Thanks to everyone for supporting me... I decided to settle with the credit card company instead of paying the full balance $20,000~ I set aside $6k for settlement. They keep calling and harassing me, (guess this is one of there TACTICS!) Oh well, I can handle their annoying phone calls and I will take a minor hit to my credit score to get this -20k gorilla off my back. After reading the comments in the original post I made, I built up the courage to get back into poker with the rest of the money I had left.

I wired pokerstars $5k to cover my negative balance and bankroll myself for a return. I had a new bankroll of $2300 to pay with. I started out with 3 sets of my best game the $16/18 player turbo. These games are absolutely filled with people who dont understand the concept of ICM. It is so easy to build a stack by applying pressure at the right moments, despite the strength of your cards. I mow everyone down by putting pressure on the short stacks, and raising constantly with 67s, 89s whatever has potential to go against a real hand like AK, AQ, etc. in case I am called. These games are so profitable for anyone who understands this concept. In the short term however, your 67s in the HJ might run into an AA in the blind, and it can happen over and over again... especially when multi-tabling these.

I managed to brake even on my first 3 sets, disappointed. I wanted to make money on my first night back. I really didn't care how I made it...I wanted it at the moment. Just like when a junkie takes the first hit, they return again and again to catch the same high. I took a hit of the NEW $74 hyper turbo. I promised myself just one, just one etc.. etc.. Well I lost that one, due to the EXTREME VARIANCE that entails this format. and I went buck wild.

Next thing you know I have 10 on the screen at the same time. I was having such a rush, knowing that I was doing something I wasn't supposed to...sort of like banging your friends girlfriend behind his back. The variance is more crazy than ever as the 3rd place breaking even has changed. Now 2 places get paid, and it means absolute madness. I once read on this forum "Imagine a bunch of hungry rats ALL GOING AFTER A SMALL PIECE OF CHEESE at the same time, THAT IS THE MENTALITY OF HYPER-TURBOS. " To whoever said that....nothing could be more true. Thats exactly what they are like.

The variance took me down to $1k and I couldn't believe what I seeing. KK going down to straights, flushes, AK beat by 92 etc... over and over like hellfire of punishment for playing these games. Absolute chaos and madness.

My tilt pushed me to crazy heights, I put up $570 for a heads up turbo SNG against some pro....Despite thinking I would be scared, I played absolutely fearless because I was on such strong tilt. I really felt I lost so much who cares if I lose again. I proceeded to beat this guy, not once...but twice.....and I laughed as he tried to bluff me ALL IN and I called him down with a very marginal hand and beat him. I took the 1K profit. and declined another rematch.

I then took that $1k and sought revenge on the hyper variance that was raining down on me. I figured how ****N bad can you run? you know? I asked myself that question....how is it possible to lose so many times in a row with ultra premium hands before the flop....dominating your opponents and getting beat on the draw of the river card over and over again?!>

I returned and the little over 2k left in my account dwindled and became $1,500 then $1,000... and chaos was raining on me. add a few $357s in the mix and thats the formula for $going broke again.

That night I didn't sleep, for the first time poker had started to affect my physical health. I had severe chest pains, like I was about to have a heart attack....my head was burning... like someone took a match and set my brain on fire. That night was probably the worst night of my life...and probably the first time I seriously contemplated suicide. I felt I had failed big time, this was the most painful experience ever for me...even more painful than how I felt when I made the original post, because I went back to gambling again....I felt sick for several days after. I am lucky I didn't die from the stress that the poker caused to my brain and body. Like being in a war, and bullets tearing through your limbs, and you are barely breathing and clinging for life... thats how I felt.

I had $600 in my checking account and after a few days of sorrow and remorse. I returned AGAIN! I am either really stupid or I have some serious balls because I flipped the $600 into $1800 in a few days of $74 hyper turbo variance. I just managed to catch the wave as it was riding up, but knowing that I could crash at any moment I stopped.

