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Old 07-19-2015, 09:46 AM   #176
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Re: Cause and effect

I hate poker.

I am on a FT of a small tourney. 4 man left. And I just can't do it any more. It is to much for my nerves. But it would be also incredible dumb just to give-up now and do some chip dump.

edit: Am HU now.

edit 2: shipped it. 1700$ for 4 hours. And I feel completely drained. I got so often so lucky.

Poker is so hard.

Last edited by lapka; 07-19-2015 at 10:03 AM.
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Old 07-19-2015, 05:41 PM   #177
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Re: Cause and effect

One detail from HU play of this tourney:

The opponent asked me if I want a deal when HU started. I clearly wanted because having to play sucked at that point big time. We called the admin and the other player proceeded to type that we want 50/50 deal. Without asking me, without something "Are you OK with that?". I had 40 BB and he 32 BB. So stacks are very similar, and would he have asked me nicely, I would have said happily yes. But that he tried not to give me any opportunity to object has upset me so much, that I said "No, only a deal so that the money is distributed proportional to stacks" and we played to the end.

For me it is kind of personal success to say "no" to the things I don't like.

And poker is highly emotional thing for me. I thought again, why I am playing at all, if it is so exhausting for me. I can't say that I enjoy it or have fun, but it gives me some kind of kick, like nothing else. Probably exactly that is the nature of gambling addiction.
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Old 07-19-2015, 07:26 PM   #178
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Re: Cause and effect

I enjoy poker occasionally. My big downfall is keno machines. Biggest win was 8k.
Sometimes I simply don't enjoy poker because I don't feel like concentrating. But keno. Can't say why other than it's one place where NOTHING occupies my mind except keno. Win or lose, I have no idea how much time passes while I sit there.

I have to leave debit cards and all extra cash at home. Anything I bring will end up in a machine if I am losing. So I avoid temptation. If I take a trip, I disable the automatic transfer from my savings account, so I can't overspend. I give my travelling companions money to hold, because if I hit my limit for the day, I won't ask them for more.

I don't get to go more than twice a year these days, but I totally understand how easy it is to become addicted.

Congratulations on your win. I hope you enjoy the spoils.
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Old 07-22-2015, 08:01 PM   #179
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Re: Cause and effect

Have accidentally found a really cool table. Directly to the right of me a guy with 70/60/58. I am playing FL cash now, and even for FL that should be played on a wider range 70% VPIP is so ridiculous. More of that pls poker gods.
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Old 07-25-2015, 06:20 PM   #180
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Re: Cause and effect

Dear Insomnia,

You are visiting me again. You have brought your friends with you: anxiety, worry, guilt, dark thinking, self doubt..... You are to many for my humble home. To be able to ignore you, I play poker. And you feel that that is an invitation to stay longer. I can't now poison you with meds. My strongest ally against you remains witch lapka.

Leave me alone Insomnia!
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Old 07-25-2015, 09:03 PM   #181
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Re: Cause and effect

The most profound thing that anyone ever shared with me:

Measure the depth of your depression, the extent of your anxiety and pain. You have the ability, in equal measure, to experience love, and joy, kindness and compassion.

It became my mantra in my dark times, and by God, it turned out to be true!
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Old 07-26-2015, 06:48 PM   #182
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Re: Cause and effect

Rant about religious nuts

Some days ago I was travelling by train. An older lady sitting across asked if I am possibly from Russia and so we started to chat. Conversation is always nice if I have to spent some hours in a train without internet. She spoke about her daughter and that she had sent her to a special christian school, which was one hour away from where they lived. To my question "why?", the answer was "So that she does not learn this lies about evolution from Darvin". After some further sentences along the same lines, I had to quit the conversation, because I just couldn't stay calm and respectfull. And I actually wonder if there are indeed any schools today, that teach the nonsence that the evolution does not exist.

OMG! I didn't know that such people exist. if you have a certain belief system, why not build it on things that can not be proofed. Why does she have to take something that is clear explained, proofed, researched by today's science and deny that?

I mean I myself, I have no idea if there is a God or not. As far as I know it is impossible to proofe neither God's existence no that there is no God. I would like to have one. I think it is a cool idea to have someone omnipotent, onmnipresent, who loves you no matter what and on top makes always so that things are for the best.
But somehow I am afraid, that there is no God.

