There was nothing I wanted more than to a pro poker player, living the high life with no money worries, I used to play 1/2 live often and was a regularly winner I had 8k for a bankroll now I live pacheck to paycheck barely making enough to live off and the only poker I get is play money and I am still a nit at the tables.

Now I work a dead end job, the blank stare into ceilings in the morning, a feeling comes rushing over me, this despair, emptiness in the pit of my stomach, this stuck feeling and then BAM like I just been hit my a cold bucket of water, the realisation that I will never make it in poker. What the hell was I thinking? just another dreamer, another broke donk, a guy you never heard off, a guy you never knew, nor want to know.

The only kicks in life I get is watching HSP or The Big game on TV where they toss 100k around like its sweets. I have nothing to look forward to, the life I know is to work hard and pay bills, I drive a crappy car, live in a crappy house with rats in the roof space I can here them crawling at night over my bed. Right now its 11.45pm, I should be going to bed, so that I am not tired at work, but I dont care. Nothing excites me anymore, I went bowling with some friends the other night, didnt talk much, I won the game, and basketball machine game and the pool no one likes a guy who wins everything. I didnt win life did I.

27 now, feel old. Work, gym, sleep, eat and dream about poker, this is what my life has boiled down to. I logged into paddy power poker to see if I could qualify for the Irish Open but there doesnt seem to be any runners for the low/mirco satellites, there is a £200 game going but I cant afford that. Heres the thing, I am playing with scared money, and I hate online it bores me to death because I work in an office and stare at a computer all day. So the only LIVE cash games I can play are 1/2 but you need 5k of a bankroll to play in those games or I could play the live £50 buy-in tournys, (still a lot of money to me) but those games are like playing the lotto, 6-8 way multiway action to the flop, zero FE no wonder I am nit.

I cant write a good thread like King Niche to keep you guys entrained, I end up whinning about poker and I am not funny at all, I am probably the most boring person I know. If your reading this right now I hope you run like god at the poker table, I mean that, I hope every card you touch turns into gold, every gutter ball, every back door draw, every weird hand you find yourself having, I hope you make it by the river, thats good enough for me I guess, having the knowledge that some poor donk like me, its tearing it up at the poker table at a limit they shouldnt be playing at, with players far better than them. Back in the days I was playing at my highest it felt like no one could touch me, I look down at my stack nearing touching my chin and I was the bank at the table, everyone asking me for change. I used to walk in and everyone was scared, because most nights I walked home with the money.

Bumped into a guy I used to play with, and he kept his eye on everyone he had a fix on people we got talking and he figured that I must had won 8k playing live, he was right. I bump into these guys, I never know there names but they know me, some nights I needed help carrying my chips to the counter to cash them out, sometimes I used to loan people £100 and never ask for it back, because I usually got it back at the table. I used to make some sick reads, now I play like a nit at the play money tables.

I have nothing to offer life/anyone, poker runied me I think. I was sold a dream, a dream that you could win money sitting at table, wait for good cards and value bet them. But olny 5% of people are winners at poker, do you ever feel tricked? Like if you had to do it all again, (not just poker but life) would you do it the same way, I for one would not. Theres £50 in my bank account and I am riding it out until next pay day, lock the doors I aint going out for a while. If only had 10k, I could play poker again.

Whats its like? being happy that is? What is that feeling, I am sure you guys have it, you guys are a lot smarter than me. You guys have it, all the lingo, all the sayings, all the tricks, make me feel like a fish. Its that realisation feeling again, you know when you suck at everything, when everything I touch turns to crap, it looks good at first, but the flop comes then it looks okay, then the turn, its not looking great, then then river, and I have missed or I find myself in deep with top pair, should I call this overbet, if I fold he shows me a bluff, if I call he shows me the nuts, heck all I know is I had the best hand preflop, and then its game over. Reload please, oh wait I cant, good game sir.

As a good player that I used to be, you know what I never did? was suckout, now I am not talking about having KK v AA and hitting a King, no I am talking about what you see fish do, like call with J7 off suit and crack your aces, 100bbs deep and pay to catch it on the river, I never had that experience, whats that like as a feeling, you flying by the seat of your pants, holding on tight to the table, as your hand shakes, and pushes the chips into pot, knowing you have Jack high going to the river, waiting on that gutter ball, 4 outs baby, just check-calling it off on a draw, because you have a feeling its coming and you want to put a bad beat on this nit, who clearly has Aces or Kings. No live cards, just the gutter ball. Heres the ting, they dont this every hand, its almost random, I swear I seen the same person fold in these spots who just called last week, the exact same situation I mean what is that about, dont feel it this time champ?

