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Old 04-20-2017, 12:16 PM   #1251
braindead11
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Re: Cause and effect

Amazing how some your food choice match to kind of food my (new) gf likes as well.
Last 2 weeks we prepared food with wild garlic (bought) and sorrel (harvested on her own balcony). Wild garlic for example we prepared couple of very different dishes: a soup, a curd that we eat together with some specific kind of potatoes, using it as toping for different kind of salats.

Reading about your online dating another statement of my (new) gf comes to my mind. At one point she mentioned that intelligent woman are often lonely. That it is way harder for them to find bf, rather then for intelligent man. One reasoning that woman , even if intelligent, want always a partner that is at least on same level of intelligence (and usually at least same height, which is less of a problem). Maybe orginal search is broader, but in the end really falling in love only to man that match this filter. And man do not have similar problem, lot of intelligent man that confident with more simpler woman as long as she is good looking. Not sure if it matches too you as well Lapka, just comes to my mind when reading that you find many conversations boring and these kind of things.

All the best for your search nevertheless. Hopefully you find your mister right one day soon.

brain
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Old 04-20-2017, 06:18 PM   #1252
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Re: Cause and effect

On bullying

LC in OOT brings some memories.....

I was bullied in the school. Few guys did beat me-up on a regular basis. I told my parents, my parents told me to deal with it. I dealt by skipping the school. At the time it seemed the only possibility to escape the beatings. For about a month I wasn't going to school and then it came out. A teacher came to our house to ask what is going on and why I am not in the school. For my parents that was BIG SHOCK. I mean school was always the priority and alone the idea that I was just skipping it was just outside of realm of possibility for them. After some talking and crying my mom finally understood how bad it was. My mom took me by the hand and went directly to the house of the leading bully. Then in presence of his parents she told him that if that happens one more time, she will as first beat me half dead (my parents never even slapped on my butt), because I let it happen and then kill him. It sounds wild and it was wild and highly emotional for everyone involved, but it totally did the trick. Beatings stopped.

Was I responsible in some way for this bullying? Definitely yes. I was socially inept (still am ) focused on school and did annoy the crap out of my bullies. Did I deserve beatings? Nope. No one does. Did my mom handle the situation well? Yepp. That was exactly the message that was understood. Some of you will start: She should talked to the teacher, talked to the parents, how did his parents react to my mom threatening to kill his son....... BS. That was exactly the right message. His parents were rather grateful. Teachers were themselves afraid of this guy. She did hit exactly the right tone and the right words. Differently to me my mom is and always was socially very skilled.
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Old 04-21-2017, 10:47 AM   #1253
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Re: Cause and effect

Actually I am at surprisingly good place now. Not much flipping out, not much anxiety, dealing with everything I should be dealing.

- Upgraded my kitchen a little bit: Nothing fancy: just new fridge, new stove and a bucket of paint for the walls. But it looks a TON better.
- I have flowers standing around .
- I actually really managed to reduce my coffees to one cup a day. That is pretty big success for me. Was on my "I should do" list for years and somehow always fell under the table.
- And I actually pretty relaxed manage all the stuff that is on the non-optional to-do list, like my old and new job.

Life is good.
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Old 04-21-2017, 11:03 AM   #1254
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Re: Cause and effect

The part that your mom possibly didn't handle well was not doing anything when you first told her you were getting beaten
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Old 04-21-2017, 03:41 PM   #1255
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Re: Cause and effect

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.mmmKay View Post
The part that your mom possibly didn't handle well was not doing anything when you first told her you were getting beaten
It is interesting how the communication works. My mom claims to this day that first time I mentioned any beatings was, when the teacher came to our house. I remember very well how I was explaining to her, why I have black eye again, months prior to that. Go figure..... And confirms again that there are different realities for every individual.

But I am so grateful to her that she got involved and stopped that, even if not when I first told about beatings. It was HUGE for my life that that had stopped.

And one of this bullies contacted me few years ago on russian facebook. I mean all the bullying is more than 20 years in the past and he tried the line " yea we went together to school. How is the life?"..... I got panic and started to think about if he has any possibility to find out where I live and what can I do about it. Such things don't disappear without trace.
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Old 04-22-2017, 11:42 AM   #1256
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Re: Cause and effect

Funny how brain works.... I haven't thought about this bullying for many years and now I am thinking about that.

