This is standard for an old guy imo

2 years ago at the WSOP my friends and I decided it was a good idea to try and satellite into the main event playing keno

back when i used to grind live poker i got tired of people always asking me what i had so i make stuff up. i would say i had the "bubble gum" or the "train tracks".

at least 50% of the time people would just nod their head knowingly or say i knew you had XX

amazing how many people would pretend to know what i was talking about out of a fear of looking stupid at the table

was playing 2-2 nl tonight. this middle age lady limps in with aces. flop comes Q xx, she check calls, turn Q, check calls. Rivers ace and bets. guy calls with trips. she flips over her aces and everyone is shocked. she says "this crazy kid (me) would have raised with that hand." LOL i say ya i would of, i think everyone here would have. then she says "i wanted to see what happened on the flop first."

Lol, definitely trying this out in the future.

Had a table about 10 years ago where 2 guys would always fold pair of queens because "2 women always cost money"

Maybe she was balancing her line.

Completely standard for SO many nits. Non-nut flushes are up there with pocket jacks and ace-king pre-flop
to a nit - always ends up with some sort of bizarre play and subsequent rant/statement of comedic value.

Bonus to this story - table captain who wants to educate the fish, starts after bolded section (which ends the nit who almost folded a flush on the river despite it being beyond obvious that the flush is good part of the story). Also, if anyone wants to be lazy, skip to the bold part for the humor.

Complete with my own internal thoughts:

2/5 NL - UTG leads out for $25 (UTG is not the nit in question), 3 callers to me on the button with 65s (hearts), sweet, can't ask for a better hand to play multiway like this in position, call Flop comes A87, two clubs, one heart. UTG leads out for 60, two call to me. Had no one called I thought about a semi-bluff here, but okay I'll just take my chances with the draw and be careful if my straight comes with a club. Nice $305 pot we got here now.

Turn is the K of hearts. Checks all the way to me. Odd. Not what I expected. Could have tried something here with my flush/open ended straight draw, but as we shall see, it's a good thing I did not.

River is the 2 of hearts. Oh boy, this is awesome, no way I'm being put on hearts here, going to get paid off big time, hope UTG thinks his AQ or JJ is good or someone wants to try to bluff a busted draw. Checks around to me, annoying, but okay, I bet $125, thinking it's a perfectly small not quite half-pot value-bet here since I highly doubt anyone has anything less than a crappier two-pair. UTG folds, next player folds, final player, a woman on the younger side of middle aged tanks, tanks, tanks, oh great, looks like I'm not getting paid off here, and then finally just calls. I say flush, she sighs and says me too as we both table our hands (she didn't slowroll here, she tabled immediately, just like I did) - I table 65s, she tables JTs.

Oh, and both of us had well over a grand in stacks.

I tap, say nice hand, and make a mental note, but someone else decides to, table captain and ask her "No raise on the river, or a bet? Just check/call? He's calling most raises there, you just lost a good chance to make a nice chunk of money - you bet, he calls and may even raise, or you can check/raise and he probably calls too!", and she explains:

"I wasn't sure I was good there, he could have had the ace high flush or the queen high flush - I was actually close to folding, he looked strong, and even once I decided I was good, I'm not going to raise the river without the nuts, that's just for you gambling types!". (For those that skipped, multi-way pot raised pre, both of us called on the flop with straight draws, turn checked all the way around, we both hit backdoor flushes, but hers was higher and anyone with a clue would have known no one else had a higher flush)

Table captain then proceeds to explain why I would never have either the ace-high flush or the queen-high flush (his logic is pretty good; he explains that most people would definitely try something with ace-rag of hearts on the turn in position after everyone checked, and yeah, I probably would have, and since she has the jack and the ten of hearts, the only way I had queen-suited of hearts would be queen-rag, at best queen-nine, none of which would have ever called the flop, at this point most of the table is staring at him with a WTF shut up face, but he continues to explain that even if I somehow have either of those hands that the chances of me having those two hands are not nearly as much as me trying a value bet with a set or two-pair that would happily pay off a well concelead runner-runner flush.

He's spot on in his analysis - it's actually wierd because the people who like to table captain/educate the fishies/show how much they know usually are morons, it's wierd for someone who actually is making perfect sense to be willing to talk this much - particularly since the whole time I, and the rest of the table, is staring at him with a WTF face. He also isn't doing it to needle me or anything, he's polite and talking about the generic player, as opposed to saying "I know this guy and he does X", so it's not even like he's trying to go after me or anything, he just clearly wants to educate this woman about poker.

She responds with a "You never know for sure, and that's why I just called, I thought about it and figured my flush was good, but without the nuts, I just want to call and win what's there". Someone else thankfully manages to put an end to all this nonsense by changing the topic.

Definitely saved some money there, that's for sure.