What can I amount to in life, lets see a resentful husband? a downtrodden worker? a depressed loner? I am nothing, worthless, if all that I do is work then whats the point, and I cant play because I am not good enough. Stuck in limbo, not living life but not dead either, just here. Always here, looking from the outside in, not notcied, not touched, not wanted, not missed, and not heard.

Recently I only cared about money, now its got to the point that I dont even care about that anymore because there is nothing I want, there is nothing you can offer me, nothing to do with all your stength, I love that film, Joker is cool, isnt he? I mean if I could be one guy, Joker would be him. I cant talk like one of you, because I'm not, even when I like to to be, to you I'm just a donk who has been marked as sucker, free chips at the table, dead money, dead man.

I was thinking about giving my poker books away, I will post later to say what I have and if you want any PM.

pretty deep thread bro! i hope your not in danger of hurting yourself!

the feelings you describe are common and almost everyone has been there at one point or another, i found my self to use emotions and feeling like this to motivate myself and improve my life in what ever way i can. goals are just like poker limits work hard to move up in stakes

Bro your 27.....You are young enough to do anything , meet anyone, and certainly too young to think there is no hope. Forget poker....Until you have a better outlook on life poker will need to wait. Take a walk look around your not the first person to hate your job. Go back to school, get on a dating site, write a book and try to sell it. I think there is so much upside to your life that you are not seeing and by the sound of your post..... you can only feel better thats the good news

But I like poker just not able to play
because I dont have the funds. I have
nothing to write about and not interested
in writing a book. I give up I really do!!!

You need to get laid. Simple as that.

make friends imo.. get ur mind off poker for a bit... or maybe start a play money club on PS with people u know, and play just for fun... find hobbies that you like.. find other forums online where you can talk about your hobbies... READ about anything... philosophy, arts , technology or w/e that interests you... there is so much knowledge out there.. If you are good at pool, go out to pool parlours by yourself.. you will def find people to play with.. maybe even a few low stakes betting ... pool can also be an addictive game...in the absence of poker, make your poker realted knowledge stronger and updated... think of this as a learning period... keep yourself updated so that when u make the comeback, you are stronger than ever...

And the more you focus on the negatives, the worse your mindset becomes , which in turn leads you to do more negative things.. its a vicious circle... So just brake the usual routine of feeling like ****, and try doing something different.... Gl man..hope u get ur **** together soon...

I feel like i'm in a bit of a similar situation man...although I'm much happier with my life at the moment. Where we meet is having a dream of playing poker for a living. It's still something I would consider should the opportunity arise. But I've realized that I'm perfectly happy where I am now.

Right now, poker is a side career for me and I treat it simply as that. Unlike you, my full-time job is not staring at a computer but rather getting a ton of action in an Emergency Room here in the states. I stumbled into this path, but I get to save lives for a living. So I have no problem playing online on the side. It's much more affordable and I am much better suited dealing with variance at the stakes I play ($11-$33). I use this money to help make my life more comfortable...full-time job pays the bills, poker pays for the luxuries (like lower level seats at hockey games, good nights out with friends, etc.)

I'm reaching 25. I'm lucky I found something this good at my age. You're 27. You have tons of time to escape the monotony of your current job and find out what makes you happy as a career. Don't look to poker first...figure out what you really want to do that will contribute to society. I've always said that, if I did play cards for a living, I would still do my current job as a side career. And I mean that. Find something that's going to give you fulfillment in life so that you can go back to enjoying poker.

Finally, figure out why you're a nit at the poker tables. Obviously fear of loss is taking away from your game...perhaps it's just accepting that you are going to lose sometimes.

+1

I used to blame things on poker when really I was more pissed off at other things not going my way.

Just lost 250 at live poker. Now I am broke
poker was the only thing fun in my life now
i cant and shouldnt be playing. I wish i was
dead sometimes.

quit crying dude and get your ass a damn job. you think life is just going to hand you things. try getting a job and saving money to reach a certain goal. all us gamblers get down in life, but most of us know how to get back up and keep fighting the battle. Its what most of do to keep us feeling alive. but most of us have real jobs we can gain income from to have our bad habits. to sit here and cry when your gambling with your last 250 bucks. you will always lose in this scenerio.

I do have a job. Sorry should have said that in OP.

Thats the problem all I do is work. Life is boring
I dont know how to have fun. Even when I stopped
playing poker I still had no money from all the bills
I pay.

You suggest save money for a certain goal. But thats
the thing i have no goals even if i could save.

I might be able to save 50 a month. But what
would i use this money for? I have no idea.

When £1000 is your whole life, it makes you
think whats the point in going on.