During the past 3 1/2 years I have fallen in love with playing poker. It's become a major obsession for me because I am the type of person who takes activities seriously. It doesn't matter what I'm doing, whether it's learning to snowboard or play football - I play to win and do everything in my power to get an edge.

The major problem I'm having right now is that my passion and determination to play and improve as a poker player is no longer compatible with my relationship with my wife; this is because I have failed to be upfront with her on multiple occasions (agreeing verbally to a set deposit limit online and then depositing more money, playing after being told to stop, etc.). She was hurt emotionally by my actions so much to the degree that now even the thought of me playing will bring her to tears.

With that being said, I still have the urges/want to play. Over the past week I was thinking through how I could rectify the problem by setting up a contract with her where my deposits would be limited to a set amount each month - $50.00. I was also hoping that we could negotiate time spent on the internet; this would work out fine for me since I mostly play cash games and am +ev in those games, and I already have a full time job. Unfortunately, when I brought up this idea to her she was calm but firm in saying she was unwilling to negotiate on this issue. She also made it very clear to me that I basically had to choose between her and playing poker, which for me is devastating because they are both things I cherish.

The situation is more complicated for the following reasons:

1) we've been married for almost 2 years now.
2) we have our own condo
3) she's pregnant and is expecting in 6 months. The last thing I want is to not be there for my child.
4) I do love her and do know where she's coming from, since I did lie to her on repeated occasions.

I am torn as to what to do. I know that if I choose to quit poker that I will have the urges to continue playing. If I choose this option, what steps can I take to ensure I follow through with no longer playing?

If I do choose to play poker and give up this relationship, what's the best way to go forward?

Thanks in advance

It might seem like the urge to play will never go away, but it will. Stop reading 2+2, stop railing nosebleeds, stop watching poker on TV.

lol, are u #$%^in kidding me, give up your family for poker? 50$ deposits too, wtf are u even gonna make out of that. if you were striving to reach 25-50 levels i understand but wasting ur time browsing 2+2 and playing microstakes is just idiotic. dump the computer if you have to man, your wife and upcoming kid are much more important, it also seems that you might have a gambling addicition, go to GA meetings if ya have to. sorry if i came a little harsh but gl anywayz

This is so ridiculous it can't be for real, lol.

you are pretty ****ed up... i dont have one at all, but wise people say having an unsupportive wife sucks. leave the game, or set a strict time frame for poker related activities and try to get her support... if u dont get thet, leave poker. if she is not supportive in other areas of your life too, leave her, but in good terms.

How is this a question? Pick poker and its not even close.

I dont know you, but from reading this it might seem that you are a compulsive gambler. That is when your compulsive behavour starts to live your life for you... If you find this suitable, go see Gamblers Anonymous, they can help you, they already gambled their life away, you havent! Go find help elsewhere then 2+2, and I dont say that to be rude or cause I wont help you, but its for the best.

EDIT: With having said this, I think everyone who really gets enthusiastic about poker get compulsive symptoms at one point, but if you really love both your wife and playing poker I dont see an issue about it. Dont play when your wife dont wants you to, or MAKE TIME FOR IT. Dont play every day, but like once a week. Trust me, if you do this, both the concentration on your wife, upcoming child AND poker will go up. Dont use time, money or effort at stuff you dont have room for basically. I also have kids, when I am with them, I dont play, when we eat dinner - I dont think poker, you get where I am going with this?

Wife and family FTW. I kinda understand where you are coming from OP, but IMO family always comes first. Best of luck, and congratulations on your first child.

Quit poker. Man up. This is just a game, not your job, your liveyhood or who you are. Divorce and child support and not seeing your kid every day is -EV. I don't care how good you are at poker. You are in a negative EV game if you continue down this road. Go to GA if you have to (and since you posted this question, you have to).

Evil

$50 deposits, constantly exceeds deposit limits, +EV in cash games, does not compute...

And they say poker is dying. W/ tools like op, poker ain't going anywhere.

