So I've quit poker. I've been CLEAN for nearly three weeks and I've been feeling really good about my "opportunities" lately. When I was playing poker all day long I never felt I had opportunity to do anything else but now, without poker, I feel I can do anything.
Being without poker has given me "hope". Although nothing significant has happened (unless getting 80% on all my tests recently in all my classes count) I feel it's better than sitting and playing poker.
I've been also thinking about death recently and at first it was really scary to think about it but after awhile it turned into motivation. Again, while nothing has really happened yet (like still no girlfriend or no friends) I feel I'm more confident since not being tied down to an addiction. My mood is better with my family and when we have "big family" events like birthday parties I talk a lot more now and am more comfortable. When with poker I think I was always really depressed and just mad at the world but now I feel hopeful that something can actually happen now when with poker it was only something "poker" was going to happen.
Again, still nothing significant has happened. I'm still going to school at community college 5 days a week and getting "spectacular'" grades but am still just a kid who has no friends, never had a girlfriend, is good at school, and is extremely lonely and is easily susceptible to depression. A really good thing I can look at now though is that I'm not "addicted" to anything anymore and so I feel that when the right opportunity comes up I'll be ready for it. Like a friend, or a girlfriend
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