Last week was my hardest week of training leading up to the race, it went really well and the excitement and nervousness is building every day.

Mon AM - 1900 yard Swim
Tue AM - Upper & Lower Body/Core Workout + Stability Disk
Tue PM - Running Group Speed Work - 2 Mile jog, 5 x 2 min incline, 2 min decline, 1 min walk, 5 x 1 min incline, 1 min decline, 1 min walk, 2 mile jog
Wed AM - 7 mile easy run
Thur AM - Upper & Lower Body/Core Workout + Stability Disk
Thur PM - 7 mile easy run
Fri PM - Off Day
Sat AM - 22 Mile Trail run
Sun AM - 10 Mile Grass Trail Run
Sun PM - Upper & Lower Body/Core Workout + Stability Disk

Saturday's trail run was 22 miles on the hardest section of the 50 mile course. I was wiped by the end of it, crazy to think that was less than 1/2 of the race. I've now covered 21 of the 25 miles of the course (it's an out and back to get to 50 miles total), so I shouldn't be surprised by any terrain on race day. Knowing where the hardest sections are should be very helpful. Mental toughness is going to be the key, it's going to hurt and I'm sure there will be a few times where I just want to be quit, but I have to remember there will always be physical, mental, and emotional highs and lows during that long of a race, I just need to remain calm and ride the waves.

Q1.23 Movie Grades

I’ve been reading/listening more than watching, so the list is relatively short this quarter.

Titles in red are available on Netflix, green are available on Amazon Prime, brown are available on HBO Max, blue are available on Hulu, and italics are re-watches.

A
RRR (Action - Drama) - 2022

A-
Glass Onion (Drama - Comedy) - 2022

B+
Smile (Horror) - 2022
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (Action - Sci Fi) - 2022
Dash (Drama) - 2022
We're the Millers (Comedy) - 2013
Owning Mahoney (Drama) - 2003

B
Knock at the Cabin (Thriller) - 2023
All My Friends Hate Me (Horror - Comedy) - 2021
M3gan (Horror) - 2022
The Stepfather (Thriller) - 1987
Unseen (Thriller) - 2023
The Menu (Thriller) - 2022
Devil (Thriller) - 2010

B-
Basic (Action) - 2003

C+
Star Wars - The Phantom Menace (Action - Sci Fi) - 1999

C
The Girl Who Escaped: The Kara Robinson Story (Thriller) - 2023

D
Star Wars - Attack of the Clones (Action - Sci Fi) - 2002


Bonus Recommendations - Series
Black Bird (Drama)
Terriers (Comedy/Crime Drama)
Andor (Sci Fi/Action/Drama)

Bonus Bonus Recommendations - Books
Becoming Forrest - Rob Pope (Nonfiction)
Dark Matter - Blake Crouch (Sci Fi)

Solid week of training last week and now in taper mode with only 10 days to go. As of now I'm much more excited than nervous, but we'll see if that shifts next week. 50 Miles!!!

3 days away! The excitement and nerves continue to build, and I'm in full-on check the weather every few hours mode. It's calling for high 60, low 40, with lots of rain and wind. Trying to not stress about weather, as no matter how hard I try it seems to be out of my control. Looking at it positively, the temps sounds great and are much better than the next 2 days high of 87, which would be significantly more challenging than rain.

My body feels pretty great, other than some cramping at night, which always seems to happen when I'm tapering. Mentally I'm feeling strong other that some mildly anxiety about logistics, but I think I'll be good on that front once I have my drop bags prepped, my pack loaded up, and everything set out so I can just wake up and hit the road Saturday morning.

After 6 months of training and a location/race change, my first 50 mile ultramarathon finally arrived! It was around 46 degrees at the race start and got close to 60 in the afternoon, without any precipitation whatsoever. I truly could not have asked for a more perfect day for a race.

We started on Morehead State University's campus and after 1/2 a mile converged onto the single track trail. I purposefully held myself to a slow pace and was the very last of the 60ish entrants to step onto the trail. The first mile or so is a 1000 foot climb, a tough, but fun way to start. After that the trail is mainly rolling hills with one other rough climb and a steep descent going into the turnaround point. They had well-stock aid stations every 5 or so miles and pickle juice was once again a huge help in staving off leg cramps. I also took advantage of using drop bags and mile 10/40 and mile 25 (turnaround), so that was nice to have my own stuff available to reapply sun screen, chaff cream, restock my Gu's and Larabars, eat some Peanut Butter Crackers, and mixup some Tailwind (electrolyte beverage).

I felt great the first 15 miles, then at mile 18ish I had my first bonk (running term for when your body "hits a wall" and you feel like you can't keep going) of the day. Fortunately, I was prepared for it to happen and knew that if I kept moving I would start feeling better eventually. It made for a slow 2-3 miles with some mental battling as despite expecting it, it's still difficult not to think "if I'm feeling dead already how in the heck am I going to do another 30 miles!?"

