Tyty! <3

Ah this silly app didn’t show me this before! Thank you so much <3 I find new things to do better every day, and hopefully my story will continue to be one of perseverance and resilience.

Link to interview! If you ever had any unanswered questions about this thread, starting at :28 minutes, I answer all kinds of questions about my life, my experience as a poker player, my child, and of course, Texas Poker! It’s about 2 hours long Enjoy! Let me know what you think! I was super nervous :P

https://pokerfraudalert.com/radio/ra...0-22-00-01.mp3

its over 2 hours long? i hope they paid u good for your time. that would be quite a job.

also, is there a way to play all 24 hours in san antonio where u are now like there is in houston? maybe a different club if yours isnt?

You sounded good! I enjoyed it.
Todd should have you as one of his co hosts, like tradershky or brandon are.

You females should poke a hole in the wall and see how men talk to each other when woman aren't around and you will realize the men are a lot nicer to woman then men. But I respect you grinding and not giving up. PLO is definitely the best game to play if you want to make some serious money at poker.

Awh thank you Sorry for the late reply, life has been super busy! But I don’t think I could find the time to be on there all the time lol :P

Hmm, just because the behaviors are worse towards men, doesn’t necessarily make them right towards women, just because they’re better than what they’re being compared to. But, I do appreciate the effort to make it seem not so bad lol

And yes, I have loved PLO from the very beginning of my journey. I learned Holdem and Omaha at the same time by the same person, and have been a primarily PLO Cash game player for the majority of the time I’ve played over the years. I’ve loved the complexity and nuances of playing PLO well, and it keeps my attention to play live more than any other game hands down. Plus, I think part of me loves playing a game well that most people are afraid to even learn. More cards, more fun :P

I don't know what you're talking about. Men will talk about women even worse when they think they're only in the company of men.

Sorry about the dealer abuse, it truly is awful. Thankfully where we play, the casinos take dealer abuse pretty seriously, but I've seen some places not really care, and because tipping is such a big part of the pay, it's hard for dealers to make the decision whether to stand up for themselves.

This is why other players really need to step in. I always tip a dealer extra when they have to ignore abuse and keep the game running efficiently despite it all, and I think everyone should do the same. Great way to make an ahole look stupid as well.

Also glad to see another PLO enthusiast

Ahhhh thank you for sharing! <3

I think players are getting better with the longer live poker is around, with the teaching of etiquette on behalf of the more mature players I do actually enjoy the character building I am guided through by being a poker dealer, it’s almost like a gauntlet of “bet you can’t keep your cool” lol! I’ve built a much stronger outer shell, yet still have plenty of room to grow!

And PLO, yasss <3

I’ve actually been playing again here recently! Am up over 5 sessions +980 +$260 -$100 -$300 +$50)

All winning sessions were 1/2/5 NLH/PLO ROE, the losing ones switched to Holdem after I got stuck in PLO and couldn’t come back so the loss was due more to the game not being good anymore rather than bad play, but definitely some bad play in the NLH that I’m going to be working on. I feel like I play amazing PLO, but my patience for Holdem has all but vanished.

My kid had adenoid removal on dec 21st, and since has been doing so great it’s crazy to think about how sick he’s been for so long <3 He’s been doing great, talking in full sentences and getting more interesting by the day!

Also, I’ve taken up position on the marketing team at Alamo, and also taken on the project of not only building tournaments from scratch, but also endeavoring into the non-profit sector and hopefully finding a way to host poker charity events on a mass, repetitive scale, and make these events a integral part of the poker community, to give back to the community when they need our support more than ever before. <— if you have ANY information in regards to how to do this, send it my way. The rules are different in Texas, so this is all fairly new and I’ve currently got a team I’m working with to make it all happen. The goal is to help all the kids that need help

Happy new year and stay blessed fam!

Happy new year!

So these last few weeks have been crazy.

