It is always good to learn something.

I never knew you could get a blow job on credit at Hollywood Park.

This started out awesome, and then was wrapping it all up nicely, when it turned around with a surprise little coda. More!

Awesome. Just Awesome.

Let me see if I can remember another...

Oh yeah, back when we first got inidian casinos here (they were actually a little sketchy still, legally) I'm playing in this crap hole (thunderbird casino, about 20 miles east of Norman, OK anyone else ever play there back in the day?) anyway, I hear this huge sneeze behind me...

then lots of "oh gross" and people scooting back chairs in a hurry. Old man had sneezed and spit his chewing tobacco all over the table. Waitress comes over to clean it up, poor thing, and he's just grinning like its his f***** birthday or something. Then, I notice he's not only not gonna say anything, neither is he gonna toke her EVEN THOUGH SHE BRINGS HIM A BOTTLE OF WATER to "rinse his mouth out with". So I stand up, give the waitress a redbird and tell him that's about the worst stiff of a waitress I've ever seen. He ROLLS OUT FROM UNDER THE TABLE IN HIS WHEELCHAIR, which I haven't even noticed up 'til now and asks if I wanna take it outside.

I can't believe I thought of this that quickly, because I usually suck at one-liners/quips in the heat of the moment, but I told him "sure, but only if you spot me a wheel!". He pretty much didn't say anything, and then people were "breaking us up" anyway.

Just found this fun thread.

Here's one from a few years ago:

The wife and I fly in to Vegas for the weekend. It's Friday night and we have planned to pull an all-nighter grinding away in the Bellagio poker room until our hotel room is ready the next morning (yeah I have a cool wife).

Several hours go by, and not much is happening poker-wise, but at around 3 am a group of young, intoxicated club girls stumbles into the room. I was kind of watching out of the corner of my eye as one of the girls walks over to the next table over from me and pulls her top down, giving the whole table an eye-full of ta-tas. A few of us at my table are like "woah". We couldn't see anything as her back was mostly turned to us. So I say loud enough for people around us to hear "isn't there a show-one, show-all policy in this room"? Several people murmur agreement, and we explain it to the girl (a dealer may have even have cooperatively chimed in IIRC) - and she comes over and happily displays her winning pair.

A very old woman to my right rips a nasty one.... winks then smiles at me. WTF

Playing $3/$6 at Circus Circus and some how the tables winds up being 11 handed.

I eventually get my fill of the place and leave, and one of the employees sits down in my seat and plays keeping it 11 handed.

Retarded.

Craziest poker hand I've seen played so far:

So I'm playing $2/3 NLHE at Harras St. Louis and it's a great game because this guy keeps pulling out $500 chips he's won playing roullette. He's got a sack in his pocket of probly $20,000....Juicy! Everyone's doubling through him, but he's playing extremely LAG and has built about a $1200 stack, when this hand occures:

After Roulette guy pops it to $40 blind, newer aggressive kid who's sitting with about $800 decides to take a stand preflop raising to $120. Roulette guy makes a show of finally looking at his cards then pushes all in. At this point the kid looks a bit pale but won't give up just yet and claims he has a pocket pair. He asks if Roulette guy will show a card if he does too.

Roulette guy agrees and the kid turns over a seven (claiming 77). Then things get uhh, odd. Roulette guy starts to flip a card, hesitates, then goes ahead and flips it anyway ..... a deuce! A deuce! Why in god's groovy name would anyone ever show a duece!!?? Kid calls and shows A7 expecting it to be a flip, when Roulette guy tables As2s!

As everyone is rubbing they're eyes,

Flop - three spades (crowd goes wild)

Asked why he flipped the deuce, he said he meant to flip the ace, but didn't want to make his hand obvious by changing his mind mid flip.....

So juicy!

Conclusion couple hours later: Steel balls guy to my left calls down Roulette guy's multiple hundred dollar bets PF, flop, turn and river with pocket 5's on board of all over cards to bust Roulette guy holding air and drags about a $3000 pot.

Roulette guy gets up and leaves, rest of table stares at Mr. Platinum Balls as he pulls down the pot in a trance.


Table breaks.

first time at ceasers palace and was playing in the $100 buy in cash game... there is a club right next to the poker room so as I'm playing.. two spanish guys sit down and start playing.. this guy look a bit drunk but very functional...

he orders some shots.. and shoots a few down... now he is really drunk.

then, I am totally amazed as he orders another cocktail.. I am like.. "wow.. this guy is so loaded.. it is amazing that he can keep going and still function. I am so surprised right now that he hasn't passed out" I think nothing of it

everything is going fine... and as he is sipping his next drink... he falls out of his chair on his ass.... I get up and point at him and say, "ooohhhh shhhhhhitt!!!!"


in vegas.. they let you drink 24 hours a day.. I'm from LA... you stop at 2am

Just another night at the Bike.... Great post.

LOL

I will bump it with a not as funny story hoping for more.

So we are on a Carnival Cruise playing poker pro and this guy is always there. His wife shows up at about 9PM and makes a scene how he has been there since 4 and needs to spend time with her. He brushes her off. She comes back at 11 wearing see through eveningwear and whispers in his ear. He keeps his seat resereved and says, sorry fellas gotta take care of some biness... be right back.

We got an over under going on the length of time he would be gone. There was about $200 in the middle of the table and the over under was 20 min.

He was back in 11. His face got red when he realized why the 200 was being distributed to 3 players.

His face was red the rest of the night every time he acted quickly in a hand and one of the losers would say "Ya know, you really should take your time with some things."

