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Old 05-18-2017, 11:51 AM   #2526
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Oh my god, I got a 95 on the OS midterm i took last week. I felt ok about it but I guessed on a lot of questions. Raw score was 85, but I must have been near the top of the curve.

It wasnt that hard but a lot of people complained it was too long. I am a really fast exam taker and i barely finished. No one finished early.
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Old 05-18-2017, 06:08 PM   #2527
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

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I just took a magnesium supplement and I feel amazing. I feel so relaxed, almost like I took a xanax.
i would like to purchase one of these, where did you buy yours and which kind did you get?
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Old 05-18-2017, 06:33 PM   #2528
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I just got the generic brand of the bottle labeled magnesium, in the supplement section of target. I picked up the cheapest one.

It's supposed to act like a muscle relaxer and I have to say, it wasn't placebo at all, it was quite relaxing
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Old 05-22-2017, 04:06 AM   #2529
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I like speed running a lot and the only game I can get good times in is mario bros.

hit a new PB tonight on my first run, 5:35 which would put me in the top ~200 scores:



super proud of it. I had a really sketchy run too. particularly 8-3, starting at 4:08.
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Old 05-24-2017, 02:38 PM   #2530
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Therapist today was kind of frustrating. Today she seemed to want to focus on how I've come this far. She kept saying things like "You have been through a lot and the cards have been stacked against you, both in your life circumstances and your mental health issues. You don't really have any support system or circle of friends. How have you gotten this far? How do you cope? What do you do for fun? Why do you keep going?" and questions like that.

and honestly I didn't know what to say. I just do it. I will myself to do it. Then she kept going back to how depression makes motivation hard and asked me if I have issues with that - and I say yea, but I just force myself to do things. If something has to get done I will do it. I don't know any other way to explain it.

She seemed kind of flabbergasted but I was at a loss really to explain. I think she was trying to get me to pinpoint what I've done in the past to get through hard times, but honestly I just drank through it and pushed on. I always push on. Then she wanted to know what I was pushing towards, and I didn't know that either.

I forget how we got on this track, but we talked about how i place extremely high standards on myself. "like two or three standard deviations above the mean" is what she thinks I expect out of myself. And I said yea, it's an issue, but I think it's what pushes me. I expect a ****load out of myself and I know I can do well so when I don't do so well it upsets me.

She wanted me to focus on what's average, and then compare myself to that, not this insane standard I've put on myself. I think there's merit to that. I don't want to be average though. We talked about how that probably goes back to how my mom would always berate me for the tiniest thing, if I got an A- I should have got an A, etc. But I think it's also just a really deep insecurity that I may not be very smart or very skilled or whatever. That insecurity drives me and I think tortures me at the same time.
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Old 05-24-2017, 02:40 PM   #2531
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I really want to talk about my current issues with confidence and with girls, but it hasn't come up. There's absolutely nothing going on in that field right now and I just don't have the confidence to pursue anything. I don't remember if I mentioned it, but my cougar got a boyfriend and the other girl I was sporatically seeing in the last year got pretty married up with some guy from europe. She wants to hang out still but I told her if we did we'd probably end up having sex and that wouldn't be a good idea for her. She still sorta wants to hang out, I can tell. Idk what to do about that. I have nothing at all going on so I want to, but I don't want to be that kind of guy anymore.
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Old 05-24-2017, 05:19 PM   #2532
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

J,

Tell your therapist the truth, that you do it all for your pals on 2p2!
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Old 05-25-2017, 05:11 PM   #2533
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

Do you agree that you set insane standards for yourself? Based on these sorts of posts, you seem to set pretty reasonable standards for yourself, at least as far as school goes.
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I got an 86 on that huge midterm i was panicking about a few weeks ago. Mean was a d+ so i'm feeling pretty damn good about myself. A little annoyed because I was sure I aced it, but i'll take it. An A is within range! Haha i doubt it, another huge midterm wednesday that I don't feel prepared for at all. After that one, the quarter's basically over until finals. It is still possible I can get all A's. I can get above 3.0 this quarter! Not delusional enough to think i can maintain the 4.0, but 3.0+ is very feasible. I think without grade inflation I am probably a B to B+ student so if I can get that I'll be happy with myself.
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So I probably got a B or a high C, which I'd be really happy with
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Old 05-25-2017, 07:42 PM   #2534
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