Once I pushed through that low point I was able to makeup some time by letting my legs run free on the descent into the turnaround point. I ate a decent amount and took a few minutes of rest at this mid-point aid station and when I started back out and attacked the toughest climb of the day, I was feeling refreshed. After this climb I got my 2nd wind and the miles were ticking off somewhat easily as I passed several runners. Everything continued smoothly until mile 35 when I encountered my 2nd bonk. Having overcome it once already and knowing I was only 5 miles from picking up my Pacer I was able to push through it without too much trouble.

At mile 40, my pacer, a childhood friend who I'd lost touch with for a long time, but we've reconnected over the last couple years, joined me. I can't overstate how much easier those last 10 miles went by having him by my side. I had run with a few others for short stretches throughout the day, but having a genuine friend to share the trail with during the stretch that should've been the hardest part of the day was amazing. We chatted through everything other than the tough climbs, caught up on the years we'd missed, and even dove into both of our issues with alcohol. The miles flew by and before I knew it we were back on the college campus heading towards the finish line.

I crossed the line in 12:13, well under my goal of 12:59, finishing 37th out of 57 (5 dropped out).

3 days removed I'm starting to feel like a human again. Saturday night was rough as anytime I put my feet up my calves cramped, so I ended up sleeping on the couch sitting upright. The muscle soreness set in in full force Sunday, but I kind of enjoy muscle soreness, it's fun to try and figure out why random muscles you never knew existed are sore. I had a giant blood blister on the ball of my right foot that made walking around the house an ordeal, but after draining it twice it's doing much better and I'm looking forward to a long family walk this afternoon.

Overall, I loved almost everything about the training and the race itself. It was a truly awesome experience and I can't wait for my next one!

Took a couple weeks, but I think I'm fully recovered from the 50 Miler, just in time for a 50K on Saturday! I'm super nervous about this one, it's supposed to get up to 87 with significant humidity, and we haven't even hit 80 yet this year so my body is not the slightest bit acclimated to the heat. There's an aid station every 5 miles and I can bring extra bottles, so I shouldn't run out of water, but after my airport incident following the marathon in Florida, I'm borderline freaking out about this one. Hopefully I'm blowing it out of proportion and just need to do some strategizing this week on how to compensate, which will likely come down to being extra careful on pace and taking scheduled walking breaks even though it's a flat course and without the heat I could probably get by running the whole thing.

I survived the Wambaw Swamp Stomp 50K! The heat index got up to 91, so pretty freaking hot, but not quite as bad as I was worried about. I stuck to a strict 5 min run, 2 min walk strategy for the entire race and settled into a pattern of filling 3 500mL bottles with water every 5 miles, drink 2 and slowly pour one over my head, then repeat at the next aid station. The tactic worked out perfect and I passed quite a few people the 2nd half of the race and was able to finish in 7 hours and had basically zero soreness to show for it. Which is primarily a result of the flattest trail section I've ever seen. The course was pretty awesome, with the swamp section being the highlight.

We stayed in Pawley's Island for the trip, which ended up being fantastic. Huntington State Park was one of the prettiest and cleanest parks/beaches we've been to, and going on a Friday in May worked out perfectly at the crowd was fairly small. Overall a great trip, and another successful race!

I'm going to slow down a little for a few weeks then dive back into full training. As of now I'm planning on 3 races over the 2nd half of the year. A local 12 hour overnight run in Aug., still deciding between 100K and 100M for the Iowa race in Oct., and then I finish off the year with Beast of the East 50M in NC in Dec.

What a TV weekend! Series finales of Succession, Barry, and The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, plus Season 2 finale of Yellow Jackets, prestige TV overload! We've only watched the 1st 2 episodes of this season of Maisel, but I enjoyed the other 3 finales.

Succession is firmly in my top 20 shows of all time, and potentially top 10. The finale 3 episodes really blew me away with S4E8 being one of the most harrowing hours of TV I've seen in a long time and E9 just being flat out fantastic.

My interest in Barry waned over the final 1.5 seasons with it transitioning further into super dark and depressing territory, but it remained a worthy way to spend 30 minutes and I found the ending satisfying. I wish Ted Lasso had taken a note from Bill Hader and kept their episodes to 30ish minutes, we're 1/2 way through season 3 of it and it's become such a slog to churn through a full hour.

Speaking of dark and depressing, I'm a big fan of Yellowjackets, S2 didn't live up to S1, but I still love the mystery of it and the bouncing between timelines. The S2 finale was a white-knuckled thriller, although the overload of mcguffins in the present day storyline was disappointing. With how the finale shook out they put themselves into a tough spot, so I hope they can keep the ship righted going forward.

My wife and I both love Mrs. Maisel, always a fun way to spend an hour, although unlike most comedies I almost feel tired by the end of some episodes, which I think stems from trying to keep up with the zippy dialogue. So far so good with the first 2 episodes of the final season.

I've admittedly not put a ton of thought and effort into this blog since I fired it back up, and understandably, I'm guessing there's not a ton of effort into reading it either, which is probably conflated by the few folks that used to engage with my here, likely disappearing from 2+2 just like I did.

