I define "spiritual" as the basic motor of your life. The motivational engine of your consciousness. Nothing to do with God, there is no God.

And people "stabbing you in the back" is purely your imagination. Why are even worth stabbing in the back? You have no money and describe yourself as "nice" and "boring". You would not be an interesting target for any self-respecting sadist.

Anyway, people "taking advantage of you" is a dance with 2 partners, and you are one of them. If people are actually taking advantage of you, which I seriously doubt, it is because you allow it, and on some level, enjoy it, because your self-worth is so low that you feel you deserve it.

And you enjoy money? I doubt that. You would not know what to do with it if you had it. Money is time, nothing more. And you hate time. So what on Earth would you do with the compressed time that money would afford you? You get a limited amount of physical time to exist. Money allows you to leverage the time of other people. But you hate people, so what would you do with the condensed time? Isolate yourself more enthusiastically?

You don't make any sense.

I love the way you say "I doubt that" and think you win.

Money is time? You're bat **** ****ing crazy, money is money. Period.

How do I allow what the government tax me? or what my boss pays me? Yes I allow it because what's the alternative?

Yes I help some friends out with money and they don't pay me back so I try and cut them out of my life but iset that the problem that I am isolating myself.

So, if someone just gave you, with no strings attached whatsoever, an amount of money sufficient that you could buy anything and everything you wanted, whenever you wanted it, for the rest of your life, what would you buy and what would you do?

Even for someone who is only focused on money, you must want the money because of what you can do with it and not simply because you want to have a lot of money, right? So, perhaps there is a way to do some of the things that you would like to do, but do them in a way that costs less money than you might typically think it would cost... Just as one crazy example, if you really want to travel to other countries, you could get a job teaching English as a second language in a foreign country, or get a job for an airline or something. And if you don't have any goals or aspirations in life other than simply building up a big bank account, well, then, you're in trouble...

To me it seems like you are making excuses up to avoid helping yourself.

What else are you going to do if you don't sit in front of a computer? Watch TV? What's the difference? You could just play at weekends if you don't want to do it after work.

Look at online play as practice for live play, once you have practised enough that you can beat the online players the live players should be a breeze and you should be able to beat them by betting big with your big hands and folding the rest.


You've been given lots of advice that can help you but you keep making excuses up to discard it.

Here's an idea, you could go back through this whole thread and write down each piece of advice that has a remote possibility of helping, have a think about them and then work out which ones you dislike the least then go and make a plan of action of how you can try to make them work and give it a try, and I mean really give it a try. Don't just have a go then quit as soon as you find an excuse to, try your absolute best to make it work because what's the alternative? A life of misery. Surely that's enough motivation to try your best to succeed.

People can give you ideas but they're no use if you're just going to keep discarding them, the only person that can really help you is yourself.

Try reading some of these:

http://www.brainyquote.com/

No, money is not money. Money is an invention of man that is used as a medium of exchange to channel and condense the time of others. An individual can not know everything or do everything or be good at everything. We have to specialize. And money allows us the opportunity to leverage the time of others so that we may move on to higher and more enjoyable functions without having to actually grow the food, shoot the deer, build the house, design the car, etc.

Money is useless unless you have some purpose for it. From the sound of it, if you were to have money, you would probably end up like Howard Hughes, using money to further isolate yourself from the pain of self-discovery.

My amateur diagnosis at this point? You are suffering from AvPD, Avoidant Personality Disorder. Please Google it and review the symptoms. If you don't see yourself there, I'd be surprised. It is interlaced in everything you have written and I can pretty much give you the diagnosis without the benefit of a personal interview and medical checkup, which of course I am not qualified to perform since I lack the requisite licensing. Nonetheless, AvPD seems correct given the symptoms you've exhibited.

Review this link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidan...ality_disorder

I do not utilize Wikipedia as a primary research tool, but in this case it provides a rather concise summary and is in agreement with some of the other more sophisticated PD websites that I consulted.

You've got your work cut out for you if you are going to deal with this with the goal of cure or substantial symptomatic mitigation.

Some of the theory points to environment, but the missing screw I discussed previously may be linked to an inherited deficiency. In all probability it is a combination of both: predisposition and a difficult childhood.

Don't feel too bad about it. Almost everyone exhibits mental illness of one form or another. I myself am currently locked in a dreadful battle with CrShDysp, short for Cruise Ship Dyspepsia. It totally prevents me from booking a cruise based on the irrational fear that any ship that contains me as a passenger will at some point end up on its side. Strange, I know, but there it is.

Now here, take a cookie. I promise, by the time you're done eating it, you'll feel right as rain.

So I wouldn't be hasseled by other people and I could throw money at them to clear off, so I wouldn't be burdened by the monotony, soul crushing, tedious, rigmarole, empty life that is being pissed away underneath fluorescent tubes, stuck in a office cubical for most of the day.

I tell you what I would if I had a lot of money, I would build big housing developments with swimming pools in each 4 bedroom dwelling and just give them away to whoever I bumped into the street, maybe I would raffle them off for £1 a ticket, just because I can and no other reason.

I would travel the poker circuit and play in each major event, not only that but I would find the biggest fish and stake him for life, just because I can and no other reason.

I would fund research into a new type of vehicle so that it can replace the car, because I just cant believe in this day and age that we havn't improved on something that was invented in 1885.

And any other crazy **** that popped into my head...


I dont know what to write here. I just dont know how easy it would be to train as a teacher or to get a job on an airline.

FTP Rush




2NL


I dont want to play online.

From Wiki.
Nothing to do about time.

Money would keep me occupied, I could find a lot of things to do with it.

I sound like a lost cause. I wonder what I should do with this new information.

I try not to.

That's a pretty impressive graph even for 2NL. Maybe you don't care as much about money as you've been making out. With those skills you could probably make some decent money down the casino.

I don't have a bankroll or else I would. Live is so easy but the swings are brutal. I have 1 buy in to spare maybe!!!

The swings aren't that brutal if you play really tight, like AQ / AK / 1010-AA + low pairs and suited connectors to set / flush and straight mine in multi way pots then one short stack buy in can often be enough to build a role from, although I wouldn't ever recommend gambling your last bit of spare cash on one buy in down the casino.

I know you keep saying that you don't want to play online but like I said you seem to be making excuses to avoid doing anything to get yourself out of your horrible situation. If you really can't save then grind some online, get your skills back and build up a bankroll so that you can take a few punts down the casino. You say you have nothing at the weekends to look forward too, maybe you could look forward to building yourself a role so that you can make the money that you crave. Poker is an addictive game so if you can get yourself addicted you've shown that you have the potential to be a decent winning player.

I feel like a broken record keep telling you to do something that you keep saying that you don't want to do but if it could provide you with that hope that you need to get you through these bad times then it'll be worth it. You haven't really got anything to lose at the moment.

You have chosen to be a lost cause. What would you do if you got a cancer diagnosis? Get treatment. Mental illness requires the same response.

Or, if that's too much trouble, lead a life of quiet desperation, remain broke, remain without ambition, remain without hope, remain a loser basically, but do it honorably and without bitching. To your credit, at least you are doing it alone. Many people in your shoes get into relationships and victimize those around them, spreading their pathos and poison. You are at least sparing others the nonsense and the drama.

Stop going to the gym, eating, borrowing money to people, etc. You should be rolled very quickly.

I have already been to the doctors 4 or 5 times about this and they said to me, that they cannot help me, and then sent me on my way.