But with some things, like Newton's laws or math or science in general, I just know that they work this way without any God. And to tell me that the apple falls down from the tree not because of gravitation but because of God's will, infuriates me with lightning speed.

And I am actually pro religion, I think that some spirituality/ some believe in something bigger than we are, can do a lot of good. But science is definitely a bigger authority for me.

And I like Bill Mahr.
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Old 07-27-2015, 07:26 AM   #183
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Re: Cause and effect

If you take all things that can be disproved by science away from religion I don't think there is that much left to believe in.
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Old 07-27-2015, 03:50 PM   #184
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Re: Cause and effect

I was raised Catholic. I believe in God. But I cut out all the middlemen. The pope, the church, priests, the bible. I don't depend on anyone else's interpretations.

There is room in my belief system for both science and God. I usually joke with people when they want to discuss my beliefs (or lack of), that God blessed me with my inquisitive mind. He wouldn't be very happy with me if I failed to use it to question things.
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Old 07-29-2015, 08:29 AM   #185
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Re: Cause and effect

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.mmmKay View Post
If you take all things that can be disproved by science away from religion I don't think there is that much left to believe in.
Ethik remains completely. Existence of God in itself remains since science can neither proof no disprove it. Existence of a soul remains because again can not be disproved (at least I have not read any disprove of that. I had a phase in my twenties, when I very extensively tried to find the answer to the question, if there is a God or not. I have read a lot of so called proofs of God's existence and also of non-existence. Conclusion is that you just can't proof neither existence no non-existence of God). Some kind of existence after physical death remains.
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Old 07-29-2015, 08:45 AM   #186
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Re: Cause and effect

Slept. With sleeping pill. A week ago I could not take one, because a pregnancy could not be excluded. Yesterday I knew that I am not pregnant yet and so the sleeping pill.

Hurray that the modern medicine and chemical industry exist! I am really happy to live now ant not somewhen in the past, because of the modern communication and medicine. And I am really happy to be a woman, because I can have children, when I like it and how I like it.
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Old 07-29-2015, 10:36 AM   #187
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Re: Cause and effect

Quote:
Originally Posted by lapka View Post
Ethik remains completely. Existence of God in itself remains since science can neither proof no disprove it. Existence of a soul remains because again can not be disproved (at least I have not read any disprove of that. I had a phase in my twenties, when I very extensively tried to find the answer to the question, if there is a God or not. I have read a lot of so called proofs of God's existence and also of non-existence. Conclusion is that you just can't proof neither existence no non-existence of God). Some kind of existence after physical death remains.
similarly you can't disprove the existence of pink unicorns, but people still feel comfortable saying they don't exist. Just saying that you can't proof that something doesn't exist isn't a good reason to believe that it exists.
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Old 07-29-2015, 11:19 AM   #188
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Re: Cause and effect

I can't see microwaves, but I know they exist because I can feel them, prying around the edges of my mind, trying to get me to do things, bad things...
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Old 07-30-2015, 09:11 AM   #189
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Re: Cause and effect

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.mmmKay View Post
similarly you can't disprove the existence of pink unicorns, but people still feel comfortable saying they don't exist. Just saying that you can't proof that something doesn't exist isn't a good reason to believe that it exists.
It makes only the position of believing and not believing equivalent from logical POV.
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Old 07-30-2015, 09:38 AM   #190
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Re: Cause and effect

Howto save a buck, have a super healthy workout and have some fun

In a walking distance from where I live there are some wild blackberry bushes. So I went today and picked some.


like you can see they do not ripe all at the same time. It is important to pick only really black ones. Just red or darkish do not taste good.


appropriate clothing is a must. T-shirt totally does not work. Long sleeves and thick material. I was complete in denim. Otherwise this thorns will rip you bloody.



