Formerly titled: STFO! (stay the **** out)/Try Angels (but really, don't.)/Whose ****ed up dream is this?

Hi. I don't care too much if you (contested reader; sorry to S.K. for hijacking your device!) detest my word choice or style, but please remember to be respectful to the author (mua) or whoever is crazy enough to comment on this blog.

I am (first and foremost) a major depressive (who isn't?) that uses words and typing machines to cope. There is going to be ugliness in these posts, in the words and tenses, and bastardized grammar, but it will be honest; that I promise.

Most of these "essays" will be on american culture, biographies, geometry, and love.

Poker may hold a central theme as it relates to almost everything in life. Take The Fundamental Theorem of Poker for example:

Can be applied to all social 'games' and interaction; relationships -- act as if you know their cards and they know yours. I wonder who David was thinking about when writing his book...


-------

July 27th, 1993

Formerly titled: Peach Harmonics and the I.S./Epicenter of our Soul

I don't talk to many people irl, so I don't know how children of the 50s feel towards 90s rock. It's too simplistic to link 'what is great art' to 'what was available during the vulnerable (teenage) years of life', of course. Everyone longs for the song on the radio when they pulled over for the first time... unless she gave you cold sores.

Classic rock is symphonic and authentic. It's easy to get lost in the stories told and technical genius.

But nothing screams heroin like 90s alternative. I cry when Nirvana comes on, and weep unabashedly to this:



which came as a surprise/
I spoke into his eyes/
I thought you died, a long long time ago...

I've had long thoughts about Cobain and his pain and it sucks and I don't wanna talk about it. I'd rather share a moment in the sun...

Which happened to coincide with this...

and this...



Here's to you, Billy. For a moment you found love and produced the most authentic rock music this world has ever known. Thanks for everything. -just another fan

*I.S. = Infinite Sadness; from The Smashing Pumpkins' follow-up album: Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, 1995


http://billycorgan.livejournal.com/tag/confessions (not for the faint of heart)

Will be following

Of course the land down under is welcome in this personal hell. You are missed.

Mr. Iceman Grabs The Title

Ft'd: Where have you gone Joe DiMaggio?/Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you./"A Beautiful Man"

The last few days have been weird.

I broke a site-wide rule and made a gimmick account. It's a good rule because t+t originated as a place for learning and continues to be to this day. So not being especially genuine is frowned upon. Because the 4th wall in this place is tremendous, and those hoping to learn, and continuing to learn, receiving purposeful bunk information without realizing it is garbage.

But it's also "the internet", ya know? It's an expression of real life, it conveys information that connects humans and machines all over the world. Without it, many would still be in "the dark" on a lot of stuff. I cherish things like Wikipedia despite not reading it nearly enough. I value the creativity on perpetual display on the internet. And I especially value the men and women that dedicate their lives to securing the landscape in America.

-------

I have a love/hate thing with weed. I've been medically certified to purchase and use, and at some point I hope to write about those experiences. Having a legit "go-to" for eating and sleeping problems that doesn't cause instant death upon over-using is an amazing gift for veterans and other people with disabilities.

But I don't wish for it to be full-blown legal (sorry 420 peeps ), although I haven't seen the landscape in the southern belt where carrying grass gets you put in cell.

The psychoactive effects aren't always fun. Drugs have side effects.. such is life.

I am hesitant to use any terms used in popular psychology (hi everyone that worked to get their name inside the cover page in the DSM V!), but for simplicities sake -- I am an introvert.

I sort-of enjoy spacing out and gathering my thoughts. The "soft-of" is mild dismay at the world disappearing before me while I'm thinking. It's been getting less difficult to find that balance between "thoughts" and "getting **** done", but it's useful despite being an overriding habit.

Weed as a rule exacerbates the thought machine. The medicine which reduces my anxiety is like a breathe of fresh air, but the psychoactive side is mildly dangerous for me, this I know.

I have an affinity to the past and memories. Making sense of them has been universally beneficial, but it's still almost too-easy to wander down real events in imaginative geometric space while using weed. Sometimes it's scary, more because of elements of unknown than a disposition with what I know to be real; but it's the meta that gets to me. "Thinking about thinking" tends to be a very useful, but nevertheless a mobius strip.

