We talk a lot about what pisses us off regarding fish/angleshooters, how about some stuff that lightens the table up?

For me here are a few:

-When 50 year old plus players bet 50 into a limped pot of 20 dollars. They usually do this with TPWK (and never folding) and when I have something like middle pair I will quickly ask the dealer to spread the pot out a bit (which is 4 chips at 2/5) and fold.

-Two players go to a river on an ace high board and its checked and guy IP checks back AK, if I am not in the hand I will comment "that's definitely good". It is good to know these players are playing that tight and not betting for value.

-If I flop a combo draw (i.e. K10dd, flop is J98dd) and c/r flop, I will say "you're getting raised" if it is someone I know. You can win the pot a lot right there, but not unhappy getting it in either with short stacks.

Anyone else have non-angleshooting antics they do at the table?

I enjoy newbies who unwittingly flaunt their inexperience like you're doing.

Whenever I get it in bad pre with pair over pair I say "I apologize in advance..." before they run out the board.

I hesitate to post these gems, as no one but me knows them, and if they get out they won't seem as funny. But as of right now, they are hilarious, and if you use them it will definitely get a laugh and lighten things up:

-if a player needs a jack to make a winning hand, and misses, I say "you were one jack off" (get it?)

-when I'm in the big blind, and a female dealer says "you're big" I say "you got that right!"

-when I'm in the small blind, and she says "you're small" I'll say "hardly!"

-when the massage girls walk around saying "massage" I say "do you massage the front?"

-if I have 45 and the board runs out 4,5,K, Q, Q I say "I have 3 pair!"

-if I have 66 and the board runs out 6,7,K,J,6 I say "I have two pair, sixes and sixes!"(this is especially funny if the other guy has a set)

Trust me, unleash those on your table, and they'll be in tears.

browser that's pretty horrible. i mean the fact that you are joking.

conversely, if i am bb and male dealer says 'you're big' and there are no old ladies around and i am having fun, i might say monotone 'that's what the boys say...' and continue on.

"You're big."

"You say that to all the guys."

I have done the 'spread the pot' thing many a time ... just a little needle to those who love to miss potential value ...

I have also done the 2 pair with quads thing ... but never as a slow roll. That would be a major double whammy!!

A good way to get a River checked through is to ask an opponent 'are you done yet?' when they raise pf and double barrel the board and you flat call all 3 bets. You can get a pretty good live tell off most of these situations and I have even c/r a weak River bet when they 'insist' on continuing in response to the banter.

Of course any talking when multi-way is not good, but when HU it's not bad to try and have some fun ... at the right table. GL

It's a new B&M, 27; you should quit pining for the way things used to be and get with the times. The funny browser is here to stay.

'You're really tight!'

'It makes me very popular down at the bath house!'

I often enjoy tapping the tank by calling people out on missed value, and otherwise letting the table know exactly how much more I know than they do.

I also try to recycle as many jokes as I can, to let people know that I've played a lot and have heard them all before.

I also quote the rules all the time, seat change bumhunt frequently (and offer unsolicited excuses about it), brag about how much I won, and otherwise dazzle the table with my poker acumen and knowledge.

P.S. WHERE DA DONKS AT???

winning post. a good chuckle

When I first started playing I used to sometimes just call, but make it look like I was raising. For limit this works best in a 4 chip-8 chip structure on the turn where you "call" by cutting 4 stacks of 2 chips real quickly. Definitely looks at first like you are raising, as a popular convention of raising the turn is to make 4 stacks of 4 chips, which it looks like you are doing at first.

I guess I was angle shooting, as I could get a read on my opponents strength by how they reacted to my fake raise (one guy actually turbo mucked his hand before realizing I had just called him), although at the time I honestly was doing it just to be cute and amuse myself.

Anyways, one time after I had done this a couple times at the table a player called over a floor man, said what I was doing, and the floorman made me put in a raise when I didn't intend to. At the time I was a little annoyed and probably felt mistreated, but in hindsight I don't have any problem with the ruling.

I like to make all my checks ambiguous by doing something different every time. Instead of being like the sheeple who pat the felt and say "check" simultaneously to make it unambiguous, sometimes I'll shrug my shoulders or point my finger or maybe just twitch my pinky or look down at my chips and mumble, "go."

And if not enough time has been wasted with the floor being constantly called to my table to interpret my creative, entertaining antics, there's always the "count out $80 in neat stacks of $20, then stack them all on top of one another, cap it with an odd chip or two, and topple the whole stack forward wordlessly to make the dealer restack it and count it" move.

When I am playing i just usually say too dealer
They call me seaworld cause i am a fish

What I find hilarious is that you believe only you know these. ROFLOL

What I find hilarious is you believe.....

Wow you know me so well.

Sorry buddy, not a newbie. Unless you consider grinding 30-35 hours of 2/5 - 5/5 PLO and NL a week for a living being inexperienced.

Woah a 2/5 grinder.

Watch out guys we have got a serious bad ass over here

im pretty sure all you sound like is the creepy old guy at the table

Proudly showing my bluffs when called as if I'm rolling over the nuts. "Is nine high any good?"

Lol... These are brilliant.

Self-contradictory IMO. Nobody asks if the nuts are good.

"Nine high, top kicker."