****ed by life: broke, down & out - ****ing back now

INTRODUCTION - I'm Dan and originally from Germany - so please excuse grammar and spelling mistakes as I'm not a native English speaker. I used to write some kind of daily journal on a irregular basis in the past, stopped it at some point and thought about opening a blog for a while now as I feel like sharing what's happening around and some thoughts again. Writing down this kind of stuff helps me and knowing that there might be a handful of readers could be motivative too. This blog is not going to be related to poker as I'm only playing recreational from time to time. So no graphs inside, sorry. It will mainly contain everything that's related to the below written - which is quite a lot.

I'm currently at the bottom of my life – but escaped the abyss and want to force my way back to a livable life now. Even if it's by detours. It cost me more overcoming than expected to write the following down and share it with strangers. Well, guess the last point actually made it easier on the other hand.

Detailed cliffs:

Army - I'm 26 now and joined the German army at the age of 17. Only intended to do the 9 months basic training, kinda enjoyed it tho and committed for 8 years after passing the entrance exam for the paratrooper detachment – where I served until I was honorably discharged last year.
Done four tours to Afghanistan and two tours to Kosovo within this time and seen some **** I'd have rather not.

Burnout, depression, whoring ex-fiancée - Was diagnosed with PTSD afterwards but it then turned out to be a simple burnout and a weak type of depression. The burnout was most likely caused by the time in the army. Reason for the depression could be that my girlfriend for 6 years – and later fiancée – broke up with me one year ago after f*cking another one for a few months. We were supposed to get married upcoming August, now she's pregnant from the other guy. I was totally screwed for a few months, started chain-smoking, couldn't possibly force myself out of bed in the morning.

Destryoing that savings - I was living off my savings as I don't wanted – and still don't want – to get social benefit or some kind of that stuff. It's just as embarrasing as it can be have to be dependend on the gonvernment. At the same time it was almost impossible to find a job for me as I now have a medical file which stated some "mental issues" and the German army isn't known for supporting their soldiers after they left (guess that's the same everywhere). I was able to find some freelancer work and writing jobs and have some business ideas in mind. The freelancer/online work doesn't really pay well so far, but there's some possibilities for more money to be made.

Burn it down - All material belongings I had left after my ex-fiancée broke up was stored in a shed of my parents – which burned down last September. Right now I own some books, some clothes, a laptop and mobile phone. Everything else besides that was eaten by the flames – of course it also wasn't insured.

Here comes da weight - Another big – literally – point is: I gained more than 35lbs after I left the army, leaving me with a total of 213lbs at 6″0 now (army time: 182lbs, almost only muscles). Still some muscles there, but most is fat. Already working on that, started doing weights again, basic running and that stuff. Want to get back to my former body/shape within 6 months.

Most of my social contacts and friends moved (on) over the years I was in army, the few friends I had were together with my ex and therefore aren't an option anymore. You can say I have no social life in Germany, close to zero friends and – besides my family – nobody who cares about me or I care about.

Going broke - I needed a change of environment, had to get out of this area – as my ex is still just living a stone throw away – and decided to move to the Philippines at the end of January to start from scratch (but still with my savings backing me, which was supposed to be enough for a comfortable life there until I managed to earn money again). I've been there for just 2 weeks when I had fly back to Germany because someone of my closer family died. Within the days I stayed back home my brother approached me because he's in some serious financial trouble. I helped him out while not telling him the money I gave him was like 95% of my savings. He just seemed to need it more than I did and I knew I'd manage a way to survive. He's starting to repay me at the end of the year with around $250 a month.

Saying "Hi" to the 3rd World - But that also ment I wouldn't be able to live the life I thought about in the Philippines. With only around $2500 (liferoll!) left I had to adjust my plans and wishes on the given circumstances and decided to move to Sihanoukville/Snooky, Cambodia instead. Flight is booked for February 27th. Being well aware that Cambodia still is a 3rd World Country and evolving to the worse in some points it gave me new incentive. I've been there a few times already and always felt good. The fact that I overall spend more than 4 years in a country like Afghanistan helps me to be realistic about what it's like to live in a place like that.

Development around & in the mind - Being in a 3rd World Country kinda corresponds to the physical/mental/financial state I am currently in. Might sound strange, but: This fact is currently one of the biggest and most motivating things I can think of. I'm going to stay in Cambodia as long as it takes to build up a bigger liferoll again – maybe even longer, who knows. Will very likely start living in a little ****hole and trying to upgrade from time to time - as I also want to have a social life (boozing & banging for example) again.

It already was incredibly hard to get to this point: Being actually mentally able to make plans for the future, motivate to get out of bed in the morning, start working again and taking a new risk. I never tried to make someone else responsible for the ****ty things that happened (not even my ex-fiancée) because I'm a strong believer of this:

Every man is the artisan of his own fortune.