So I can't get behind full legislation without knowing how it will be received by those underage and those of-age whose brains aren't "fully developed" or whatever. I wouldn't give much of a **** if mental health facilities were 100% for the patients, because the effects aren't THAT deleterious; but they aren't yet in my neck of the woods and likely in most places.

One thing that needs to happen, legislation or not, is more standardization for cannabis as medicine. A Vietnam hero goes to get some bud and finds out the hard way that the selection wasn't grown with care.. how and why does that happen?

The silver lining, saving grace, whatever, of course, is the statistical virtue of culture in America: the most important things have been getting better over time. I believe they will continue to.

No Crying In Baseball
Alternatively titled: Sandlot Tales (1)/"Let her go"

I distinctly remember the uncertainty heading into summer ball at the age of 9. In the two preceding seasons there was an exclusive focus on having fun. We bent our brims in funny shapes, wore our pants backwards, and sought out excellence in the practice of chewing (sunflower seeds) and spitting. The score was always tied. Pitchers did not pitch -- they wore a helmet and stood next to a coach that only threw meatballs. Ground balls on the infield would turn into home runs, leading to party-mode activation and cheers from everyone.

Things changed at 9. The first season of kid pitch. The thought of getting drilled for the first time excited nobody. We were assured it wouldn't hurt that bad. I got mine out of the way in a scrimmage before the season.

We were the green team, naturally assigned The White Sox, facing the grey team that had a big mean looking kid warming up to pitch.

I step into the box, under 100lbs, blinded by courage and knowing I couldn't let the guys on the bench down.

Fastball at my feet. Beaned flush against the inside of my right ankle. I sit down and cry, get taken out of the game. I walk around and realize it's no big deal. "Rub some dirt on it!" someone would have yelled if I'd stayed in the game.

The pitcher's name was Sean Kubiak. Being noted as 'big and mean' was about the greatest compliment you could receive on the diamond. I didn't know him and had no hard feelings about it, it was part of the game and I felt more like a man than I had the day before. I barely made the cut for a late summer team that year, traveling to different cities to play weekend tournaments. Sean's Mom drove me to the first tournament that year. We stopped at a restaurant outside the softball complex. She gave us quarters to use at the arcade, and asked me if I'd ever had mozzarella sticks.

"No."

This sent Sean into a bit of a tizzy. "What?!?!?! You've never had them before!?!?!?!??"

We feasted, and it was the fondest moment of that summer. Sean passed away a few years ago from today. Everyone that knew him was aware he was one of the good guys. A tough competitor with a great sense of humor.

As baseball players, we were taught to keep our emotions in check during the game. "No crying," is just one of many unwritten rules composing the litany of the game's tradition.

There is a trend among young MLB players to show more emotion, rather, to be less offended when someone else shows emotion. There is a necessity to police the game with 95mph fastballs thrown inches away from the skull. It would be better without that need, but that's the game; teams need to be held accountable so that players don't get injured. Down most of life's other avenues this is venomous and unfathomable -- but baseball players are tough as nails, in case you didn't know.

Last year amended the 'no crying' rule. Jose Fernandez died midseason.

The Marlins played the next day. Dee Gordon led off with a tribute to Jose. He is not a power hitter.. and had the numbers to prove it. Something like 350 at-bats that year, zero home runs.



[all words redacted]

I found a point in Euclidian space. The method abridging the solution involved a metaphor of a triangular prism traveling at uniform speed towards my solid form. I was then greeted by a line segment that would not bend or re-position; which was utterly baffling due to a historical mis-understanding of the form of shapes. I sought out a quadratic function to better understand the line. There was a missing segment on the function, and clues in the form of arrows -- arrayed in patterns relative to the original line segment -- sent me in the direction of a point that would have seemed lost at sea to an untrained eye, rather an ordinary day for Euclidian space travelers. I approached, and set a flat circle to encompass it. To better understand the point, I set the walls of the circle to shrink at a speed inverse to the distance from the origin.