All that said, I thought I'd take a break from patting myself on the back for my recent running accomplishment and share a struggle. Despite how well my physical training has been going, I'm still in a never-ending battle with food. My routine for awhile now has been to eat well most of the week and only have one splurge dessert night, usually on Saturday night. But, when I say splurge night, I'm not talking some dessert, I'm talking 3000+ calories worth of sugary goodness.

When I was in the heaviest parts of my 50M race training I was able to keep that Saturday night dessert to a little over 1000 calories, driven by not wanting to feel like crap during 10 Mile Sunday morning runs. However, over the last 6 weeks those longish Sunday runs aren't part of my training plan, which I've taken as an excuse to get back into "my eat everything in sight Saturday night dessert party." In a vacuum it's not a huge deal, I burn a ton of calories and 2k extra per week won't break me, the problem is how it affects the rest of my week. I sleep later on Sunday, feel like crap a good portion of the day, don't eat until dinner, and then when dinner time rolls around, I don't want to eat a healthier fibrous meal, I just want something highly processed and sugary or salty, and after doing so, that bleeds into how I feel Monday, and on and on the snowball grows.

I would love to get away from the Saturday late night dessert binges, but like most addictive things in my life, I've turned it into this grandiose event that I look forward the entire day (or even days before) and I want to savor every second of it. I can pump myself up all week to do better, but on the occasion I don't give in before the weekend arrives, at some point on Saturday the thoughts of massive quantities of sugary delights start drifting in, I usually put up a half-hearted fight, but ultimately succumb and immediately flip to barely being able to contain my giddiness for the feast that lies ahead.

It's embarrassing and sounds downright absurd reading what I just wrote, but that's how it plays it in my mind. And the striking similarity to my previous daily losing drinking battle (morning - "I feel awful, this is the last straw, I'm done, followed by afternoon - "It's been a hard day, I've earned it") is certainly not lost on me. In both cases, the idea of the act is always exponentially better than the act itself. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy it, but never to the degree it's been amplified in my head. I'm 42 years old, I know this, eating a bunch of cookies and candy until my stomach hurts is something a 6 year old does, it's ridiculous. It's logical, simple really, but all fellow addicts surely know that we can distort logic in the blink of an eye, it's like breathing to us.

All that said, I'll be getting back to heavier training soon, so that should help in the short-term, but it's a band-aid, not a solution.

Anyway, after all the rah rah rainbows and unicorns of my recent running triumphs, I wanted to keep it real and share that I've made progress, and I'm proud of that, but I'm also still a mess.

Love the transparency, I’m in a losing battle with food myself. I lost a ton of weight in 2013-14, really got into running and progressed to full marathons in 2016 & 17. Since then it’s been a steady incline upward with occasional 2-3 month stretches where I’ll lose 20 or so pounds, start walking/jogging before inevitably giving up and gaining it all back and then some.

I’m absolutely embarrassed about the way I look, but can’t seem to find the motivation to get back on the grind and make a lasting change. I’m turning 49 this year and if I don’t find the strength/will/motivation, I’m sure I’ll start experiencing real health issues. Amazingly, despite being 300+ pounds a good portion of my adult life I’ve never had issues with high blood pressure, diabetes, etc.

I took a break from 2 + 2 for awhile but remember your blog from back when you were training for your first marathon. You’ve made amazing progress and should be proud!!

Hey buddy, last we spoke you were marathon training (must've been 2016-2017), great to hear from you!

Maintaining long-term is so much harder than weight loss, I'd love to sprinkle some words of wisdom on you to help get you over the current hump, but you and I both know it doesn't work that way. Despite my current condition, I could easily balloon back up to 300 lbs by the end of next year, just like alcoholism, it's a lifelong battle.

I'm certainly proud of where I am now vs 13 years ago and I'm ready to turn my focus to training for a 100 Miler in October.

I will say this, if you're looking for any extra motivation, Reborn on the Run and Finding Ultra are awesome books about overcoming adversity through endurance athletics.

Good luck in your battle and please feel free to pm me anytime.

It's been a busy, but fun, last few weeks. Three weekends ago we spent most of Saturday and Sunday at a local music festival. My life loves live music, so she drags me to a couple concerts each year, with my only goal being to make sure I don't ruin the experience for her. Since I quit drinking, concerts are at the very bottom of my wish list, but I can put my selfishness aside and be a team player on occasion. She thoroughly enjoyed herself, and it was less painful for me than most concerts, since we got to move around between the different stages and artists and weren't just crammed into one spot the whole time.

Two weekends ago we drove to my wife's hometown to watch our 8 year old niece play softball. We had a blast and she seemed to really enjoy us being there for the game and hanging out beforehand. The next morning, we had our local Humana Society Fundraiser called The Mutt Strut, which was awesome as always. There were probably 200-300 people this year along with just as many dogs. There was a 1.5 mile fun walk, tons of Vendors, and some fun items raffled off to raise money. We had a great time, and our boys got doted on constantly. They handled it like champs, and enjoyed pup cups and treats to celebrate.

