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Old 05-18-2017, 11:51 AM   #2526
jmakin
 
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Oh my god, I got a 95 on the OS midterm i took last week. I felt ok about it but I guessed on a lot of questions. Raw score was 85, but I must have been near the top of the curve.

It wasnt that hard but a lot of people complained it was too long. I am a really fast exam taker and i barely finished. No one finished early.
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Old 05-18-2017, 06:08 PM   #2527
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Quote:
Originally Posted by jmakin View Post

I just took a magnesium supplement and I feel amazing. I feel so relaxed, almost like I took a xanax.
i would like to purchase one of these, where did you buy yours and which kind did you get?
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Old 05-18-2017, 06:33 PM   #2528
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I just got the generic brand of the bottle labeled magnesium, in the supplement section of target. I picked up the cheapest one.

It's supposed to act like a muscle relaxer and I have to say, it wasn't placebo at all, it was quite relaxing
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Old 05-22-2017, 04:06 AM   #2529
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I like speed running a lot and the only game I can get good times in is mario bros.

hit a new PB tonight on my first run, 5:35 which would put me in the top ~200 scores:



super proud of it. I had a really sketchy run too. particularly 8-3, starting at 4:08.
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Old Today, 02:38 PM   #2530
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Therapist today was kind of frustrating. Today she seemed to want to focus on how I've come this far. She kept saying things like "You have been through a lot and the cards have been stacked against you, both in your life circumstances and your mental health issues. You don't really have any support system or circle of friends. How have you gotten this far? How do you cope? What do you do for fun? Why do you keep going?" and questions like that.

and honestly I didn't know what to say. I just do it. I will myself to do it. Then she kept going back to how depression makes motivation hard and asked me if I have issues with that - and I say yea, but I just force myself to do things. If something has to get done I will do it. I don't know any other way to explain it.

She seemed kind of flabbergasted but I was at a loss really to explain. I think she was trying to get me to pinpoint what I've done in the past to get through hard times, but honestly I just drank through it and pushed on. I always push on. Then she wanted to know what I was pushing towards, and I didn't know that either.

I forget how we got on this track, but we talked about how i place extremely high standards on myself. "like two or three standard deviations above the mean" is what she thinks I expect out of myself. And I said yea, it's an issue, but I think it's what pushes me. I expect a ****load out of myself and I know I can do well so when I don't do so well it upsets me.

She wanted me to focus on what's average, and then compare myself to that, not this insane standard I've put on myself. I think there's merit to that. I don't want to be average though. We talked about how that probably goes back to how my mom would always berate me for the tiniest thing, if I got an A- I should have got an A, etc. But I think it's also just a really deep insecurity that I may not be very smart or very skilled or whatever. That insecurity drives me and I think tortures me at the same time.
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Old Today, 02:40 PM   #2531
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I really want to talk about my current issues with confidence and with girls, but it hasn't come up. There's absolutely nothing going on in that field right now and I just don't have the confidence to pursue anything. I don't remember if I mentioned it, but my cougar got a boyfriend and the other girl I was sporatically seeing in the last year got pretty married up with some guy from europe. She wants to hang out still but I told her if we did we'd probably end up having sex and that wouldn't be a good idea for her. She still sorta wants to hang out, I can tell. Idk what to do about that. I have nothing at all going on so I want to, but I don't want to be that kind of guy anymore.
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Old Today, 05:19 PM   #2532
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

J,

Tell your therapist the truth, that you do it all for your pals on 2p2!
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