The radius half of what it was, the point had disappeared.. only to re-appear above in glitter and constellation.

just wrote a solid 400 words of pure megalomania and narcissism. woe is me for getting my account in such standing that i can't click anywhere without getting logged out. i guess that's what happens when you send harassing PMs to moderators and admin!

anyways. it was a goodbye post. my head was in a weird place 2 months ago, and i fell into a depressive thing and smoked way too much pot. i was interested in statistics and computers and began studying, even took out a library book. then i fell into a trap of thinking about the past.

i went a solid 6 or 7 years without thinking about an ex girlfriend. she was the reason i started thinking in the first place. imagine Road Runner speeding along a desert highway with signs popping up on the right-hand side -- Cliff = 100 yards; Cliff = 50 yards; but for me it was like--

Cliff = We failed
Cliff = Just kidding. I was the one that failed you.
Cliff = Why did I fail?
Cliff = Because I'm an idiot.
Cliff = That's too simplistic. What is it that makes me an idiot?

and then a cloud of dust.

i really didn't have logical thoughts, or transitioning thoughts, or save states, or much imagery or purpose with my thinking before that. so truly, thanks for the life lessons. You were right about everything, and I should've listened better.
goodbye, and thanks again (2p2) for helping me to see truths and accept them.

/blog

PS - Mr. Iceman is my hero, Bobby Fischer.

-systems erosion & political hierarchies -

I feel intense anger whenever a news story pops up about an oversight by what should be elite professionals. The big ones from the past year or so were the Disney World fiasco, and a revolving restaurant in Georgia -- both extraordinarily unfit for children. I have a fixed difficulty coping with stupidity directly leading to loss of human life... a most primitive common-sense thinker should have easily spotted the glaring weakness where anyone could have gotten hurt (akin to the Cincinnati zoo... how difficult is it to build higher blockades???)... and Disney's marketing practice is disgusting ...they literally target customers from across the world (Epcot, etc.), and when the vacationers check-in they receive vouchers, maps resembling treasure hunts... but nobody thought it was a good idea to inform them about the South Florida domain that they would be encompassed by. What will the weather be like? What kinds of creatures and plants should one expect to see? What are interesting facts about Florida that might surprise a foreigner?

Nope. Just coupons and glittery ****. Anything educational might get in the way of their consumption. A sign warning about alligators nearby might dampen the mood. Plus if the absolute worse case scenario happens (which it did.) it's really easy to write a check having infinite money!

....

There is surely a law attached to some person's name that says no matter the system, overtime it will lose efficiency & mobility without actively being monitored and updated. The practice of safeguarding public space was not done correctly in both examples alluded to above. It is unfortunate that medical professionals are also not under a microscope with a strong enough lens -- the Michigan State "thing" is practically in my backyard and the length of time it took to catch the guy is the most damning thing of all.

It's a large-scale organizational failure when things of this nature happen. It costs time and appropriated intelligence to fix such long lasting conventions that have been accepted for entire lifetimes. Professionals have to rage against the machine, risking their own status to make changes. It is difficult, and chaotic, and apparently many people with special titles have ended up in solid positions of authoritative prowess. Meaning a plebeian like myself can only bang his head against the wall...

....

A conversation I had with a close friend practically a lifetime ago involved my suggestion of allowing the public to pass laws the way congress does, and his adamant retort that it could never work for xyz reasons.

I think there should be a literacy test afforded to any person living within the borders of this country. It would prominently feature understanding words and computation, with practically zero educational background required. After passing, each person would gain access to A Great American Political Forum dedicated to the discourse and chatter pertaining to local, state, and federal policies. This could easily be manufactured in a grand way, with tight moderation that properly isolates local discussion (keeping Wyoming trolls out of Montana threads, etc.) People of the forum will have voting rights and the ability to make straw polls for all bills passing through the House and Senate along with proposals from designated forum leaders. Ballpark figure -- but this entity could have 1/3 powers among the rest of congress. Democracy would be real, and people would become smarter and more involved.

....

The process of improving human-systems needs to be stronger to help preserve all qualities of life. Think of 'beaurocracies' and 'politics' and all other things that annoy you and try to identify its elements and without bearings how they can be improved (ie. imagination). Then think critically about how to convert the fantasy into reality, assimilate with friends and discourse partners, expand all thoughts into a unifying force and make it happen. There are too many damn smart people for conventional idiocy to prevail indefinitely.

-A solve for bitcoin-

Somewhere in the universe exists a troop of sentient ants marching to converge on nasty remains. Before arriving, they meet a tennis ball with an opening large enough for an ant to pass through. The wiser ants field questions about the object: "What is it made of?" "How is it used?" "What shape is it?" ... leading to a peculiar pair arguing over the shape on the inside (refuted by the a priori) leading to a stubborn ant staying behind to investigate. Internally, inside of the tennis ball, an ant is shocked to find out that it will never know the true shape due to lack of sunlight - a tragic oversight.

