Originally Posted by Kerls
During the past 3 1/2 years I have fallen in love with playing poker. It's become a major obsession for me because I am the type of person who takes activities seriously. It doesn't matter what I'm doing, whether it's learning to snowboard or play football - I play to win and do everything in my power to get an edge.
The major problem I'm having right now is that my passion and determination to play and improve as a poker player is no longer compatible with my relationship with my wife; this is because I have failed to be upfront with her on multiple occasions (agreeing verbally to a set deposit limit online and then depositing more money, playing after being told to stop, etc.). She was hurt emotionally by my actions so much to the degree that now even the thought of me playing will bring her to tears.
With that being said, I still have the urges/want to play. Over the past week I was thinking through how I could rectify the problem by setting up a contract with her where my deposits would be limited to a set amount each month - $50.00. I was also hoping that we could negotiate time spent on the internet; this would work out fine for me since I mostly play cash games and am +ev in those games, and I already have a full time job. Unfortunately, when I brought up this idea to her she was calm but firm in saying she was unwilling to negotiate on this issue. She also made it very clear to me that I basically had to choose between her and playing poker, which for me is devastating because they are both things I cherish.
The situation is more complicated for the following reasons:
1) we've been married for almost 2 years now.
2) we have our own condo
3) she's pregnant and is expecting in 6 months. The last thing I want is to not be there for my child.
4) I do love her and do know where she's coming from, since I did lie to her on repeated occasions.
I am torn as to what to do. I know that if I choose to quit poker that I will have the urges to continue playing. If I choose this option, what steps can I take to ensure I follow through with no longer playing?
If I do choose to play poker and give up this relationship, what's the best way to go forward?
Thanks in advance
I haven't read any of the repliers. So I may be repeating someone. Or you may have already came up with a decision.
Who/what made you write this subject "either
wife and upcoming child or
Now if you can't manage your time between family (well man, it's not "your wife and child" - it's your family you are to care of) and the poker - that's another problem. And it's solvable.
Is poker your main source of income? If not, then..
Can you ask your wife for two weeks off? To find a place, to sit alone, and to play poker. For two weeks. Explain it to your wife honestly. Say you need some time to get a "missing you" feeling. Say you won't hire girls. I'd even offer her to put a webcam in my room, or smt :-) If your wife is wise, she will agree.
You then get your time for poker.
Two weeks will pass and you'll see. If you want poker, or you want your child and his/her mother to always be along with you. You know, people are people, you can always agree with anyone to have 6 hours of poker a week. It's simply that you need to put your priorities right.
Now if poker is your income, then, well... You should not have gotten into this situation. Basically, you won't be able to enjoy any other job. Try a therapist would be my best guess...
Poker is a game. Lots of families have problems e.g. about football. It's human-to-human understanding and decisions, not the thing itself, that need to be though of.
Peace. I wish you the wise and strong young man to be born ;-)