I suffer from an insane amount of guilt and shame - Page 2 - Psychology in Poker and Gambling

Hardball47 · 08-22-2012, 07:31 AM

Start by apologizing to your parents and relatives.

HUHandEH · 08-22-2012, 09:23 AM

Quote:

I should also point out that they were quick with their tempers, and verbal abuse was very common. Physical abuse would make a rare appearance now on then, and was never anything very severe at all.

Victims of Abuse often say this, really never truly understanding what it means to be the victim, "Why Me Mentality".

I don't know the extent of your Abuse, but to trivialize it like it was nothing, suggests to me that the extent of it is quite severe in nature, and you have only revealed a fraction of it.

The Guilt and Shame are directly related to the abuse.

gaelichero2 · 08-22-2012, 10:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HUHandEH

Victims of Abuse often say this, really never truly understanding what it means to be the victim, "Why Me Mentality".

I don't know the extent of your Abuse, but to trivialize it like it was nothing, suggests to me that the extent of it is quite severe in nature, and you have only revealed a fraction of it.

The Guilt and Shame are directly related to the abuse.

Let me interpret op. The abuse he's talking about is the type of abuse kids got growing up in white collar burbs during the 60's and 70's. Looking back I don't even consider it abuse, just misapplied love. You screwed up as a 8 or 9 year old boy, you got a beating on your bum or an open hand smack against the side of the head (which I don't think should have ever been acceptable) then followed by a paddling.

The more nefarious type of abuse that doesn't involve physical application was verbal abuse by angry parents, such as "You'll never accomplish anything", "You're stupid" and other demeaning insults. I would rather see kids get paddled than that type of abuse. Physical pain subsides, damaged inner ID can follow you into middle age and beyond.

nyaf · 08-22-2012, 11:04 AM

Actually right. My ex was coming from a very severe cambodian family and hearing things like "You will never succeed in life", "You are such a failure", "Why are you trying ? It will never work" etc. was very common and she had very very low self-esteem, which led her to not even try things she would be good at. It takes a lot lot of practice and help to get out of this mentality.

drowkcableps · 08-24-2012, 08:29 PM

There are slavish souls who carry their appreciation for favors done them so far that they strangle themselves with the rope of gratitude.
Friedrich Nietzsche

HUHandEH · 08-25-2012, 03:20 PM

[QUOTE=gaelichero2;34418339] Looking back I don't even consider it abuse,QUOTE]

Well, I'm not sure what to say about this....I mean you actually read what I wrote am I correct?

Abuse is abuse, to see it not as abuse I think is an abuse of ones self, I could expand on that if you agree with my point.

The victim of abuse does not honour it as abuse, because they see it as they did when they were like 7 and 8, as adults they believe they cope the same as children. kids suffering from abuse don't have the cognative ability to ask for help because they don't see it as abuse.

A child 0-18, is not always the best judge to make decisions.

au4all · 08-25-2012, 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by u need to shove it

The truth is, noone in the world could help me. I think the only thing that could help me would be if some insanely gorgeous girl told me that she would marry me if I got my **** together, something like that.

And so, I hate myself and the person I have become... and sometimes I just wonder

why..... why..... why

Thanks for listening

Asking why is the problem. The questions that you habitually ask yourself determine how you feel about life. The right question is "what's next?" And it's to go to something productive.

Your feelings have followed your behavior. So go change your behavior and forget about the feelings; they will change automatically.

VeeDDzz` · 08-31-2012, 08:42 AM

[QUOTE=HUHandEH;34479689]

Quote:

Originally Posted by gaelichero2

Looking back I don't even consider it abuse,QUOTE]

Well, I'm not sure what to say about this....I mean you actually read what I wrote am I correct?

Abuse is abuse, to see it not as abuse I think is an abuse of ones self, I could expand on that if you agree with my point.

The victim of abuse does not honour it as abuse, because they see it as they did when they were like 7 and 8, as adults they believe they cope the same as children. kids suffering from abuse don't have the cognative ability to ask for help because they don't see it as abuse.

A child 0-18, is not always the best judge to make decisions.

Because what he needs most are more reasons for his failure.

JCB1983 · 08-31-2012, 12:51 PM

I don't think your in a tough spot man... I'd go into my stories but I don't want to depress you more (read about it in degen thread).

Your 31.. Time to hangup the weed for starters. You'll feel better when you stop smoking. Start going to the gym and get back into shape.

I think job wise you could always jump into real estate. You can get your license after taking a 2 week course. It's easy to get a job as an agent, and if you have decent people skills you'll have money rolling in no time. Think about it each house is 3-5k in your pocket. You could still do a little sports betting for fun.

At 31... women are attracted to security and comfort. With solid income, and being inshape more women will come your way. You could easily find a good girl and this would make your parents happy.

If everything works out than all of the negative things you did in the past help lead to the end result.

I have many friends that were super smart and dropped out of high school/college. They were not operating out of fear. They knew they could slack off for 10 years, take it easy, and jump back into the rat race of society in the late 20's-early 30's.

GL.

spitbubbles · 09-01-2012, 10:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by canoodles

this is where you've made a mistake

not here.

the past is unchangeable. forget it. you arent too old to change. you only are if u say u are. sounds cliche? it is, and its true. wake up, go to the gym, look for a job, just do it. when things work out, you won't be saying "i am successful because things fell in my life despite any effort", you'll b saying "i am successful despite life handing me ****". why do u feel like life owes you something? because you had it hard? cool, the dumbass in math class still has to pass the class to graduate even though it takes 4 x as much studying as you. does he deserve success? only if he earns it. grow up, you're a 31 year old boy. i can tell by the way you write. im not saying youre stupid, i'm saying your attitude never grew up. people dont change because death rarely stares them in the face, but thats usually what it takes, like the obese guy who doesnt start working out until hes had a heart attack. but even then, hes still alive so it isnt too late. we are the frog in the pot who gets slowly boiled to death but doesnt notice because its too slow, but if you drop him in a boiling pot he'll jump out. jump out, get angry, you are going to die. you are going to die unless you change right now. accept that

This. (Solid as usual canoodles.) Good news for you, you have time to change, live in the present! If you are seriously teetering on suicide/psychosis/mania/etc., seeing a psychiatrist is not a bad idea. I'm not one for psych meds as a permanent answer, but having someone/something slow down the "negative past" thought process your brain is locked in on could help you properly compartmentalize your past indiscretions and move forward without being completely weighed down by them. Gl.