I've only made one other negative feedback thread and it's something I deeply regret. This thread does need to be made and I'm choosing to post negative feedback, over a long period-of-time, about myself. The first and most important thing is that no-one engages in poker business transactions with me until it's clear I should be allowed to do poker business. I have to stop hurting people in and outside of the poker community and I can't take that much more of this type of pain myself.

The purpose of the thread is to get help. I do not know the type of help I will receive nor the type of help I'm looking for. Often-times when I attempt to define either of those, things coincide soon with un-just actions on my part. I understand what can potentially come with this thread, I am fearful of it and don't expect to enjoy it. With that said, there is something I have to get through, even if it's just typing these honest words.

By far, the biggest mistake I've made is being unconscious of the effects of my actions on others at times. Secondly, I have partially wasted an immense talent and put myself in a position to help less people.

Of specific interest to this community, I have committed the majority of offenses you will often read about on this forum. I have committed a few as a backer and the majority of them as a stakee of a long-term deal or a specific package of events. I believe a large number of poker players and investors are well aware of my dealings and have stayed away from me for approximately 3 years.

There are a number of things that can lead to un-just actions. Some of mine have been ego driven, some have been based on delusion and some have been circumstantial. I chose to make this post today because I believe the weight of my wrong actions has shifted enough towards circumstantial to do so.

There is a large group of people in Budapest that are extremely disappointed in me and some are trying to help. A few years ago, I was deeply challenged to better my life. I feel that I've largely accomplished that task, but clearly have some work to do. Many of my recent failures have stemmed from insane activities while trying to shortcut the process.

So it's a long road, I get it and I'm built for it fortunately. Over the past couple years, I was not of body and mind to produce enough of a result that mattered financially or instilled confidence in others. Going about it alone can only get you so far, even insane hard-work does not produce the necessary results if it's shifted even a small percentage in the wrong direction.

I need some form of a team. I need specific advice on what actions are best to better my relationships with a myriad of people without being unauthentic, to help me achieve my extremely lofty poker goals and how to spring-board that into doing something truly amazing for the universe.

I have clearly beaten micro and low stakes MTT's, Zoom cash games and Spin N Go's at 81% ROI, 3bb/100 and 70 chips/game in 2016. I have skill and I have significant leaks. I have an ego, it's always been there, it is over-inflated and I accept it because I put a tremendous amount of work into poker.

I'm going to continue to work hard at the game, while lightly pursuing other passions that can lead to monetary or personal fullfillment. I do not know how to get there. Some difficult things are exceptionally easy for me and some easy things seem impossible.

What I do know is that other people do care and I need to treat them better. I have to treat myself better as well. I will remain committed to some insane training methods and study habits, consciousness alterations, processes and such, but I have to learn how to make them work within some bounds of reality. These bounds of reality are less clear to me than others, I accept that and believe I'm correct. The reality of other people being affected when I do check in, though I am incorrect about and I need to fix. And I need help in understanding how to do so intelligently and with grace.

It sounds like you have something to say. So why not say it?