This past weekend I took off work on Friday and hit a trail I'd never been on for a nice 17 mile run, then drove up to the closest casino and played poker for the first time this year. I'm an average player at best these days, maybe slightly below average, but I only play a few times per year and don't have a passion (obsession) to pursue improving at this point. I finished 9th out of 45ish in the daily tournament and then ended up making back the buy-in and a few extra dollars playing 1-3 with the late night crowd. It was a decent way to spend an evening, but I don't enjoy hanging out with grumpy poker players like I used to. When I've been in the throws of poker addiction I'm perfectly fine with that part, but when I'm just playing a few times a year for fun they really bum me out and the tables always seems to be littered with them.

After a few hours sleep, I went for a run in the late morning, and then met with a good friend for tennis. He lives in FL, but spends several weeks every year with his folks, so we always make it a point to hang out and put our mutual subpar tennis skills to work. After that, my wife and I took the dogs to a park for a long walk, enjoyed a nice dinner, and watched the first 2 episodes of the new season of Black Mirror. If you somehow haven't checked this show out yet, stop everything and dive in. It's super dark and disturbing, but poignant and just a fantastic show. The 2 episodes we watched weren't top tier Black Mirror, but they very well done as always, and nice to have back in our lives after a 4 year hiatus.

And since I can't resist an excuse to make a list, here's my top 5 Black Mirror episodes in reverse order:

5) 3-way tie between Shut Up and Dance, San Junipero, and White Bear (I guess I could've just done top 8, but 5 sounded better)
4) Entire History of You
3) White Christmas
2) Be Right Back
1) Hang the DJ

And although it's probably not top 10, I think I was one of the few that really liked the Miley Cyrus episode from season 5, it was maybe the funniest episode, with Joan is Awful from this season being right up there as well.

Our Summer weekends are always jam packed and we have another fun Saturday ahead with a trip to Cincinnati for a Braves-Reds game. It's been at least 5 years since we've been to an MLB game so we've been looking forward to it, especially with the recent rule changes to cut down on game length. Plus we have the added bonus of the Braves in the midst of an awesome year and the Reds on a recent winning streak, so the game might end up being a battle of Division leaders!

No updates on the food battle, it still continues, as it always will. Training wise, I'm putting in good miles and 2-3 strength workouts per week, with the plan being to really kick it into gear after our Summer vacation in mid-July.

Whew, that was a long one, time to get some work done.

Forgot to attach pics to that last post.

Our Boys (Major is the toothless one-eyed furball, and Oliver is the doxie)


Drone pic (not mine) from Concert


Couple pics from Saturday's Trail Run

After doing that quick Black Mirror list yesterday, I listened to The Ringer's Prestige TV Podcast talking about Black Mirror while I was running last night and now have the overwhelming urge to rewatch all of the episodes, or at least the ones I like, and do a complete ranking of each. A lot of the episodes are truly haunting, so I've hesitated to rewatch previously, but they're so freaking good that I'm super excited to dive back in.

Occasionally the stars align and a Summer Day plays out as if I designed my perfect day in a lab, Saturday went just like that.

I woke up early and met a group I've been trailing running with for an awesome 19 Miler. One of the guys is tackling the Leadville 100 in a few months, so I pummeled him with questions for 8 or 9 miles, it's a fascinating race and I loved hearing about his prep and plans for it. The altitude scares me, but it's a bucket list race for me. These group trail runs have really enhanced it for me, I love being out on the trail regardless, but something about running with a group amplifies the whole experience. The miles flow by quicker, my legs feel lighter, and it's always fun to talk to people with similar interests.



Those mushrooms were pretty freaking cool, but also scary if you've seen the Last of Us.

After driving home from the trail, we headed to Cincinnati for the Braves vs Reds. The Reds were on a 12 game winning streak and had just ended the Braves 8 game winning streak the night before. It was a little toasty, but otherwise a perfect day at the ballpark, 8 homeruns later the Braves pulled out a nailbiter 7-6. It was the first time we'd been to a game since COVID and our first experience with the new rules. The game still lasted over 3 hours, but with so many runs scored, that's perfectly acceptable for me. The best part of the new rules was the pickoff attempt limitation, there were only 3 throws over the entire game!



We somehow snuck out of Cincy quickly without hitting much traffic and stopped at a Sports Bar and Grill for some delicious Wings and Tater Tots. I'm a sucker for appetizer food, I'll take it on a splurge night over fine dining any day. Our boys eagerly awaited us when we got home, so we settled in on the couch and watched a Black Mirror episode. My wife hit the sack after that and I proceeded to devour a giant bag of skittles while watching my longtime guilty pleasure show, The Challenge (I'm 1/2 through the last "Ride or Die" Season).

Just an awesome Summer day that makes me feel lucky to be alive and appreciative of everything we have.

Below is my quarterly list of movies watched, along with the year they were released, the genre, and my grade for each.

