This makes me LOL so hard because I deal with this every time I talk to my parents/grandparents. My immediate family has generally had a thing for gambling, and when I say gambling I mean pulling a lever and hoping for 7s across the board. I don't share that lust; poker has always been my thing. I have always had an edge psychologically and mathematically at the poker table. So when my dad, his girlfriend, and my grandparents caught on to me making money on the side from poker, they started to ask the very same ****ing questions you just brought up, and they do it in their little cutesy way. I have always been a very argumentative type so I start to try to educate them. It's like my mission in life to get people to understand poker... but predictably they will have none of it. Worse, my Dad was a security guard at the Horseshoe back in the early 80s (where he met my wheel-of-fortune-spinning-mother and where I was born) and he never ceases to remind me that he has seen too many people go bust in the casino that I'm in denial, that I'm on the road to ruin etc. ROFL. Nevermind I'm gainfully employed and poker is a side hobby...

Anyways, if there is a point to my ramble, it's that I always give it back to them by arguing my case with gusto. I never let comments like that go by unchallenged. But I do it in a good natured way too, I would never respond with a smart-ass comment back to them or something. I know that they're ignorant in the end. ^_^

Maybe, but simply 'ignoring' the comments obviously achieves nothing either since the comments keep coming. Problems should be fixed, not ignored in my humble opinion. At least sticking up for your viewpoint might convince them that while they may not agree with my craft, they respect my choice and rationale for doing it.

Funny thing is, if you were a stockbroker they would have no problem with it at all.
If poker is gambling (which to me it is, although one with a +EV when played well) then trading stocks is also gambling.

I've learned to just not speak about it in general. And if it is mentioned I just kinda give a little grin and say nothing.

I'm not going to change his opinion about it...and vise versa

All of my friends play cards and I feel most people (if explained properly )
would keep an open mind to the fact that poker is really fun and can be
a great extra income.

Sick Brag

Just don't take them serious. They are just being ignorant. When they say a remark just smile at them and move on. Dealing with in laws is a tough business anyway no matter what your profession.

probably the smartest thing to do is to put up with it and just take it as a joke, all that matters is what your wife thinks and if you are really handling it responsibly i really don't see any problem. No reason to hide and not attend family events, be positive.

Instead of arguing with them, review their side of the story & analyze their point of view.
It should be a lot easier dealing with people you don't agree with, when you know what motivates them. In other words, make them realize that you take good care of their daughter.

A guy at my work believes that poker is all about luck.
Rather then explaining him the concept of ev & variance, I just tell him that he's probably right. There's no gain for me, when I spend time trying to explain him that poker is a game of skill. Instead I kindly agree, and therefore he feels related to me.

Ofcourse the nature of the relation between you & your family is way different between me and my colleague. But the main point is: Don't try to convince other people of your beliefs, the harder you push, the harder they tend to disagree.
Find a place within the discussion where your family can find comfort. In your case it's a very thin line, but it should be worth the effort trying to find it.

Most people will never understand what poker really is or even that it's a game of skill. Even the "gamble" in this game is part of the skill as it takes a very intelligent person to realize that even certain plays where you lose are correct. Even most of the people who play this game don't see it as a game of skill. It's like craps and slots to them. It might be best to simply not talk to people about poker ever if you can avoid it. Most will never ever get it, even if you win.

While I agree that it's much easier to just agree with people like that, I also used to think that "the house always wins" or that you just need to get really lucky for awhile and then quit while you're ahead. You could explain to them that being poker is like counting cards in blackjack; if you're well prepared and disciplined you can't help but be a winner.

I've gone through this at a couple of places I work. Now the more annoying questions are, "are you up or down right now?" as if poker just has crazy swings where you're in the black one minute and in the red the next. Or they ask, "oh you're working overtime, must need to reload your poker account." It probably is just better to not mention it now that I wrote all that.

