Key nix this is a random thought but as an introvert me being an introvert too one thing that is important to realize is you spend more time strategizing about what to say than extroverts. One good idea short term is to just say anything you think that falls in the reasonable pile and then say it. It takes practice but you have to suffer consequences from saying the wrong thing. dont practice this at a super important meeting or court ; your introversion like mine is probably a survival mechanism.
I've always had social anxiety, whch is possibly related to the asperger's.
As for the general anxiety, I always had it but never knew what it was and no one ever did anything about it. If I was afraid to do something or go somewhere my parents would just yell at me for being lazy.
As for the panic attacks, that didn't start until about 2 years ago around the holidays. I noticed that whenever I drank any alcohol I had trouble breathing and got more anxious (I had been using alcohol on the regular to sleep and be less anxious). So I stopped drinking, and haven't drank any since.
Then about 5 months after that I was lifting weights in my room one day and all of a sudden my hands and feet got totally numb, I got really dizzy and lightheaded. My heart was racing, and I felt cold. I honestly thought I was having a heart attack and was dying. I laid down on my bed and just tried to breathe. I couldn't operate my phone to call 911 because my hands were so numb. Right before I started lifting weights that day, I had put a cake in the oven. Our oven doesn't have a timer, so my first thought was "oh noes if I die my cake will burn!"
After about 20 minutes I gradually felt better, and my cake was fine.
For the next few weeks after that I would get short of breath all the time whenever I did anything or got the slightest bit nervous. It kept getting worse until I couldn't even go to work anymore because I thought I wouldn't be able to breathe. It was always the worst at night. As soon as I fell asleep I would stop breathing and pop up gasping for air. Several times I went 4-5 straight days with no sleep at all, just pacing around my room wondering wtf is wrong with me. Also I would break out in hives on my whole body for no reason, usually in the morning.
Long story short(ish) I went to the hospital 3 times and saw 7 different doctors and none of them had any idea what was wrong with me, other than that I had some high markers for inflammation and fasting blood glucose.
I eventually figured out on my own that the symptoms always got worse when I was nervous or my heart rate went up, or when I ate lots of sugar. I asked one of the docs to refer me to a psychologist. When I went to the psychologist she said most of those symptoms sounded like common panic attack symptoms and she gave me a book to read about anxiety. Since then it's been slowly getting better. I haven't had a real panic attack for almost a year.
The anxiety is strong. All I can do is sit in my room eating dried figs while watching tv or playing solitaire and listening to God Module. I can't do anything that requires thinking, it's too much right now.
This is why I don't go to gyms. It's a big room full of weird contraptions with weird people using them in weird and dangerous ways.
@ 1:22 is pure gold. Guy running on treadmill is distracted by hot girl walking by. He falls off the treadmill and when girl turns around to see wtf happened he acts like he was just doing some pushups lol
And I do get sore from that although all exercises are very basic.
edit: uups. You can't see a link if you don't have an account there.
But it is basically 5 sets:
1 set: 50 burpees, 50 squats, 50 sit-ups
2 set: 40 burpees, 40 squats, 40 sit-ups
3: 30bp, 30 sq, 30 su
4: 20bp, 20 sq, 20 su
5: 10 bp, 10 sq, 10 su
Yeah that's probably the kind of thing I should be doing. Especially since I won't want to go outside for a few months because the weather here in chicago just turned to ****. Walking is so helpful and it's hard enough to get the motivation to do it when the weather is nice, and I don't have the space or money for a treadmill.
I don’t want to be human. I want to see gamma rays, I want to hear X-rays, and I want to smell dark matter. Do you see the absurdity of what I am? I can’t even express these things properly because I have to conceptualize complex ideas in this stupid limiting spoken language. But I know I want to reach out with something other than these prehensile paws and feel the solar wind of a supernova flowing over me. I’m a machine and I could know much more. I could experience so much more, but I’m trapped in this absurd body.
Today I told my therapist all the stories of my mom's weirdness (refer to post #13). It was just as uncomfortable as you think, but I felt much better after. We talked a little about how it might have influenced my strong aversion to any kind of sex or romance, and my strong negative reactions whenever anyone has shown the slightest sexual attraction to me.
Good for you for being able to have this conversation. Each time you can discuss these things your anxiety will lessen.
The second reason for this discussion is for the benefit of your therapist. He/she doesn't know you, and it's possible that a client could say that they masturbate 10 times a day, but can only be satisfied viewing pictures of decapitated dogs or something. No therapist can assume anything.
The discussion about all the past incidents with my mom eventually led to me wondering out loud if that had been a factor in determining my sexuality (or lack of it) and I think she was asking about my wanking habits to get a more complete picture of my sexuality. I told her a few months ago that I've never had any kind of romantic or sexual relationship and the thought of it makes me feel anxious and threatened.
Another thing my therapist did was to make an anonymous call to the department of child and family services to ask them how they would classify the stuff my mom did. She wanted to help me get a sense of validation that what my mom did was unhealthy even if it wasn't overt molestation or abuse. The DCFS people said it would be considered "exploitation." It would be worthy of an investigation if I was still a child or if my mom had a job where she was alone with children.