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Poker Negatively Affecting My Mind Poker Negatively Affecting My Mind

09-22-2014 , 05:33 AM
I recently turned 25 bucks into 300 by playing a combination of tournaments and cash games. I'm no stranger to running up small amounts of money into big sums. Problem is, it's a nice start, but I don't consider $300 a large sum. I've ran sums of less than $10 up to over 5k two times. My point is even though it was an over 10x return of my initial investment, (something that SHOULD make me happy) I'm not content. Therefore, I somehow managed to gamble away $100 of my new bankroll in less than an hour (other gambly games) before I banned myself to stop the bleeding.

By any accounts, having a $200 bankroll is a good thing considering I started with $25 about a week ago. In fact just two days ago I was quite enthused to be at $220. However, because I lost $100 I'm feeling a mental sting. I'm simply not satisfied with the $200 esp considering I just had $300, and NOW I feel worse having $200 than I did when I had a zero dollar bankroll just a week ago! Wtf!

This just seems rationally incoherent, and its disturbing to think even a relative good turn of events is negatively affecting my mood, at least short term. (in spite of the loss in still 8x my initial buyin, and yet I can't find solace in that!)

I've got a bunch of other issues, and poker is one of the few things im quite decent at. And on a lot of levels, I love it. But sometimes the way it makes me feel crappy even though I should be happy with my bankroll, makes me wonder if it's all worth it. I'm trying to grind out like 1k a month BC I have a lot of issues like extreme anxiety and depression that makes it very hard for me to keep a job and function normally, but sometimes I feel id be a lot better grinding out 1k a month working at a really menial job like the movie theatre. I've always kind of wanted to work at the movie theatre. Btw im 28 and my life is pretty jacked up and I'm not sure if ill ever achieve the life I want. A girlfriend, family, kids, a job I don't hate that can support me.

Anyway thx for listening, writing this was a little therapeutic. Its all pretty silly.
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09-22-2014 , 07:11 AM
I think you have an overreaching optimism and place to high a regard on perceived profit expectation, perhaps you think that since you managed to turn a small deposit into some substantial profit ( which is very impressive by the way ) that you should be able to turn that profit into an even larger profit. In my mind I think you are using your poker achievements to compensate for what you feel may be missing in your own life, your not pleased with the profit you are turning over because you FEEL as if you deserve more, and that it does not fill the void of what is lacking physically.
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09-22-2014 , 08:00 AM
Thanks for the reply. Actually you raise a good point. When I do well in poker I associate it with my self worth, I've even found myself saying this to my friend. I recently had a rlly bad run at the casino, and lost quite a bit. However, I told him it wasn't the money I lost I was upset about. I was upset that I lost the esteem that playing poker and feeling as if I'm doing something to hang my hat on brought me. I know I need things outside of poker to help me, but with me I feel knowing the things I should do isn't the problem, I just often feel paralyzed to do anything, one way or another.

Still, I wish there was a way to look at what I've accomplished and focus more on the overall win than the abrupt loss. Maybe its just some whiplash and ill regroup and feel better about it in a day or so. Regardless I HATE that here I am, with $175 extra bucks from playing a GAME in a week, and I'm less content as a result of losing a portion of my winnings. After all, its money lost, but its money I wouldn't have had to lose if I wasn't playing poker. I guess, for better or worse there's no way around the emotions of winning and losing money, even if its all profit after the loss??
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09-22-2014 , 10:24 AM
Is poker your escape? Based on what you have said it seems like you use poker also as a way of funnelling your emotions, you funnel emotion into a game that STIMULATES YOUR OWN emotions, in essence you become emotionally attached to the game in question, thus of course when you are up you generally feel euphoric where as when you are down you may feel depressive, distanced and a lack of self esteem, after all gaining profit is another form of accomplishment and if we are loosing what we have won then we logically speaking throwing away or disregarding those accomplishments, which may result in your emotional variation based on profit swings.