Why not try showing them the 2+2 store and pointing out that all of the instruction books are there for a reason?

laugh in there ignorant faces. Idiots don't get to be snide.

All the 'show them .....' really have no point imo.

They don't wanna be involved in this which makes it that more akward talking about it.
Just show them that you take good care of their daughter one way or the other.
As long as your wife has nothing to complain, neither should they.

And while they think like this u should avoid any confrontation, its pointless to disuss with someone about a topic they dont know it as much as you.

At some level their right, but they´re just focusing on the bad side of thegame when themajority of the guys that practice poker and felt into those catagories dont apply the pricinples properly.

Nothing u can do there...Its like we say in Venezuela, sorry for the bad translation, but it goes something like this..."When someone has a hammer in their hands all they ever gonna see are nails".

Until they changed their view about poker, its better to not get involved in a discussion, but what i would do its to sit them out and be very clear that u respect their opinions and the fact they disagree with you and/or have a "BAD" view/understanding about the game, but that you´re sick and tired of this ****, that u expect and DESERVE the same amount of respect from them, they are not more important than you, you deserve respect also, so i think you should demand it, i wouldnt be as cool as you if someone its trashing what i do for a living, what allow me to put food in my family´s mouth, dont care whom that might be.

Yeah i hear you man, i feel very relate to the point of this thread, its the same **** with me...And specially since in my country poker isnt that develop as in other places.

Hope this day never comes for me, but i feel your pain, i was one and employ as well.

Good for you.

Maybe you should play poker in a suit with a tie, maybe that way they will respect you more, cuz for some people its all about appearance and what others might think of you.

I wouldnt do it, i deserve respect as well...I wont keep my mouth shut just because they are my in laws and they have a wrong view about what i do for a living, its like Popeye say, if i were a stockbroker they wont be as "ignorant" about it.

I agree with this 100%, if you´re not able to change their understanding about poker just let it be, but demand respect.

Of course its always better not to try to change everyones mind about poker or the game will get a lot tougher in time

+1

bumping it for the soul...

Poker is always going to have negative connotations but if it makes you happy you should stick at it IMO and they will eventually learn to deal with it

Wow...I had totally forgotten about this thread... Their views have still not changed btw...LOL

They never will my man.

What matters is your relationship with your wife. So long as she respects what you do, and so long as you are respectful to her family, you can probably just laugh about it behind their backs.

FWIW, her parents are somewhat correct. For many people, poker is an addiction and is seriously -EV.

If they continously needle you about it, just tell them, hey, I love you guys, let's agree to not discuss this so we can still have a good relationship.

>> How's your gambling going for you?"

Fantastic. Thanks for showing you care. How are things going for you?

>> "Lost any money lately?"

Took some of the money I made and bought a flat-screen TV. What do you think of it?

You can't survive unless everyone in the world loves poker and the fact you pay it? That's setting yourself up for disappointment.

If you didn't have such a huge emotional reaction people probably wouldn't say a thing.

Personally I brag about playing poker. Other people's beliefs are their own problem.

My take: If they are really religious, remind them of Matthew 7;1,2. I paraphrase (depending on which of the several hundred versions of the bible folks prefer): Judge not, lest ye also be judged. Mete not unto others lest the same be meted unto you.

I would follow that with: "I have always been respectful to you in your home, and ask nothing more than that you extend me that same courtesy. If you cannot do so then you are no longer welcome in our home. I do not want my children to learn from you that it is acceptable to be as disrespectful to other people as you are to me."

My wife's reservations about me playing even micro stakes on-line poker miraculously disappeared after she opened, at my request, some mail containing a healthy cheque from Neteller. After a couple more cheques she was almost disappointed when I took a break from playing.

Man does that suck!?

My fallback position is always sarcasm, but maybe your wife won't much care for your asking her relatives how much they enjoy being bent over by some boss while you can drink scotch at your job if you so choose.

Or, you can reply by saying "yeah, I lost this week--twice, in fact--on my way to cashing 3K. What did you earn at your gas station job, Zeb?

