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Old 12-24-2016, 08:04 PM   #1176
BlazinAces
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Re: Just a girl with her head in the clouds

I have been spending time with my family in an extreme change of events and was blessed with my mom, 2 little sisters, dad and my paternal grandmother all living under one roof for the first time in my life! Can't make this up guys.. :P . I'll try to touch base on this soon, as well as to respond to the last post on here

Hope everyone has a happy holiday, and if I don't get back in time, happy new year too
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Old 12-25-2016, 03:48 AM   #1177
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Re: Just a girl with her head in the clouds

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hb2YSAVHmIE
Merry Christmas peoples
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Old 01-01-2017, 04:04 PM   #1178
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Re: Just a girl with her head in the clouds

Here we go, into a new year.

It seems as though the significance of a new year has changed for me.

To follow up on the topic of whether there is right or wrong, and good or bad, I believe this is all becomes increasingly ambiguous the more we diversify our perspective.

It starts with me (you) when I encounter any situation or circumstance. How I perceive this situation will inevitably determine my perspective.

This is where I feel a lot of people struggle, is with perspective.

When we have decided how we see a situation, we can simultaneously fail to evaluate our meta perception (How I think you see me) in an accurate way.

As a poker player, I'm very familiar with the concept. Also, as someone who has extreme social anxiety, I have a constant daily battle with my meta perception.

I'd also like to add, that our brain has a tendency to project our perspective onto other people, and therefore skew our meta perception.

If we take this all into consideration, we can conclude that, in any stressful situation we are liable to cause increased chaos by being unaware of how our perceptions of others affect our perception of how other people see us.

For instance, if I feel bad, and go talk to someone who feels good, our conversation would invariably be had by two people in completely different realities.

If the happy person says to the sad person "lighten up, it'll be alright." The sad person may Feel inclined to React to the happy person with confusion, because they may have perceived the happy person as being mocking or overbearing, when, in fact, the happy person only wishes to bring the sad person to their reality of happiness.

I've been trying to find the words to explain this in a way that is easily understood, because I know that my understanding and perception is not transferable to another persons mind.

I guess what I'm trying to get to is that, when we are immersed in emotions, our logic and reason take a back seat naturally.

Emotions are instincts, and instincts are things we do that we are not taught to do, but naturally are drawn to do.

So, I feel that in many ways, if we are able to understand the defects in our perceptual thinking, then we can begin to see, in every encounter, how things could be different if only we changed our perspective.

In the OP of this thread, I had a very close minded perspective of what life was intended to be. I was jaded, and hurt, and hated all the people who caused me pain.

Over this last year, I have shifted my way of thinking in a way that allows me to see life for what it is, a journey seeking knowledge, and the wisdom to understand it through faith in something greater than myself.

My path to faith has been one riddled with angst and trepidation, for what happens if I'm wrong, and there is nothing after this?

Then, I realized, does it really matter if I'm right today, only to be wrong tomorrow? Or vice versa.

Basically, the way I've found my sanity is to believe in there being a bigger picture than what I can see. I have learned, and still am learning every day, that nothing is EVER what it first appears to be. We are human in a way that prevents us from seeing the future, while being allowed to see only parts of our past, and urged to embrace the present with the flexibility of acceptance to change.

2 months ago I moved back home to DE instead of taking an opportunity to play poker in Vegas.

My relationship was falling apart at the seams, and no matter how hard I tried to fix it, it just wasn't what I needed anymore.

6 months ago I began talking to my mother every day, and had come to a place in my sobriety where I could overlook the pain and disgust I felt towards her for spending the last 10 years with someone who took advantage of my youth in deplorable ways.

After talking with her for a few weeks, then having a situation come up where he left her only to come back and make her and my sisters miserable, I had a horrible gut feeling that this man took advantage of my mother in a too familiar kind of way.

I needed to do something.. but didn't know how to help.

I reached out to my closest friends for advice. Still had no answers, so I prayed every day.

My two youngest twin sisters turned 13, and I had a feeling that this age milestone, to a man who saw no crime in age difference, would be the final undoing of my family.

But I was only partially right.

You see, the day that I missed that first PFA interview my mom had called me at 1am and told me he called the cops on her and was trying to get her arrested after he antagonized her. This was understandably stressful, because I was so far away. I laid down for a minute to regroup, but slept through the night.