Board is A 10 5 with two hearts. Emo kid bets, my buddy calls. turn is the j of hearts. Kid goes all in, my friends calls, kid throws his hand into the muck and walks away.

old guy in seat 8 "What just happened"

Dealer "Well...I believe he just folded an all in after the turn"

2/6 of spades, what you gonna do with that?

Guy calls all in with QhQd on a TXXXsss board and hits the Qc for the 1 outer against AcAs, and states "that's what I put you on, and I KNEW I was hitting my queen, I just didn't know if it would be the spade or not".

The same guy RELUCTANTLY calls a maniacs 3-bet preflop, flop c-bet, then turn shove with 77 on a 689K board as if he's sure that he's drawing, and rivers the 5. He looks super happy as if he knows he just sucked out, then maniac rolls over 73o. "Ahh so frustrating, that's exactly what I put you on and you still get there".

sick reads bro

I think emo kid must have had **** cards with like 1% chance to win and just muck stood up. I mean ur friend obv has a good hand

rofl.....this is so epic it makes me want to give up online and go back to B&M just to try this.

I've heard this one a few times...

"I always play 10 5 because to make a straight there has to be a 10 or 5 in the hand.. did you know that?"

o_O

SO doing this lol.

Somebody should make a thread just for made up hand slangs

5 way limped pot sees flop of 3-5-10
checks to button who bets $10
sb calls and asks to check it down and BTN agrees
turn 2 river ace

sb shows 10-9
btn shows 4-6 and says "wow i never hit my draws. yes!yes!yes!"

why not check it down when you have initiative so you can decide how much more money goes in and implied odds in addition? mhm

At a weekly card game I go to the other day:

Guy comes into the tournament late with a guy that looked like Silent Bob. The host starts asking him why he's driving the other guy around in a limo, and he says how they are cleaning it to sell it. Right away I can tell he is a total crackhead.

After playing a few hands he starts telling a big long story every time it's his action and annoys the hell out of everyone. Whenever he gets the deal he starts fumbling around with the deck and then with a sly look says oh here and throws a card of the top, I'm like wtf? Is this supposed to be my card and look at it, it's an ace of spades. Then he proceeds to do this awful pulling aces off the top and bottom of the deck trick as a joke every time he is dealer as if him dropping half the deck and pulling cards off the bottom is a pro mechanics move.

I tell him that is not what I want to see, my dealer pulling aces at will. After the hand is over he leans over and tells me, "I show people my chops so they will know I am a cardshark and be intimidated."

Complete crackhead

We've got this uberdonk good old boy in overalls and hat (also is a millionaire I heard) who is legendary calling station. (1/2NL) Its shorthanded (5 or 6) he limps, good player in SB limps, I look down in BB and have AA. I raise to $15, 'cause I know he'll call. Surprisingly, both players call.

Flop is 735 two diamonds. Neither of my aces are diamonds. Again, I know he'll call with anything, so I throw a strong $40 bet. he calls. You can't put this guy on a hand, who knows what he has. He called all streets on my AQ earlier when I floped the Q with middle pair. I think he's one of those guys who thinks all PF raisers always have Ak, and if he catches a piece and theres no A or K on board, he'll call off his stacks if he thinks you are "one of those agressive guys". So this is a guy I'll take to valuetown everytime with top pair/overpair and if he has a real hand, well, I'll pay him off.

Turn is an offsuit Ten and I ship it in (I have him covered, but he has like $110 left) he SNAP calls. I mutter "well, you must have me, its pretty obvious what I have" while still wondering if hes on a diamond draw. River is an offsuit 7, and he quickly flips over 97 offsuit for a miracle trips. I kind of silently table my aces in shock and mutter "wow, are you kidding me?" All of this is fairly standard for him, so he hit his 5 outer. Ok, whatever I'm not even that upset really, but then he tilts me by saying this:

"YOU GOTTA PLAY THEM ACES STRONGER SON, YOU DIDN'T BET ENOUGH TO GET ME OUT! THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR SLOW PLAYING!" OMGWTFBBQ? lesse: raise to 7.5 bb preflop? check. Pot the flop? check. nearly pot the turn for all his chips? check. Man, I'm a slow playing fool.

That one really cracked me up.

So I'm playing in a home game with friends, we've been playing for about 3years at this moment. This one guy is about 25bb deep, he raises to 4bb, another guy makes it 25bb to put him all in. The short guy thinks for a while, shows 88 and folds. The other guy shows AK.
So far no big deal, but after the session we're driving home and in the car he tells me: "I'm really happy I folded that 88 hand, he had AK there!"
me: "Well it' just a coinflip, and there already was some money in the pot. It's like 50/50"
friend: " Yeah but I don't really believe in those %%"
me: "What do you mean by that?"
friend: "Well if there is an ace or king in the top of the deck those %% don't make any sence"
me: ??????

I tried to explain him how %% work, but he wouldn't buy it.

I had also once told him I preferred playing 78s above K8s for example, so a few days later he gets it all in with 78s against K8s preflop(yes this game was fishy) and he was 100% positive he was favorite.