....

Having a thorough understanding of computer programming technologies, finance and statistics, and societies through history would make for a sound foundation to make any type of prediction regarding bitcoin. Perhaps unfortunately I lack any resemblance of these academia, OR, maybe this could make me uniquely qualified to take a shot at this puzzle. Unlikely the latter. It is fun to think about regardless.

I do side with the idea that bitcoin is boom or bust - it will be absolved, or face a variation of "stabilized growth" in perpetuity (aka whatever "moon" means: surely 1btc = > 100k). I obviously have no meaningful inclination on when it will happen, but I am mostly certain there will be an adaptation in the technology, and it will coincide with a potential moonshot. A ton of hopeful money will pour in, the price will "begin" to skyrocket, and then a horrible fate or a modern day gold rush will take place.

I will not be sharing the math (that would be too complex for most people to understand anyway) but that is IMO the biggest and most certain thing to assemble in bitcoin's future.

"Very much like the sun dying." is how one trader described the crash...

-Fringe cases and a relativistic paradox?-

Critical thinking is something of a buzzword. Not that it is lacking in meaning like most, rather the definition is often superfluous due to frame of reference. To me personally, critical thought is a chief discipline, that hijacks elements of syllogism and the scientific method, to curate an evolving methodology for solving problems and uncovering new ones.

One tool useful in problem solving is using fringe cases, i.e. extrapolating the given parameters -- sometimes to the point of absurdity -- to produce useful conclusions and abstract, yet meaningful reference points. An example of this took place on a recent episode of Poker After Dark, in a petty (typical) argument between Matt Berkey and Doug Polk. Doug's hypothesis was that pain felt due to being stuck in traffic should definitely correlate with intelligence, reason being that smarter people should have a higher opportunity cost. Matt suggests that this is incorrect, using a fringe case of the genius, who might revel in the chance to delve into thought while stuck in traffic.

....

Cases of relativity are ruthlessly unusual. Travel at a high enough velocity and you might as well appear a cartoon character to onlookers.

A fringe case: The largest known object (the universe) is compared to a miniature version of itself the size of a frisbee. Per a hypothetical, everything in the mini-verse is identical to it's larger form, the only difference is scale, and a necessary slower speed of light. The abstract also shows the mini-verse, at a select moment, having a time scale in synchronization -- both worlds are 2018 AD.

People of the universe are able to view the lives of the mini-verse in real time using advanced technology. The micro-verse inhabitants are also able to see what's going on on the outside, in the main universe. The question of course is, what does each group see of the other? And what might this have to do with physics?

I think the micro-verse sees their larger selves moving in slow motion -- appearing to be frozen in time not moving at all. This is because in a (U) instance light is able to traverse the entire (M) diameter of the frisbee-sized world. And because light is traveling so much slower in (M), the light from (U) reaches it's speed limit and only appears in dramatically slow fashion.

The reference point for (U) becomes more complicated, and I'm not sure what they would see from (M). I know that attaching a flashlight to a locomotive moving forward doesn't produce an increase in the speed of light, even though intuitively it should, and similarly how (M) appears to (U) should also intuitively be sped up, due to the larger universe appearing to have a slower movement of time. But that would be impossible, so what does the frame of reference of (U) produce gazing in at an infinitesimally small version of itself?

-The Minister of Defense-

I am a geek. I have adult acne. I'm addicted to information. All of my favorite athletes are professional chess players.

As an American satirist, it is worth pointing out that Sergey Karjakin is a Soviet player worth admiring. He didn't seem very interesting at first; his translation was stoic, simple, and humble. But after studying him a bit, keeping up with his tweets and relations, he is definitely a cool dude doubling as an elite gangster bossman.

SK took Magnus to second round tiebreak in the last title match. A fun scene from their engagement:

site: chess24.com

I'm rooting for the Americans to win the Candidates, preferably Wesley So. Fabi would make for a robust world champion, but Wes has had a more challenging life and I think he wants it more.

I'm expecting Karjakin to win. Having done it the previous cycle gives him an advantage, as does having two countrymen in the field .

-Metaphor, Klein, and Colors-

So the skinny is that high-volume internet troll semi-legendary in the niche realm of gambling, known as The Bay Area Beast, 'tbab', Nima J, amid a sizable albatross of other aliases, has finally reached a point of being in way over his head (or more astutely, personally scribed: "One thing led to another.")

