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| Brick and Mortar Discussions of brick and mortar gambling venues |
08-13-2008, 06:55 PM
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#61
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adept
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 859
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Re: Best Poker Table Joke You Ever Heard
Quote:
Originally Posted by pfapfap
The best joke I've heard is that I'm still expected to smile as if it's the first time I've heard any of these.  |
Dance for your tips monkey-man! 
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08-13-2008, 07:46 PM
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#62
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WRGPT 16 Champion
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Aurora, CO (suburb of Denver)
Posts: 4,235
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Re: Best Poker Table Joke You Ever Heard
Why do mermaids wear seashells?
Because the B cups don't fit.
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08-13-2008, 08:30 PM
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#63
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adept
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Not Vegas :-(
Posts: 1,133
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Re: Best Poker Table Joke You Ever Heard
Quote:
Originally Posted by sittingtight
Local home game, multi table tournament, not a joke but it made a few people spray beer out of their mouths...
The two players in the hand on this table are brother in laws..
On the river the action goes check, bet, check raise, all in...
The brother with the decision to call goes into the tank for a bit...
It was fairly quiet at the time, then the brother in the tank says...
"Win or lose this hand, I am going home and ****ing your sister"
The other brother didn't flinch a bit.
Edit: He ended up folding
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Fool missed the perfect chance to say, "don't forget, I beat you to that also"
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08-13-2008, 08:58 PM
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#64
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Jedi Buffet Master
Join Date: May 2004
Location: losing 100 lbs
Posts: 6,788
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Re: Best Poker Table Joke You Ever Heard
This thread reminds me how pathetic live poker can be. The funniest joke here isn't very funny at all and the thread was immediately derailed to a dealer abuse thread.
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08-13-2008, 09:23 PM
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#65
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adept
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 794
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Re: Best Poker Table Joke You Ever Heard
"To save time, instead of getting married again I'm going to find a woman I really hate and buy her a house."
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08-13-2008, 11:25 PM
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#66
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journeyman
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Land of Indian Poker
Posts: 261
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Re: Best Poker Table Joke You Ever Heard
Tournaments rarely start on time. This was said to the floor at 7:15...
"WHAT TIME DOES THE 7 O'CLOCK TOURNAMENT START?"
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08-13-2008, 11:32 PM
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#67
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centurion
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Dallas
Posts: 155
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Re: Best Poker Table Joke You Ever Heard
Worst one at my local casino:
me: hey sammy! (dealer) do you know any chip tricks??
sammy: hmmmm...yeah I do! lemme see one.
me: (excited, bouncing in seat, throws chip)
sammy: (deposits it in tip box) *POOF* IT'S MAGIC
me: :O
rest of table: (dies laughing)
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08-13-2008, 11:47 PM
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#68
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grinder
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 479
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Re: Best Poker Table Joke You Ever Heard
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dealer-Guy
Yea, that's hilarious, a dealer applying the rules and getting abused by a player, funniest thing I've ever heard... not.
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For the dealer to enforce the "F"-bomb rule in a situation like that, she was being a "c". It was completely uncalled for.
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08-13-2008, 11:52 PM
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#69
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journeyman
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Chop blocking from the button
Posts: 267
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Re: Best Poker Table Joke You Ever Heard
Quote:
Originally Posted by DallasDonkey
Worst one at my local casino:
me: hey sammy! (dealer) do you know any chip tricks??
sammy: hmmmm...yeah I do! lemme see one.
me: (excited, bouncing in seat, throws chip)
sammy: (deposits it in tip box) *POOF* IT'S MAGIC
me: :O
rest of table: (dies laughing)
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+1
lol
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08-14-2008, 12:11 AM
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#70
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newbie
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 23
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Re: Best Poker Table Joke You Ever Heard
Quote:
Originally Posted by steamboatin
This thread reminds me how pathetic live poker can be. The funniest joke here isn't very funny at all and the thread was immediately derailed to a dealer abuse thread.
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So it's less pathetic to sit at home playing online by yourself and filtering through all the mis-typed pearls that appear in the player chat? 
Last edited by Laifu; 08-14-2008 at 12:19 AM.
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08-14-2008, 02:02 AM
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#71
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journeyman
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 302
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Re: Best Poker Table Joke You Ever Heard
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dealer-Guy
Guy gets home at 3AM. Wife is waiting in the living room, mad as hell.
She lauches into him for five full minutes and he just stands there talking it, staring at the floor.
"Well, what do you have to say for yourself, where have you been?" she finally screams at him.
He gets down on one kneee, takes her hand in his while looking into her eyes and says:
"Honey, I stoped for one drink, met a woman who excited me and the next thing I knew, we were in bed screwing like rabbits. I swear to you I have never done anything like this before and I never will again if you can just find it in your heart to forgive me this one time."
She looks shocked for a second then her eyes narrow and she speaks very low:
"You son of a bitch, you've been player poker again and you lost as usual!"
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THIS ONES MY FAV
Me and a bunch of friends take the 6 hour drive to Turning Stone Casino to play some 1/2 NLHE. Two days later, we are all down about 3 buy ins (we are broke to begin with). Finally, we're ready to go home, and we all walk somberly towards the car, all bummed out from losing so bad. There is a conversation going, then it dies out kinda softly. Chris looks up and says "We just got our stones turned". Laughter ensues.
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08-14-2008, 02:30 AM
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#72
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old hand
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: On the floor
Posts: 1,613
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Re: Best Poker Table Joke You Ever Heard
Quote:
Old Chinese lady goes to the bank to exchange some Chinese money and gets back $100.
Chinese lady goes back the next week but this time only gets back $90. Chinese lady starts screaming at the teller, "Last time $100!! Why only $90 this time??!!"
Teller shrugs her shoulders and says, "Fluctuations..."
Chinese lady is livid and screams back, "Yeah? Well, fluctu-white-people too!!!"
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LMAO! My wife is Asian. I can't wait to drop this one on her tomorrow! 
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08-14-2008, 08:16 AM
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#73
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centurion
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: oregon coast
Posts: 112
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Re: Best Poker Table Joke You Ever Heard
from back when i could still play on pokerroom....
coupla players bickering
1st: stupid call
2nd: genius call
etc, etc
3rd player: Arguing online is like the Special Olympics; even if you win, ur still retarded.
stills comes to mind time to time.....
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08-14-2008, 08:49 AM
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#74
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Jedi Buffet Master
Join Date: May 2004
Location: losing 100 lbs
Posts: 6,788
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Re: Best Poker Table Joke You Ever Heard
Quote:
Originally Posted by Laifu
So it's less pathetic to sit at home playing online by yourself and filtering through all the mis-typed pearls that appear in the player chat? |
LOL, I love newbies, they often add a lot of unintentional humor to the board.
I play live poker, but don't harbour any delusions about how pathetic it can be.
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08-14-2008, 10:03 AM
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#75
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journeyman
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: 10 minutes from the strip
Posts: 350
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Re: Best Poker Table Joke You Ever Heard
playing at mgm one night and two guys are getting drunk having a good time.
one of the guys has maybe gotten a girl pregnant and they are talking about if it is his kid or not. the girl supposedly got around.
guy 1 - you gonna have the kid?
guy 2 - chit, that aint my kid!
guy 1 - how do you know?
guy 2 - unless you can get pregnant thru your eye, that aint my kid!
i still laugh at that one every time i play at the mgm.
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