITT1ES
NyugenTdog: You called my overbet on flop and turn with fd
NyugenTdog: and you think your good
NyugenTdog: your a joke
NyugenTdog: lol you'll lose that $50 plus more before u cash out
NyugenTdog: I bet you never even cash out
NyugenTdog: Just keep playing like that
ch3ckraise: $50 > BANKWIRE > ATM > TITT1ES

This.

Or, 'Man, you coulda bought a lot of porn with that.'

That's probably my #1.

hahahaha awesome

NOT ANYMORE SUCKA

Ziigmund: Patrik "I need proteinshake everymorning"Antonius

Coke only makes you "think" your stronger then you are Ziggy