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Therapist today was kind of frustrating. Today she seemed to want to focus on how I've come this far. She kept saying things like "You have been through a lot and the cards have been stacked against you, both in your life circumstances and your mental health issues. You don't really have any support system or circle of friends. How have you gotten this far? How do you cope? What do you do for fun? Why do you keep going?" and questions like that.
.
I would be heavily annoyed by that. Does it help you, when you hear "Your life has been soooo hard....."?

I don't know .... For me I prefer to hear what my asperger friend tells, everytime I cry about my hard life in chat with him: " No one cares". That sounds harsh, but somehow I feel always a lot better after such words compared with "ooooo.... you are such a poor bunny"

And I don't think that you set to high standards for yourself. I think you are doing pretty good, and it would be just cool on top of that to get also satisfying love live and remove this insecurity issues. You put to much emotions into your standards. That you will regret one day. But otherwise, I think you are doing pretty good.

I stumbled upon some of your posts from 5 years ago.... And you grew in this time. You grew enormously as a person.
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Old 05-25-2017, 07:46 PM   #2535
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

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Do you agree that you set insane standards for yourself? Based on these sorts of posts, you seem to set pretty reasonable standards for yourself, at least as far as school goes.
Well if the mean was a D+ and i got a B+ thats definitely a few sd's above

I think most of the time I do set high standards on myself and get upset when I don't meet them.

And thanks lapka I try not to read any posts I made 5+ years ago
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Old 05-25-2017, 07:50 PM   #2536
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

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I would be heavily annoyed by that. Does it help you, when you hear "Your life has been soooo hard....."?

I don't know .... For me I prefer to hear what my asperger friend tells, everytime I cry about my hard life in chat with him: " No one cares". That sounds harsh, but somehow I feel always a lot better after such words compared with "ooooo.... you are such a poor bunny"

And I don't think that you set to high standards for yourself. I think you are doing pretty good, and it would be just cool on top of that to get also satisfying love live and remove this insecurity issues. You put to much emotions into your standards. That you will regret one day. But otherwise, I think you are doing pretty good.

I stumbled upon some of your posts from 5 years ago.... And you grew in this time. You grew enormously as a person.
I don't really think of my life as hard. I think my childhood was hard if you compare it to the average population. My adult life has been kind of difficult but overall I have it really easy.

I mean I'm going to be 29 years old with a degree in a good field (no experience though), with 6 figures in the bank and no idea what to do. My therapist said even without the money I'd be in an insanely enviable position. I know that. my problem is i don't know what to do and I don't really want to do anything with my life.

I look at all my peers, most of them have careers and families and stuff. I'm not even on square 1 with any of that. The closest I have come to having a family was with kate but that would've been a complete disaster. I can't maintain even a simple relationship and I think at this point there's a huge chance I end up alone and that bugs me a lot.

When I get the money, I am considering traveling abroad and living in some 2nd world ****hole for a while to gain perspective on things.
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Old 05-26-2017, 03:31 AM   #2537
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

holy **** I got a 96 on the math test. 95 and 96 on midterms. That's insane, I never do that well.

I am flabbergasted, I thought I did so poorly on the math test because all my answers looked weird/wrong. It wasn't curved either.
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Old 05-27-2017, 08:44 AM   #2538
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I think i'm having some type of mixed episode. I've been unable to sleep, i'm really ragey and tilty and oscillate between that and extreme sadness.

****in hell man. I'm not going on bipolar meds either, no ****ing way.
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Old 05-27-2017, 09:45 PM   #2539
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Re: Jmakinmeangry's debauchery and general idiocy blog

I think if i just embrace the ****tier parts of my personality, overall I do way better. When i always worry about coming off as an ******* or as a creep or whatever i just usually stay silent, but when I throw caution to the wind and be who i am, ****ty or not, i get better results overall.

Basically I think lately I've started to care what people think of me and it's having a negative effect on my personality
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