I only made it through 15 movies this quarter, which is probably a record low, but we did go on a Black Mirror rewatch binge, so I’ve included a ranking of every episode. If you haven’t checked out Black Mirror, you’re missing out. The writing and acting are exceptional and just about every episode contains a fascinating concept, that often feels like pure science fiction, but simultaneously seems far too close to reality. If you want an extremely well-made show that will leave you thinking about it long after you’ve turned the TV off, I highly recommend it.

A
Top Gun: Maverick (Action) - 2022
The Banshees of Inisherin (Drama/Comedy) - 2022

A-
John Wick: Chapter 4 (Action) - 2023

B+
Missing (Thriller) - 2023
Creed III (Action/Drama) - 2023
Pinball: The Man Who Saved the Game (Drama/Comedy) - 2022
Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (Action/Fantasy/Comedy) - 2023
Buried (Drama) - 2010

B
Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (Action/Sci Fi/Comedy) - 2023
Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre (Action/Comedy) - 2023

B-
Ocean's 8 (Action/Comedy) - 2018
Running the Sahara (Documentary) - 2007

C
White Men Can't Jump (Comedy/Drama) - 2023
Inside (Thriller) - 2023

F
The Most Dangerous Game (Action) – 2022


Black Mirror S1-6 Episodes Ranked
Self-Contained Episodes (can be watched in any order)
Rank Episode Title Season
1 San Junipero 3
2 White Christmas 2
3 Hang The DJ 4
4 The Entire History of You 1
5 Be Right Back 2
6 USS Callister 4
7 Shut Up and Dance 3
8 Joan is Awful 6
9 White Bear 2
10 Fifteen Million Merits 1
11 Striking Vipers 5
12 Beyond the Sea 6
13 Black Museum 4
14 Nosedive 3
15 Loch Henry 6
16 Crocodile 4
17 Demon 79 6
18 Hated in the Nation 3
19 Arkangel 4
20 Playtest 3
21 Smithereens 5
22 Rachel, Jack and Ashley Too 5
23 National Anthem 1
24 Men Against Fire 3
25 Metalhead 4
26 Mazey Day 6
27 The Waldo Moment 2

So I had a new experience during my trail run Saturday morning. I was a couple miles from my turnaround point when I got to an open grassy area where there are usually a few cows grazing. This day, however, there were about 20 of them, as well as a handful of calves.

No big deal, cows are slow and docile, right? But, they are also big, and I assumed likely protective of their calves, and most notably they were completely blocking the entrance to the trail on the other side of the meadow. I figured despite my growing fear, they’re likely more scared of me than I am of them, so I took a few steps forward, expecting the seas to part granting me access to the trail. Nothing happened, no movement whatsoever, they just stared at me.

I pulled my phone out thinking this would make a fun picture and hoping I had service so I could Google “How murdery are cows?” Before snapping the pic, one of the them unleashed a mind-blowing stream of urine that was larger, louder, and lasted longer than I would have ever thought possible. It felt like a violation to take a picture with her in that state, so I stood mouth agape and waited for her to finish.

As the time ticked away, I absent-mindedly stepped on a twig, and it snapped just as dramatically as a future victim hiding from a madman in a horror movie. This caused the two calves closest to me to bolt away, followed immediately by the largest cow taking multiple steps toward me, with what I can only describe as homicidal intent in her eyes.

I’ve seen enough movies to know you don’t mess with a mother and her babies in the wild, so I immediately turned tail and sprinted back the way I came.

Was this a massive and embarrassing overreaction? Maybe, but I take solace in knowing I avoided the lead story in Sunday’s newspaper being “Dumbass City Boy hospitalized after getting Trampled by a Herd of Cattle."

My wife and I had got back from a week in New York a few days ago. We only spent 1.5 days in NYC which was the perfect amount for me. We did a full day tour and hit all the main spots, it was super interesting and we had an awesome tour guide. Other than that we just walked around the city and ate at a couple of nice restaurants. And wow, even though I fully expected it, the crowds were overwhelming. Unsurprisingly, my morning running in Central Park on the day we left was the highlight for me, pretty darn cool experience.



After our time in the city we were excited to escape the insanity and spend a few days at a cabin near Lake George. After what ended up being a long drive we just relaxed Friday night with the main event being Saturday, a DMB concert at SPAC in Sarasota Springs.

We spend the day in Sarasota, checking out the downtown area shops and having a nice lunch, then got to the venue early and explored the park before lining up for the concert. Concerts aren't my thing, but my wife loves Dave Matthews more than just about anything in the world so I do my best to blend into the background and make sure she has the best time possible. We've seen him in some pretty awesome venues (The Gorge in Washington being the coolest), but she said this might have been her #1 ever concert experience. The crowd was absolutely electric, it felt like every person in attendance was an absolute fanatic.

The day after the concert we explored the area around our cabin a little and then spent the afternoon in Lake George. The lake and Adirondack mountains surrounding it were beautiful and the town was the type of touristy area that some people are completely put off by, but we really enjoy. We topped it off with an awesome pizza dinner and a visit to a candy shop for some sugary goodness.