I forced myself to change. I don't want to experience the downfall again and I will take the money. I said to myself over and over BE GRATEFUL for this. This wasn't enough though I needed restrictions! Like a horse that needs a trainer to keep him running straight, or else the horse will run wild!! I found out that pokerstars has responsible gaming limits now available for SNG tournaments!!! Hallelujah Thank you Pokerstars!!!! I restricted myself to $23 SNG MAX BUYINS. This means I cannot play hypers anymore!! I needed this so bad...and wish I had done it a lot sooner.

I am back on track in the $16/18 players and turned the $1800 into $2600, keeping it small...not going on tilt....accepting the variance and crushing the bubble with correct ICM play. I am so happy that I made this change. There were a few times I have to admit where I took a bad beat and I wanted to play a hyper to win the money back, but guess what>? I CANT!, so I play a $23 heads up or two and do very well at it. I cant go broke playing $23 HU with a $2000 bankroll...IMPOSSIBLE> I am also playing steps and trying to get into bigger tournaments without risking any big money. $7.50 step 1's, I have nothing to lose but a lot to gain.

What i've learned from all of this: LOW RISK= LESS PRESSURE= PLAYING YOUR BEST=MAKING MONEY BY LONG TERM TACTICS AND CORRECT ICM PLAY=STAYING AWAY FROM THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO ON TILT= PLAYING AT LIMITS THAT WONT CAUSE YOU TO GO BROKE.

DO this and you will never have to suffer, or feel bad about losing…. like me.

I hope this post helps others who might have traveled down the wrong road, but want to improve their game and themselves.

Thank you for listening,

Aaron
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Updated Graphs

Original Post: -5k


3 weeks after Original Post: -7.5k then back up


Stats and Ability (How do I have an 81 ability, I am not that good…not being sarcastic)


$16/18 Player Turbos - Low Varience- Solid Return- Updated

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You need help.

Why the hell do you do this to yourself. You clearly don't have the personality to be able to handle this game if you're still chasing your losses by putting up half your roll on a super turbo heads up match vs a heads up sng specialist. You're probably better off taking the $500 and putting it on red EV-wise. Did moving down ever cross your mind? Just quit this game.

Also you bitch and moan about variance but have you ever considered for a moment that a large part of your upswings could have been a result of variance? And do you really think you're playing your A game playing 10 tables while letting every single flip and beat tilt the **** out of you? Have you considered the fact that you may not be a winning player given the circumstances under which you play? You may be beating the games when cool, calm, and in control while playing 4-5 tables...but how often are these the circumstances?

Here's a psychological fun fact of the day: Wikipedia - Self Serving Bias

You came back, you tried bankroll management, but at the end of the day the degenerate tilt monkey in you came out once again. Either self-restrict yourself to a level that's within your bankroll, set a strict stoploss on every session, and move down if you start losing or quit the game entirely. And given your track record I'd highly recommend the latter before you find yourself tilting off thousands of dollars of borrowed money again.

Dude what the hell. You settle with your CC company after gambling off $20k of their money, leaving them stuck 14k, settle up with Stars, and now you have the stones to take money that you still owe and try to run it up again? After how badly the last few attempts went? With your self-professed ragetilt issues? With how it's affecting your health and personal life?

Have you thought that maybe, just maybe, you should try life outside of poker?

I have Become addicted to poker...I am a degenerate gambler...I am not ashamed of this...there is never a cure for this addiction just self control...if I make money at low stakes I rather play small than not at all...best of all there are now self imposed buy in limits 23$ max I can't lose my bankroll...plus I give myself a chance to play events out of my bankroll with the steps system

tilt monkey going bananas.....pwned by this forum....pwned by varience....pwned by the lottery...and PNWED BY CITIBANK....excuse me while i sail away to MARIJUANA ISLAND

acknowledging a problem doesn't change it btw.