I can't explain to myself why my parents reacted at the beginning this way..... I mean I am a nerdy girl, not a rambunctious boy.... was always and then I come home from school with visible signs of violence. I mean what have my parents thought? Probably both were to much in their own world .... A part of the reality of my mom is that I am and always was fine. Every time my mom got that I have some kind of problems it was a HUGE surprise for her. And she does whatever is possible to keep-up this reality. And my dad has only him in his reality. He just doesn't see anything beyond himself.

And another thing that is also very telling about my parents and me is that my mom went to the bully, not my dad. It is very telling. It tells also a lot about my mom that she, weighing then about half of this bully and being two heads shorter than him, managed to instill enough fear into him.
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Old 04-23-2017, 06:26 AM   #1257
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Re: Cause and effect



Actually good talk about different realities and how to create behavioral change.
The main idea: to separate our psyche in three different parts: habits (robot), emotions (emoter) and rational part (thinker) and how-to work them to create different behavior. The new for me part was that the emotional reaction we have is not to our sensor input, but to processed by our past experiences sensor input and how to change that.
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Old 04-23-2017, 11:24 AM   #1258
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Re: Cause and effect

I really really don't understand how people do multitabling. OK my main game is FL. May be that is the difference. But if I go even to two tables I immediately plummet to basically break even or even losing. I mean I am completely lost, if I can't pay attention. I don't know...... FL has a limited number of moves...... You can basically count them. And I just have to know if the guy rises on the flop, what does that mean...... May be I am also completely ineffective in using HUD. I understand that I can look it-up, but I am somehow a lot faster, if I pay attention and plain know then what is going on.
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Old 04-24-2017, 04:41 PM   #1259
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Re: Cause and effect

I had an unbelievably unproductive day. ZERO accomplishments.
Tomorrow has to be better:
- go take pictures for the Russian visa
- apply for the Russian visa
- exercise at least 30 min. A big part of this feeling "meeehhh" today comes for zero physical exercise.
- respond to my lawyer. He contacted me today with actually good news, but I somehow procrastinated to respond. This whole thing is connected for me with so much negative emotions that I avoid it, whenever I can.

If I do this four then I am good.

Related.... to today and
Quote:
Originally Posted by lapka View Post


Actually good talk about different realities and how to create behavioral change.
The main idea: to separate our psyche in three different parts: habits (robot), emotions (emoter) and rational part (thinker) and how-to work them to create different behavior. The new for me part was that the emotional reaction we have is not to our sensor input, but to processed by our past experiences sensor input and how to change that.
What I am planning to do tomorrow is basically stuffing my emotions into the trunk and just do the right thing, no matter how I feel about it. I can do that. Exercise for the advanced is trying to modify my emotions so that they are not in the way of doing the right thing, but rather push me in the right direction.
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Old Yesterday, 11:34 AM   #1260
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Re: Cause and effect

RRAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNT

GOOOOD..... I hate travelling! especially to Russia.

I need a visa. You just can't do it online, so I thought a travel agent is a good idea. He should know how things work, and even if he costs me extra 50 Euro, I am fine with it, if it saves me all **** around it. BAAAAAAAH!
You need extra insurance to get russian visa. I didn't have it, so I thought the travel agent can organize it for me..... I was sooooo wrong. The guy had no clue. For every single point on the form he himself had to call someone. And with insurance..... He told me just that he can't do it! HE SELLS TRIPS THAT REQUIRE THIS ****ING INSURANCE!

Kill russian service!

Anyway...... I have now this insurance..... I did it myself. Was actually completely easy and made me wonder again about this stupid dude, who is such a fail, that I wonder how does he pay his bills. I mean I won't give him now 50 Euro.

But now is the exercise for advanced: fill out the form and bring everything to the russian consulate.

But boy, am I out of habit of dealing with such ****!
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Old Yesterday, 06:20 PM   #1261
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Re: Cause and effect

HAHAHAHA
You know.... this blog is a little bit about magic. One of nerdy approaches to magic is to google spells. I googled today - Abracadabra.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abracadabra

Abracadabra = "it came to pass as it was spoken". Basically "I create with words". I so believe that. I believe that verbalizing things changes the reality.
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