Cocaine's a hell of a drug.

We recently added massages to the room I deal in. The massage therapists are all young ladies.

One day the players were talking about the serivce, the price, comparing it to Vegas and other places they've seen massages offer etc.

One guy starts shaking his head and says out loud:

"When I want a massage, I go to a masage parlor and I ask for a male becasue I want it HARD!"

He realized what he said almost immediately and got beet red. The laughter made one floor think we had hit the BBJ.

This is called "needing a 7 second delay"

AT the casino, table next to me. Two guys go to showdown and the Player A shows his hand, Player B slow rolls the winner. A gets mad and throws chips in B's face. B stands up and pulls a big ass knife. Everyone at the table and the tables within close proximity jump out of their seats. A takes off his belt to defend himself with the buckle. They call security but knife guy left way before they got there.

Another time, A guy collapsed at the table and had to be given CPR.

Posted this in another thread before but its one of my favorite.

At a tourney in San Diego, an older gentleman at the table next to ours slid his chair back, snagged a piece of carpet and hit his head on a one of those metal chip carts. His head was bleeding bad and some ass at our table said "he must have been on tilt". After the man was escorted out by an EMT, a young man came over to our table and knocked out the guy who made the tilt comment, the young man said "that was my dad a$%hole". The guy who made the comment was out cold and was even snoring. They were both led out by security.

HAHA! Awesome

Was playing one night and this white boy with dreds, real scruffy looking grinder was playing at table next to me. His girlfriend comes over to say Hi and she is really hot. Shes wearing a tennis type outfit with a little skirt that flares out. She goes behind me and bends over to hug. I was seated behind him and saw everything she had underneath that little thong that didnt conceal anything.

I was playing 3/6 limit several years years ago. 6 or 7 players saw a flop of 4 4 A. I dont recall all the betting, but the turn and river brought the case 4s for a board of 4444A. There were 5 players on the river, four of which called the capped betting and one poor donk who folded after the 2bet.

A bet saved is a bet earned.

Great story, I've been lurking on the forums for a while and this post made me want to register so I could say thanks.

I was playing at the Hustler Casino and sitting at a table with an old, Eastern European guy. The guy is a regular, but is absolutely horrible. He looks totally disheveled, like he's been on a 36 hour gambling bender. He reeks of smoke, but the best part about that is his mustache is two-toned. The edges of the mustache are white, while right down the middle it's stained yellow from all the smoke he exhales from his nose. This guy is not only a terrible player, but a complainer and is abusive towards the dealers. I sat there and watched him rebuy three or four times in about 2 hours. Well, when he got felted for the last time (to his shock, his 74 os didn't stand up in a multiway, raised pot) he loses it. He takes out his player card, and announces to the table, that he will NEVER, EVER come back to this casino. At which point, as a show of defiance, he tries to tear the player card in half. Being that the cards are plastic, he has no luck. He gets so pissed that he can't tear it that he then grabs his lighter and tries to light it on fire. It was classic.

Another story involving this old jerk happened when our table hit a "Bad Beat Jackpot". The Jackpot is split 40-20-40; the losing hand, the winning hand, and the last 40% is split among the rest of the seated players. Well, Old Man Smokey had left the table for a cigarette and missed his blind, thus making him ineligible for the table share. Seeing the look on his face when he came back to the table while everyone was laughing, smiling, and high fiving each other was classic.

I was playing at the Hustler Casino in Los Angeles area. All the sudden, security rushes across the room towards the No Limit area. Next thing I see is a young Latino guy being escorted out. Then I see a fat 30-something Asian guy talking to the Floor Manager. From the look of it, he looks like got into it with the Latino guy who was escorted out. After talking to some other players, I found out that the Latino guy had tried to choke out the Asian guy. I find out from the other players that the Asian guy pulls a lot of BS, and ends up pissing off other players all the time.
1. One time he asked for a new setup, and was refused ( new setups being brought only at the top of the hour). What does he do? The next hand he is dealt he simply crumples them in his hand forcing the dealer to get a new setup.
2. A huge hand develops and the river brings the third spade. His opponent moves all in. After bitching and moaning, the Asian guy mucks his hand. The opponent tosses his cards toward the muck, and the Asian guy grabs the two cards out of the muck and looks at them.
3. This leads to the story of what happened between the Asian guy and the Latino guy. The Asian guy and the Latino dude are involved in a huge pot. The Latin guy moves all in on the river and places his cards underneath his card protector. Apparently, the Asian guy missed his draw. What he does next I've never heard happening before and don't think will ever happen again. The Asian guy takes his two cards, and quickly slides them underneath the other player's card protector, killing both hands. At which point, the Latin guy decided if his hand was going to be declared dead, the Asian guy would be too.

u kind of left the end of the story hanging.. so what ur ssaying is they chopped the pot? wow such a bad ruling by the floor if this is the case....

He didn't say it was heads-up. I figure there were 3 people in the pot and one guy intentionally fouled a second player's hand, forcing the pot to go to a third person. Otherwise it makes no sense at all.

This might be one of those special situations where you let the aggrieved player write down his cards and allow the floor to extract them from the four and keep the hand in play.

Playing 1-5 spread limit stud at Harrah's New Orleans and a guy sits down at the table. The first hand with him in it, I have a board of JJJJ, he has 2739r. He raises on 7th after calling every street. I reraise and he rereraises. I ask the dealer since its heads up is there a cap. Dealer says no. Other guy basically tells me that he will keep raising till one of us is all in. Pot gets to be around $580 when the other guy is felted. He asks me what I have. I am like WTF, I have 4 jacks showing. Villian mucks and says "I guess there is no point in trying to bluff at this table" and leaves.

OMG. Surely you are making this up? I guess some people are stupid. Although we did have a woman sit down at a 1/2 table last nite: 3rd hand (she's been in the first two of course), limp x4, she bumps to 30, gets 2 callers, they check to her on flop and she folds.

We all lick our chops as she rebuys 2x more over the next hour, then leaves.