Thinking about the even tougher tasks in the future makes me both very wet inside my shorts and positively anxious. That's just some kind of the adrenaline I've been missing since out of the army.

Knowing that there will be other times again: I currently feel like I'm going to be able to make something out of my life again. It's not the easiest way I'm going but the – hopefully positive – outcome will then be even more satisfying.


Guess that's it for this first post. I know it's a wall of text but I'd be happy if someone starts to become interested in it and might follows this from time to time. I want to prove to myself and other that it's possible to get back on the track even if everything seems to be lost.

Will now update my blog regularly – next post will be about my shorttime and longtime goals I set and include some pictures.

Thanks for reading so far.

All the best,
BongoLock

Rly interesting background story - I wish you all the best!

Only keep in mind that the "hotspots" in camb like Sihanoukville, Siem Reap and expsecially Phnom Penh are not so cheap compared to PI like you might think.
It always depends on you, but when you wanna live a somewhat western lifestyle, then you should calculate at least w 1k livingscosts per month, exspecially in the beginning where you not know aynthing bout where to go to get things cheaper and not being able to speak the local language Khmer....

Anyways, your story sounds kinda tough , hence I rly hope you can turn things around - do you have already any plans what you could do in camb in order to make some $?

Subbed, hope everything works out for you.

Just remember there's nothing shameful about taking government benefits when you are legitimately looking for work. That's what they are there for and that's what you and your family have been paying taxes for. You support the system so if there comes a time you need to use the system it is there for you.

Subbed.

From the sounds of things, you have been through a lot of crap and still seem quite positive. This can only be a good thing and I'm sure things will start to improve for you. You previously mentioned that you don't play poker regularly so was wondering if you intend to start grinding full-time or have other plans on how to build your life-roll again.

Wishing you the best of luck!

gl

Subd

Everyone loves a underdog story, you got this OP

Did you ever think about getting a coach that would do a profit split type deal, if you were looking to get good at poker quickly this would be the fastest way if you find the right person, It would be worth looking into into especially if the other online stuff will take a while to become more profitable

gl dude

Subbed gl man...

I am from Germany 2. If you can get any social benefits - get it! You paid and will pay a lot in the system. Additionally in Germany it is unemployment insurance. This means than not the state feeds you. You have payed in the insurance and are now getting paid by it.

It is pain in the ass to go through this bureaucratic staff, and a question is if the money you will get is worth it. But it is yours and not from the state.

Subbed.

Awesome your english is better than mine and i am native . How did you do that youtube video at the start?

You didnt mention poker once in that story. How long have you been playing for? Or do you plan to find a job here?

Subbed good luck, let me know if you hit Phnom Penh... up for a beer.

Thanks mate! Well aware that the bigger cities in Cambo aren't as cheap as one could think - but compared to Germany or most other European countries besides the Eastern ones it's still a lot cheaper.
Will have to cut down on terms of "western lifestyle" and "western living" for the beginning. I don't have high demands right now, just wanna get back on the feets - and that's not happening without accepting deprivations.

For the earning money part: Still trying to acquire more clients for my online work. The volume seems to bring the money as most of the jobs aren't paid well. Also got some other things besides online work in mind, will share those in a short while.

Thanks to you, guys! Really appreciated!
I'm not quite sure about starting to play poker half- or even full-time. Would definitively need a coaching, had to put quite some hours into theory and – last but not least – some stacking as my liferoll is so small. That being said it right now makes much more sense for me to keep my attention on the online work, building that up and looking for or creating other opportunities. I don't see myself as a poker player in a long term.

Thanks Rehabbing Fish – and also thanks to the broke bros. Nice to have you hear Hope to meet up with you some day. Your story has been inspiring!
Hey lapka, fellow countrymen. Thanks – dogarse also!

Well, any German social benefits are off the table now as I'm leaving the country and don't have a permanent residence here anymore. I've had a few appointments at the local job center/social benefit thing but that was a huge waste of time. They wanted to get me into some kind of “in between jobs arrangements” like learning how to handle a computer (sadly that's no joke) and that kind of stuff. At the same time I knew – from previously sending out loads of applications – it's gonna be hard to get a job with my medical file. Also ex-soldiers aren't really demanded on the job market.

Couldn't and can't imagine to work in a stupid office job or at the counter of a super market for the minimum wage while time is passing and it's gonna be even more difficult to get something serious and with future done.

