*******

The desert is cold when the sun goes down,
Eventually the heat fades from the ground,
Occasionally those stars scatter the sky.
As I look up, I start to ask why...

Why can I see you?
You're not around.
You're tiny specs that make no sound.
You do not say hello,
Nor do you pardon goodbye.
You do not smile,
Nor do you cry.
Yet I can see you,
So bright you shine.
So vibrant is your beauty,
Would you want to be mine?

I do not want to take you from your home,
It seems so lovely,
Yet you seem so alone.
Are you running?
If so, what from?
Could you leave your troubles,
Even if it's all you've ever known?

I feel as if I have made many new friends.
Slowly they fade as the morning begins,
I bid them farewell and head to my bed.
I'll return once again as the day finally ends

Got it, dad in Delaware, moms in Baltimore. Manager a year after you started.

You have no family or freinds you could stay with in another state maybe for a total change of scenery? Maybe that coulda helped?

Also, You lived with your dad again since the first time @ age 14? How old were you then?

Could you elaborate a bit on this?

How long were you commited?

Who was the person that tried to save you?

How did they try to save you?

Was it effective?

How long was this experience from 16 years old til you realised the saving did or didnt work?

Blazin,

You say you don't want "life advice," and yet you invite it by sharing very personal history about your struggles in…life.

This type of communication is basically an invitation for advice, and you should probably realize that. If you want to keep things more about poker or Vegas specifically, than do what Trooper does and talk just about those things.

I have no idea what Trooper's childhood was like, because he never talks about it. Probably because he doesn't want lots of randoms knowing the intimate details of his life.

It appears to me that your need to put that stuff out there might stem from the fact that you aren't in therapy and don't have enough reliable people in your inner circle to relate to. You should get in therapy or join a group that specifically deals with such issues, rather than putting **** out to folks on Two Plus Two.

You're inviting trouble--inviting predators to seek you out. That is not a good idea.

This isn't white knighting--this is me trying to tell you the hard truth that you don't seem to want to hear. Putting yourself out as a public persona and flaunting your difficulties with drink and self-control is putting a gigantic target on your back. You should know that by now. Announcing that you're a younger, troubled girl with substance abuse issues…and then stating exactly what card room you're in in Vegas, drunk--is not exactly the sign of someone trying to find a better path.

So first step would be to stop bull****ting yourself.

You are intentionally putting yourself in terrible spots, leaving yourself open to more abuse and victimization.

This thread is absurd. Not because you're a woman and not because you couldn't tell fun degen stories if you chose to.

But instead of talking about poker or making it in Vegas, you've unloaded your own personal crap here and then got annoyed and self-righteous for those who've basically called you on the implication of the very stuff you've chosen to share.

Your annoyance with this is very proof of your immaturity. You don't control the internet or how a group of strangers respond to the very odd outpouring of information of you've decided to spew on a poker forum.

(You might have done better putting this thread in the psych section)

Someone with your background is cannon fodder in Vegas. It's a place that preys on those with self-control issues and the need for action, excitement etc. It preys on addicts, separating them from their hard earned cash one dollar at a time.

You think it's different for you? We all know (including you) that it isn't.

You think nothing so bad can happen because you're a survivor?

You're only a survivor for now. If what you say about the incident the other night is true, than you could be dead if the wrong person had decided to kill you instead of whatever else they settled on doing. You were clearly in no state to determine the outcome.

So stop playing around with your own life. People played with your life in the past, it would seem, but now you're the one choosing to continue that process.

Get your **** together, get sober, get help, and get the **** out of Vegas.

gorvnice continuing foatie's work

Subbed. I plan on moving there this summer. I got other things besides poker as a job though .

By the way, I was around on Two plus Two when the whole Brandi saga went down. I watched it unfold in real time.

This thread is the first one in a long time that really does remind me of her story. I didn't think so at first, but the last page or two has changed that.

Blazin is clearly on a very destructive path and I think people who encourage her to live her dreams or that sort of crap really are clueless. Right now, following her dream seems to be the short path to an early death.

By the way, there was at least one other thread on 2+2 (different than Brandi) where a poster also ended up dead by the end. So no--people don't always just come out the other side stronger, surviving and being okay.

That sort of fearless attitude comes with being young and inexperienced. You've yet to see how hard living changes people, breaks them down--leaves them almost incapable of addressing their very real problems.

All that youthful energy and vigor is gone, and its replaced by apathy and repetitive behaviors left unchecked.

The looks fade. The offers of help go away, never to return.

All those friendly faces are turning away because you're no longer cute, no longer fun and exciting and sexy. Now, you represent someone they don't want to face. An older version of themselves, perhaps.

You won't just get that job working the front desk because they're hiring some 22 year old instead of the ancient, hollow-eyed forty-five or fifty year old woman who looks like an addict.

Do you ever walk through the casino and actually LOOK at the old men and women playing slots, wandering aimlessly, looking like automatons, their faces worn out and grim? Those people were once young like you, only they never did get out and change like they thought they might.

You don't look at them because you think they must never have been handsome or pretty or cool--but they were.

Only the young have the ability to be so blind to the truth of time.

As a woman and an old, who has been a lot of places and seen a lot of things, I just have to tell you how goddamn wonderful some of you are. You might hate to hear it, but most of you are just plain decent human beings.

