Dear All,
I'm a new member to this forum and desperate for some help. It would mean the world to me if someone could help me.
I am an alright poker player. I perform well on SNG 6MAX tournaments. I am able to make calculations and adapt to different players. On 888, I finished ITM on about 30-40% of SNGs ($5/ $10/ rarely $20). However, I go on some REALLY bad tilting sessions. This has happened 4-5 times and each time it happens I self-exclude myself for a month then it happens again next month and so on. I started with 50 dollars on 888 2 days ago. Then I played a combination of SNGs in the 5-20 dollar region. Everything was going well. I was winning and making difficult folds. Bluffing in the right situations etc... In a day, I made around 200 dollars which was quite alright. But then I couldn't stop playing. I was winning and then I said 'let's go study', 'it's enough',' you're tired' etc...
I kept wanting to win more or maybe, as it says in the Mental Game of Poker, subconsciously wanted to really lose it all. I went to play 50 dollar SNGs and lost nearly 5 times against one guy and won 2 times against another. I don't know if he was cheating or not. He made some really questionable calls and folds. But I think it's very difficult for someone to cheat. Basically, I lost it all. For the 4th time. Another time on PokerStars I won 221 on a 180 SNG and then lost it all on 15 dollar spin n go's. I know I shouldn't play those games because of variance but I am an idiot. I say let's just do it once for the lolz then I lose then let's win back my buy in, then shove with T8 after a bet-raise. I just throw skill and maths out the window and rely on luck.

I don't know why this happens. I lack self-control on the tables and my tilting sessions are fatal to my whole bankroll. I study a lot and watch many poker videos. I am getting better in applying the concepts to my game but I think I am a problem gambler or approaching that stage. I need to know if you could offer me any help with regards to controlling this. It is very weird why I can't stop. Why I can't control myself. Why I can't keep to a certain buy-in amount. Do you know any books/articles/ videos that could help? I want to play poker professionally and I really enjoy it. But my mental weakness keeps me from doing that. Do you have any particular plansthat you stick to in order to prevent this?
Many Thanks for reading.
P.S. it's ok to be judgmental. Whatever you think is helpful to share would be appreciated.

You know it yourself but you're playing WAY under-rolled. Playing $15 Spins on a 15 buy-in roll you're at the mercy of luck. Playing $50 HUSnG's you're going to be against a pro every time (they form cartels to share fish).

It sounds like you're chasing some gambling thrill rather than trying to play seriously. $1 or maybe $3 games should be your target with that kind of bankroll. You aspire to play professionally, poker for a living isn't all that exciting - it's not like Rounders where you're looking to get your whole bankroll on the table. Bankroll management is rule number 1.

Most sites have some kind of responsible gambling feature, where you can set your maximum buy in for the different games. So next time before you deposit to a poker site figure out what would be reasonable for your deposit and set a limit accordingly.

Then you don't have to worry about controlling yourself in the heat of the moment

It looks like you have taken the first step in accepting the obvious, gl.

Cashing 30-40% in SNGs isnt an indication of a solid SNG player. It sounds like your ability isn't where you think it is. It's normal for people to think they are better than they actually are. Drop back down in stakes and set a time limit on your sessions if they're interfering with other areas of your life.

Set yourself buyin levels and do not deviate from them. You're also way underrolled for the buyin level you want to play.