Small withdrawal, less than $100.

Withdrawal requested 9/20
Withdrawal marked as paid 9/23
Still waiting for it to hit my bank 9/30

Everywhere else, ACH takes 1-3 business days max. It doesn't take a week or more anywhere else. Maybe 10 years ago it did, but not in 2014. Other companies (PayPal, etc) send me ACH to this exact same account all the time, and the only time it ever takes more than 1 day is if I request it on a Thurs evening or Friday, I then receive it Monday. The same day my withdrawal was marked as paid, I've ordered something on ebay from Japan by EMS. It's since arrived. Yet my cashout has not. I've seen faster delivery by stagecoach and trolley.

It's been my experience and it has been explained to me that it is policy for any withdrawal to sit there in process for 3 business days before processing (in case you go bust and decide to reverse). Once that occurs, processing takes place on the following day.
The actual transfer of money occurs on the 5th business day and then it varies from 1-5 more business days to appear in your bank account. The first withdrawal I made sat in limbo at my bank for 5 whole days before crediting. The subsequent withdrawals only took 1 day at my bank.
I only withdraw on Mondays. When that happens, I have the money in my account by the following Monday. Like you, I at first thought this was painstakingly slow but then I remember my Full Tilt money

I'm not doubting what you posted, and I seem to remember reading the same thing elsewhere, but who told you about the withdrawals sitting in awaiting process for 3 business days? Was it somebody from wsop themselves? Because that goes against their own posted withdrawal policy, which clearly states it will be processed 24 hours after the withdrawal is requested, and after that time the withdrawal can't be reversed. There's a big difference between 24 hours (request Friday, process Saturday), and 3 business days (request Friday, process on Wednesday or Thursday).

Yes it was a WSOP CSR that told me that. If you notice in their policy, the 24 hours only applies to the reversal, not the process time. For what it's worth, Netteller and cage withdrawals are much faster the first time but you can only withdraw to Netteller an amount equal to your deposits via Netteller. Cage withdrawals usually take 2 days or less to process. It also seems to me that only business days are used in countdowns of any type.

I have also been told by CS that 72 hours go by before they start processing anything so that you can reverse it. I had a check sit there with the ability to be reversed for 2+ weeks once.

The cashout times have always been what I consider unreasonably slow. I have not tried the cash deposits/withdrawals. Maybe I should if it only takes a couple of days.

It usually takes me 5 days from request to account. Its not nearly as fast as Borgata which is crazy fast, but I feel thats a reasonable amount of time, and its not like its coming from an offshore site or something, you know they are good for it and its actually coming

I don't believe they're trying to steal my chicken scratch withdrawal, but either wsop was flat out lying when they said 'paid' on the 23rd, or they're just plain incompetent. I made my initial request on Sept 20. It's now Oct 6, and I still haven't received my withdrawal.

I realize I'm making this post right now on a Sunday night, but enough "business days" have already passed that this should have been received long ago.

Just the fact that it took them 4 days to respond to an email with me asking to remove an old closed bank account from my cashier, and them responding that removing an old closed bank account is not possible, makes me wonder what type of candyland operation these people are running. I was surprised they even responded to my email at all though, considering the past 7 or 8 emails I've sent always went unanswered, other than the auto-responder promise of somebody will be contacting me within 48 hours, which never happens.

Is it any faster to request a cage withdrawal at the Rio?
What about Net Teller?

My last 2 withdrawals through Neteller have went fast and smoothly.
I have no experience with Rio cage withdrawals, the Rio is way across town for me.

Cage requests will be limited to 500.00 for the first one but after that all is good. They usually take less than 1 day after the first one. For example, I have withdrawn on a Sunday at 9 PM and got my money by Noon Monday. The 3rd time, I withdrew at 10AM on a Wednesday and got my money by 6 PM same day.