Overall, a really nice vacation and we both enjoyed seeing NYC, but aren't in any hurry to for a return trip. If we do a repeat visit for a SPAC concert we'll probably hit somewhere else northeast beforehand.

Also, I made it off the waitlist, I'm officially registered for the Mines of Spain 100 (it's in Iowa) in October! It's real now, only 3 months to get ready!

Saturday was my final prep race before the 100 Miler, in the form of a 12 hour overnight endurance run. It went from 8PM - 8AM and consisted of repeating the same 2 mile loop as many times as possible within the time limit. I had never run through the night before, and I rarely run later than 7PM, with the only time I'd used my headlamp being the first hour of a few early morning trail runs. The loop was approximately 30% grass, 40% hard-packed dirt, 20% single track, and 10% gravel, a surprisingly nice mix of terrain for such a short course. Weather was great for the first 7 hours, a little humid, but for early August I couldn't have asked for much better.

My purpose in signing up for this race was to gain experience that would be needed for the 100 Miler, and in that regard it was a massive success. I checked off several boxes, including running all night, running in the dark in rain, running in the dark in puddles and mud, running through the night almost exclusively on my own, and running through stomach issues.

For whatever reason my stomach was hellbent on disapproving with everything I put in my mouth during the race. I'd run an hour, eat something, then it would cramp up and feel like a brick was inside me for 15 minutes, feel a little better, then I'd repeat the cycle. After 6 hours and having tried all of my normal race food, plus several options from the Aid Station, I gave up and went liquids only the rest of the way.

At 3AM the real fun started, I felt a few rain drops land on my hand, which was kind of refreshing, except they were followed seconds later by a complete downpour. I've run in the rain plenty of times, but running by headlamp was definitely complicated by the deluge. I slowed my pace and managed not to wipe out or run into any trees, and 30ish minutes later the skies were calm again. But the damage was done, the dirt and single track sections of the loop were now puddly muddy messes. They were actually pretty freaking fun for awhile, as adults we don't get many opportunity to run through puddles. Unfortunately, after a couple hours the amusement faded as my wet and muddy clothes and feet weighed on me physically and mentally.

However, this allowed a couple more new experiences. My first time doing a full wardrobe change mid-race, which was complicated, but amazing, it felt so refreshing to put on clean dry clothes, especially socks and shoes. With one big downside, I had busted a big hole in my 2nd pair of trail shoes, and hadn't taken the time to break-in another pair yet, so my backup pair for this race were road shoes. This would've normally been fine, but I would soon find out that road shoes do not handle mud well. My last 2.5 hours was an interesting mix of running, walking, and slip-sliding while desperately trying to avoid any face-plants and/or injuries. Fortunately, I made it through unscathed and was thankful when the sun rose and my wife arrived to greet me and cheer me on through the last couple laps.

I knocked out 48 miles over the 12 hours, slightly under my goal of 52, but gained invaluable experience, and mostly through my own mistakes, learned quite a few lessons. Overall, I don't think repeating short-loops is my favorite form of running, but I'm very thankful I took part in this race, and I expect it to pay significant dividends come October.

5 weeks ago my father passed away from stage 4 COPD/Lung Disease. I hadn’t spoken to him in over 10 years, but my sister lives near him so through rare updates from her and occasional updates from my mom (mostly via my sister, my parent divorced 10 years ago), I was aware that he had COPD and hadn’t been taking care of himself, he started drinking heavily again as soon as they divorced, but I had no idea how serious it had gotten.

Like many fathers and sons ours was a complicated relationship. My first 8-9 years he was a mostly present father, I remember him being at many of my baseball games and him catching for me as I worked on my pitching in the backyard. As he continued to gain weight he was less and less able to catch for me so that mostly disappeared by age 11 or 12. He travelled for work, often Monday through Friday so he missed some weekday games, but he generally seemed to limit his spring/summer travel.

My memory is horrible from my childhood, so aside from baseball related memories and other high/low points I have trouble painting a clear picture of what our relationship was like up until high school. Around that time, he stepped in a large ditch at a horse racing event he was attending via a work outing, and his already ailing back (he was pushing 350 pounds at this point), was knocked completely out of whack. He went on disability and was in and out of doctor’s offices for the next 7 or 8 years. During this time he grew increasingly short-tempered, withdrawn, and was downright miserable to be around. He spent his days trading stocks, and did quite well for awhile, as his timing happened to align with the boom market of the late 90’s.

I later found out he had developed a deep addiction to pain pills during this stretch, and had been sober for 12ish year prior to this. Apparently he quit drinking when my sister and I were young, although I never found out how much he was really drinking, and I expect my mom never knew the full extent of his alcoholism (the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree).

