Originally Posted by MonkeyPox

Playing 1-5 spread limit stud at Harrah's New Orleans and a guy sits down at the table. The first hand with him in it, I have a board of JJJJ, he has 2739r. He raises on 7th after calling every street. I reraise and he rereraises. I ask the dealer since its heads up is there a cap. Dealer says no. Other guy basically tells me that he will keep raising till one of us is all in. Pot gets to be around $580 when the other guy is felted. He asks me what I have. I am like WTF, I have 4 jacks showing. Villian mucks and says "I guess there is no point in trying to bluff at this table" and leaves.

Originally Posted by pionero

Another time, A guy collapsed at the table and had to be given CPR.

Originally Posted by Swax

This is a few years old but I'll repost as it is still a favorite:

I sign up on the 3-6 waiting list at the lovely Normandie Casino. What a cast of characters in THIS place. I like it though because the game has no small blind and the rake is pretty low. With two names ahead of me, I survey one of the 3-6 tables. The first thing I observe is a guy berating someone for their play, always a good sign of moron-ness. Granted, he did get rivered, but it was while holding J6 offsuit and KQ caught a king, so I don't know who should really be getting berated. Nevertheless, I can tell that this guy is a character. He has one of those extra long-tailed, shiny suits in a sort of powder blue hue - the type that only him, Deion Sanders and Michael Irvin would be caught dead in - and a big black derby. I could tell he was one of those guys who thought because he talked the most that he was the best player at the table. Constantly announcing his reads (which were almost always wrong), etc. etc...well, much to my delight I get seated right next to him.

Across the table from this guy and I was a short puerto-rican looking dude with the whole "look like a poker player" starter kit on - the oakley shades, the visor, and a t-shirt saying "take me to the river" or something like that. One of my favorite targets. Him and Deion Irvin are chatting it up, and he says "I can only play until my wife calls, man" - Deion responds with "yeah, me too, but my wife is here, so she'll just yell 'Hey Ice, get y'ass over here!'" Wow - his name is Ice. That meant that it was time for me to get chatty, the potential is just too great for entertainment. I started jawing with Ice for a while and he takes a liking to me, discussing all the hands, some strategy - he even introduces me to his wife (who was pretty darn foxy, actually). Meanwhile, a burly construction-worker looking white guy sits next to the puerto rican dude.

Things are chugging along smoothly, I'm folding 90% of my hands, Ice is playing 90% of his and steadily donating, basically as expected. Well, on one hand after a junk flop, this absolutely AWFUL old lady bets $3. I fold, Ice goes all in for his last $4. Now, because Ice's all-in is only $1 more, it's considered a call, not a raise. The guy next to act is confused and asks the dealer, whose first language predictably isn't English, whether there was a raise and how much he needs to put in, $3 or $6. The dealer motions at Ice and says "no, no, only four dollars, SHE all in". Obviously what she MEANT was that the lady bet and Ice went all-in - however, Ice did not pick up on the obvious slip. He stands up INSTANTLY and is like "WHAT? WHAT? Who the F*CK you callin' SHE?!?!? I ain't no mothaf*ckin' SHE!" The dealer (who btw is female and about 80 lbs.) quickly goes into "sorry sir, sorry sir" mode and Ice calms down. The rest of the hand is dealt, Ice just continues to shake his head and looks over at me - "do you believe that my man? calling me a mother f*ckin' she!" I just kinda shrug my shoulders - burly construction guy chimes in with a "she didn't mean it man, it's cool." Ice goes to buy more chips, and play proceeds.

About five minutes later, Ice returns with a new rack of chips and presumbly a new disposition because he's smiling, so it seemed like everything would go back to normal. That is, until burly guy sips his beer, looks up at Ice and says "hey, SHE'S back!!" The next five seconds felt like ten minutes as EVERYONE at the table just stopped and I think I heard a needle scratch across a record although that may have been in my head. Ice's eyes widen and finally the barrage ensues:

"What the F*CK did you just say to me?" (repeated three times)
"Oh come on, you know what I meant"
"Oh H*LL no you didn't say that sh*t to me"
"OK sorry man, I thought you had a sense of humor"
"You wanna take this outside mother f*cker?!?!?"
"I hope you're kidding" (please note that burly guy is about five times Ice's size)
"Hell no I ain't kidding. I'll stick a d*ck in a n***a ass, Compton style!"

Now picture this - this is in the middle of the casino, in plain sight and earshot, and yours truly is sitting DIRECTLY underneath it. At this point I have my hands over my entire face just FORCING myself not to show emotion. You wanna practice your poker face? Find this situation. Moments thereafter, the floorman, who of course is the most unassuming diminutive asian guy comes over and is like "mr. ice, it's ok, please calm down" (the use of "Mr. Ice" here is great on so many levels). Finally everything reverts back to normal and play starts up again - only Ice is now on tilt to a degree of which I have never witnessed. He's playing every pot, raising and reraising with absolutely nothing. Trying to muscle people out of pots might work in NL, but in 3/6 limit it just meant that he was donating at twice the speed. Every five minutes he would again shake has head and say to himself "callin' me a mother f*ckin' she - damn!". At one point burly guy tried to reconcile, saying "I feel bad man - can I buy you a drink?" Ice glared at him and replied "you can buy me a big glass of leave me the f*ck alone!" Nice. Finally Ice busts out again. Within 2 hours this dude probably went through $400. And to top it all off, his statement upon leaving? "F*ck this garbage, nobody here can play. I'm playin' 6/12 next time, forget this bullsh*t". Amazing.

Originally Posted by Swax

"hey, SHE'S back!!"

Originally Posted by leo doc

over at his pal and says, "Just not your day, is it?"

Without missing a beat, he looks up, calls his buddy by name and says, "If I was ****in' a fat girl today, I know I'd get a disease."

I reckon that's one way to express your bad beat frustration without berating some donk.

Originally Posted by leo doc

A one-liner I hadn't heard...

In last weekend's 20 game at the Shoe in Tunica, there are two gents, both of whom I have played with on several previous occasions. I'd guess they're in their early 70s, are formidable opponents and they are friends. One of them is gregarious and can be pretty damn funny after about his third Bud Lite, which he always drinks from a 20 oz. styrofoam coffee cup. The other is reserved, but friendly in a "Southern gentlemanly" kind of way.

I also recognize a terribad player from the night before is seated in the game when I join it. Not much happens for an orbit or two except the quieter of the two senior players appears to be stuck the better part of two racks and has just re-bought another. He remains calm when his flopped set of aces gets cracked by someone that flopped an oesd and rivers the straight.

A few hands later, his queens get cracked by one of the calling stations that rivers a set after calling him down on an ace, king high board with a pair of fours. I think I sensed a bit of building frustration.

I cannot remember the hand that finally cracked the poor guy; but, I do know that the terribad player rivered a one outer to win a good sized pot. The funny older guy, now having ingested at least three Bud Lites, looks over at his pal and says, "Just not your day, is it?"

Without missing a beat, he looks up, calls his buddy by name and says, "If I was ****in' a fat girl today, I know I'd get a disease."

I reckon that's one way to express your bad beat frustration without berating some donk.