The following morning is when I broke up with my bf, and then my dad called, I told him what happened with my relationship, and he asked me to come home. I agreed.

At the same time, I was telling him what was going on with my Mom and sisters, like the guy made my mom sleep outside in the truck, in the cold after the cops left. My dad was blown away by the guys behavior, which prompted him to offer them to come stay with us.

It took 6 weeks to get my Mom away from the abuser, and the day we went to get her she looked so sick and broken that I wanted to cry.

The first week was hard for all of us, but Christmas was able to bring us together.

My sisters got brand new Violins, for their new school in DE. Laptops, and an Xbox 1 from Mom and Dad.

I gave Mom, and the girls each a pendent necklace with a clover charm, and a small globe with wish flowers in it. I told them that no matter what happens, I will always be there for them and love them.

We've all been healing, and my mom is doing extraordinarily better.

For the first time in my life, I can seen that all the pain in my past that resulted from her choices, was not her fault.

I can only see this and forgive her because I've changed my perception of the situation.

I can't say that I know how this will turn out, and I have no idea what I'm doing, but I am determined to be for them what no one else has ever been for them, or me.

So in the end, everything is falling into place for me. It has been a long struggle up to this point, and I've learned that the struggle is life, and not something I should let deter me from my goals.

Always growing, diversifying, changing.

Happy New Year <3
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Old 01-30-2017, 06:44 PM   #1179
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Re: Just a girl with her head in the clouds

Quick life update for everyone since it's been a few weeks and I don't want anyone thinking I've gone off and died :P lol

Anyway, so I officially have 18 months sober! woohooo

That's an entire year and a half.

My life is so much better than it was at the beginning of this thread. I think sometimes that it's crazy to have this thread up here, sometimes I think that it's a bad idea to leave this here... But then I think about how hard it was to get sober. I think about how I had so much stuff going on in my life when I started this thread, that if it wasn't for all the people who looked out for me and told me how hard I was messing up, I probably wouldn't even be here, telling all you guys this.

To me, this thread represents all the good that can come from poker and the community, and although there were some negative people and things, I feel that poker probably saved my life, or rather more accurately, a bunch of people who love poker saved my life :P

So I'm probably not going to update this thread much, if at all again, because I feel that it's time to move on from it but if anyone is ever curious about how I'm doing just find me @McGrindinLife on Twitter and Instagram

Thank you to every person who has inspired me within poker and my sobriety, you're all my heros <3

Peace & Love
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Old 01-30-2017, 08:20 PM   #1180
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Re: Just a girl with her head in the clouds

Thats great. You are really inspirational. Definitely one of my favorite blogs here.

Have you ever considered doing a little volunteer work with people having the same sorts of issues? I think you could really do a lot of good.
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Old 01-31-2017, 03:23 PM   #1181
BlazinAces
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Re: Just a girl with her head in the clouds

Quote:
Originally Posted by biggerboat View Post
Thats great. You are really inspirational. Definitely one of my favorite blogs here.

Have you ever considered doing a little volunteer work with people having the same sorts of issues? I think you could really do a lot of good.
I appreciate you

But to answer your question, I feel that once I am better in health (physical and emotional, as I'm now going to therapy, and doctors, and even though it scares the hell out of me, and I have massive panic attacks before I go to each doctor, I know that when I do finally reach a place where I am able to say "I did it, I came back from the brink of death and faced all my fears." I will then feel capable of being the support for those who feel they have no support. I want to do all I can to help every person I meet, or that reads my writing, because I believe that my struggle was a gift in a paradoxical way.

<3
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Old 02-01-2017, 12:57 AM   #1182
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Re: Just a girl with her head in the clouds

You inspire me, always. Sure our paths will cross once again, maybe on the AT
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Old 02-01-2017, 05:34 AM   #1183
apkrnewb
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Re: Just a girl with her head in the clouds

Great stuff Congrats. Just look at your doctors like Pocket Jacks and your on the button after one raise whata you gonna do? ps. hows the smoking
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Old 02-01-2017, 08:54 PM   #1184
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Re: Just a girl with her head in the clouds

Quote:
Originally Posted by HankTheBank View Post
You inspire me, always. Sure our paths will cross once again, maybe on the AT
That's the end game right there To be healthy enough for a thru-hike <3
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