I've seen sort of the reverse mindset come up all the time - players who know that techincally K-rag is ahead of low suited connectors pre-flop but can't understand the relative worthlessness of K-rag, Q-rag, J-rag type hands in multiway pots. I'll call a small raise pre-flop in position when 4 other people have called as well with something like 86s, hit, and then take money from the guy who can't get away from K-rag's top pair and nothing else. And he'll complain about how he was ahead pre-flop (and he wasn't even the initial raiser). And then of course he'll also lose with K-rag to AK and complain about how unlucky he was to lose on account of the kicker.

2/5 in AC - Button raises and is 3-bet by SB.

Flop: K 3 4

SB Bets Flop. Button thinks w/ AK and says, "I think you have 34 since you were in the small blind." and folds.

this hand was from a couple summers ago at Pechanga at the 1/2 NL 80 max buy in game.

It was about 3am and lots of drunk fish from Club Silk had just poured into the card room.
With a couple ouple limpers, the button, a lanky white guy in his mid 20's raises to 15. He says something like "i got no action at the club, so lets see if i can get some action at cards". Now this guy was obvioulsy sloshed, probably on tilt, and had already lost a couple stacks in half hour by playing like a complete aggrotard. He had just doubled up after his third buyin when he got all in on the flop and rivered a flush vs another guys TPTK

so only MP calls, heads up to the flop, stacks ~$180, and flop comes
8 T A
MP donks something ******edly small, button raises to $50.
MP, a mid 40's balding asian guy with a white head band gray beard and wicked mustache mumbles "roo arrays raise errytime! cant arrays have it! I CARRR!" and he matched the raise.
now this guy had been berating button nonstop since he sucked out with the flush a few hands ago so everyone knew he wanted noting more than to bust the young drunk donk again. it was pretty amusing.

turn is K
MP thinks a while, fumbles with his chips, then checks. Button checks back.

river is 7
Button announces all in puts his hand around his chips and then shoves them into the middle, but not before his left elbow catches SB's stack and knocks all his chips into the middle as well. Now half the table is pissed, and the other half is laughing hysterically. MP just shakes his head in disgust, acts like hes about to fold, then stands up and shouts
"Haahaaahaa I CARRRRRRWL! and i carwl dat guy chips too" as he points to the SB's now toppled stack thats halfway into the pot. "i got roo this time wha are roo have?"
So after the table sorts out how much belongs in the pot and how much belongs back in SB's stack, MP emphatically flips over 88 for the flopped set.
"See i trap you goot dis time!"

Button then flips over 69 and smiles and says "sorry but i have a flush". He starts reaching but doest get far...

MP - "WHAT!!! no frush, no frush! you onry have 4 club! FOUR CLUB! Riva no club, riva SPADE! me set, set! haahaha I win I win! and he starts to scoop in the pot, overcome with joy.

Button finally realizes his drunken mistake and was looking pretty dejected, and probably felt even dumber for having misread the board than for getting stacked yet again. he was about to reload when one of the players suddenly says "whoah wait, hes got a straight, look, 6 to ten!"

Button then slowly counts out the cards on the board, then looks at his hand, then at the board again, and all the while you can see him mouthing the words six, seven, eight, nine, ten over and over again... A smile again re-emerges across his face and he looks at the MP and says "wait a sec there Mr. Miyagi i think a straight beats your pair of eights"

MP just goes ballistic and has to be calmed down by several other players. Luckily a couple of buttons friends come right as he finsihed stacking his chips to tell tehy were leaving, and since they were his ride, he'd better get up too. And he did, but not before knocking SB's stack over one last time as he picked u his racks and thanking MP for playing his 'pair of eights' so strongly.
He then hit up the cage, stumbled out of the casino following his friends, got lost in the garage, and finally proceeded to puke all over the side of a blue camry parked before one of the friends grabbed him and guided him back to the car

I know this all happened because i was button.

Recently in a home game:
I was in MP with KK a few limps and i pop it 4BB only the cutoff calls.

Flop was 45 8 Pot was 11.5BB

I bet 6BB, other player tanks, then folds 88 face up. Shocked, I asked him why he mucked. His response: "The only way that you can bet into me there was if you had 67 of spades."

I love how he didn't just put you on the straight - he put you on the straight with a flush/straight redraw. I guess 67 offsuit wouldn't bet like that.

So I raise w/ TT and get an all in behind me, followed by another all in. I fold the ten's face up and say, "fight it out boys." A third party says, "you fold there, with your stack size!" Of course this is because the other 2 idiots shove with some mid A's even though they both had somewhat a decent stack. The conversation progressed to him eventually saying, "you couldn't have been behind both of them" He was completely serious there. I was dumbfounded, I can understand the result oriented thinking on folding my TT because I had the best of it, but he was totally serious in thinking that if one has a higher pair it is ok because I was ahead of the other one.