Perhaps the owner overreacted, but he probably felt that you embarrassed him in front of his customers, after he had tried to do you a favor by texting you.
Even if the game looked bad, you could easily have sat in for an hour to see if any of those action players (who were "on the way") showed up, and then left quietly if the game didn't improve, without embarrassing anyone.
I don't think there's any ethical issue here at all. Neither of you did anything unethical.
But I think that you each saw this as an issue of manners, friendship and trust -- for the other guy; but as a business issue for himself.
At this point, you need to make another business decision: either apologize and try to get back in, or don't. But there's probably no more friendship, if indeed there ever really was one.

You state the following...

And then as a rationale for why you're leaving wouldn't hurt the game, you say...


Did you consider just sitting down and waiting for the action players who were coming?


Anyway, it's your decision to leave, his decision to un-invite you.

My initial thought was the owner has PMS and is a douche. But after reading other peoples thoughts I have to rethink. The fact that you texted ahead to get a seat kind of obligates you to play - even if only for a short time. For me that is the bottom line in regards to social ettiquette.

I have to wonder what the whole story is. It seems like a huge over-reaction on the owner's part to ban OP because he did not want to sit in a nitty game. There almost has to be some other dynamic at play.

Absent that information, however, the owner for sure over-reacted. However, with a $25 rake it sounds like he did you a favor. There must have been some pretty big whales in that game to make that exorbitant rake worth paying.

Did you ask him for the favor of giving you an earlier start time? If not then I do not see that you have any obligation to him whatsoever.

I think you are well within your rights to decline a seat in a nitty, unprofitable game. I find it hard to see where you disrespected him or his club.

i think sitting and nitting it up for a while is a fair expectation. if you are a pro, and recognize their style, you should be able to make it profitable. did u expect him to serve up the whales on a platter? sometimes you have to 'work' for it.

i can relate..but you deff made the correct decision, no point in paying rake playing against tough regulars to just pass $$ back and fourth.

No, I did not ask for a favor, my friend and I sent him the same text asking when we should arrive to get a seat, he sent me an earlier start time than he sent my friend, but not at my encouragement.
The problem was there were 8 of us good/nitty players sitting, so none of the action players would have been able to get into the game. So it is a situation where which reg will blink first and decide to cash out. Once my friend and I left, the action players had room to sit.

Pretty close, I did not have the benefit of going through my excel before our phone conversation for these exact numbers, but I said clearly that I have probably played at his place 100 times and that of those there had been 3 where I decided not to play because of game selection.

With the hindsight of seeing his reaction I think I agree this would have been the best way to go about things. But I had played there for a year and a half and never seen him go off on anyone for not playing in a tough game before. With that history I honestly did not think my leaving was going to be an issue.

In general I believe I am putting up my own money in a game where I can lose thousands of dollars in a sitting and that charges a high rake. I think it is absolutely my right to see what the game is like before I decide to sit. I realize and agree there is nuance to these situations and many in the thread have touched on it. I think what bothers me most is the fact that instead of taking me aside and telling me his feelings about it, which would make everyone's future expectations of etiquette clear, he overreacted and banned me.

a tough game 3 out of 86 times is really not that often. Better to sit those 3 times and stay in favor with the house. Tighten up and leave early if the game doesn't get any better.

of course you have the right not to play and shouldnt most times in a bad high rake game. but maybe you also verbalized why you werent playing and that was what set him off.

in any case if you want to go back you need to mend things up. if you dont care forget it. i suspect you want to go back.

OP, ask yourself this question.

Why were the other solid, nitty players playing in this unprofitable game?

I'm the friend he came and left with. He texted me asking while at the table as people were buying chips if we just wanted to leave and grab a bite/drink instead. No justification for leaving was given or made public, simply "we're actually going to head out..." to the owner. Owner immediately made a fool of OP (very uncharacteristic... VERY...) in front of table in a loud fashion when no one would have even noticed otherwise. Food had just arrived and people were milling around eating/drinking/socializing. just wanted to verify that OP wasn't publicly expressing his distaste for the lineup or the club and did his best to discreetly bow out of the game for the night.

Whole situation was incredibly surprising and unfortunate, since by us leaving, we were making room for more action players to sit and a wait was forming regardless, thus not affecting the start of the game at all negatively, and in fact maybe IMPROVING it by removing us from the lineup.

Owner on several occasions had even joked in person during cashouts about how lineup was ****ty and he didn't blame us, and verbally joked to table about sitting down with a bunch of rocks while trying to phone in some action players to spice things up.

sounds like the owner needs to get some people skill. he must make money despite of himself. many gambling places are like that.

From the sounds of it the owner has plenty of reg/nits he can rely on to fill his game, in that regard players like OP are not in high demand because the game will exist with or without them. Owner probably overreacted but OP isn't a prized commodity in this situation, and needs to do everything in his power to stay on the owners good side if the game is as good as described.

FWIW in a club game like this i would never reserve a seat, show up and then leave without playing... i always at least give an hour or so and get up when someone new has shown up and is waiting to fill a seat