I've hesitated for some time to make a topic in this forum because I've had a bunch of ideas in the back of my mind, but being the perfectionist I am with these things, I've been afraid of not living up to the standards of quality posters like Canoodles, among many others whose names escape me right now but have seriously challenged my own belief system for the better. I honestly have no idea how to structure my ideas properly, so bear with me for a second, this is gonna be harder to write than I thought. I encourage discussion of this, I'm really interested on what you think. You may skip the background info and jump straight to the juice if you wish.
Before I begin this long topic, some background on me might help give some perspective on everything I'm about to try to explain in an attempt to better understand how poker has changed my life and how it might change yours if you listen to the wakeup calls it gives. I'm an American player in his early 20's who's lived his entire life (with the exception of some years in the US for college) out of the country. I was raised in a relatively well-off family, but following a divorce, I can't even begin to define where I stand economically. I can't complain though, I have everything I need. I learned how to play poker around the age of 14, but it didn't become a hobby and until much later. I started gambling in casinos at 17 (every other weekend after a party), turned $40 into $800 on my first night and thought I was an amazing blackjack player. Naturally, I lost every penny of it, resulting in a crushed ego. This happened hundreds of times over the years, and I eventually decided to take up live poker instead of enduring the emotional rollercoaster that blackjack is. I've had my ups and downs, I've been ridiculously generous (or rather, reckless) when my wallet's full and I've been absurdly stingy and bitter when it's empty, but I still feel a sense of relief the morning after a big loss, I rationalize that it's just money and that it was eventually going to be spent into trivial things anyway. Add in a measly 80k+ hands of online micro NLHE and that about sums up my experiences.
The reason I'm making this topic is because, in addition to the use of certain eye-opening drugs, I feel like poker has been one of the biggest influencers of change in my personality, for worse at the beginning, for better at the end. I no longer play online and I try to stay as far away as possible from casinos, even though I do give in the temptation from time to time. I still play the occasional home game and I'd pick up online poker again, but it's not a priority at the moment.
Poker. We're all part of this forum because we like to play it, whether it's for the money, to kill time with a hobby, or simply because we're addicted to the thrills we get from the emotional rollercoaster the game can take us on. We've adapted our styles to fit our personality types (or at least we've tried), but what happens when you adopt a style without really knowing yourself? How often do you see a shy, risk-adverse person playing LAG effectively? I seldom see this, and I admire effective LAG players because of their unshaking confidence in their game. There's a thread somewhere in the Micro FR NLHE forum that describes the different types of players, and the most effective ones by far are TAG and LAG, both playing differently but requiring the same amount of technical and mental skill to succeed at the game.
Ego, along with lack of discipline, are possibly the biggest mental obstacles poker players have to deal with on a hand to hand basis. One is a cancer, poisoning the mind with so much garbage that it makes it hard to dettach yourself emotionally from a game that requires as little emotion as possible, if any at all. If you let it grow, it worsens the problem, and it's really easy to lose it when your ego runs rampant. The other one is a skill that takes a while to develop, patience is a virtue as the old saying goes, and it couldn't be truer for a poker player. So what does this have to do with your personality? I believe it may explain a lot of aspects of your life that you might have not though about. I personally feel that the way we play on the tables is a reflection of our true selves. Poker brings out the worst in people. The way you handle a bad beat (whether in your favor or against you), a bluff, a smirk from an aggressive player who's trying to taunt you into doing something reckless, the way you lose control after losing a big hand, your lack of patience and discipline. EVERYTHING is a reflection of how you really are, and you react negatively because you let your ego take the front seat without restraints. What's even worse is that your ego is the number 1 reason you lose your common sense and good judgment. I won't delve into Freudian theories because, frankly, I'm a little rusty on my psychology concepts, but I do think that your ego plays a huge role in poker and in your private life.
Where am I going with this, you ask? I haven't read any books or heard any tapes on self-help and spirituality in poker, but I think that acknowledging you have an ego problem and taking steps towards overcoming it may greatly increase your profits in poker and bring peace in your life. Mindfulness and self-awareness lead to a better life, and putting in practice what you learn outside of the tables may improve your game drastically. This also works the other way around. Once you gain self-awareness of your problems at the table, you can work towards correcting them and it could even rub off on your private life.
Be mindful, gain self-awareness, control your ego, improve your game and your life.
It saddens me to say that I can't write the masterpiece I was aiming for, but this should be a good start for some discussion, and if someone wants to continue the ideas in this concept in a more eloquent manner, I'd be more than delighted to read it.