Just a girl with her head in the clouds
05-18-2015
, 01:44 AM
Quote:
Sometimes nothing goes right for weeks, months, even years... Sometimes my ambition and motivation disappear, and suddenly it's like I'm in the middle of the ocean on an island with a single tree wondering, "How the **** did I get here?" as I scratch my head while I get burned.
Then I stop thinking so much, and I let the chaos in my mind settle down... now this is when despondency appears. So comforting, hollow and empty this feeling, yet it ignites a desire to figure out what changed, a desire to feel good again.
I think through endless possible causes, while I blame everyone around me who could have been the reason until one day I look up into the mirror and look at myself.
That's when I realize what happened, I changed.
I didn't lose my motivation, nor the belief that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to, in fact I think it was all quite the opposite.
I felt like I was losing something I had worked so hard for. I thought I was falling apart on the inside, but I wasn't.
I was breaking down who I was so that I can become who I want to be.
I'm not losing hope, I'm changing my perspective so that everything will go RIGHT for weeks, months, years.. ^_^
If I see things a bit differently, maybe my inspiration looks a little bit different now too.
Moms birthday was yesterday, happy I got to wish her another one
I declined drinks with a couple friends this week, I feel good about that. Blazed all week and took some me time.
Working on actually writing down goals too.
I also think I'm just gonna make a Vision Board, it'll make me feel like my goals are actually tangible whether they are or not
My sleeping schedule has been a bit off, but I'm back to waking up early and making it through almost the whole day with only like 1 or 2 quickie naps where I don't even fall asleep I just cuddle with my pillows for emotional support
I've played some online, but honestly haven't even felt like playing any poker all week Smh BUT I've been doing my "I'm a luckbox" meditation all week, so I'll probably hit Wynn over the weekend at some point
My roommate is teaching me how to cook #Points!
Then I stop thinking so much, and I let the chaos in my mind settle down... now this is when despondency appears. So comforting, hollow and empty this feeling, yet it ignites a desire to figure out what changed, a desire to feel good again.
I think through endless possible causes, while I blame everyone around me who could have been the reason until one day I look up into the mirror and look at myself.
That's when I realize what happened, I changed.
I didn't lose my motivation, nor the belief that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to, in fact I think it was all quite the opposite.
I felt like I was losing something I had worked so hard for. I thought I was falling apart on the inside, but I wasn't.
I was breaking down who I was so that I can become who I want to be.
I'm not losing hope, I'm changing my perspective so that everything will go RIGHT for weeks, months, years.. ^_^
If I see things a bit differently, maybe my inspiration looks a little bit different now too.
Moms birthday was yesterday, happy I got to wish her another one
I declined drinks with a couple friends this week, I feel good about that. Blazed all week and took some me time.
Working on actually writing down goals too.
I also think I'm just gonna make a Vision Board, it'll make me feel like my goals are actually tangible whether they are or not
My sleeping schedule has been a bit off, but I'm back to waking up early and making it through almost the whole day with only like 1 or 2 quickie naps where I don't even fall asleep I just cuddle with my pillows for emotional support
I've played some online, but honestly haven't even felt like playing any poker all week Smh BUT I've been doing my "I'm a luckbox" meditation all week, so I'll probably hit Wynn over the weekend at some point
My roommate is teaching me how to cook #Points!
Last edited by re$erved; 05-18-2015 at 01:50 AM.
Reason: i need reading comprehension skilles
05-18-2015
, 01:45 AM
Quote:
Since moving to Vegas in March I've played less than 30 hours of live poker spread over several different sessions in different poker rooms, and a handful of daLily tournaments .. 
I've been worried more about stabilizing my life before WSOP than putting in hours on the poker table because right now that's what I feel is more important.
Initially when I moved back to California in December after playing online for about 6 months I was worried about if I'd even be able to readjust to playing live poker again. After my first few sessions there are some habits I noticed I had picked up while playing online that were making it difficult to play well live. Things like tilt, lack of continued focus, and not being able to remember HH as well as before made me want to work on other aspects of my game, which in turn lead me to believe that if I balanced My life outside of poker WITH poker, then I'd more more capable of making better decisions while playing.
I tend to not feel like playing if I feel like I'm playing poorly, and last Thursday I played a 1/3 session at PH when I wasn't even coherent and lost $500, I'm still a little butt hurt about it, but it made me want to fix the biggest leak I have in poker, which is gambling and drinking.
I'm hoping to start putting more hours in this week ... probably at Wynn since they have chocolate milk
I've been worried more about stabilizing my life before WSOP than putting in hours on the poker table because right now that's what I feel is more important.
Initially when I moved back to California in December after playing online for about 6 months I was worried about if I'd even be able to readjust to playing live poker again. After my first few sessions there are some habits I noticed I had picked up while playing online that were making it difficult to play well live. Things like tilt, lack of continued focus, and not being able to remember HH as well as before made me want to work on other aspects of my game, which in turn lead me to believe that if I balanced My life outside of poker WITH poker, then I'd more more capable of making better decisions while playing.
I tend to not feel like playing if I feel like I'm playing poorly, and last Thursday I played a 1/3 session at PH when I wasn't even coherent and lost $500, I'm still a little butt hurt about it, but it made me want to fix the biggest leak I have in poker, which is gambling and drinking.
I'm hoping to start putting more hours in this week ... probably at Wynn since they have chocolate milk
Last edited by re$erved; 05-18-2015 at 01:45 AM.
Reason: typo
05-18-2015
, 02:00 AM
05-18-2015
, 10:04 PM
05-18-2015
, 10:31 PM
05-18-2015
, 10:43 PM
05-18-2015
, 10:44 PM
05-18-2015
, 10:48 PM
05-18-2015
, 10:49 PM
05-18-2015
, 10:51 PM
05-18-2015
, 10:53 PM
05-18-2015
, 10:57 PM
05-18-2015
, 11:02 PM
05-19-2015
, 12:10 AM
It was moved to House of Blogs
05-19-2015
, 12:41 AM
Hahahaha.... Are you trolling yourself?
You know there is no way in hell that is happening. I work with post docs, and even if you could, why? They have the worst life ever. 70 hours a week in the lab, **** pay, no social skills, so either you are very stupid or very smart.
You know there is no way in hell that is happening. I work with post docs, and even if you could, why? They have the worst life ever. 70 hours a week in the lab, **** pay, no social skills, so either you are very stupid or very smart.
05-19-2015
, 04:15 AM