When the market crashed he lost money just like everyone else and become even angrier and more miserable. This was the time my wife and I started dating and she opened my eyes to the fact that he was kind of a jerk. I started calling him out on things (I was terrified of confrontation so had never done so before), and he naturally blamed her for this, leading to the splintering of our relationship, which had been deeply splintered before, we had just never talked about anything real. A few years later my mom finally had enough of him and they divorced. He moved to Florida and years went by without any contact between us. The last 2 Christmases he sent me short emails saying he would like to have my wife and I back in his life. I never responded to either.

The day my mom called to tell me of his passing was interesting. I had been running a few hours prior and was listening to Mishka Shubala’s book about his alcoholism and recovery. He talks a lot about his father, they had a very strained relationship, but started working through their issues after Mishka quit drinking. Naturally, that led to me thinking about my dad and I even day-dreamed through potential scenarios of reaching out to him next year when I will be doing a race in either FL or LA and asking if he wanted to meet for dinner, provided that he would do so sober. I even played out the full fantasy scenario of him getting sober and coming to my ultra races and crewing for me, leading to a late in life closeness that had been absent for 30 years. It wasn’t the first time I’d thought about him recently, but it was the only time I’d played out that full “dream scenario” in my mind. Interesting that it happened less than a day after he died, but before I was aware he had passed.

Needless to say, his death brought about confusing/complicated feelings, or more accurately, a lingering mess of emotions that don’t really make sense to me and I don’t know how to process. The only clear one is guilt. I had plenty of opportunities to give him another chance, he likely would’ve been the same jerk I remember, but maybe not, maybe he wanted a genuine relationship, maybe my sobriety could inspire him, which would’ve in-turn helped his health, maybe we could’ve developed a later in life father-son bond. There’s no way to know, but I regret not reaching out and at least giving him an opportunity.

The other concept that has complicated my feelings about him is that all the traits I hate in myself (selfishness, addictiveness, and the many tentacles that sprout from them), are the traits that define him. I sometimes put myself up on a pedestal for overcoming alcohol and food issues and think he should be able to do it to. But, he actually did at times and to varying degrees, how am I any better? Right now I’m still sober and I eat relatively well, but I still struggle with food often, and I could fall into another addiction or back into alcohol in the blink of an eye. If my wife left me, how can I say I wouldn’t immediately start drinking again? One of the things I pride myself on is not judging others. I’ve done plenty of awful things, so who am I to look down on someone. I’m not perfect on this front, and snap judgments do of course still pop into my mind occasionally, but overall I live and breath this … except not with my father.

I’ve talked myself in circles many times since his passing, and I might use my companies EAP plan to seek out a therapist for a few sessions. My tendency is to bottle things up and forget about them, I’m way too good at this, but my wife is an awesome sounding board so I’m trying to do better at talking through feelings and emotions instead of taking the easier way out by avoiding them.

I’m heading down to Florida next week to spread his ashes in the Atlantic Ocean with my sister and a few of his boat captain friends. I was hesitant to attend, but settled on being there for my sister. They didn’t have a healthy relationship either, but she did see him regularly, even if her motivations were primarily monetary. The last little wrinkle is that he left everything to her. I don’t think “everything” is too substantial, a condo with who knows how much equity and a boat captain business that I have no idea how to value. I wouldn’t have expected anything from him and most of me doesn’t want it, but money is money so if I’m being 100% honest of course it would be nice to have been included. My sister is a mess. She’s a 16 year old trapped in a 40 year old’s body. She doesn’t know how to live on her own and I’m very nervous as to how she will handle the money, considering she’s never had anything more than a week’s pay or what my parents have given her. She’s also clean, she says for 1.5 years, but she’s lied so many times about it before I don’t know for sure. I’m 100% confident she’s been sober the 3 times I’ve spoken to her on the phone since his passing, and prior to that I can’t ever remember her being sober for a conversation, so that’s a great sign. The scary thing is her coping with his dying, the stress of dealing with his estate, and the ensuing payout, are all things that could easily lead to relapse. I’m going to do what I can to help her out for the few days I’m down there, and I’ve asked her to setup an appointment with the estate lawyer so we can go together, but with her history I’m certainly not getting deeply involved in anything or putting my name on anything financial.

The trip will be the most time my sister and I have spent together in 20ish years and an interesting tight-rope walk of juggling mixed feelings and emotions. I have no idea how it will go, although I expect smoothly won’t be in the description. I’m going to try my best to keep an open mind and approach it as being there to support her. I’m not going to enable her and spoon feed her, it’s finally time for her to become an adult, but I will do my best to help provide direction and positivity, especially when it comes to her sobriety.

Whew that was a long one!

I've been meaning to chime in on this because I find the parent/child relationship quite fascinating. I don't think most fully realize how these relationships shape you. Even what would be considered a somewhat healthy parent/child relationship often has lasting negative effects on the child. Most people I know don't really explore this until much later in life. A lot realize that their parents weren't exactly model parents but don't see how much it makes you who you are. You seem quite aware, though.

I'm not sure how old you are but now matter your age, you can't really escape this, but you do sort of chip away at it as much as possible. Never goes away.

