Why do people money is worthless, but yet have a death grip around it? I mean if it so worthless, let go, and drift it my direction.

So the Highlight of my life is the ability to choose what toothpaste I use, or what flowers I plant in my garden, its not worth it, working 5 days a week for that its not worth it.

Of course it makes your life better.

It seems like you have a decent foundation to be a very calm and balanced person, but you've veered off the path in a couple ways.

I've had problems in the past as well, and I do not recommend professional help in any way unless you're a complete mess and you just need someone to listen. If you have a complex mind or problem in any way, they just realize that they are not up to par with what needs to be said and done to fix you and they stop trying to help once they realize that. I think you get the same types of responses in counselling as I do. eventually the sessions turn into a game that I'm playing with them and they know they're on the losing side...

On the upside, in Buddhism, it is taught to not create a craving towards things you enjoy, and to not create aversion towards things you do not enjoy. So far you're doing well with this Or at least that is what you seem to be saying, is that you do not react negatively or positively to much, other than money. Is this true, or is this just on the surface level and you are just not responding to your emotional reactions within your body?

You need to find happiness without money, or you still won't be happy when you have money. It's the craving of money that you are attached to, not having money itself. Once you get some money, you'll just want more money, and that cycle won't stop unless you change your mind.

I feel like I'm saying this in too many threads, but try reading the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, it's a good start to changing how you view things to be happy with how things are right now instead of judging your life situation based on how you want things to be.

depending on where you live, you gotta have more than 2 professionals.
I agree that it is in general pretty hard to get an appointment, however it is worth the hassle and important, unless you like feeling how you feel when nothing really matters, everything seems grey and distant, behind a curtain that seperates you from the outside world. 'oh look those stupid happy people outside there in their colourful world. such simpletons and yet, I remember how once I used to laugh too.....'

not sure whether you meant me specifically (as I haven't said any of those things) or the general you, however these are my 2c on that:
It doesn't matter if you call your depression 'depression' or 'cheesecakestuffedwithhotdogs'. Ignoring it however, will only make it worse.
why is worse bad? well you can go and exist quite a long while without going through real emotions, without experiencing or aiming for happiness. It is a downward spiral though. You might just not feel happy or angry most of the time, then you seriously don't feel anything, that somehow the lack of feelings transforms into a new feeling, which you feel tenfold: a feeling of loss and pain, meaninglessness and disconnection. Does that sound very appealing to you?

even in the unlikely case that it wouldn't come to that if you don't actively change something and you don't get into the negative pit, let's have a look at that outlook:
day in day out. doesn't sound too sexy either does it?

the positive thing is, that you have so many things where you could get started to improve your experience in excisting and on the way to actually living. For example you could get a new job. Most people spend most of their wake time working, so why do it at a place you dislike or with tasks you dislike? What keeps you from seeking something you enjoy (more)? Lacking education for that? why not do something about that? Gives you a purpose and a good feeling too, once you accomplished that.

don't clean that often/ get more efficient with it/ pay someone to do it, if you can afford it. For some people cleaning means making a living while for others cleaning just means a waste of time in combo with doing something you don't enjoy.

regarding your EV paragraph:
personally I do value anger and I don't value it less or more than joy. Just because I don't kill anyone when I am angry doesn't mean that there is an imbalance. I also don't just sleep with the nextbest person just because I am enjoying something. Why do I enjoy joy and anger? Because it makes me feel alive. It connects me to the now and here and I feel. I feel.
I feel and realise that this very moment, where I am very angry or very happy or very whatever (anything but indifferent) is a moment I live. Not just a moment in my life through which I exist, but I moment where I live. THAT can feel pretty damn awesome.

unless you are the author, he might not be very happy about people distributing his stuff for free. if you are the author though, then it might just be 2+2 being unhappy about you advertising over and over (as you implicated you are saying this in too many threads).

Sorry if this a free book though and you didn't violate the copyright by that. but then I guess you could have just linked to it.

Yeah I have been down this road before about getting another job I like, but I dont like anything its just a means to an end. First thought that comes to my head is what job pays the most?

I did like the job I am doing now..well just about, the problem is doing the same **** every day so it wouldnt matter what the job is.

In fact I dont like working it sucks.

Life is hard, no doubt about that. But life sucks even when you are winning, which is rare.

What happens when you know life is hard but you dont accept the challenge? Because I figure that going through all that **** for nothing, nothing you want is not worth it.

It's your life, if money is that important to you, that's your business.

If you don't like working, don't work. It's pretty simple... I worked about 40 hours in total in the month of November, other than that, I haven't worked since April 8... nearly a full year from now

If not working is what you want to do, you'll find a way. You'd have to give up on money making you happy and be able to find other sources of happiness. It's not always easy living off of generosity of others or small amounts of income.

If you know life is hard and you don't accept the challenge, basically that sounds like death to me. Otherwise it sounds like a horrible life, in denial of living, which is the state most people seem to stay in. You don't have to accept the challenge, but just accept the fact that life is hard and get over it. Life is hard for everyone else, you're not special in that regards.

My goal is to never work for someone else ever again because then I'm stuck doing the same thing everyday, and most of which I probably will not enjoy. I've accepted less income to be able to do what I want every day of my life.

Good luck in finding yourself and your place in the world, the best thing to do is to be present in each moment and to just stop thinking about it. If you are doing whatever will make you happiest in each moment, then it will eventually lead to you being happy in life.

I really wanted to be a live poker pro but lol I dont have the money for it. Dont know what to do about that!

save, actually dont try to "go pro" your odds are only %5

Most pros are broke anyway. Why do you want to be like them?

So you never spend any money ever? You never 'value' anything more than money? Hard to believe.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misanthropy

Didn't read this entire thread, but I think you have a passion for life - even though its negative. I think in time you'll turn that passion into a positive. There have been many artists through time that had your disgust for life (including myself) and turned that into something worth living for. Search for it. It may be money but I doubt it.

Because I am broke now, why not have both? what about......

1. Travel the poker circuit, see different places.
2. Play cards
3. Win money
4. Get sponsored
5. Get on TV.
6. Win more money.
7. Take break whenever you want.
8. No boss
9. Buy boat
10. Play cards on boat.
11. Flexible hours.

Lets see, I have a TV, cooker, shower, toilet, sofa and a bed....oh yeah and I need for food. I dont think I spend my money on anything else, not because I dont want to but because I dont have much money.

Perfect

Fantastic

Yep..I hear you bro

So good.......

All or nothing IMO.

Right on!

just relax and breathe. eat healthy and exercise daily, you feelings will change soon. You are just a animal and these feelings you have are mostly due to how much humans have moved away from that path.

caveman: hunt.run.eat.sleep.f@ck
21st century man: work.sit.mcdonalds.stress.meds.

the more you return to the basics the happier you will be, you are just a animal after all

well it sounds like he's broker now so.....