He stayed at the table and took his ribbings - What else could he do? Go back to his "satisfied" wife?

yeah, it was pretty amazing that those two completely distinct events happened in a continuous, unfiltered stream. Now that I'm back in Pittsburgh, I don't miss much about LA, but the hilarity of lower limit poker there is one thing that I will always reminisce about. The local charity games and games in WV are just as juicy, but they lack the racial tension that made LA games so entertaining (yes, I know that sounds horrible, but race was a factor in just about every hilarious event that I ever witnessed in a casino).

I do have one pretty good one from WV - not as awesome as the last two but still quite nice:

I'm playing in a 3/6 limit game while waiting for the nightly tourney to start up. Typical hand with about six or seven limpers, and then four folding on the flop - but I notice when as the dealer grabs the mucked cards while getting ready to deal the turn, she takes UTG+1's cards and I was pretty sure that he had called the flop. Sure enough, dealer puts the turn card out there, it's a third heart, and UTG+1 reaches for his chips to bet what I assume was his flush, and voila, his cards are gone. Of course UTG+1 says that he had a flush, and obviously floor is called and the verdict is that UTG+1's hand is dead as it is his responsibility to protect his cards with a chip or his hands, since if they end up in the muck for any reason they are dead. Having never seen this situation before, I commented that it seemed a tad harsh and shouldn't he at least get his preflop and flop bets back (yes, I know, I had no place doing that - I would like to hear if this is the correct ruling - the guys cards were clearly behind the line). The player to UTG+1's left takes the pot down with top pair crap kicker and UTG+1 comments on how BS it is. everyone kinda nods in agreement.

Anyway, play goes on - a few of us make jokes about protecting our cards with a bowling ball, or losing a hand due to a strong headwind, etc...while the guy that lost the hand is CLEARLY steaming. so a couple hands later when the victim was in the cutoff, he does one of those slam-the-chips-on-the-table-my-$3-means-BUSINESS kind of raises, the button, who had won the contraversial hand, cold calls. flop comes with two tens, checks to cutoff who bets, button calls, everybody else folds. turn is a blank, cutoff bets again, button announces raise...and while he is reaching for chips, cutoff reaches out, grabs his cards, slides them into the muck, says "should have protected your cards", and starts to drag the pot towards himself!! fantastic. Floor is called again, guy starts yelling "he didn't protect his cards! you said ANY REASON!" guy is finally booted from the casino, but not until yelling that he is coming back WITH HIS LAWYER. nice.

not as funny? I think this is one of the best!

Agreed.

Someone get swax in contact with the Coen Bros. or someone, so we can get the movie made.

I saw a guy go all-in at a 3/6 limit hold em table, on the river, in Tunica.

In Tunica there is no cap on the river in limit, so you can go all-in effectively, but both sides have to agree. The board was J97 w/ two diamonds, turn 4 river 5, no flush possible.

First guy to act bets, the next guy says "Do you want to go all-in", the first guy says, "Wait, are you sure" the next guy says, "I will if you will" and the first guy is like, well ok. So at 3/6 LIMIT in a maybe $50 pot. They go all-in together the first guy has, 8T for the nuts.

The second guy has... QT for Queen high.

No, don't understand it. They had about $300 each behind, weirdest damn thing I've ever seen.

EDIT: Need to preface that the second player said "Good Call, I was bluffing after it was agreed to each go all-in"

I have a couple interesting stories from Mohegan Sun that have happened to me over the last 3-4 months.
1.) I'm playing 1-2 NL on a Saturday night, so it is not uncommon to see quite a few drunk guys playing with the occasional drunk friends popping their heads into the poker from the night club to check on the action. There happens to be this one drunk spectator who has been sitting behind a kid watching the entire time. The kid eventually asks for a seat change and sits down right next to me, along with the drunk spectator guy who brings the chair over and sits right behind the both of us. Well, he starts to get really annoying as his face is about 6 inches from the back of my head, trying to sneak a peak at my hand everytime. He then proceeds to grab a $1 chip off my stack to tip the waitress for his beer without even asking me! His friend was in the bathroom at the time, so I just said, "hey man, don't grab my chips, grab them from your friends stack". I prob could've called the floor, but I figured he was just a harmless drunk and it was a good game at the time. A little while later the drunk spectator goes to the bathroom and his friend leans over to me and says, "Dude, I have no idea who this guy is. He has been following me ever since I got here and won't leave me alone." I immediately become concerned that this guy could start following me around and I know I can't play optimally with his drunk badgering in my ear. The kid ends up getting stacked and leaves the poker room, and fortunately the drunk spectator followed him out and to who knows where. Hopefully he didn't follow him all the way to his car, lol.

2.) I'll make this one quick. There is an extremely belligerently drunk guy playing 1 table over from me a couple months ago. He is having trouble forming complete sentences and is completely unaware of what is happening in the game. Suddenly, the guy starts heaving and proceeds to throw up all over his chips, the table, and the chips next to him. Everyone jumps back from the table and the floor comes rushing over. As they are grabbing this guy from the shoulders to tell him to get the **** out, he throws up again uncontrollably all over the floor and the floorman's shoes. Security comes over and instead of escorting him out of the casino they bring him to the poker room bathroom and apparantly leave him there in the stall. About an hour later, the guy stumbles back out and sits at another 1-2NL table and begins to play. I left about 3 hours after that and the guy was still playing, so apparantly they had no intentions of kicking him out, and the guy either didn't remember what just happened, or just didn't care what he just did.