Ok -

So when I first got serious about poker several years ago - I became a prick about it. I started doing all that stereotypical BS that so many wannabe-good-but-really-aren't-players do.

When I took bad beats I got angry and went on tilt. I berated players for their bad decisions. When someone did something mathematically wrong I launched into a diatribe about it. I blathered on about poker strategy at the table. Online, I got into "F your mom" wars in the chat box when I lost big hands.

Basically the standard issue counterproductive ego driven crap.

Once I recognized that this was an issue I made the commitment not to do it any more. It took me some time, and I got it under control.

At casinos and online that is.

At my off and on home game with my friends, I am still having an AWFUL time controlling this. Our game is for WAY less money than I usually play for, there are a bunch of non-poker gambling games in the mix, it is really just for fun.

But it keeps coming up. My friend calls me with 45 on a Q83 board and it comes 2, A when I have KQ., Or my other friend calls me with Qt on a K47 board when I have 77, and here come the running diamonds.

Now suddenly, I am being a prick to the most awesome people in my life. And I can't stop it. Every time we have a game I am doing breathing exercises in the car on the way to the game, reminding myself that I'm there to have fun and being good to my friends is more important than the results of this tiny buy-in home game. But it hasn't worked.

Why is this? Is it because I have a comfort level with these people? Why is it easier to keep my cool with strangers than with people I know, respect, and like?

Any insight? This is a big time life fail for me right now.

Sense of humor is totally welcome here by the way but I would also like some serious thought on this if any one has any they think might help.

like you said: standard ego driven crap!

also it seems like you would like to prove yourself too much, on the other hand maybe you shouldn't even play with your friends, if there is no fun and it destroys relationship!
i think because you have respect for them you feel more inclined to prove them that you are good, but remember if they don't have much clue about the game it will be hard to do so, also it is hard to play against complete amateurs...from my experience it is best to avoid that kind of games, because there's no point, they are just gambling as i see from your post and you are trying to play correct game and that doesn't work together, especially if bad play from others tilt you!

You could still hang out with them and be a dealer or something...but to destroy relationship because of some game and ego tripping is very bad believe me!
It's like going on boxing match to get yourself off and releasing all negative energy, it is probably better to find some unknown and beat the crap out of him, than beating your best friend!

My first thought echoes Kingston's. It may be that u desire your friends to recognize u as an expert at holdem but theyre so friggin clueless about it they cant begin to relate to what ur saying and that brings out the a-hole in u.

imo u need to resurrect ur inner donk and separate ur home game from ur normal serious poker grind and allow urself to be just another fish when u play with ur friends. cuz honestly complaining about bad beats ur friends put on u in a low stakes for-fun homegame is super d-baggy. stop taking urself so seriously.

also, its usually a good idea for serious/pro/semi pro poker players not to play poker for recreation at all. but thats another thread.

By The Numbers

1)Yeah this is probably true. Hadn't really thought about it quite like that but when someone else puts it into words for you its pretty clear.

2)Yeah, Why is this only a problem for me in poker? Weird. Not something I struggle with outside of poker that I'm aware of.

3)Pro/Semi pro would be a stretch if I was being kind and a complete joke if I was being totally honest. But I'm certainly serious. I have never heard this piece of advice before and would like to know more.

at above post, i would also love to hear more about number 3. to op, although i could, i'm not going to hypothesize why you cannot control outbursts specifically around friends. i will, however, say something that will squash a false sense of entitlement.

there is no law that dictates what a poker player deserves in terms of winning or losing. you do not deserve to win against your friends or anyone in the world. you do not deserve to win a single ****ing pot for the rest of your life. along the same lines, you do not deserve to lose a single pot. you and i and pretty much everyone else on this forum willingly chose to play a game with natural variance. no law dictates that you should hit the mean of that variance. in fact, the laws of statistics would tell you exactly what you deserve: a degree of randomness and only a degree of randomness.

I went through this and am cured now to the point where I say "nice hand" and nothing else to a donk that stacks me on a one outer.

When I went through the process of exorcising tilt and vocalizing frustration, I found it helpful to have a ritual to get my mind calmed down. Focused breathing works well. For me, it was a one orbit break from the game, away from the table and smoking a cigarette... I'm so much better now though, I would have to be stuck at least 3 BI before thinking I need a break to prevent tilt or bad behavior.

Also, is it possible that you are drinking at the micro/buddies game and not when you are playing for serious $$$ purposes (online/casino). Any alcohol throws all hope of emotional control out the window.. at least for me.

2) Could be a lot of things. Maybe you desperately want to be thought of as good at poker cuz actually youre insecure about ur game. Maybe youve put a lot of work into poker and havent gotten the results youd hoped for so ur looking for some other kind of payoff. Or maybe it has nothing to do with poker. Only u know the answer.

3) This is just my personal opinion, but heres more on it: http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/26...morale-741697/

Be dealer or drink server for a night, relax and try again. You just want your friends to know you give a rip and really don't mean it.

OP, did you drug me, interview me, and have me write this post vicariously for you? I feel the exact same way. My ego is such a joke. I envy other players in the game who don't feel the need to explain their genius plays, or berate other players when they make a horrible play and it pays off for them. It's really interesting that you have a heightened sense of self awareness about it because rarely does egotism and self-awareness go hand-in-hand. I wrote a quote about it once: "I'm probably the only person with both an inflated ego and an inflated self-awareness" to really exemplify the irony which is my, and apparently your life as well.

Nice to know I'm not the only one in a spot like this.

I really don't like this part of being "a serious poker player". I sometimes wish I could temporarily reset my brain to how it was when I first started playing in home games. It was a great way to enjoy time with my friends. Now it's just a way to suffer and make a jackass out of myself.

It's really a paradox that I have more fun playing for money than I do playing for fun.

Maybe just experience takes the edge off you a bit. I used to be like yourself, and now it doesnt bother me one jot.