First and foremost I think there is somewhat of a gamblers mentality present within you, I would strongly suggest distancing yourself emotionally from the game, perhaps after a winning period, rather than continuously play to achieve what you perceive to be a profit margin that is going to further boost your self esteem, STOP and think about how well you have done making that profit, what you have done right, and take confidence in ones own ability in terms of the game to do so. Differ your emotional attachment to not the profit you gain, but rather the experience and how well as a player you progress, conceptually it is two variations of achievement and I know which is going to be more stable for yourself.
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09-23-2014 , 06:22 AM
The first sentence makes me laugh. I turned 25 buck into 300..pfftt!! Only a few weeks played...pfftt!! Please oh please come back in a year. Hey I hope you make it I hope you turn that 300 into 3 million but please oh please keep posting!
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09-23-2014 , 07:26 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Robin Agrees
The first sentence makes me laugh. I turned 25 buck into 300..pfftt!! Only a few weeks played...pfftt!! Please oh please come back in a year. Hey I hope you make it I hope you turn that 300 into 3 million but please oh please keep posting!
It is entirely possible what reason would OP have to lie?
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09-23-2014 , 08:06 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chanty57
It is entirely possible what reason would OP have to lie?
What? I know he is telling the truth that's why it's funny. Have you ever played poker before? I remember playing and I turned £50 into £1200 in one night thinking I can really make money from this. Oh boy how my dream was crushed and how £1200 is a drop in the ocean in the poker world.

Quote:
However, because I lost $100 I'm feeling a mental sting. I'm simply not satisfied with the $200 esp considering I just had $300, and NOW I feel worse having $200 than I did when I had a zero dollar bankroll just a week ago! Wtf!
Here OP writes how he feels about losing a small amount of money. I remember losing £500 in a night and I got as frustrated as I did when I lose $10 playing online. Trust me the best advice I could OP is never play poker again for his mental health.
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09-23-2014 , 08:08 AM
I think I can relate to your situation. I suffer from mild anxiety and OCD, and being coop up in a room with no social interaction does eats into your mental well being.

When you are winning, your Return On Investment is good. However, when you lost that $100 in under an hour, you started to factor in the Rate Of Return and it gets into your brain. You could take days or weeks to build up your bankroll but only under an hour to lose 33% of it. I was in this situation as well, we need better bankroll management. But once you've hit the rock bottom, the only way for you to go is UP.

Do not take the profit of $200 and spread it across your entire poker and gambling timeline. You need to realize growing $25 to $200 is no small feat. So try to segment your sessions. For example, you could deposit $25 this week and see how well you do over a week. Regardless of your result, on your 2nd week, deposit another $25 and record down the result. Do this on a weekly basis, and celebrate on a monthly basis when you make a profit. If you make a net loss, start analyzing and get better at your game.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chanty57
It is entirely possible what reason would OP have to lie?
He's undervaluing TS 8x profit due to a short period of time. Basically, he's making a snide remark with a rather condescending attitude for someone who seems genuinely affected by Poker.
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09-23-2014 , 08:08 AM
Nope I have never played Poker I am just using a poker forum for fun, I understand what you are saying and it is EXACTLY THE ISSUE OP is trying to address, he needs to get a grip on the reality that loosing money is a regular occurrence, I would not advocate quitting entirely maybe take an extended break
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09-23-2014 , 08:10 AM
If you are asking me is there money to be playing poker I respond there sure is but you have to be willing to sell your soul and lose your mind along the way. If you don't luckbox a big tourney or take a shot at the higher games and luckbox there and cash out after winning then you are forever doomed running $25 into $300 and not feeling satisfied and feeling like **** when you lose $100. Is there money to be made in poker? Yes there is! but I would rather blow $25 in lotto tickets.
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09-23-2014 , 08:13 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Robin Agrees
If you are asking me is there money to be playing poker I respond there sure is but you have to be willing to sell your soul and lose your mind along the way. If you don't luckbox a big tourney or take a shot at the higher games and luckbox there and cash out after winning then you are forever doomed running $25 into $300 and not feeling satisfied and feeling like **** when you lose $100. Is there money to be made in poker? Yes there is! but I would rather blow $25 in lotto tickets.
This I think is entirely false information, many people have started their poker careers via small online deposits, perhaps you feel the only way you can make a profit is by taking shots at higher limits but for many this is not the case.
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09-23-2014 , 08:21 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chanty57
This I think is entirely false information, many people have started their poker careers via small online deposits, perhaps you feel the only way you can make a profit is by taking shots at higher limits but for many this is not the case.
Many? Some, a few not many. I could easily ask you is there more people who have NOT started poker careers via small online deposits? We as poker players use statistics to make decisions the best decision is to never play because it is likely you will not make it and be forever doomed play small stakes (for fun or small profit).