For my circle of friends and family I definitely see how much it shapes all of us. My wife and I are aware of all (well realistically probably most) of the negative traits that have been passed on to us either through genetics or parenting. We try our best to be cognizant of them and call each other out when we notice something, but we still display them far more often than you would expect for a couple that's in our early 40's. Although, at this point in our life I firmly believe in being way past the point of using childhood as an excuse for bad behavior, it may have shaped us, but we all have the power to be our own person ... it's just very difficult at times.

The "Memorial" for my father went well. My sister and I went out on a boat with 3 boat captains that worked with him and spread his ashes in the ocean. We all said a little something about him and it was interesting to hear what he was like the last 5-10 years. Basically, he was a drunk jerk, but they all spoke highly of his leadership, straight-forwardness, and sense of humor. The last one was a surprise to me.

Unfortunately the rest of my time there didn't go well as my sister disappeared for hours and then slept the entire 2nd day, so I wasn't able to help her with anything regarding his estate. I was pretty frustrated at the time, but have accepted that's her decision and I hope she doesn't squander what's been left to her. I'm glad I was able to see her, spend some time with her, and be there with her for the memorial. And most importantly she was clean and sober.

Regarding my dad, a few friends have asked if I was able to get any closure. It's a difficult question to answer, and one that I don't fully understand, but I guess my real answer is "not really", I still have lingering guilt, resentments (towards him and myself), and questions that can't be answered, but I'm going to put some effort into addressing them.

It's starting to get real, less than 6 weeks until my 100!

My training is going well, I just finished my biggest mileage week ever, racking up 68.8, with almost 3/4 of it being on trails. I've remained diligent with stretching and foam rolling, so hopefully that will help me stay fully healthy heading into the race.

On the other hand, I always struggle with eating in Fall (I know it's not technically Fall yet). When the morning air first starts getting crisp, a few leaves change color, and most importantly, football is on every Thursday - Monday. I love it all, but I associate all of that awesomeness with eating large unhealthy meals and desserts. That will be my biggest challenge over the next couple months, but as long as I stay cognizant of it, I should be able to maintain a decent amount of self control. I don't think my goal of getting under 160 by race day is likely, but I'm also confident I'll stay under 170, which keeps me in a healthy zone.

I'd love to get away from weekly weigh-ins and just focus on exercising and making mostly healthy food choices, but for now it remains a crutch that I lean heavily on to keep from ballooning to proportions that are no longer healthy or suitable for running long distances.

Several of my trail running friends had signed up for an Endurance Run this weekend at a local park featuring a grass course with rolling hills. Being 4 weeks out from my race, the 6 hour event felt like a perfect long run before I start to taper down. I went in expecting to complete a normal weekend run at an easy pace, but once I got going my legs felt good and I couldn't help but push myself. It was a looped course (3.6 miles per loop) so it worked out perfect that I didn't have to wear a pack and could just carry a bottle of water, then at the start/finish line refill and grab 100-200 calories of something. During loops 4-5 I was on pace to finish 8 loops with 25-30 minutes of wasted time left over. "Wasted" because they don't give credit for portions of loops, it's all or nothing. I picked up my pace the next few laps and after 7 I was still behind, so I pushed harder on loop 8 and then even more so on loop 9 (39 minutes left on the clock) as I would've been super frustrated if I missed the last loop by a couple minutes.

I ending up finishing 9 loops (32.4 miles) in 5:56 with the final loop being the fastest. It was good enough for 3rd place male and 4th overall. The only person to finish 10 laps was a female runner who absolutely crushed it. I never dreamed of placing in the race, or any race, running slow and steady over long distances is my thing, not speed. To go along with the 3rd place finish I also set a Marathon PR by over 10 minutes and a 50K PR by almost 1.5 hours! For any non-distance runners it's hard for me to put into words how big of an accomplishment those PR improvements are. The previous marathon PR was came on a flat road course and this was a hilly grass course, meaning it's significantly harder. And knocking 1.5 hours off my 50K time is hard for me to wrap my mind around. I apologize for the abundant bragging, but I'm super freaking proud of my performance and it's extremely satisfying to see the impact of the dedication I've put into my training over the last year.

Most importantly, this race has significantly boosted my confidence heading into the 100 Miler. It’s going to be the hardest physical challenge of my life, and one of the hardest mental challenges as well, but I can’t wait to tackle it. I will finish it!

As a side note, I don’t think I’ve talked much here about the positive impact the trail running friends I’ve made over the last 6 months have had on me. I love weekend trail runs regardless, but having friends to share miles, swap stories, and provide encouragement has been an amazing side effect of my foray into this world. Cheering each other on when we passed on the course provided a little jolt of energy each time, and it was really nice to hang out before a little bit before and after the race. I’m so glad I stepped out of my comfort zone to join them on the first couple group runs before I knew anyone, as I could’ve easily just stayed in my own bubble and avoided the discomfort of being the “new guy”. I also think being a part of this “community” will keep me encouraged to continue pushing myself after the addictive rush of ultra running fades, as it undoubtedly will.

Have to appreciate the irony of the finisher award and 3rd place "trophy".