However, the kinder, gentler approach is probably all around the best way to turn the questions around on them without invoking universal family ire. Because not that many people get to set their own hours, work in their pajamas (online, that is, I assume you don't go to the B&M's that way), or get to be their own boss, most people have built-up resentments to people who can and do and that's got a lot to do with this, I think. You're living a lifestyle many, many people wish they could emulate but don't have the myriad skills required, including 1. card skills, 2. people skills, 3. guts, 4. determination, etc...you get the idea. So what I propose is that you treat their thinly veiled hating on you as an insight to what's really bothering THEM in THEIR working lives--being underpaid, being underappreciated, working under constant pressure to outperform not only their co-workers, but the 22 year-olds making up every Spring's crop of college graduates eager as hell to take their jobs from them at half the salary. Stuff like that.

When you see what the stuff they're saying to you is really about and use it as an opportunity to ask them in a concerned, genuine, and sincere manner about their lives, they will:

a. realize not only do their primitive insights into how poker works not bother you, but that actually register with you as a sign of their fears, problems, and insecurities;

and,

b. cause them either to stop bringing it up (for fear of invoking your pity for them, which not that many people want or enjoy); or open up to you (which you may or may not enjoy), hence getting them past the snide and snotty bull****.

I hope that helps, though, ultimately if/when you're supporting your family BIG TIME through poker earnings, that's when you're in the real and best position to laugh off anything said to you by people who insist on hating at all costs. Good luck.

P.S. If all else fails, you've got to man up to wifey and tell her she's got to put her foot down with her family otherwise you intend to begin taking it as a sign that she's letting them voice how SHE feels about your income-generator and that if she's got a problem with the cash then she can just go take a second (or third?) job while you work as a school crossing guard, or whatever (given the F'd up economy). Marriage vows used to come with the line "forsaking all others," which meant spouse before family, so it's time to invoke that clause in your marriage and CONVINCE her you won't put up with any more cracks out of Jethro, Ellie-Mae, and the rest of the gang.

Was this reply long enough?

I'll tell you how I've had to feel personally about this myself.... not with just poker but life in general.. I'm nearly 30 but look 16 (literally). no one ever takes me seriously.. I've went "psycho" on a few people after I've had enough of them disrespecting me to death (and i've had some pretty nasty run ins with the in-laws) when I've done nothing but shown them the utmost respect.

Here's the deal.. you can't forcibly change people.. so just take the high road.. if they see you doing these same things year in and year out and your still married and not broke.. they at least may stop bothering you about it. Good luck with it man.. I know it can take a toll on your emotions.. but high road is the way to go.. i've eventually earned respect from people by doing the same.. may not happen over nite though. lol. GL

Dude, stop advertizing the fact that u play poker. Stop trying to convert them over to believing poker is skill and blah blah blah. Just shut up about poker and learn to relate to them on a level they can understand. Do they come from a long line of pig farmers? Do some research on pig farming and at the next family gathering ask them pertinent questions and pretend to be interested in what they have to say. So they're Christians huh? Go to church one Sunday and afterward make some complimentary remarks about the service. Be a f**king man and do what u gotta do to make things run smooth, instead of acting like a teenager who feels like everyone in your life has to accept/understand u for who u really are.

Besides theyre right. Poker is gambling. Even though its not. You can treat poker like a game of skill and work hard at it and yadda yadda and it can still end up being more of a hinderance than a help to u in life. So please consider the posssibility that just because youre in-laws are narrow minded, that unfortunately does not make them wrong.

Apparantly you haven't read the whole thread...So I won't try to explain to you other conversations with family about the issue. I see where you are coming from and although wrong, I respect your opinion.

I won't respond about the *Be a f**ckin man comment*...Clearly you have anger manangement issues and although I LOL'ed at the above comment, I can see you might need professional help , so I don't fault you.

But thx for the feedback anyway