That's all.

Thank you and congrats to Blazin for getting a job!

Unfortunately, no she didn't. That was her past job.

You say you want to win a bracelet. My advise is let me teach you 2-7 or stud and that is your best chance at winning one.

What? This is a ridiculous assertion. Implying all, or even a good percentage of the older generation that one sees at the slots were once wide eyed , bushy tailed youngsters that chased a dream, threw caution to the wind and ran to vegas to make it big and become successful in whatever, only to have said dream dashed by miserble failure, leaving them doomed to "wander aimlessly" for the rest of their lives is ROFlaughable.

Could a lot of these people have retired to Vegas because the warm dry climate is good for their health?

Could a lot of these people be visiting family?

Could a lot of these people simply be vacationing in Vegas and actually live in Arizona?

Could a lot of these people have been born in Vegas, lived there all there lives and just enjoy playing slots on occasion?

Could they have won the trip to Vegas in a raffle their senior center held?

Could a bunch of them be on a group trip through their senior center?

Sorry but LOL @ you sir.

Will be putting in hours on the felt tonight, updates after!

Self-righteous- having or showing a high, usually smug, opinion of ones own moral superiority.

If anything, I am not self-righteous. I'm just done explaining myself to people who have no ability to relate. You Don't have to read my thread if you don't like it. This thread is for the people who do.

I will continue to live in Vegas, I will continue to play poker. I will be playing at WSOP this year. I don't need anything from anyone here, I'm not asking nor accepting.

So what, I don't have my life together. This thread has made me realize more than ever why I needed to share my life.

I'm not trooper, nor do I want to be.

I'm happy with who I am.

The reason I've ignored most of the advice (extremely repetitive) I've been given is because most of it is just telling me to give up when I have no reason to.

I honestly am laughing at how anyone still wants to criticize me. It needs to stop because that is what is making this thread not about Poker and Vegas.

And you wonder why poker dreams die? Some people are so perfect they just can't grow up.

***I knew everything until I realized I knew nothing***

Have a great day guys. See you at the tables.

I will have a poker coach for the summer from my home game in LA, but thank you!

me too

.....people are not telling you to give up on your dreams. People are giving you advise on how to make your dreams a reality.

What events are you planning on playing at the WSOP? How did you get your roll? Do you have backers? What kind of studying do you do?

blah blah blah blah shut the fk up and let her breathe.

Lol #CanILive or nah?

live baby, breathe. Bad things happen that could have been worse. We move on. Don't quit drinking, being sober in vegas will make u suicidal ! ! just be responsible!

lol @ telling a grown woman condescendingly where she should live based off some replies.

lol @ people judging so hard and not just enjoying the show. You sound so friggen sanctimonious my god. Get over yourselves u old ass men.

agree with 1 point, that she makes herself an easy target. But if she surrounds herself with the right people she should be fine. I see a lot of victim blaming in this thread. Not sure she knows or we know what happened, but it's not the first time a woman has been drugged at a vegas casino. Just have to be more alert where and who your drinks are coming from.

I think that because you have been so damaged by life so far, you are failing to recognize true concern for you when you see it, Blazin.

It's rare to find a group of people so willing to put themselves and their feelings out there, out of concern for your well-being. You may never have had this before, so you can't yet see it for what it is: human beings wanting to help you take a shot at your dreams, while wanting you to be safe in the process.

You are certainly free to ignore all that you are reading, you are an adult after all, but, at least recognize the fact that there are good people out there that don't want anything from you except to see you safe.

The proper response would be, "Thanks for caring".

That's all.

… but she got drugged by some ass hole… how is that her fault? She has had a rough life, where is she going to go that will be better? do you know her situation financially or mentally based off a few blog posts about the past? Get off your high horses. She's telling a story not asking for ***** group therapy from a bunch of d-bags with no lives on 2 plus 2.

And here he is, right on time, Sir Save a Ho. A third grader could see this gimmick.

Good idea, Blazin.

Listen to those who fuel your reckless lifestyle, your self-destructive habits and tendencies, and reject those who advocate for your safety and ask you to consider therapy, good friends, and a return to sobriety in order to avoid devastating consequences.

I'm out, I said my piece and I meant it with the best of intentions. Not to discourage you reaching for your dreams, but to discourage you from engaging in potentially life-ending behaviors.

Best of luck no matter where life takes you...

lol. Okay. She is a friend of mine. So if i stand up for her i must be thirsty eh? u got me all figured out pal.

lol drinking and playing poker/black jack are life ending behaviors now. Grow up.

it is you who is the ho … Poooooossseeeeeee

So you clean this guys house and he lets you live there?

Listen dumb ass, just because you are clueless doesn't mean all of us are.

The girl admitted she comes from a very dark background, is an addict who has been abused and hospitalized for psychiatric issues.

She's admitting to drinking and recently blacking out and being assaulted.

Those types of behaviors with that particular life history makes her high risk for suicide, rape, abuse, accidental overdose or even murder.

This is not the kind of person who should be considering life as a professional gambler--in fact, she is exactly the prototype of a degenerate gambler who will end up broke and engaging in riskier activities to survive in Vegas.

Just cuz you don't get it doesn't mean we're all *******s.