Cheating is held to the highest order of exclusion in the world of chess. Get caught once and you're banned for life. It's a great policy and serves the virtue of 'following the rules' as the soul axiom of the royal game. Gamblers (poker, sports, props, and the like...) hold a similar view as chess if only a hair more lenient. The second chance possibility may be due to a culture of people who know what it's like to not be cared for, and as a result, may seek to compensate by offering a benevolence they themselves never received.

Babs is not exactly special, the qualities of his psyche are not extraordinary, but he is still "pretty far out there." He is definitely mentally ill - his nature causes him to incur great loss on a regular basis, among destruction and deception, such that "An elaborate web of lies became manifested." As a basic axiom it's worth pointing out to casual onlookers or those with an interest in abnormal thinking, that sickness of most any degree does not exclude responsibility of actions taken.

The path of functional understanding of mental disorder doesn't seem very different from the process of learning Physics. There are truths, calculation, qualitative computation, and degrees of mental gymnastics (thought exercises) to accurately process what it is to be mentally sick. This, as a rule, is potentially easier for those who have sickness of their own; though of course this doesn't ignore those too far gone to be able to conceptualize what is happening in their own mind -- not a rarity, sadly.

I look at someone with a strong, able mind, struggling to tread water in their intuitive grasping of abnormal psychology as very natural. I see the direction their gears turn, as they produce an impossible shape such as a Klein Bottle, in uncovering an empathy quotient. However, someone innately tuned-in, and wired to unfortunately know what it is to be sick; they see the Klein Bottle and chuckle, because from their frame of viewing their heuristic is as simple as a color wheel. Someone could theoretically take the color and separate it as a visible spectrum, a compilation of other colors, fully analogous to an ordered list of axioms that produce the disorder and the Klein Bottle... that would be the science of it.

-A partial solve to the public school dilemma-

Elon Musk built a school for his kids and talks succinctly on why he did so. Matt Berkey also does a good job explaining problems related to public school curriculum on the Joey Ingram podcast.

Here is a solve for the problem. It is partial because it won't be the most optimal, final solve due to: emerging technologies, changing infrastructure, and because I'm taking a shot in the dark.

This solve could be implemented in a week's time or less, perfected by the Fall, with minimal expenditure. It might also provide a framework for tackling school safety issues, but I am not going there in this blog post.

.....

To improve education:

- create a virtual school
- attract the most passionate teaching talent
- have them teach the standard curriculum to a pretend class
- have this made available to students and parents via the internet

With an additional option of:

- allowing educators to build curriculum more freely
- offering non-standard courses

Which would result in:

- allowing kids with behavioral issues to learn in a more comfortable environment
- underpaid teachers no longer stunting their students' development
- improved test scores
- radical improvements at the U.S. Department of Education

.....

It's rather sad this will never happen.

I passed 280,000 in Tetris (.com) tonight. I also read this blog from start to finish; it was rather craptastic. I did warn people not to read it, but I still feel glib for polluting the internet. I don't believe I have it in me to write anything that doesn't abjectly suck, and that's okay= because I'm human. Everyone can't be elite, and I am comfortable with average. Practicing writing nearly every single day, even in a convoluted, obnoxious voice, has been helpful in sequencing my thoughts and effectively becoming a better person.

I still think about my ex fairly often. While there are like, literally hundreds of pages to write about that subject, it's all rather artful and pointless. The picture was vivid as all hell, and describing it internally is both wondrous and helpful with coping. I had a "This is water" moment about it and I ****ing forgot the diagram AND the conclusion; ****ing cannabis; but it was peaceful and I chuckled. It may have been related to no longer feeling so guilty about it all. I still feel bad for having been a jerk, and pretty horrible about when I drank... there was a moment where I criticized her and Mother Teresa in the same god damned breathe, like I was some kind of slayr of wit and brash dickishness. This is what happens when a dumb kid doesn't have a great role model to look up to, older people to keep him in place, a love for literature and worldly things; but does have afternoon sitcoms to learn about how life works. Tim Allen, Will Smith, and bad hollywood movies is what I assumed functional life was like; and when things deviated from a Disney fantasy I didn't know how to think, feel, or react. I guess it's good I didn't end up as 'The Cable Guy', but at least he had a career.