That is the result. 5 kg box. It ain't gonna make me rich, because I can buy it for about 20 euros. But it is also money, then I have super healthy super fresh breakfast and dessert for the next days and I have spent some hours moving on the fresh air and doing something pretty enjoyable.
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Old 07-31-2015, 04:06 AM   #191
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Re: Cause and effect

I love those, i used to go get them when i was a kid, but now i'm too lazy
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Old 07-31-2015, 04:09 AM   #192
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Re: Cause and effect

Quote:
Originally Posted by lapka View Post
It makes only the position of believing and not believing equivalent from logical POV.
When 2 things are both possible one can still be a lot more likely than the other. I think the existence of a god is pretty unlikely
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Old 07-31-2015, 07:48 AM   #193
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Re: Cause and effect

Blackberries.... Yummmmm
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Old 07-31-2015, 08:55 AM   #194
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Re: Cause and effect

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.mmmKay View Post
When 2 things are both possible one can still be a lot more likely than the other. I think the existence of a god is pretty unlikely
What exactly makes you think that?
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Old 07-31-2015, 11:27 AM   #195
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Re: Cause and effect

It depends on what kind of god you believe in if you think it is something that created humans than there is already another theory for that which has been observed to be true a lot, if you think god intervenes in your daily live you'd expect there to be objective observations of that. If you think god is just what created the universe and than just let it evolve on it's own then some much simpler mechanism is much more likely than some sapient being doing it.

I feel there's as much reason to believe in god as there is to believe in Santa claus and pink unicorns. For both these things no one would use the argument "but you can't disprove that they don't exist so it's reasonable to believe in them"

Edit: there also exist theories which explain why humans are religious https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evolut...gy_of_religion
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Old 07-31-2015, 03:00 PM   #196
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Re: Cause and effect

Somehow I have panic.

I have read a status on russian facebook, that has triggered this: Your life passed by whilst you were complaining about it.

I DON'T WANT TO THINK THAT AT THE END.
And I don't know what to do to get rid of this feeling, that I don't live. I don't want to complain the whole time instead of living. I try to do the right things. I try to stay healthy, to be more in the present, to gather not material stuff but experiences. The moments I can stay in the present, like when picking blackberries, I am truly fine.
But most of the time I have panic. I have panic, that I will have regrets.
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Old 07-31-2015, 04:03 PM   #197
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Re: Cause and effect

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.mmmKay View Post
It depends on what kind of god you believe in if you think it is something that created humans than there is already another theory for that which has been observed to be true a lot, if you think god intervenes in your daily live you'd expect there to be objective observations of that. If you think god is just what created the universe and than just let it evolve on it's own then some much simpler mechanism is much more likely than some sapient being doing it.

I feel there's as much reason to believe in god as there is to believe in Santa claus and pink unicorns. For both these things no one would use the argument "but you can't disprove that they don't exist so it's reasonable to believe in them"

Edit: there also exist theories which explain why humans are religious https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evolut...gy_of_religion
Completely agree, that the whole thing depends strongly on which attributes you do give to God. Basically on what is God for you.

I clearly think that humans evolved on evolutionary path from apes. And I am also pro big bang theory ^^. But in my world view there is still room for a God with certain attributes.

Tx for the wiki link. Found it interesting.
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Old 08-02-2015, 07:44 PM   #198
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Re: Cause and effect

You can really see the life style a person leads. Have just seen a vid of 20 sth where you can see the unhealthy life style already at that tender age. Super motivating to do it different.

No poker for me this week. Instead blackberries and swimming. Today was the first day.
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Old 08-03-2015, 04:00 PM   #199
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Re: Cause and effect

Not good.
Emotional. Feeling lonesome, useless, unloved. It is difficult to stay objective when hormones are playing crazy.

Ideal is when he loves her and she loves him and both have similar picture of how life should be. Sadly I have never met one, where all three things would fall in place.

Especially painful is, when there is love from both sides, but differences in life ways make a relationship impossible.
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Old 08-04-2015, 02:58 PM   #200
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Re: Cause and effect

My asperger side shines always through when I travel. I hate travelling, but you can't always avoid it. Now I am again on my way to Kopenhagen. I have been there already several times, so it is not so bad. Being somewhere for the first time stresses the **** out of me.

But now I have to step up my game. Tomorrow I have to use public transportation there for the first time. I have researched my trip and how everything works and which tickets I have to buy, but it is still new and stressy. I mean I am sure that somehow I will be the places where I need to be tomorrow on time.

But it is still frigging stressy.
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