I remember playing 2NL I crushed it over 500k hands making $700 with a $50 deposit. The blood, sweat and tears 10 tabling that POS game turned my head I couldn't give a dam about winning money but see if I lost £10 I would go through the roof because I know what it takes to earn £10 at 2NL it could take the next 24 hours to get that back. What a waste of time!

Basically earning $3.50 was a great day that's 1 and 1/2 buy ins. The allure of poker is winning a vast some of money in a short space of time. What poker really is (winning poker) grinding out small amounts of money over a long period of time. So what price will you sell your soul and lose your mind for?
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09-23-2014 , 10:39 PM
I could kinda relate to your story..

Say, if you lose $300, but still got $300 from just a $1 starting roll all you can see is losing half of your roll instead of being up $300. Your negative thinking convinces you it is worst then what it seems. You feel devastated!

Mind seeks out progression. When you start moving backwards it is a huge blow to ego and self-esteem. You start playing worst.

It's a mental leak that I'm trying to work on myself. It is not easy to put things in perspective when money comes & goes so easily.

Last edited by MistakesWereMade; 09-23-2014 at 11:07 PM.
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10-17-2014 , 08:42 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JollyPoker
I've ran sums of less than $10 up to over 5k two times.
Just curious as to why $100 matters to you when you have had rolls of over 5k?

Yes it's 1/3 of your current bankroll but it's pretty insignificant by your standards.
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10-20-2014 , 05:13 PM
Br management is good. Too much thought into it though can have adverse affect on your play.
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10-22-2014 , 01:40 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JollyPoker
I recently turned 25 bucks into 300 by playing a combination of tournaments and cash games. I'm no stranger to running up small amounts of money into big sums. Problem is, it's a nice start, but I don't consider $300 a large sum. I've ran sums of less than $10 up to over 5k two times. My point is even though it was an over 10x return of my initial investment, (something that SHOULD make me happy) I'm not content. Therefore, I somehow managed to gamble away $100 of my new bankroll in less than an hour (other gambly games) before I banned myself to stop the bleeding.

By any accounts, having a $200 bankroll is a good thing considering I started with $25 about a week ago. In fact just two days ago I was quite enthused to be at $220. However, because I lost $100 I'm feeling a mental sting. I'm simply not satisfied with the $200 esp considering I just had $300, and NOW I feel worse having $200 than I did when I had a zero dollar bankroll just a week ago! Wtf!

This just seems rationally incoherent, and its disturbing to think even a relative good turn of events is negatively affecting my mood, at least short term. (in spite of the loss in still 8x my initial buyin, and yet I can't find solace in that!)

I've got a bunch of other issues, and poker is one of the few things im quite decent at. And on a lot of levels, I love it. But sometimes the way it makes me feel crappy even though I should be happy with my bankroll, makes me wonder if it's all worth it. I'm trying to grind out like 1k a month BC I have a lot of issues like extreme anxiety and depression that makes it very hard for me to keep a job and function normally, but sometimes I feel id be a lot better grinding out 1k a month working at a really menial job like the movie theatre. I've always kind of wanted to work at the movie theatre. Btw im 28 and my life is pretty jacked up and I'm not sure if ill ever achieve the life I want. A girlfriend, family, kids, a job I don't hate that can support me.

Anyway thx for listening, writing this was a little therapeutic. Its all pretty silly.

There's an interesting book called Your Money and Your Brain that does an excellent job of explaining why we react the way we do regarding money. It has a lot to do with the reward systems our bodies have evolved into. It's definitely worth a read if you're curious to get a more solid understanding of why these money hangups can be so upsetting.
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