By making her fart a lot, of course.

Farting Natalya

In late 2011, Natalya Neidhart was a former Divas champion, and aligned with current champion Beth Phoenix as part of the Divas of Doom. Then, in early 2012, she apparently changed her diet. Let's let Booker T explain the nuances of irritable bowel syndrome in the middle of a match:



This sudden condition resulted in her passing gas while talking to other Divas



and while talking with Tyson Kidd in a Burger King ad



though at least she managed to murder one bad member of the roster with it:



And it even cost her at least one match, because apparently farting is illegal in a WWE ring:



Thanks, Vince.

I'll let that explosive diarrhea of an idea just linger for a moment.
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What the everloving ****! Yeah this **** actually happened. I'll be honest, I didn't even bother to look up what led to the match between Russo and Booker T for the title, because lets be honest, it was WCW in 2000, so that means either nothing was built before this match on Nitro, or whatever it was had no continuity, so I only saved myself the heartache of looking into it.

Know this, WCW was in Long Island for the first time since Vinnie Ru took over at the helm of WCW, so you know his hard-on was a lot bigger than normal for this night's show. And how did he celebrate his triumphant return to his home territory? By booking himself in a Caged Heat match against Booker T for the WCW title. In case you don't know what a Caged Heat match is, it's like Hell in a Cell's mentally challenged step brother whose mother didn't love him enough. Plus escape is the only way to win that match.

And if you didn't think Russo's erection could get any bigger, he does a pre match promo back stage in front of the NY Islanders logo while wearing a NY Giants uniform complete with pads. Oh and in case I forget, his jersey is the #1 with his own name on the back.

A quick PSA for everyone. There is nothing douchier than owning a professional sports jersey and having your own name on the back. Nobody thinks it's cool and they laugh and snicker behind your back. One time around 3003 I played a daily tournament at the Taj Mahal, and not only did some douche nozzle have his own name on the back of a Flyers jersey, he had the C on the front because apparently he was the captain. I made it my only goal to eliminate that nugget via the slow roll. So, if you own one of these, please get rid of it/

Now that the stage is set, lets briefly discuss this match. This match was about as compelling as I'm guessing you think it was the quintessential Russo match. It had Russo in full football pads, it had multiple run ins, and it had in match promos. At one point in this ****fest, Russo got a hold of a nightstick that was obviously plastic and started beating everyone with it. Even the ref bladed which prompted EMTs to enter the cage, and of course one of them was actually Ric Flair in disguise. He then proceeded to beat Russo a bit and tried to put him into the figure four, but Russo rolled over making it impossible, so Flair just high fived Booker and left. Eventually Goldberg made his way down to the cage and stepped inside to help Booker. As Booker was going to walk out of the cage, math professor, Scott Steiner showed up to block him from walking out so Goldberg made a running charge to assist Booker. But Russo used his quick wit and keen intellect to jump in the way and take a Goldberg spear through the cage just as Booker was walking out. There was no winner announced and Nitro went off the air without naming a new champ.

Now that alone is plenty to make it on to my team of suck, but alas, you forget we still have Thunder coming up in three days. On Thursday it's finally announced that Russo was the winner and he is the new champ. So I'm sure you are all wondering what was Russo's first act as champion? Well obviously it was to retire from active competition and vacate the title. I mean what else would you expect from WCW in 2000? And to give it that extra special scent of ****, he announced that there would be a special "San Francisco 49er" match for title between Booker T and Jeff Jarrett. You might not know what a 49er match is, but I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. It was the match they usually show clips of when discussing WCW's ****ty tenure. It's the one with the four wooden boxes suspended on poles over the corner posts. One of them had the title and the other three had other things in them. I think one had a 8x11 of Scott Hall. And to put the cherry on this sundae, when Booker T went to the last box to grab the title, of course the box fell apart and the title spilled out of the bottom before he could grab it.

Holy Hell, I can't believe I just put myself through that. I guess I really like you guys or something.

I also take Steve Austin turning heel at the end of Wrestlemania X-Seven. My soul is too crushed and you all know the story, so I won't do a write up for that one

Kurt Angle and Karen get divorced for real, she moves in with Jeff Jarrett for real, and TNA used it as a storyline

Kurt Angle and his wife Karen got divorced and she got married to Jarrett. So naturally, TNA ran a storyline about it. Filled with vignettes showing how happy Karen and the kids were with Jeff:








Anyways, this wouldn't be a bad thing except uh, Kurt Angle didn't want to do it. Nor was he happy about it. This was what he said outside of the company:

It also obviously uses his kids, who are going through the entire process of their parents getting divorced. Which is ****.


They had matches. Jarrett obviously won them all because of course he did. They did an angle when she fell down stairs or something and they blamed each other. The final promo before their blowofF:



It was tasteless, it was ****ed up to do on multiple levels, and perhaps worst of all if was an angle featuring a lot of jeff jarrett.

So because Stephanie McMahon doesn't like Daniel Bryan as champion, she gives him an ultimatum: either drop the title or Brie (his real life wife) gets fired. So to preempt that decision, Brie quits. Over the next few weeks, Stephanie proceeds to make her twin sister Nikki's life miserable.