Haha, thanks! Don't want this to end up as a techy blog, but it's pretty simple – so here you go:
[you.tube]”xyz”[/you.tube] – without the dots inbetween youtube. Replace “xyz” with the last part after the slash of the video link (example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KH70MhbLOM → 9KH70MhbLOM)

Well, I mentioned poker in the very first paragraph of my opening post Finding a job besides teaching English and/or for a Cambodian based company is both very difficult and bad paying. Trying to get my online work being more profitable while working on some business ideas I carry on with me.

Thanks dude! Will hit Phnom Penh at the end of this month as my flight from Germany is going there. Gonna stay there overnight before heading down to Snooky. Beer would definitively be a cool thing, let's keep in touch!

Thank you all for your interest and good wishes so far - didn't imagine it to be like that. Really appreciated, thanks again. Will keep you posted - next entry's coming very soon.

Ok awesome ty

best of luck good sir

Interesting story so far. You actually dodged a bullet with the exgf. If you were married you'd be in much worse shape. Best of luck.

Thank you sir, hope you keep looking in from time to time
Yeah, you definitively have a point there. Wouldn't been too much fun going trough a divorce and all this **** either.

Short update:
Got a really bad cold with lots **** for a week now. Been to the doc already, looks like noro virus. Nice preparation for having the ****s in Cambo (will have them there sooner or later anyways). Gonna go to the doc again on Wednesday but could be that I have to postpone my flight for a few days. Not very much fun flying with ****s and the last time I took a longer flight with a cold I passed out within the landing approach because my altitude compensation wasn't working.

Bigger post with more updates coming tomorrow!

Lier i dont see no new post. lol

Will follow gl

@ Shark: Yeah, was quite busy til now.

@ steveswift: Thanks!

- - - - - - -
UPDATE:

My sh.it's finally gone and feeling much better already. Been to the doc yesterday and got the green light, so just booked my flights a few minutes ago. Turned there's a really cheap way I haven't noticed before:

Bus ride from Germany to Amsterdam ($30), then a flight from Amsterdam to Bangkok (layover in Kuala Lumpur) for $250 and instead of taking the connecting flight from Kuala Lumpur to Bangkok I just pass on this one and booked Kuala Lumpur to Phnom Penh ($45) instead. So $325 for the whole trip from Germany to Cambodia - first one I booked was around $600, so a nice saving on this.

Let's do the stupid online work: Had three jobs since my initial OP here and made roughly around $1300 within the last three weeks. The work has been incredibly boring and frustrating but instead of being annoyed I just welcomed this - for me massive - liveroll boost. Can't imagine to do this kind of work for the whole next year, but will do anything that makes up my liveroll tho. If that means to do stupid audio transcriptions and writing security and evacuation scenarios for rich families from Singapure (no joke) I'm fine with it for now. Still checking out some business opportunities in Cambodia and SEA tho and got in touch with an US-soldier I know from the army days. He's running a quite successful business in HCMC and looking for ways to expand into other SEA countries. Let's see what's coming up.

Pain & Gain: Due to the Noro Virus disease not much working out within the past two weeks. Big advantage tho: Had nearly no appetite, drank no beer and lost nearly 13lbs because of that. Gonna try keeping my current weight and started working out again yesterday.

On my way to Cambodia: As mentioned above I booked my flight for the 10th of March, gonna arrive in Phnom Penh on Wednesday, 11th (anyone up for a beer that night: Please get in touch with me). Heading down to Sihanoukville on the 12th. Wrote to a few guesthouses who offer discounts for a 1 month stay but haven't received any answer or confirmation yet. Booked a guesthouse with booking.com to be on the save site but looking for a discount anyways. Any hints on that are really appreciated.

That's it for today. Still gotta do some online work for one of the clients and will keep you posted on a regular basis from now on.

Cheers!

Just a heads up. If flying air Asia KL to Phnom Penh, it's a different airport than where Lufthansa will land. Also is you have a checked bag, how are you going to get it off the plane in KL and keep it from going to BKK?

Make sure to pick up some cookies from Amsterdam.

Thanks for the airport heads up - actually didn't know that and can't find any info on that on my ticket, reservation or on the internet. Thought there's only on airport in PP for all incoming and outgoing flights.
For the bag: Going to have a 9:35h layover in Kuala Lumpur for the Amsterdam-Bangkok flight. Booked it like that because it allows me to check in my bag from Amsterdam to Kuala Lumpur only. Called Malaysian Airlines at Amsterdam's Schiphol airport and they told me I just have to tell at their check-in desk and it won't be a problem then (due to the length of the layover).
Nah, not really into the cookies there.

Phnom Penh = 1 airport
KL = 2 airports

You will most likely need to change airports in KL if you are flying air Asia kl to Phnom Penh.

Alright, misunderstanding - thought you're talking about a second/different airport in PP. Knew about the situation in KL, but thanks tho!

Keep updating Bongo, and good luck with all ..