I know most of you probably remember when I was doing all that stuff for that card room in Austin, and know we didn’t end on the best of terms or whatnot. Well, I feel like as a result of that, I saw it as a failure bc we never really got to the point where we were working as a team to build the room, it was a lot more of “every dealer for themselves” mentality, so when I stepped in and started fixing the books and changing stuff to help, the old heads took that as me stepping on toes. Saying I was just working whenever and not doing anything, mind you I was running all the marketing, handling payroll, income taxes, plugging leaks, bringing more players, training, and all without pay bc I was just trying to help. It made me feel better when o was going through what I went through with my kid to reach out and help.

So like, the next card room I worked at, I just dealt. But I was pretty miserable there and never really enjoyed it. I couldn’t get behind the vibe there so I eventually wound up leaving as workplace bullying about my physical and psychological difficulties got to be too much, and it was draining me in every way. We parted on good terms, mainly bc I don’t think the people involved realize how mean they actually were, as believe it or not I didn’t tell them my life story

So fast forward to where I’m at now, and it all finally makes sense.

I left that other room Sept 28th 2020, did 2 shifts the following week at the new card house even though I had thought it best to take that week off for personal reasons. My anxiety was through the roof while I was in the box, constant panic attacks bc of a plethora of bad experiences with floor calls and players being allowed to berate and sexually harass me without consequence many times over the previous few weeks. So needless to say, I was easily triggered in this new room, yet I was shown an exorbitant amount of support from all the staff in my new room. After a couple week’s, the panic attacks stopped and I had reached out and offered to help with marketing if they wanted.

Since then, we’ve been working together and building our team and everything gets better with each day. Yesterday we ran our first tournament since previous management, and saw the faces of so many players we haven’t seen in a long time. We pre-registered 2 full tables, had 3 by start, and 4 at our most I’ve been working on this with our marketing team for weeks, and this was more successful than anyone expected. To be accurate, this was fully expected to fail, yet I still worked day and night to build the tournament structure from scratch, doing the math on how everything would run, doing the best I could and working my hardest to make the person proud who gave me this chance.

I even played, made the FT and then got to bubble in a double knock out hand lol and you know what? I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud of myself than I am today.

It was a hard loss to work so hard and have to walk away with nothing, thinking I had done something wrong and failed. It’s now a year later, and it doesn’t seem so much a failure as a pivotal learning point in my life that set me up to make the most out of the opportunity I have now, armed with the lessons I learned from mistakes I feel I made previously. And the biggest thing? I think I didn’t know how to bring everyone together as a team before, and now that I know how to be part of the team, I’m shining the brightest I’ve ever shined :P

So I’ll tell you, I didn’t ever think my life would bring me here. Where I’m happy in my career, can play poker & work in poker, spend time with my son more than most single moms as my job allows me that freedom. I’m stable, and I can play poker whenever I want, and I don’t think I ever expected this to be the way it happened. But I am more grateful than I’ve ever been.

So what’s next? I think, Poker hotspot in Texas sounds prettyyyyyy good

I'm glad to hear you're able to make the best of it and see it too. Ah I can't wait to play live poker again.

This is where I lost trust in myself.

My intuition.

My “gut” feeling.

Y’all should know by now, the opinion that weighs me down the most is my own. The rest are just back ground noise that feed that negative train of thoughts to keep going. The perfectionism is built into me, sooo don’t worry I have it covered

I think honestly, it’s doubt in myself that holds me back. It’s the doubt that, I’m gonna be able to finish what I start. It’s the doubt that I’ll be able to handle failure if it comes.

It’s the feeling that I won’t be able to keep pushing through the hard **** to get to where I know I want to go. I can see in it my mind, the “I made it!” .. so why all this doubt, this fear, this .. what is it really?

That’s it, right there. The problem, The Lies.

Not the “me”.

The lie that keeps me in bed.

The lie that keeps me from doing the work that would get me to where I want to be.

The lie that covers me in a depression & dampens my light.

The lie that makes me isolate myself and makes me believe that I don’t make a difference.

The lie that tells me other people’s opinions somehow magically dictate to the person I am on the inside.

The lie that makes me believe that it’s impossible for “someone like me” to reach their dreams.