She loved Across The Universe by The Beatles. It's a bittersweet tune indeed.


***Edit: Of course I remember after hitting submit. It was a grand, semi-conclusive conclusion, where I realized I had absolutely loved her in my mind, and absolutely adored being around her. It was when she made me face myself, like a mirror, and I wasn't willing to BS her like I did with everyone else, including myself, that I felt a confusion and an internal discomfort. But I did love her in a way, that has been proven in my mind with good, resourceful inference; and an incredible memory.***

- Sabbath -

If chess is a religion, then its Sabbath is the annual Tal Memorial tournament.

-Quadrants of Thought-

Thinking is interesting to me. My philosophies are only conjecture, having not done enough research or computation to have something more concrete.

One idea I've had is that, while it's obvious that negative, inductive, unsound, and complete bull**** thoughts are not the greatest practice, my intuition is that there can be a benefit in what appears to be waste.

The interconnection of the linkage of thoughts is an abstract heuristic, that must be slightly different for everybody. A clearer definition of this could be that Bill Gates, a token smart person, may think with perfectly straight lines, whereas an artist may curve.

Thinking could be reduced to a 2-dimensional x/y grid with four quadrants. Assume the southwest, and southeast areas to be negative "useless" thinking, where the upper two quadrants are for useful productivity.

If someone where to spend their entire life in SE or SW, they could be assumed to be destitute and hopeless, while aiming to fill the upper two is an indication of prosperity.

However, it isn't a matter of coloring in the space. The origin of thought begins with a point, perhaps ideally at the origin of the graph. Then each sequential thought in that person's life begins to create a function (connecting the dots) into an array of shapes amid position.

My postulate is that there is gain to be had for occasional dips into the lower quadrants. Because the function is undetermined, the pathways and momentum gained may be useful in the lower half in order to better position in an undefined area to the north. Bad thinking can lead to gain that might otherwise not exist.

One evidence for this is the concept of anti-fragility, that there are systems which gain from disorder. Carbon is a prime example; immense pressure begets a crystal lattice; immune systems are another. The human condition also indicates that hurdles can elevate people, and I think brains are anti-fragile to some degree, but an important one.

Does morality correlate with intelligence?

I have occasionally mentioned this as an idea with people and am usually prompted with a counterpoint that smart people do bad things too. At that it felt right to change the subject, or back it up with the knowledge of having a greater sense of right and wrong as I get older -- and then change the subject.

I'm not sure if intense capitalism is a disease (ignoring semantics) or not. If mob mentality could be encapsulated and force fed to people it would seem like such a state would be a real sickness.

It's interesting that capitalism punishes loyalty - a universally good trait. It's also an odd truth that leadership in business seems to have a higher % of awful humans that are apparently very good at maintaining their position. Is this enough to consider our lucid economic principles as amoral?

Hey I haven't seen you in ages. Have you been traveling along ok?

Oh hey, yeah, pretty antiquated, and obscene, and unendingly boring yet at the same time not. I poured a liquid into a glass and asked myself if it was water, and for the longest time I peered into the crystal wondering if the symmetries were distinguishable; then one day I was thirsty and decided it was not so important so I drank it.

How's the Aussie life?

Aussie life is on an upswing after a downswing. Can't be complaining about that!

Prophecy: Healing a damaged brain is similar to diffusing a bomb.

I’ve decided that among the Earth sciences, computer tech, big swinging dick finance, entrepreneurship, and statistics; I will spend a few months learning everything modern knowledge suggests is true about the brain. This seems an unideal starting point to earn a million dollars. But I am something of a mad man, and I’m not worried.

I think the system is really bad for people with troubled minds or sick brains. Altruism might rule, but I’m in it more for myself. The satisfaction of flipping empty suits on their head is my drive, wealth would be an ancillary benefit.

- Fractional Distractions -

7:04pm i dunno whats going on. it's like the opposite of headaches.
7:04pm been evolving for like 2 years now.
7:09pm smoking amazing weed // thinking about thinking // using thoughts to hack my brain and make it do what i want.

<Neil Degrasse Tyson mindblown.gif>

7:10pm feels like my frontal cortex is connecting with various areas of my brain. and troubled spots are being soothed. its super weird.
7:12pm like theres pressures and stimulation. so hard to explain without being labeled as mentally ill and being ignored.

Infinite shrugs, per usual.