OP, you need some serious help, maybe GA or something.

lollll gotta be a lvl just lol. bt if this is true you must of lost a **** load of money for her 2 be this upset, you say you've been playing for 3 1/2 years and you still don't have a roll? if you were a winning player this wouldn't be an issue but as it is your a degenerate gambler get help...

dude, you really cant be serious about that, can you? dumping wife and kid for being a losing player at microstakes?????????? if you were a hi roller and everything does not fit, well, that would be something to talk about.

on the other hand, your wife dumping you for spending $50 a month for recreational stuff is ridiculous, too. if you are sure that you wont spend more than the 50 bucks, talk to her again, this is really a small problem which could be solved easily. if you are not sure, however, contact GA a smthg the like as above posters already said

I'm just going to reiterate that you are a gambling addict and that you need help. The reason your wife will dump you for spending 50$ a month is because she doesn't believe you can limit yourself like that and she is probably right. Obviously you have lost a TON of money and have been neglecting her for her to have reached this point.

Go to GA

50 dollars a month is nothing, there's no harm in that. She's clearly being unrealistic.

If you have a gambling problem then she is right, get away from it.

If you do not have a gambling problem she is being very unreasonable. Honestly, at 50 dollars a month it basically amounts to a hobby, and if you improve your game you shouldn't have to worry about deposits.

However, I do not know whether you have a gambling problem or not.

If your play is +EV why deposit ?

Simple choose girlfriend and child. Talk with your girlfriend about 2 free evenings 2,5 hour each. Thats your pokertime..added max 50$ deposit.

Maybee she agree, if not leave poker--or play live with friends at home.
5-10$ sngs are funny and social

You've got issues for EVER considering micro online poker for your wife and soon to be kid.

Seek.

Help.

Immediately.

[ x ] OP's wife hates him playing poker because he both loses money and lies about it

[ x ] wife will start embracing poker when OP learns how to win

[ ] Op is the actual father of the unborn baby.

"this is because I have failed to be upfront with her on multiple occasions"

[X] This is the real problem.

She's not mad at you for playing poker. she's mad because 1) you lied and 2) you can't control yourself.

Once you show you can control yourself so that poker is a hobby like any other hobby (one that does take time from your family), she should be fine.

[ ]This is a hobby, not an addiction

A hobby is building ships in a bottle or collecting stamps. The thing about hobbies is they tend not to destroy families or use up all your money or make you lie constantly. For instance you don't see people pawning the last of their possessions to buy a new model airplane kit.

Thank you to everyone for their input. I do agree that

a) she is really mad at me for going behind her back
b) that I have demonstrated that I cannot control myself
c) I need to seek professional help (counselling, GA, etc)

I could clarify regarding the $50 deposits more clearly but it is so beyone the point that it isn't worth my while.

Just make a dealer with her you will start from 0 with free rolls, Fergison style. Grind on the mind, build it up from nothing.

I was gonna reply, but everyone else has basically said what i would.

You are nuts to give up a wife and kid to be a losing microstakes loser.

Though, on the other hand, when you are divorced, you get much more time to become a better poker player. (assuming you survive the suicidal tendancies of all divorced fathers)

Ill throw another thought into the ring here.

Why are you playing poker so much?

Please dont tell me its because your+ev, thats bull****, we all know it. you cannot be depositing and be +ev. End of story

My thoughts are is that you want to distance yourself from your relationship, and (unlike some other men who use hookers/drugs/alcohol/violence/work) using poker to allow your wife to break up with you.

Seriously, enjoy your wife and kids. Just play say two one hour sessions a week, or, if you want to play a bit longer, a couple of $4/180 on stars

Much cheaper for your hip pocket as well

Sounds like you have a real gambling addiction. You need to stop playing completely for at least 2 months, get some perspective on your priorities. Man up. You have a child on the way (congrats), and a wife. This is a dream come true for many people, and you are actually asking whether it is worth trading in for more losing sessions at 50NL.

OP if you were any good at poker you would know by now. your poker professional days have past you. Just suck it up and get a good Home Depot job Be a good husband to your Wife. Then consider poker again.