Yet reality is relative given that our perceptions of things dictate the way we experience our journey.

I’ve lived life with many perceptions, and still try to find new ones every way I can, because I know that my experience is only part of the “Whole” story.

The experience I have feeds into a much greater understanding in all of us. The more I learn myself & share that, the more that energy will be out there. The more synchronicity there will be given to it. The more I’ll pull the things I want towards me rather than those I wish to avoid.

The less those around me have to suffer

I think the moral of all this, to myself and anyone else this helps, is to be open to awareness. Be open to seeing the real you. Open to letting down the walls you’ve built to keep the real you a secret. Stop believing the thoughts in your head that are fundamentally not who you ‘want’ to be, stop giving the old you power to keep you from blossoming into a beautiful ‘new’ you.

Stop letting the negativity of this world dim your light the way I have for years, I hope you join me on this journey towards healing and self awareness. To be at peace with the fact that none of us are perfect, and most of us know what we want to change deep down inside even if we say we don’t. A lot of us just don’t know how, but you WANTING to know is where the life transition begins.

We can’t get rid of our feelings, they are in our biology- thank God -Because without our feelings, we wouldn’t have anything to experience right?


——————————————~~~~~———17—-


I have been through a whole lot here recently, and honestly it’s so much it would take me a couple hours to type it all out. I probably will tell what’s been going on, but long story short is I got super sick, went to the doctors after a few emergency visits for various things, and after months of tests every week, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I was also diagnosed with panic disorder that has sudden onset without cause. So I’ve caved for the first time in my life and went to the doctor to get medicated.

They gave me Cymbalta for the fibromyalgia, and for the first time since I was 19, I don’t have pain all day that’s constant or that gets triggered by a plethora of causes.

The panic attacks we’re getting as bad as they were before CPS put my son in foster care. When they started getting worse, I knew therapy wasn’t enough for whatever episode I was going through. I also have a current open CPS investigation, so a breakdown now would probably be not so great, huh? :P So apparently the panic attacks were worse than even I thought and the pain was making my blood pressure and heart rate constantly high.

It’s was crazy to finally be able to think my own thoughts without having all these things trigger panic attacks without me even knowing why. My life has been extremely difficult being sick, but I never wanted to be “the sick girl” so I guess I always avoided a diagnosis. Used traveling for poker as an excuse for 6 years you know ~_~

Point is, CPS investigation is most likely gonna be closed as long as I’m able to keep my brain from losing control.

I am very proud that I faced a myriad of fears in order to get the help I needed. I am also proud that I’ve been very honest with what’s in my head and body with the doctors.

I have applied to disability with a lawyer and they seem confident in my application being approved, which I don’t know if I should be happy about or not.

I’ve been in a bit of a depression since the diagnosis, and have done what I can to focus outside of myself, yet I keep being pulled back into my head to just crawl is a hole.

I’ve been fighting it, don’t worry. I know it’s there, but also know the depression is not part of who I am, and is only part of my experience.

I’ve spoken about rewiring of the brain in this thread before, and have gotten a much better idea of how it all works & what helps most. The key is to “take the action” - “do the behavior” ~ without consideration of the feelings attached or the result of if it was done at all, done perfectly, or done horribly, only that there has been a plan of action out into place for your brain to begin to build a NEW neural pathway for that mew behavior you’re wanting to have. If this new path, this new behavior, interferes with the unwanted behavior, the neural pathways that were there for the unwanted behaviors will fade and that pathway is weaker by the opposing new behavior and pathway is enforced.

This is why it takes time to change behavior. Why we can want to be this person that seems galaxies away from the person we are and have it sometimes make us want to give up. But If we don’t give up, we WILL succeed.

But it’s on you and only you.

My success or failure depends on my ability to push through the parts of life I would rather not have to deal with, and to what extent I’m willing to sacrifice my old self and the behaviors of my old self, to become the new self that I want to be.

All will be well, we will keep fighting.

Poker has at least been kind to me lol

Any updates?