Brie would later return as a fan. Stephanie didn't like that, and assaulted her. Because Brie wasn't a member of the roster anymore, Stephanie was arrested. Brie would drop the charges if Stephanie would agree to a match at Summerslam. Brie herself would be arrested after assaulting a woman that Stephanie got someone in the ring and falsely claim an affair with Daniel Bryan. This was all pretty terrible, and would get so much worse.

Stephanie won at Summerslam, with the help of Nikki, who betrayed her sister. What would follow over the next few Raws were some abysmal promos centered on the (non-existent until now) family drama between the twins. There was the aformentioned "died in the womb" line; their family members got screen time; we all hated ourselves for watching it.

It was like a non-stop bad episode of The Jerry Springer Show. So what happened next? A "Bella Intervention" by Jerry Springer himself! It naturally didn't work and Jerry got knocked down in the scuffle and had to be taken out on a stretcher.

After what seemed like about 5 years of horrendous 10-15 minute promos, the match would finally take place at the Hell in a Cell PPV. (There were rumors going around that the match would actually happen IN the cell; thank **** that didn't happen) The big stipulation was that who ever lost would have to be the other's personal assistant for 30 days. Nikki would of course win.

This would lead to stupidity like Nikki pouring a pink smoothie on Brie (because that's what personal assistants are for, I guess). On day 28 of her servitude, Brie would distract champion AJ Lee with a kiss in a callback to the Daniel Bryan/Sheamus ****fest at Wrestlemania and Nikki would win the title.

Over then next few weeks on Raw, the now unchained Brie would assault Nikki non-stop and demand a title match at the TLC event.

Oh, wait. That didn't happen. What did? Brie and Nikki were now reunited like nothing bad ever took place. Brie would help Nikki retain the title for the next 10 months. No explanation for why this happened or why it was back to normal was ever given. Probably better that way.

Late in 1992, the Ultimate Warrior fell off the pro wrestling radar after being fired by Vince McMahon for the second time. We fast-forward to early 1995, when WCW was set to run the inaugural edition of a PPV that was an absolute over-the-top abortion each and every time out, Uncensored.

The main event was to be Hulk Hogan vs. Vader in a strap match, with Ric Flair in Vader's corner. As an answer to Ric Flair, Hogan began to hype his "Ultimate Surprise," and showed silhouettes of a guy with long hair and tassels hanging from his arms, but not showing him in full. The strong, strong implication was that Ultimate Warrior was the latest big WWF star to defect to WCW and would be in Hulk Hogan's corner. On the night of the event, Hogan announced his "Ultimate Surprise" was a man named Renegade. Wait, they're calling him Renegade? I mean, I guess that some guys do change names when they change companies. We don't actually see him until the main event is about to start, and…



Oh. Despite the fact that WCW maintains some bull**** plausible deniability that they never explicitly advertised the Ultimate Warrior, this was a disgusting bait-and-switch. To absolutely no surprise, this "Renegade" thing failed spectacularly despite initial attempts to push him. Jimmy Hart, who managed Hogan at the time, also took on the Renegade, and he did get a run with the TV Title, but this whole act was a flop that never had a legitimate chance to succeed. Jimmy Hart turned heel to manage the Dungeon of Doom, and after Renegade lost to Kevin Sullivan, Hart completed the burial by splashing water on Renegade's face, wiping his face paint away, and cackling while saying, "You're not Renegade! You're just plain Rick!"

Rick Wilson, who played Renegade, was put in an impossible situation and fared exactly as one would expect, eventually being released by WCW. And then he fell into a depression and put a bullet in his own head, ending his own life.

Starting with a dirty business tactic and ending in tragedy, I select The Renegade Bait-and-Switch.

Draft:
Fingerpoke of Doom
Giant falls off roof, then immediately wrestles without explanation
Gobbledygooker
Undertaker murders Big Boss Man
Big Boss Man/Big Show feud
The Renegade Bait-and-Switch

Three Minute Warning interrupt HLA

I guess I can look past the idea of a barely dressed pair of lesbians making out on Monday Night Raw. They were desperate for ratings, and the teenage boys in their target market wanted to see skin, and this wasn't the first or last time Vince would put essentially softcore porn on the air on Monday Night.

And this might not be the worst example of male on female violence in wrestling history, but it's pretty close. However, all of the other ones that I can think of involve women who were permanent performers on a wrestling show, and so I can at least assure myself that they've been trained in how to take a bump. Maybe "The Lesbians" in this segment (let's not even get into how misogynist it is that they don't even get names in their into) were trained wrestlers from a local promotion, but to me they just look like two strippers they got from one of the same establishments they used to get Godfather's hos from. And the bumps they take are very stiff. It is really disturbing to watch.

But I guess the worst part is that this repulsive nine minutes of Raw doesn't even lead to furthering any angle or match. There was another "HLA" segment involving Stephanie McMahon being forced to kiss another woman that ended with the tables being turned on Bischoff, but this segment wasn't necessary to establish it. And Three Minute Warning were also already established as bullies. It's just cruelty for cruelty's sake. Nobody came out to attack 3MW after the attack, even though everyone backstage said they would be watching. And, of course, the cruelty gets a huge face pop. Two random women get the same level of concern and respect that the WWE universe currently gives Roman Reigns. And would never be seen or mentioned again. Unlike Roman. Simply disgusting.