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Old 05-19-2017, 03:09 AM   #26
kevin52193
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Re: Happy Thoughts

Best of luck! I always have more respect for someone who is trying to improve for the better. You seem very genuine.

May I also suggest getting into meditation, as I think it would align with your goals very well.
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Old 05-19-2017, 09:25 AM   #27
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Re: Happy Thoughts

Thank you Kevin. Yes meditation! I've recently tried guided meditation, it feels awkward, but I can see the benifits.
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Old 05-19-2017, 10:33 PM   #28
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Re: Happy Thoughts

Therapy was great today. I left thinking, "my therapist is ****ing awesome". I don't know what the difference is this go around with therapy, but I feel like I'm making a lot of progress. I feel more open with this therapist and I'm more open to listening.

I had a very busy and productive work week. It feels really good to get a lot of things accomplished and I love being crazy busy at work. I do really well in high paced environments. This job has been lax and boring, but this week was different and had me excited to go to work everyday.

I got to watch my wonderful daughter play baseball this week and she killed it.

I got a special treat tonight from my boyfriend and it eased my mind and made me feel pure joy.
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Old 05-22-2017, 10:27 PM   #29
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Re: Happy Thoughts

I had a good, productive weekend and it made me feel awesome. It's hard with depression to want to get up and clean and cook. With the help and inspiration of my bf, I was able to clean, do laundry, and prep meals for the week. I also spent a lot more quality time with my daughter than usual.

During therapy on Friday, we discussed my relationship and meeting each other's needs. My therapist suggested I try to find more things to do for my bf because he really appreciates acts of service instead of me complaining about what he isn't giving me. By finding things to do for him, my focus shifted and my thoughts changed from wanting to nag to trying to make him happy and he in turn reciprocated instead of shutting down. Sometimes I get to focused on what I'm not getting instead of focusing on what I'm not giving.Good progress.

I was excited to go to work today because I knew I would be busy. I really enjoy work when I feel that I am getting things accomplished and making a difference. I'm looking forward to work for the rest of the week.
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Old 05-23-2017, 01:25 AM   #30
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Re: Happy Thoughts

So right after posting I got a surprise phone call from a guy friend I went to college with. We talked for almost 2.5hrs. He calls me about every 3 months to catch up and we always talk a lot about work and relationships and what we are both struggling with/working on at the moment.
This is the best part of life, I'm so thankful for the amazing guys I've got to meet and go to school with and work with; I feel so lucky. I used to feel bad that I didn't have a lot of girlfriends in college because I was surrounded by guys and I felt like I missed out, but how lucky am I now to have these amazing guys as friends. I wouldn't want it any other way now.
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Old 05-23-2017, 08:12 PM   #31
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Re: Happy Thoughts

When you feel this amazing, please consider that you may actually be manic.
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Old 05-23-2017, 10:42 PM   #32
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Re: Happy Thoughts

I'm not discounting it and I'm skeptical of my emotions. Ive been feeling good for about three weeks now, but I've also been making a concious effort to feel good and change my thought processes and not dwell on anything negative that I might bring me down. I'd be lying if I said there isn't a fear in the back of my mind that I might crash any day now though.
The only sign of mania right now is my sleep patterns; I haven't been sleeping much, but my perception of a lot of sleep might be scewed because of the amount of sleep I needed while in depression. I'm not feeling hyper sexual or unable to fucus. I feel normalized, but with a little extra happiness. The happiness could be from my concious efforts and looking forward to the future (feeling stable in my job, buying a house, and my relationship with code3 feels more stable); I've also had a lot of interaction with friends that could be contributing to feeling good as well. It could be mania, but my hope is that my BP is suppressing and I'm coming out of the depression for a while.
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Old 05-23-2017, 10:47 PM   #33
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Re: Happy Thoughts

Being busy at work this month has also helped to occupy my mind for most of the day and this not letting me dwell on things and triggers that cause me to start slipping.
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Old 05-23-2017, 11:22 PM   #34
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Re: Happy Thoughts

Wouldn't it be nice to get to a point where you didn't have to question being happy Jmakin? Like, we could just ****ing feel good and not worry that's it's a symptom of mania and constantly dread the day we finally crash.
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Old 05-24-2017, 12:45 AM   #35
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Re: Happy Thoughts

sleep disturbance is a significant/conclusive symptom of altered mood.

i would focus less on the quantitative developments (such as: am i manic?) and more on the cold hard facts:

- I have a mental condition
- When I am symptomatic:
--- My decision making skills decrease
--- I will remove myself from hard decision making until I am better
- Things have always found a way to get better
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Old 05-24-2017, 02:30 PM   #36
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Re: Happy Thoughts

Quote:
Originally Posted by MeLoveYouLongTime View Post
Wouldn't it be nice to get to a point where you didn't have to question being happy Jmakin? Like, we could just ****ing feel good and not worry that's it's a symptom of mania and constantly dread the day we finally crash.
It's a balance - and for you there seems to be two extremes. The ideal is somewhere in the middle. It's not really normal to feel absolutely AMAZING all of the time and everything's great and you're gonna quit smoking and change your life. There's dips, there's times where you're just ok, times where you're pretty good, and brief moments where you feel great. It shouldn't be amazing or awful with barely any in between.
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Old 05-24-2017, 03:24 PM   #37
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Re: Happy Thoughts

The purpose of my blog is to write about all of the good things going on in my life, and things that make me feel happy, and shift my focus on the good rather than focusing on negative things that don't really matter.
I want to highlight and celebrate all the good things in life instead of complaining, and I believe this will make me happier in general. It's working so far.
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Old 05-24-2017, 04:42 PM   #38
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Re: Happy Thoughts

Quote:
Originally Posted by MeLoveYouLongTime View Post
I'm not feeling hyper sexual or unable to fucus.
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