Granted, this may not be important to you, but the following things are going to happen:

A) you have no chance at owning any significant material possessions.
B) you will have absolutely zero financial security and will have to work until you die. you will die sooner.
C) you will either die a virgin, or be consigned to meaningless intermittent short-term affairs until your partner figures out that you are a degenerate problem gambler.

then again, $16 turbos I guess are better than sex amirite guys!

hey ruken hows my c0ck in your ass then if I cant find a partner

instead of helping me you try and put me down more....you know what *** you why even bother wasting your time if you just want to put others down. i hope you have a problem one day ask for help and someone gives you the same sarcasm you gave me.

this is my last post on this forum, and probably the last time I blog about my personal life. thanks to asshol3s like ^^

[ ] OP won't lose his bankroll

No, you're absolutely right. You were made to grind $16 turbos on the internet. That's your calling in life.

What do you want us to say? You've got a problem. You need help. Instead of getting away from the problem and putting your life back together honestly, you want us to encourage you while you spiral down.

Nope. Forget it. You lost. Do something meaningful in life instead of racking up another $14k in debt to people who do what you do except without the ragetilt and the loss chasing and the excuses.

If you turn this ship around and start regularly grinding money, cool, whatever. But even then, you wouldn't overcome some sort of great adversity and triumph over some titanic evil and become some sort of hero - you just became some mildly functional form of self-sustainable player even if it costs you your entire amount of free time and conscious thought.

But you're not there. You're not even close. Hell, even Mikeal_DH is running at some sort of profit somehow. You're not even doing that right now, you're only mitigating your ragetilt issues with self-restrictions that PokerStars is kind enough to set up for you because they'd rather rake you over time rather than take your money up front and let you self-destruct one more time. You're back to -$300 from when you deposited your $2300? After flushing your ENTIRE ROLL down the toilet and then wiring in your last $600 from your checking account? SERIOUSLY?

Poker is too much for you. Quit.

Op these are the sunday mil sats right? I didnt think stars had regular hyper turbos/cant find them.

+1 to ruken tho, whether you want to hear it or not.

OP send me money plz.

The amazing thing is that people aren't even coming up with ridiculous dreams to run a stake into a WSOP entry and shipping the whole thing anymore. Their big unattainable goal is to grind minimum wage in front of their laptop. Ughhhh.

He is helping you.

I understand what you are going though in a way. I was addicted to Blackjack.

I learnt how to count cards upon finding out that you could put the odds in your favour by learning how to do so. Of course I made money, got used to it and of course turned to gambling with my money, thinking the more money I threw at it, the more I would make back.

I never spent money I couldn't lose, always paid rent, food etc etc, but I was at the casino every night I had spare money.

Eventually I realized I had an addiction and stopped going cold turkey.

What drew me to it was the idea of winning money because I was out playing someone, and I learnt the hard way that the house always wins...

And THEN I found Poker, and now I grind out a steady living on top of my Army wage.

Since then I've been at my local Casino waiting for a spot and thinking "While I'm waiting, maybe I'll just play some Blackjack", and I've played one hand and just thought "I don't even want to play this".

I guess the moral of what I am trying to say is I found my niche. Poker has given me what I was looking for, and I myself have learnt how to play properly (proper Poker inclusive of bankroll management). Maybe you need to do the same thing. And your niche clearly is away from gambling of any form. No matter how good you are at grinding one stake, what happens when you get bored?

Wow, this response defines the problem, or at least a large part of it. Just a little bit of an overreaction. Rage issues you have. Spend some of that (currently) hard won money for a psychologist. You don't have to go the whole Freudian analysis routine, just a touch of behavior modification and cognitive therapy. It'll improve your life AND your game.

You might also want to get a good physical. Lots of biological processes masqarade as poor impulse control.

Fix this while the option remains viable. I've seen a million men crash and burn in this business. It takes more to win cosistantly than talent. It takes temprament, judgement, control. It demands the ability to overcome random ratio reinforcement. Luck! Be cool with the posters, man.

You are the weakest link..
good-bye!

I'd love to see Citibank's response if they knew about this....

i seem to play my best under great pressure... yeh its un-healthy but its part of the game. Its not easy. I think that winning poker players win not 100% because of how well they play but how they deal with stress, bad beats, swings, and mental toughness... bank roll management.

Wow......Just Wow....

My advice stop being a complete douche.